Best decision i ever made

[tryst type]

Was to stop "pursuing"!!

Let me explain, i have always been pretty good at getting a girl interested (online, real life) and number closing.

But i'd always tend to lose my composure AFTER the number exchange which would lead to numerous yet dead end texts and sometimes phone calls.

Because of that i'd unwittingly leak signs of desperation/neediness to want to see the girl. I'd lose my power in asking to hang out, blah blah. This would then cause me to feel rejected/unattractive/insecure/all the bad feelings we don't want to feel.

One day i decided that was enough, i was to chat up a girl as i normally would to the point where number closing seemed guaranteed per usual. Only difference now, i'd only give her my number and say "get in touch maybe we'll do something sometime, take care"

Now in doing this, i'd automatically leave with the power, knowing there's only one way we could further continue anything... that's if SHE contacts ME and when she does, it's almost always WAY easier to get together again or for the first time minus all the BS i used to face.

This works great for me because i no longer worry about when to initiate/what to say/how to lead. I just let them contact me first and instantly i mention they should tag along to something i plan on doing that day or later in the week, whether it's going out or something more basic like running an errand. Even if they decline, it doesn't leave me feeling any less powerful because i was already in the mindset of NOT pursuing.

Try it, it works. Takes a while for the affects to really be noticed because it seems like the girl will never contact you, but trust me they do and it feels like putty in your hands.

 

[tryst type]

Exactly. It in a sense switches the roles.

I've had girls who never took me up on my offer, but because I wasn't the one initiating, it didn't affect my emotions at all.

Keeps you looking forward weaving out girls who have a high chance of just wasting your time.

 

[Tiguere]

I'm putting this practice from now on..
After building rapport...." Hey girl whip out your phone..... Here take my number (xxx)xxx-xxxx....call and let me know when you're free so we can go out and get to know each other a bit" then ill walk off.

Ill do it with as many girls I can.

 

[Korrupt]

Funny, because 95% of the time I do this - give them my number or tell them to text me sometime or even when we've been chatting and they say they'll get back to me, they never do. This doesn't work with girls who have a lot of other options unless you REALLY REALLY REALLY stand out to her. Why should she have to chase YOU when she has 583983948934 other guys chasing HER?

 

[Slickster]

You finally found the holy grail tryst.

It's been there right in front of you all along.

Welcome to the club.

 

[Slickster]

This doesn't work with girls who have a lot of other options unless you REALLY REALLY REALLY stand out to her. Why should she have to chase YOU when she has 583983948934 other guys chasing HER?

You've got it wrong sorry.

Not chasing her is the thing that sets you apart from all those other guys.

Women WANT to chase. NOT be chased.

You need to read the DJ Bible my friend.

This is the 1st thing you learn.

 

[tryst type]

You've got it wrong sorry.

Not chasing her is the thing that sets you apart from all those other guys.

Women WANT to chase. NOT be chased.

:yes:

This is what i've been learning since i took this approach.

I believe once a girl is given no option but to be the first to contact you, it causes a great deal of intrigue and fear of loss to a potentially better than average guy.

Not only that, but because she contacts you first, it unconsciously sets the standard for the interaction. She will feel more inclined to initiate hang outs more since essentially that's how it's been from the start. In essence that wipes away a lot of negative emotions a guy can feel if he's always the pursuer and she's used to not being available or being chased.

 

[Korrupt]

You've got it wrong sorry.

Not chasing her is the thing that sets you apart from all those other guys.

Women WANT to chase. NOT be chased.

You need to read the DJ Bible my friend.

This is the 1st thing you learn.

I've read the entire DJ Bible and I've tried this several times.

I've given girls my number, I've told them to contact me, they've even said they'll contact me and 95% of the time they haven't ever gotten back to me.

Two different girls I remember very clearly... One said "I'm gonna take a shower and I'll text you when I get out," the other said "I gotta go to work so I'll text you later." Neither got back to me. Also a bunch of others I'm not going to list who told me they'd contact me or who I told to contact me and never did. But if it works for YOU that's great.

 

[tryst type]

I've read the entire DJ Bible and I've tried this several times.

I've given girls my number, I've told them to contact me, they've even said they'll contact me and 95% of the time they haven't ever gotten back to me.

Two different girls I remember very clearly... One said "I'm gonna take a shower and I'll text you when I get out," the other said "I gotta go to work so I'll text you later." Neither got back to me. Also a bunch of others I'm not going to list who told me they'd contact me or who I told to contact me and never did. But if it works for YOU that's great.

I'd say you're leaking too much desperation during the conversation which translates to them as "please get back to me later"

try talking to girls as if you don't care about the outcome whats so ever. it tends to create a fun vibed interaction which makes the girl compelled to get that feeling again later on.

also, don't tell them to get back to you so much, i've noticed this subtly qualifies a girl and leave her feeling satisfied so there's no urgency to want to reach out to you again.

and let's not forget the obvious human nature habit of being forgetful here, maybe these girls are simply getting too caught up in their lives to remember to text you back. can always assume that and lightly tease them about it the following day.

what i mean about not pursuing doesn't mean never ever contact a girl, it's more of a "i'm not going to chase them into hanging out with me" you can still contact them to pique their interest in wanting to chase you.

 

[Slickster]

It doesn't matter if she's calling you or you are calling her first.

It's about the attitude you exude.

Just know that the vast majority of guys operate with a certain amount of desperation when they interact with girls they are interested in.

If she is decent looking she is expecting you to "want" her. She's expecting you to ask for her number and then call and chase her. She's expecting you to ask her out. She's expecting you to make a move. She's expecting you to try and set up further dates when you drop her off at the end of the night.

You can gain great value in her eyes simply by being different. If the last 10 guys she's encountered are drooling and trying too hard and then you come along acting aloof you become interesting to her.

You become desirable by showing her you are cool and fun but instead of desperate you are somewhat unavailable and only semi-interested. Play on her need for validation.

 

[ElDudearino]

Slickster is dead on. The bottom line with woman is that they want a challenge. Assume for a second your a chick at a club. (stop touching yourself and think) Even if you are only a moderatly good looking chick you know you can still likely get a phone number or get with 75%-90% of us guys, right? The challenge for this girl my not be to get with the best looking guy but rather the one that seems unobtainable. The one that maybe doesn't really seem to care if she is there or not. Those are the guys she wants. She wants the challenge of getting that guy who isn't falling all over himself to get her number or buy her a drink or take her home. Be the unobtainable 10%. That's the challenge they want.

 

[DanelMadr]

I like this idea but I don't agree with some reasons for using it.
These reasons are Fear of Rejection and giving up the lead/responsibility.

Surely there are girls you want to bend over on the spot. Restoring to girlish games and ego defending tactics seems to me to be insencere, imature and cowardish.

I'd very much prefer straight game. Might not work but at least I tried my best and did not hand over the power avoiding pain and responsibility.

On the other hand if you are mildly interested in a girl and therefore don't want to chase her, it can be a good thing. Chasing somezhing you don't even want that much and yet get shot down...that's painful waste of time.

But yeah since I am not on top of my game, I might give it a shot. (Top of anyones game being getting most of girls without any artificial tactics or pretending)

 

[Mantis Toboggan]

Now in doing this, i'd automatically leave with the power, knowing there's only one way we could further continue anything... that's if SHE contacts ME and when she does, it's almost always WAY easier to get together again or for the first time minus all the BS i used to face.

If this works for you, I totally applaud it. But to me, it seems like you're not leaving with the power. You're giving HER the power.

All that nervousness and insecurity you wrote about....well, girls feel that too. Except they don't always have the guts to plow through it and make the first move. So while you'll get the girls who are 100% interested, you're missing out on the ones who might be too shy/hesitant to make that first call.

If the chick is so interested in you that she's willing to make the first move, then it wouldn't have mattered if you got her number instead and made the first move yourself. She was a definite buyer. But MOST girls aren't definite buyers. And by handing your number to them, and putting the ball in their court, you're missing out on them. It's hard for US to think of the right thing to say in that first call...girls, even if they like you, won't have the courage to work through that.

 

[Colossus]

One thing about letting her pursue you is that there no question of her interest.

That said, a man goes after what he wants. However, the educated man (i.e. a DJ), knows when to pull back. Unilateral male pursuit is a thing of the movies. If you are in great shape, have nice style, active career goals/pursuits, and social confidence, there is no reason girls WONT pursue you. But as a man you gotta make the first move.

 

[Kenny Powers]

Hahahaha wow I've never questioned the basic DJ principle of never just giving the girl your #, but always trying to get hers as well. Now that I ahve though, what the OP has suggested makes a lot of sense.

I'm def. gonna try this a few times and see how it works.

I think its genius because it separates you from all the other bozos who ask for #s and makes you look different. Also makes you seem more confident, like you're are used to having girls chase you, which can DHV!

Holy shiit the more i think about this the more I like it. Hahhaha prob not gonna risk it on a girl who shows high interest, but perfect for a medium level girl. Also, she might insist you also take hers, which is a good way to test her interest level.

I think as long as you show enough interest in her that she doesn't get nervous in texting you this might just work. Would love to hear how well other people have done with this.

 

[tryst type]

My favorite thing about this is how empowering it feels regardless wether the girl contacts you or not. It like removes the complete feeling of rejection, even if she doesn't contact you!

Now there are girls who do get a bit intimidated by this and won't reach out to you. Chance you gotta take if you're going down this path.

But let's say a girl who is a bit afraid to use your number, if it's someone you could potentially run into again (maybe she works at local store etc.) it's a perfect opportunity to tease her about it next time you see her. I've recently said to one of these girls "wow you totally failed! I like a confident girl and I guess that's not you bummer, more strawberries and whipped cream for me!" she laughed and apologized saying she wasn't used to it, so I let her redeem herself by having her call me right then at the moment.

 

[Htienvu]

It's an interesting idea, I will try it out sometimes. However, I think you have got to take this on a case by case basis. You have got to decide after getting to know her if she will call you or not, If it's a girl showing high IL then I'd give her my number. If it's a girl who's showing mild IL then I get her number instead to try and raise her IL later down the line.

Also if it's a girl you're really interested in then you won't want to take the chance of losing her completely by leaving the ball in her court.

 

[typical]

You guys do realize that the DJ Bible is just a guideline, its not a set of rules or instructions on how to get laid that work all the time with every girl.

This is the same as pulling out your business card and giving it to interested clients ............. if they like your product they will contact you for further information or a business deal if they don't or have other prospects then they will not contact you. Others you have to get back in trouch with to further progress things as they may have forgotten.

Why should you the busy man that you are have to chase up every single girl you meet and try to organize a date with them or a time to hang out. Other times you just have to call the girl back.

Either way if they flake out after 2 attempts to hang out its next.

I do both things and it seems to work differently with different girls.

 

[Jager_Master82]

Contacting a girl first does not lead to lower DHV as long as you do it in an alpha male way. Be casual with your call and subconsciously communicate that she is a guest in your reality and that you dont put too much importance on the outcome.

 

[Iceberg]

I would never sit back and wait for a girl to work up the nerve to call me.

I couldn't imagine how many opportunities that would cost me. I'd rather make the first move, and lead the action. If some shy little honey is too scared to call me, then what happens? I lose an interested prospect because I gave her my number instead of taking hers.