Being torn between wanting meaningless sex for experience & waiting 4 someone special

[crackhead]

is practically at my essence.

Anyone with me?

Not that I'm a virgin, but I've never had sex with a woman I've had any kind of mental/emotional connection with, or atleast a steady girlfriend that you somewhat vibe with on different levels.

I had a "f_ck buddy" not too long ago, but it didn't work out at all because the only reason I was doing it was to gain sexual experience, and I was hardly attracted to the girl. Settling you might call it. I would call her a 4 out of ten, I was stooping just to get my fvck on. But, I actually felt like it led to backwards progress because I gained bad sexual experience, it was just passionless, I wasn't feelin her and had to end it. Now, if it was some HB10, it would have easily been a different story.

It has been said that is it AFC to want to wait for a soulmate like sappy hollywood movies or whatever, and it is probably not a good idea to shut yourself off from casual opportunities and fun while you're young. And not that I'm about to go celibate or someshi1t, but at my core I crave a serious, multifaceted (sexual, emotional, friendship) relationship with a woman, but other times I just wanna have mindless, animalistic porno sex.

Hence, being torn.

 

[Oscar Wilde]

ok, what's the problem or question here? You're feeling bad about it?

There's an old joke about God giving out the sexual positions to all the animals, goes something like this:
--

God gathered all the animals into a big line and told them that he was going to give them something called "sex" so that they could reproduce. He said that one by one he would call them up and give them their "position".

So he calls up the dog first, and tells him "You shall be on all fours and the male shall take the female from behind, and we shall call this "Doggy Style". The dog runs off happy to find his mate.

Next comes the cat. God says to the cat: "You shall be on all fours and the male shall take the female from behind, just like the dog". The cat is not impressed with this, wanting her own style, but runs off anyway.

Next, along come the horse, then the sheep, then the cow. All are told about their style, which, funnily enough, is "Doggy Style".

Then arrives the human. The man looks at God, and says "So we have to do it Doggy Style too, right?".

God looks the man in the eye and says "You can do it doggy style, missionary style, upside down, left and right, any way you want. So long as there's guilt involved somewhere along the way."

--

Maybe not the funniest of jokes, but there's a lot of truth there.

Moral: don't worry so damn much, go and have fun.

Oscar.

 

[crackhead]

Not really a question or a problem necessarily, I guess a form of confusion... and to start a discussion if anyone else feels the same way or similar

true though, I am a big time worrier

 

[squirrels]

Well...just have "animal sex" with women until you find one worth your time.

It's AFC to want an exclusive relationship with a woman when you THINK she's your "soulmate" but she's really not. And it's AFC to sit around in the corner with your head up your ass, not getting any, waiting for that "perfect one" to come along.

If you really find a woman who satisfies your needs, sexual, emotional, companionship-wise, to the point where you COULD bang someone else, but would never really WANT to, then it's not AFC to commit to her.

Society has conditioned people to think that exclusiveness and marriage are the only RIGHT way to go and that having many partners or loveless sex is wrong. That's just not true.

The bad thing is that this site tends to get a lot of people thinking that exclusivenes and marriage are the WRONG way to go, and that's not quite true either.

Stop trying to make/follow rules for attraction. Just let the chips fall as they will and think/do what you want to think/do in the meantime.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by crackhead
Not really a question or a problem necessarily, I guess a form of confusion... and to start a discussion if anyone else feels the same way or similar

true though, I am a big time worrier

No one ever said that you have to bed every girl you come across. There is a difference when you meet someone with whom you have a lot of chemistry, the sex is much better than with someone you just met or with who you just go through the motions. BORING....

Don't worry about loosing interest but don't put unnecessary pressure on yourself. You can still enjoy meeting and flirting with women until you find one that you are chemically in sync.

Consider using this time to just practice your skills. Some guys say that they get way more attention when they aren't so focused on their next conquest.

 

[DJ Jeff]

i have ****ed before and i have made love before...making love is unreal IMO

 

[Halo]

One of my friends, basically a natural when it comes to women, went through a few periods where he was sexually involved with unappealing women. I was always perplexed by it, because he usually had attractive girlfriends. He tried to explain it to me, basically boiling down to maintaining "momentum". He believed in avoiding long dry spells at all costs, referring to the theory that getting a better woman is infinitely easier when you're not hard-up and sexually frustrated. I now see the wisdom in his approach. On the other hand, you can't totally throw standards out the window.

I guess what I am trying to say here, and I think this because I found myself in the same dilemma as you, is that meaningless sex isn't exactly meaningless. It satisfies your sexual craving, makes you better at performing it, and ultimately makes it more likely that you will find someone "special", if for no other reason than improving your overall game. So I say enjoy it for what it's worth.

 

[Pancho]

Everybody tells me that love makes sex so much better...having that connection, that bond...

So I started loving a girl and "made love to her". It was pretty damn good, but not as fun or crazy as this short term, barely knew her, loves to have her butt slapped girl I went out with before.

I say, have fun...dont bother "saving" yourself. IMO, its not worth it. It might take you ears to find someone special to lose it too...why put yourself throught that when there are a lot of fun girls to lose it too NOW. Besides, if you are in a special relationship when you sleep with a girl, and you suck, then you may lose out on her due to sexual incompetence.

Get out there n get some bee-hind

Pancho

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Originally posted by Pancho
Everybody tells me that love makes sex so much better...having that connection, that bond...
Pancho

I love it when people say that. It's almost as bad as when women say that size doesn't matter, it's a load of BS.

Love is a wonderful thing, but without chemestry, it's meaningless. Ask yourself what you would rather have, a relationship with love or a relationship with love AND lust?

Lust is hard to have without chemistry....

 

[crackhead]

some good responses

Yeah, I just have yet to have sex with a girl that I really have chemistry with. And my experiment with stooping to an HB4 (i.e going through the motions, unpassionate, hardly attracted to her) did NOT contribute to me becoming better in bed. I could hardly get it up and when I did I would shoot real quicklike. In my mind, it's not even a sexual conquest that I'm proud of. If anything, it was the opposite. Having a legitimate 7 to practice on would be another story.

But yeah, it would really suck to finally find a great girl that you click with but you come weak in the sack and it turns her off!

 

[ShortTimer]

Originally posted by crackhead
Yeah, I just have yet to have sex with a girl that I really have chemistry with. And my experiment with stooping to an HB4 (i.e going through the motions, unpassionate, hardly attracted to her) did NOT contribute to me becoming better in bed. I could hardly get it up and when I did I would shoot real quicklike. In my mind, it's not even a sexual conquest that I'm proud of. If anything, it was the opposite. Having a legitimate 7 to practice on would be another story.

So are you saying this was some kind of act of self destruction?

 

[crackhead]

sure. It wasn't exactly a self esteem enhancing experience

I can be pretty self destructive