Best friends ex-wife

[WestCoaster]

Seriously no.

So many reasons. Plus he's one of your best mates, just don't go there.

I'd clear it with the friend. The friend has decided to leave this gal for another gal. His friend obviously wants nothing to do with her anymore, not sure why this is lost on anyone.

If there was hope for him getting back together, I wouldn't do it. It appears there is no hope, his friend has cheated with another woman. That was his choice.

The woman being "vulnerable" -- only she knows about that. Only AFCs try to guess a woman's emotional/mental state. It's up to her and him to make that decision. It wouldn't be my first choice, but his friend wants nothing to do with his ex-wife. That's completely lost on everyone here. As a matter of fact, I'd venture to guess his friend HATES this woman.

 

[Latinoman]

1- She was his friend's WIFE. If they have kids together, the situation is even worst. And quite honestly, potentially confusing for the children (if any involved).

2- If there are not children involved...still, it creates a situation between the friendship. She was the dude's wife. He is scavenging in his left-overs. And worst, he is leaving the impression he always wanted to be with her. God knows what kind of advice he gave the guy. God knows how many times he put that guy in a situation damaging toward his marriage. Kind of cleaning the path for himself. Pretty pathetic.

3- Let's assume she was married to an unknown. The situation still pathetic because she is emotionally devastated and he is "falling" for her. Who falls for a woman that is emotionally devastated?

I stand 100% by my original post. He is an AFC.

 

[jophil28]

- Let's assume she was married to an unknown. The situation still pathetic because she is emotionally devastated and he is "falling" for her. Who falls for a woman that is emotionally devastated?

I stand 100% by my original post. He is an AFC.

True, that !
A man who gets involved with a buddy's wife who is "devastated " is an unprincipled opportunist at best and a bottom feeder at worst. This is only ONE step removed from your own brother hitting on your ex wife who is still crying after you left her.

THis is a bad , foolish and tacky move ...

Heck, why not start a fresh relationship with a fresh woman. PLenty out there.

 

[My Name is Nobody]

If you bang your best friends ex wife, you will hurt your friend. If you don't care about that then you aren't his best friend. Men don't act like women he probably won't say he cares but he will be p!ssed.

 

[hithard]

If you bang your best friends ex wife, you will hurt your friend. If you don't care about that then you aren't his best friend. Men don't act like women he probably won't say he cares but he will be p!ssed.

Well said
Like I said in previous posts, I disagree if you have to resort to tucking into a best friends leftovers. As far as being lost on the 'his friend dumped her' BS, this only further validates opportunistic lowlife behavior in rushing in to poke the woman that got dumped by your oh so nasty friend (wow your really a hero, it’s all his fault).

The other issue I have is placing a root over a best friend and then wrapping it up into some kind of new rule of DJing. All this blinded by the matrix BS is getting annoying. It’s more likely you are blinded by your own pu$$y lust that you would consider something like this.

And once again, if this is your only option then banging your best mates ex is not the problem. Your serious lack of options are. How long have you been single, longest relationship and attitude about meeting new women?

It's not some rule born out of idiocy. Its purpose was to avoid more drama down the track for both you and your friend. The fact that he dumped her doesn’t really matter. And she should not be your sole option of a relationship. Losing a 'best' friend over a woman is at the height of stupidity.

 

[backbreaker]

here is the question that I ask myself that never fails...

"if I had 10 women wanting to date me, would I be doing this"... it helps when you honestly think you do have 10 women wanting to date you.

this doesn't past the test. if you had 10 women wanting your attention, you'd laugh at this chick and tell her to get the F out of your face

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Ok, based on the advice in this thread, i've decided to just remain friends with her.

The situation is way too full of pitfalls to contemplate.

FYI, im 37, have had several LTR's in my time, and enough ONS's, bit bored of ONS's though they have their moments. Been single for about 3 years, with a few FB's to keep me sane since then.

Gonna stick to my original plan of getting secure in a few years, then i can start looking around to see what my options are.

Thanks for the advice, good to get objective viewpoints from you all.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Captain Save _____ to the rescue! And an emotional tampon (by his own words). Making sure she does not just sink in a pit of depression (what are you...his girlfriend? her sister?)

And he is developing FEELINGS for her too!!!

What an AFC. I don't care what anyone has to say...I stand by my original post ("Sir, you are an AFC").

Just wanted to comment on this.

Is the world so black and white to you that you don't offer support to friends?

I'm her friend, and thats what friends do, make sure they are ok in a time of crisis. The fact that i started having feelings for her is neither here nor there. I know myself well enough that if i wasn't there for my friends when they needed me (male or female), i wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror.

If that's an AFC in your book, then it's a sad world you live in, and i'm glad i don't live in it.

 

[odietamo]

I agree with Jophil.

Forum has its share of "where did I go wrong" threads started by many a DJ who "blazed their own paths."

 

[STR8UP]

Just wanted to comment on this.

Is the world so black and white to you that you don't offer support to friends?

I'm her friend, and thats what friends do, make sure they are ok in a time of crisis. The fact that i started having feelings for her is neither here nor there. I know myself well enough that if i wasn't there for my friends when they needed me (male or female), i wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror.

If that's an AFC in your book, then it's a sad world you live in, and i'm glad i don't live in it.

Some guys reality won't allow them to see women as anything other than a means to dump their load.

I caught flak awhile back for expressing my views about interacting with women on a platonic or semi-platonic level. but truth of the matter is it works for me as it does for some other guys. The "others" will tell you it's AFC to talk to a woman if you aren't trying to fukk her and whatnot, but I say do what works for you.

 

[iqqi]

Just wanted to comment on this.

Is the world so black and white to you that you don't offer support to friends?

I'm her friend, and thats what friends do, make sure they are ok in a time of crisis. The fact that i started having feelings for her is neither here nor there. I know myself well enough that if i wasn't there for my friends when they needed me (male or female), i wouldn't be able to look at myself in the mirror.

If that's an AFC in your book, then it's a sad world you live in, and i'm glad i don't live in it.

You were HIS friend first, and friends don't sleep with their friend's WIVES, or even EX WIVES for that matter.

This almost made me Laugh Out Loud.

"I'm her friend and that's what friend's do". Someone give him the Golden Friend of the Year Award.
This thread is the biggest trainwreck of the forum this week.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

You were HIS friend first, and friends don't sleep with their friend's WIVES, or even EX WIVES for that matter.

This almost made me Laugh Out Loud.

"I'm her friend and that's what friend's do". Someone give him the Golden Friend of the Year Award.
This thread is the biggest trainwreck of the forum this week.

So, friendship has some kind of timer on it, based on how long you have known people? Odd, i though friends were just friends.

Gonna hit 10 post limit again soon i reckon, who made this rule up, its truly stupid?

quick edit - I haven't slept with her, just in case you thought i had. Was trying to make sense of your post, but then i realised it was you posting, so sense isnt your strong point.

 

[backbreaker]

don't come and get defensive when someoen here wont' cosign some bullsh!t you have gotten yourself into. it's a ****ed up situtation. you have to own up to it and admit that you are in the wrong and move the **** on.

 

[Sir Juanalot]

don't come and get defensive when someoen here wont' cosign some bullsh!t you have gotten yourself into. it's a ****ed up situtation. you have to own up to it and admit that you are in the wrong and move the **** on.

I've already done that.

Nothing to see here, move along.

 

[iqqi]

So, friendship has some kind of timer on it, based on how long you have known people? Odd, i though friends were just friends.

i've know him for a long long time, and we have been to hell and back together.

Well which one is it?

 

[Max Power]

This thread is just full of bad advice. Just terrible advice and I'm taking notes about who is giving this advice. That's all I got to say. Backbreaker is one of the few people here that knows where it's at. Backbreaker, I wish you would post more like you used to.

Here's the bottom line.

OP said the guy was his "best" friend.

The chick is off limits for so many reasons, many of which Backbreaker touched on and it's not just because of a "scarcity" mindset or because he was violating his client-patient relationship with this woman. The guy is not a trained professional therapist for christsakes.

A couple of weeks ago I asked about whether it was wrong for me to hit on my AFC friends' female "friends" -- basically chicks who will Friendzone him sooner rather than later. -- and I got all this flack about "spin your own plates" etc find your own woman. This guy wasn't even my best friend, just someone in my social circle.

Now this guy starts a thread and everyone here is all for this guy having a relationship with his best friend's ex wife and people here are basically telling to go for it. WTF?

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Well which one is it?

I'm not sure what you are asking here, they are both friends, and i treat them equally, regardless of the time i've known them.

 

[iqqi]

I'm not sure what you are asking here, they are both friends, and i treat them equally, regardless of the time i've known them.

Even the one you supposedly have "been to hell and back" with?

And anyways, yes, the time you have known your friends means a whole heck of a lot, actually. :disgust!:

 

[Sir Juanalot]

Even the one you supposedly have "been to hell and back" with?

And anyways, yes, the time you have known your friends means a whole heck of a lot, actually. :disgust!:

Not really interested in discussing the relative merits of friends vs time as friends, as it's ultimately a pointless discussion and nothing to do with the OP, as far as im concerned, friends are friends regardless of time.

I have all the answers i need, thanks again to the contributors.

Mods - can you close this? It has served its purpose.

 

[backbreaker]

This thread is just full of bad advice. Just terrible advice and I'm taking notes about who is giving this advice. That's all I got to say. Backbreaker is one of the few people here that knows where it's at. Backbreaker, I wish you would post more like you used to.

Here's the bottom line.

OP said the guy was his "best" friend.

The chick is off limits for so many reasons, many of which Backbreaker touched on and it's not just because of a "scarcity" mindset or because he was violating his client-patient relationship with this woman. The guy is not a trained professional therapist for christsakes.

A couple of weeks ago I asked about whether it was wrong for me to hit on my AFC friends' female "friends" -- basically chicks who will Friendzone him sooner rather than later. -- and I got all this flack about "spin your own plates" etc find your own woman. This guy wasn't even my best friend, just someone in my social circle.

Now this guy starts a thread and everyone here is all for this guy having a relationship with his best friend's ex wife and people here are basically telling to go for it. WTF?

thanks for the kind words. one thing I noticed is that this forum is alot like NA meetings for me. when I leave for a while, I find myself slipping up, albeit in a small manner but still. So I know now I can't really leave, although I don't need to live here.

I had gotten into a mode where I was spending TOO much time with my GF because she's cool and fun to be around, but in doing so I was neglecting why she digs me in the first place... I'm a pretty damn independant person. I'm getting (gotten) back to that thanks to this forum

with that said.... i can't see how this guy doesn't understand this situtation. One differenc ei see now that I didn't seen when I first got here is that every girl isn't supposed to be spit to. regardless of how "hot" she is. my old oneitis was one of those girls what I never should have chased.

your BEST FRIEND's EX, SISTER, COUSIN, MOTHER, AUNT, GIRLFRIEND, REALLY HIS GF'S BEST FRIEND (TRUST ME), 2ND COUSIN, WHATEVER
.

none of them should be touched with a ten foot pole.

if you go out to a club with your best friend and there is a smoking hot girl and she starts to talk to him but she starts to feel you more, that's one thing


when she MARRIES your best friend than starts to talk to you after they are divorced, that's another