kick,
Some time ago I wrote to Michael W, The Dating Wizard, and asked HIS Opinion on how to learn and improve. This was his reply to me:
By Michael W, The Dating Wizard:
First of all thanks for the props on the content,
it's important to me to always offer the BEST.
No marketing gimmicks, no manipulation or
preying on people's fears. Just the BEST
INSIGHTS and dating wisdom around, period.
Ok, so let's address the claim from some guys
to "just do it" and "don't think about it".
In my absolute dedication to complete truth, I
will first explain where this whole view comes
from. On one hand, ACTION is usually better than
NO action, so doing something is usually better than
NOTHING. A lot of guys will just stand there
and LOOK at a woman but not actually do
anything.
However, sometimes, action without wisdom
IS worse than doing nothing!
And that's because you can REINFORCE negative
emotions and a negative self-concept that RUINS
your confidence, if you don't know what you are
doing while trying to meet a woman, pick-up a
woman, or date a woman.
Not only that, but if you are doing the WRONG things,
you can end up attracting the WRONG kind of woman,
who will make you regret the day you were BORN.
If a guy is not VERY INFORMED, he is opening himself
up to abuse and to attracting the WRONG WOMAN,
which is FAR WORSE than having no woman at all,
because he will be ignorant to her games and will
be emotionally manipulated until his self-esteem is
left into a bloody pulp.
Also, if a guy decides to be ignorant and "just do it"
and if he never puts any thought into the deeper levels
of this stuff, including his own inner beliefs about
the world, about women, about relationships, etc,
then he will FOR SURE NOT END UP WITH
THE KIND OF SITUATION HE WANTS.
There's an old saying that says, "If you don't know
where you are going, you'll probably end up somewhere
else." And it's completely true.
I'd like to give an example of what I'm talking about,
something that is CRUCIAL to know, yet most people
don't even know EXISTS. In other words, something
that people who take the "don't think about it" approach
would totally never ever figure out.
One of the most important parts of "picking up a woman"
begins WAY BEFORE you even step out of the house.
What I'm talking about is DETERMINING and CREATING
your own VALUE-SYSTEM. You will attract that which
you ARE. And you ARE what you THINK and DO.
You will REAP WHAT YOU SOW, and what you
SOW includes the seeds you have sewn in your
OWN MIND before you even BEGIN to say
a word to any woman.
So, for example, if you believe that the ONLY way a
woman can treat you well is if you PLAY GAMES
with her, then you are SETTING UP a very fragile
environment for yourself and for her. It is fragile
because there can be no high level of TRUST
in such a situation.
From the very get go, your interaction from the first
time you meet her will be laced with confusion, because
on one hand you will feel attraction, on the other hand
you will always feel you need to guard yourself because
of your fear that she will not treat you well unless you
play games with her, such as always making it clear
she is not all that important to you and that you are not
that interested, etc.
Now, let's say this woman IS a game player, then you
have now only REINFORCED her belief that games
are necessary, so now you are REINFORCING a
reality in your own life where you will have to
play games as well.
And, even if she is the kind of woman who HATES
playing games, you are now making her feel that
since you clearly are not someone she can totally
trust unless she plays games as well, so that will
MAKE HER BECOME MORE OF A "GAME PLAYER"
herself.
Also, if you TRULY BELIEVE games are necessary,
then all women will be put into the same category in
your mind, including the women who really are showing
you that they are NOT the same as other women, who
are NOT "game players", etc. You will be unable to
see the truth, you will think "she is just a good faker"
etc etc.
On the other hand, if you believe that a woman being
a good person does NOT require you to manipulate
her, then you will be able to SCREEN OUT the
compatible women from the ones who are not,
because you will KNOW that compatible ones
EXIST. And not only that, but because YOU
will be behaving in a way that is NOT requiring
games of yourself, THIS IN ITSELF may have
a VERY STRONG IMPACT even on the women
who USED TO THINK that games WERE
necessary. Because you will be that rare
and hence make a powerful impact.
There is soooo much more on this topic, but
in these newsletters I can barely scratch the
surface. Still though, I think you can see
that your beliefs are CRUCIAL and not
only that, but also that you can CHANGE
your beliefs if you just realize that a lot
of the beliefs you have now may have
been the result of INCORRECT INFO
that you were given by others.
Now, some guys might take all this to mean
that if dating is not about playing games, then
there is nothing to learn, right?
NOPE, because in fact, in a world where men
and women are BRAINWASHED to NOT
be themselves, you have to learn how to
GET THROUGH ALL THEIR FAKE
SUPERFICIAL behaviours, and how to
GET THROUGH THEIR FEARS, and
reach the REAL PERSON BEHIND
the mask.
Plus, you need to learn how to bring out your
SELF from all those masks that YOU have
been conditioned to wear as well.
It's important to realize that all this stuff is mostly
NOT CONSCIOUS, for men, and for women.
So it's really important that YOU learn it ALL, so
that SOMEONE in the interaction is more aware
of the full picture and can thus lead the interaction
in the right direction. So for example, if a woman
does something, you will UNDERSTAND what
she REALLY MEANT.
You will know the difference between a comment
she said or an action that she did that was made
out of fear, and a comment she said that was made
out of nastyness. You will be able to thus screen
out the wrong women and keep the right women
IN your world so that you can learn more about
them and if they are for you or not.
Also, LEARNING about how attraction works
on the highest levels will enable you to BEST
convey who YOU are to a woman, and will
also teach you how to develop the kind of
connection with a woman that is normally
the kind of thing so powerful that most
people think it's only the stuff of FANTASY
when in reality it can be ACHIEVED IN
REAL LIFE.
Sometimes, it's a matter of a SUBTLE distinction
that makes all the difference in the world, such
as knowing how to make a tease in a way that
is LOVING and not MALICIOUS. This is
a huge topic by the way, because it's amazing
how many guys still think that teasing is about
being mean but coating it with sugar, as if
women were so stupid and couldn't tell
the difference.
Sometimes, it's not something subtle at all, it's
MAJOR, such as knowing which issues are
a matter of taste and you should thus be flexible
on, and knowing which matters are truly matters
of principle, and you must stand and not budge
no matter how tough it is for you to do so.
And you will find that very often, a woman
actually shares those values but it's not easy
in our society to stand up for those values
as they are so rare, and so she will only
end up cherishing you more and you will
both be bonded on a higher level.
And if a woman does not share those values,
then at least you will save yourself years of
wasted time trying to make something work
that was doomed from the beginning.
This is a HUUUUUUUGE topic, and only those
who take the road of KNOWLEDGE will benefit.
So DEFINITELY, taking the "not thinking" strategy
for one's dating life is as foolish as getting onto
the SPACE SHUTTLE and not knowing anything
about how to fly it, but figuring that pressing any
buttons buttons or flipping switches is better than
doing nothing.
Such a philosophy of "no thinking" clearly is
absurd, and we can see just how horrifying the
results of this are by taking a glimpse at
the society around us, and at the celebrities
that most people worship. And I'm not just
talking about things like divorce.
Knowledge is power.
Wisdom is power.