Best plate assumes we are in an LTR - no more plate spinning?

[Scormus]

So after a few months, several dates and yes we are banging - my main plate assumes we are in an LTR.

She is Eastern European so I guess it is reasonable for her to assume that back where she is from.

I know if I go on other dates and she finds out it won't be good.

I like her enough to give her the LTR.

She is a solid 8 to 8.5 and based on life experiences it will be difficult but not impossible to find anyone as hot or better.

She has a good personality, is untouched by feminism, and never refuses sex. She works hard at her job though it is modest and she dislikes it.

The only two minuses: she has a son from a marriage in her early 20s that ended several years ago. She has lost a custody battle over her son though so in practical terms there is an outside chance she gets custody someday but even then its unlikely to happen in the next couple of years.

The other is that I don't think she is that intelligent. I don't mean that in a bad way, just in a practical light. She has good common sense but sees the world in very simple terms (maybe not a bad thing relationship-wise!)

So long as she is hot, will love and support me and puts out consistently it seems happy days.

I guess there was a self improvement piece that I will lose in an LTR? I had wanted to get more experience and notches under my belt, post red pill.

But an 8 to 8.5 wanting LTR with me doesn't grow on trees.

Have been rejected by entitled 5's and 6's after all.

 

[Jules_Winfield]

So after a few months, several dates and yes we are banging - my main plate assumes we are in an LTR.

She is Eastern European so I guess it is reasonable for her to assume that back where she is from.

I know if I go on other dates and she finds out it won't be good.

I like her enough to give her the LTR.

She is a solid 8 to 8.5 and based on life experiences it will be difficult but not impossible to find anyone as hot or better.

She has a good personality, is untouched by feminism, and never refuses sex.

The only two minuses: she has a son from a marriage in her early 20s that ended several years ago. She has lost a custody battle over her son though so in practical terms there is an outside chance she gets custody someday but even then its unlikely to happen in the next couple of years.

The other is that I don't think she is that intelligent. I don't mean that in a bad way, just in a practical light. She has good common sense but sees the world in very simple terms (maybe not a bad thing relationship-wise!)

So long as she is hot, will love and support me and puts out consistently it seems happy days.

I guess there was a self improvement piece that I will lose in an LTR? I had wanted to get more experience and notches under my belt, post red pill.

But an 8 to 8.5 wanting LTR with me doesn't grow on trees.

Have been rejected by entitled 5's and 6's after all.

This is a real dilemma. You are only with her for superficial reasons. If you're the truly confident type, you will move on sooner or later. If you're not the confident type, you will remain with her to boost your self-worth. You will eventually be unhappy with her privately but still enjoy the public attention. You might be able to get through life like this, but what will you do if you meet a 6 with a great personality?

 

[Bizzle13]

Don't put yourself in a jar of self-doubt. You've pulled an 8, you'll do it again. You're constantly learning and while she may be an anomalous result your average score will steadily go up as you learn. Play it by ear and keep spinning, if you feel you want a relationship with her and the doubts fade then go for it. But that doesn't mean your self-improvement has to stop. The only thing that should change (if you care about being faithful) is you stop fücking other girls. Keep up the talking to new girls (people in general) and flirting etc helps with social skills, confidence and massages the ego. Also keeps you fresh and in the game if the relationship fails.

 

[taiyuu_otoko]

So long as she is hot, will love and support me and puts out consistently it seems happy days.

Take the plunge, but beware of getting into something that you can't get out of.

Ask yourself these questions:

1) Is a LTR something you DECIDED that you wanted before you met her?

2) Of the above quoted qualities, how much "slippage" are you willing to accept WITHOUT bailing on the LTR?

3) Are you playing with "scared money" (toughest question of all)

Since you're seemingly getting into this because of what she's ASSUMING, she will never STOP assuming.

Meaning she'll likely begin to ASSUME even more (your money, future money, time etc) once you're IN the LTR.

She may even ASSUME that you'll be cool with less and less sex, affection, and support.

Are you ready to deal with that?

Sure, it's easy to give in to a women when you THINK she's assuming you want private and unfettered access to the goods, but that's all too often just the opening act to a long life of assumption after assumption.

Put your foot down now (to her assumptions), or forever hold your peace.

Once she realizes she can get her way by ASSUMING, you're done.

Tread lightly.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Scormus,
"I've been through this same situation several times.
My advice: keep your mouth shut and keep spinning plates until she proposes exclusivity. "....Oh Espi you stole the words out of my mouth...It's very true though...So never paint yourself in a corner,and when in a sticky situation, whatever you do never tell them the truth,just prevaricate,become indignant...."How dare she...."...then say nothing...If you are going to be creative'with the truth, then never do it in a mild way just think up Bizarre explanations...They are far more plausible to the Female Mind!
Whatever you do dont see too much of her,the most valuable thing you can give her is your absense... and keep as many plates spinning as possible albeit a bit slower LOL.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Ok dude.. just a few things to remember:

1. Women change constantly so don't assume her current behavior is carved in stone.

2. You should always care LESS about the relationship than the woman does.

3. You should never FEAR losing a woman.. EVER.

4. The relationship should be 60% of more on YOUR TERMS. She should not be dictating you in any way, shape, or form.

5. Oneitis is for faggots.

That is all. Be smart.

 

[Colossus]

Others have given good advice here.

I'll corroborate and say don't give her something she hasn't explicitly asked for. If you give in to her "assumption" you give her power. Make her ask you for what she wants.

On another, perhaps more important note, I think you are settling. We've all been there. We end up with a girl who is pretty decent by our standards, but has a few unchangeable flaws (like her past marriage and son, for example), and after a few months of sex and dating she eventually assumes exclusivity.

What's going to happen is you will find yourself in an LTR with a *decent* woman, but not necessarily the one you really want. You will be in sort of a limbo between satisfaction and dissatisfaction, and she will smell this over time and start to henpeck you about it.

 

[dasein]

What -exactly- is she saying doing that leads you to conclude she is making some assumption? If she isn't saying something that clearly and directly means asking you for an exclusive relationship, then discount it as noise and continue as you like depending on what you want to do. They are presumably adults, so the "where is this going?" "what are we?" bull doesn't cut it in my book. They have to pull up to the adult table and express a direct thought or question, it's not our job to help and baby them along or pick up on their implications. No sir, those days are long over.

These days, I'd take a pleasant girl with a sweet disposition who was not too complex over 90% of the women I've dated in life, who have been near universally smart, educated, accomplished and complete pains in the ass to the point of being intolerable. If I want intellectual stimulation, I reread something, set up a card game or go to the library, have never gotten anything like that from a woman anyway no matter how smart they are/were supposedly on paper. YMMV.

 

[Scormus]

Custody

Its hard to lose custody if you're a chick, so I think this is a major red flag not a minor one.

It happened in her former country.

I'd imagine it is more paternalistic there.

 

[pdx1138]

What's going to happen is you will find yourself in an LTR with a *decent* woman, but not necessarily the one you really want. You will be in sort of a limbo between satisfaction and dissatisfaction, and she will smell this over time and start to henpeck you about it.

Very true. My last EX at one point realized this and started to tell me I shouldn't "settle" for anyone (implying her) it was all down hill from there.

Lots of good advice in this thread Scormus, I'd follow ESPI's suggestions to the letter if I were you.

 

[Bokanovsky]

She will likely ask you to stop seeing other women though.

Not necessarily. You have to keep cultural differences in perspective. In most places outside of North America, there is no such thing as the "exclusivity talk". It is simply assumed that if you've been dating someone for a while and things are going well, you will stop seeing other people (unless there is a specific agreement that it is not an exclusive relationship). I've dated a lot of Eastern European chicks and not once has the question of exclusivity been brought up directly.

 

[Scormus]

exactly

Exactly she has been asking how many girlfriends I've had in the past.

We'll be spending Christmas together.

 

[SilverToungue]

Man, spending Christmas together is one step away from engagement. if she makes you happy go for it. relationships don't have to be for ever

 

[Scormus]

Not really

Man, spending Christmas together is one step away from engagement. if she makes you happy go for it. relationships don't have to be for ever

Not in this context. We are both first generation UK migrants without family here.

 

[SilverToungue]

Not in this context. We are both first generation UK migrants without family here.

if that's the case, I completely agree