Best Response When Your Date Cancels

[BillyPilgrim]

There's more fluff in this thread from OP that a circus full of cotton candy.

inb4 "Then don't participate! Sheesh "

There. I saved ya the keystrokes, Blaine.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

For real though, I briefly respond as if whatever excuse they give is legit but mentally prepare to write her off. Maybe lightly re-engage a few days later to follow up and gauge interest. The cancellation excuse could be legit, it could be a play to see how you respond (with her still being interested), it could be bs. But to me this is how you maximize the situation.

 

[The Duke]

I've got 13 phone numbers in my contacts list from girls I asked out for first dates that declined. Its been over a year since I have talked to any of them. Not a single one ever reached out to me ever again. I've got 2 that I went out with once or twice a year ago that haven't reached back out to me either. So guess what, there was no lost opportunity, and there never has been with the few hundred before that. Thats how I know what works and what doesn't.

The "wait and hope" method doesn't work with women.

The only girls that ever reach back out to you are girls you have fuhked before.

@BillyPilgrim - Fluff_Kitty....maybe that will be her next username.

 

[Oatmeal31]

If she cancels, delete and move on. Don't give her any more attention. Some of you are giving girls way too much credit. They KNOW how their work schedule is and they KNOW it's on them to offer a reschedule, period. Move on and find someone who doesn't waste time

And like @The Duke says, waiting and hoping does NOT work. I can't ever recall a girl reaching out later either.

If she wants to waste your time, trash bin.

 

[Oatmeal31]

I agree and it's not what Blaine Anderson suggested.

She only advised to be chill about it and then leave it. Don't reach out again, don't chase.

The ball is in her court. Did you read the article?

I dunno, if you have abundance not sure what the huge deal is that you have to delete her? Seems extreme.

Become indifferent to it meaning no reaction at all including deleting and carry on.

If/when she reaches out and wants to get together, decide then if that's what's YOU want.

Deleting her number fuels the abundance mentality. If I had abundance, why would I dearly hang on to a number of a girl that flaked/ghosted. Only someone who has little self-respect would tolerate that kind of disrespect. And guess what? If she does it once, she will do it again.

 

[BillyPilgrim]

I've got 13 phone numbers in my contacts list from girls I asked out for first dates that declined. Its been over a year since I have talked to any of them. Not a single one ever reached out to me ever again. I've got 2 that I went out with once or twice a year ago that haven't reached back out to me either. So guess what, there was no lost opportunity, and there never has been with the few hundred before that. Thats how I know what works and what doesn't.

The "wait and hope" method doesn't work with women.

The only girls that ever reach back out to you are girls you have fuhked before.

@BillyPilgrim - Fluff_Kitty....maybe that will be her next username.

The Fluff's Meow

Personally I have somewhat of a forward approach in my communications so sometimes there's some hesitation mixed in with the tingles. As long as tingles are had before the cancelled date, I tend to leave the door open.

 

[BeExcellent]

Advice from the old lady:

I agree with the advice in the OP, and the variations noted by others.

Here is what men really need to grasp: Women, more often than not, start off lukewarm about you at best. AT BEST. And you will not be the only man trying to book time on her calendar if she is attractive. The more attractive she is the more this holds true.

So you are competing against whoever else is actively pursuing her/showing interest. And you cannot know who the competition might be. So how things progress os multifactorial based on variables not disclosed to you. Nevermind normal "life stuff".

This is why being chill is more attractive than acting butthurt and blocking. Why close out a possible future opportunity? Increased attraction happens over time and typically with mutual investment. So until that gets a chance to build? There are a thousand ways to blow yourself out and ruin her interest level. Just be chill and fun and leave her wanting more. That involves the correct balance of initiation (pursuit) and patience. Its nuanced.

Dating will never be formulaic, its much too muddy for that. But the OP offers pragmatic advice to assist with navigating very early interactions.

I started off lukewarm with every guy I've ever gone out with.....including both husbands!

 

[BadBoy89]

Guy gets dressed up, slicks hair back, washes car, makes reservations at 7 pm, Girls cancels date at 5 pm, Guys response is:

"Okay cool, thanks for letting me know."

Thats no good, Too weak.

It depends how she cancelled it, when she cancelled it, and what the reason was, You can‘t give a specific response when it’s a general cancellation,

 

[The Duke]

Advice from the old lady:

I agree with the advice in the OP, and the variations noted by others.

Here is what men really need to grasp: Women, more often than not, start off lukewarm about you at best. AT BEST. And you will not be the only man trying to book time on her calendar if she is attractive. The more attractive she is the more this holds true.

So you are competing against whoever else is actively pursuing her/showing interest. And you cannot know who the competition might be. So how things progress os multifactorial based on variables not disclosed to you. Nevermind normal "life stuff".

This is why being chill is more attractive than acting butthurt and blocking. Why close out a possible future opportunity? Increased attraction happens over time and typically with mutual investment. So until that gets a chance to build? There are a thousand ways to blow yourself out and ruin her interest level. Just be chill and fun and leave her wanting more. That involves the correct balance of initiation (pursuit) and patience. Its nuanced.

Dating will never be formulaic, its much too muddy for that. But the OP offers pragmatic advice to assist with navigating very early interactions.

I started off lukewarm with every guy I've ever gone out with.....including both husbands!

I shall paraphrase a quote you told me years ago about women acting luke warm.....'if she keeps saying yes, she is interested. "

So I'm going to ask you this right now.....What if she says No? Does that mean she is still interested? Lol.

I don't date women that waste my time sending mixed signals because they aren't sure.

You are either in or out. Or you ain't riding this stud!

 

[Oatmeal31]

Advice from the old lady:

I agree with the advice in the OP, and the variations noted by others.

Here is what men really need to grasp: Women, more often than not, start off lukewarm about you at best. AT BEST. And you will not be the only man trying to book time on her calendar if she is attractive. The more attractive she is the more this holds true.

So you are competing against whoever else is actively pursuing her/showing interest. And you cannot know who the competition might be. So how things progress os multifactorial based on variables not disclosed to you. Nevermind normal "life stuff".

This is why being chill is more attractive than acting butthurt and blocking. Why close out a possible future opportunity? Increased attraction happens over time and typically with mutual investment. So until that gets a chance to build? There are a thousand ways to blow yourself out and ruin her interest level. Just be chill and fun and leave her wanting more. That involves the correct balance of initiation (pursuit) and patience. Its nuanced.

Dating will never be formulaic, its much too muddy for that. But the OP offers pragmatic advice to assist with navigating very early interactions.

I started off lukewarm with every guy I've ever gone out with.....including both husbands!

Patience should only be afforded to those are are willing to reciprocate in any capacity. Did you ghost/flake your husband(s)?

Do not promote bad behavior by telling the men here that we should tolerate it, and that it's we eho are closing doors. When you ghost/flake as a girl, you are the one who is closing the door, not the man.

 

[The Duke]

Ladies, you know what top guys with high sex drives do while women like you straddle the fence waiting for him to make you tingle?

I've got a girl who lives on the hill....she won't do it but her sister will....

 

[Chow Mein]

This depends on if it’s the initial dates or further down.

If this happens between first through third, instant next.

For further dates, I would be teetering on next unless they have a far-fetched excuse that legitimately is plausible.

Either way, your hands should be hovering over the eject button.

 

[BeExcellent]

I shall paraphrase a quote you told me years ago about women acting luke warm.....'if she keeps saying yes, she is interested. "

So I'm going to ask you this right now.....What if she says No? Does that mean she is still interested? Lol.

I don't date women that waste my time sending mixed signals because they aren't sure.

You are either in or out. Or you ain't riding this stud!

Exactly. Lukewarm is interest. And no I did not cancel or flake on either husband (or any other man I was interested in). I did what I told you interested women would do....I kept saying yes

And my interest grew. Now. I will say that (to the point of the ZZ Top *fabulous Texas band* song)....I also learned that sex is not everything and that sex is not what hooks a man long term.

Oh sure. There are hot girls who men love to shag, you know the deliriously crazy certifiable chicks? Ya. There are guys on this forum because of those crazy girls. They are unstable trainwrecks. Good luck with those women....but a heady carnival ride I am sure.

When a woman is seeing a desirable man, he will have other options....just as she will. But here is the secret sauce. I know that I am solid across the board. I derive my confidence as well as my discretion from that. So I do not care in early stages whether a man is dating other women; I am no more exclusive than he is. And I also can reliably bank on the facts that A.) Most women are insecure/clingy/nuerotic (sometimes really beautiful women are like this), and B.) Sex by itself is not enough to build a relationship on.

Given those 2 facts, and given that I am confident in what I offer, I simply keep saying yes, watch his investment in me, reciprocate, be a little aloof and be patient. The other chicks he cannot get rid of, but yet he is intrigued by me. As the other women become pesky, he wants more from me. The insecure girls blow themselves out. By then he is falling in love without really realizing it, which allows me to invest more etc.

So I didn't get jealous or insecure about other women early on. I knew I was the total package and I knew the men would see that in short order. Both husbands brought up the exclusivity conversation; both husbands propsed without me dropping a hint.

My first husband was seeing a stripper named Robin when we started dating, maybe another chick from his nightclub too, I don't remembee; and of course we met at his club.

My current husband I also met at a live music venue. He was juggling various women at first but he focused on me quickly and wanted to be exclusive by the 2 month mark.

 

[BeExcellent]

And of course @Duke if they cancel/flake or decline with no counter offer? You back burner those bjtches and prioritize someone else

 

[We_ArE_VeNOM]

.

A man shouldn't take a woman he just met out on dates anyway.

Tsk, tsk.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

I delete the chat/number at the very first sign of disinterest.

 

[RangerMIke]

Rejection isn't personal... it just means what you have is not what she is looking for. The reasons are not relevant since the man cannot control attraction.

If a woman will not give a man a shot... no problem... move on and don't give it any other thought.... In fact, thinking about it too much will completely screw up your mindset.

If a woman makes a FIRST date with a man, and then later cancels one of two things happened:

(1) She never really wanted to go out with you in the first place (again... the reason is irrelevant since the man has no control over this), and she did this to just get rid of you. The reason women do this is because they regrettably have a lot of experience with other men that make saying no difficult. It's easier for her to say 'yes' then later cancel by text. This avoids unpleasant confrontation.

(2) She was initially attracted to you, but something happened (again the man cannot control this so what 'happened' isn't relevant). Could be another dude she likes better is in the picture... after giving it some thought decided she really isn't attracted to you... could be something is going sideways in her life.... again doesn't matter because you don't have control over this.

The OP gives good advice not only for women, but anything in you life that you do not have control over. Never agonize or get upset about anything you cannot control is a waste of time and counterproductive.

Since we are discussing attraction and interest with respect to women, when you do not overreact to her rejection, you actually become more interesting... you are displaying a trait that all women find attractive... emotional self-control. I do not say this because it's some kind of game where you can turn something around you have to politely walk away without getting butt hurt. You are done, you are not upset, you just have more important things to do with your time. You walk away politely because you NEVER burn bridges, you let her burn that bridge. NEVER make an enemy you do not have to make. Trust me... enemies will find you if you are living a life where you are looking out for yourself... there will be people who do not like you. If you are a person that everyone likes and no one is jealous of... well, truth is you are not living much of a life. You do not have to go out of your way to make new enemies.

 

[Solomon]

^^Fair enough but if you delete her, you won't know if she tried to reach out or not... hence you lost the opportunity for her to come to your bedroom and pay!

Not all last minute cancels are flakes, some are legit, shyt does happen sometimes. Could be so many things.

But okay gotta do what's best for you..

I disagree most women who flake and once again I'm talking on First dates, tend to flake due to lack of interest. If it's a woman you have been seeing already for a few months or several dates/meet ups then I do agree it may be legit.

I've got 13 phone numbers in my contacts list from girls I asked out for first dates that declined. Its been over a year since I have talked to any of them. Not a single one ever reached out to me ever again. I've got 2 that I went out with once or twice a year ago that haven't reached back out to me either. So guess what, there was no lost opportunity, and there never has been with the few hundred before that. Thats how I know what works and what doesn't.

The "wait and hope" method doesn't work with women.

The only girls that ever reach back out to you are girls you have fuhked before.

@BillyPilgrim - Fluff_Kitty....maybe that will be her next username.

Totally agree. I've had women who flaked on my phone for years. They never reached out, it is what it is, you keep moving. There tons of single women out there looking to meet a stud

.

A man shouldn't take a woman he just met out on dates anyway.

Tsk, tsk.

In theory, this sounds right, however, good luck getting the baddie you just met In downtown Brickell to come straight to your apartment not all women are going to smash of jump, with some you gotta pet them like a cat first before the purr.

 

[CheekyMonkey101]

I disagree most women who flake and once again I'm talking on First dates, tend to flake due to lack of interest. If it's a woman you have been seeing already for a few months or several dates/meet ups then I do agree it may be legit.



Totally agree. I've had women who flaked on my phone for years. They never reached out, it is what it is, you keep moving. There tons of single women out there looking to meet a stud



In theory, this sounds right, however, good luck getting the baddie you just met In downtown Brickell to come straight to your apartment not all women are going to smash of jump, with some you gotta pet them like a cat first before the purr.

I often just message them to say I get the feeling they're not interested and then wish them well as I won't be continuing. They sometimes are surprised and say they're not or just wish me well.

The point is that I'm not going to waste my time chasing after women or trying to convince them to date me. Saves a lot of time that way.

 

[Solomon]

I often just message them to say I get the feeling they're not interested and then wish them well as I won't be continuing. They sometimes are surprised and say they're not or just wish me well.

The point is that I'm not going to waste my time chasing after women or trying to convince them to date me. Saves a lot of time that way.

I think that if you have experience and dealt with a woman who is interested in you compared to one who isn't it's like night and day. Instersted women well let you know they are interested due to their behavior

• They never flake (if they do it's rare)
• They are always eager to communicate with you
• They want to spend time with you
• They will try to impress you
• They will break rules for you etc

Women who are not interested leave you on read....lmfao