What's friendly to me doesn't seem to be friendly to others.
Thats ok. But if it is creating conflict, and misunderstandings then I would think it would help to reflect on WHY. Its ok to be nice to people, and be a good guy. But different people have different perception filters. Thats why we have basic common courtesy, politeness, and respect.
If the person has qualities that we truly admire and cherish, then we honor them with our personal kindness and graciousness. We do so because we care. So if youre not happy with the resulting circumstances due to your choices, and if want happiness and value that and the people around you, then you may want to consider how to create bridges for connection, instead of blocking that sometimes.
I admit I'm serious at work that's okay with me though. What's not okay with me is on my time off people told me I still hold that seriousness.
Seriousness isnt automatically depression, or broken heartedness, or sadness, extreme self importance and arrogance. It isnt always about being obsessed, or overly preocuppied. But many people fear this kind of personality. Because we tend to project our fears into a vacuum, in this case, people dont know what you're thinking. Thus, they will project what they fear onto you, and then shame you into changing to ease their comfort levels. We are not responsible for other's comfort levels. But this does not mean we dont give a fvck.
We become aware of how people react to us, and if we arent showing respect and consideration, then it's probably time to make a change for the better.
So be careful of letting your beliefs be radically altered at this time. It is more important that you self realize, and be authentic, lead an authentic life, honor and respect yourself and your choices, and recognize what gifts does your personal individuality bring to the world. That means honor yourself, but have the humaness to see how others perceive you. If your actions and behavior are seriously negatively affecting others, then you may want to consider how valueable your current demeanor really is. What do you want? To be yourself, seriousness and all?
Or to please others, but not be true and congruent to yourself?
Or find the right place, where you feel free to express who you are without embrarassment, shame, guilt, or insecurity, but still honor and respect, and show your appreciation to others around you? Remember, it is about showing respect to others. Not about kissing ass.
People need respect, they dont need to have their ass kissed. We need to live in a world where we respect each others place in the world, and life circumstances, but the loving thing to do is to go through the world with consideration for others, yet being true to one's SELF. Especially when one believes in treating others as one would like to be treated. Many people think this is being weak, and naive. That others will walk over you. But it is not. It is about carrying ones sense of honor, dignity, character, class, and respect for oneself, and then for others.
No one is entitled to these things.
However, it is our right to show kindness and graciousness to those whom we see have this for the world. But no one is entitled to it. And we are not entitled to others as well.
It is about having balanced exchanges.
And avoiding unneccsary hurting of others due to callousness and lack of awareness.
Only you knows what goes up in that head. No one else does.
So if you ARE obsessing over trivialities or overly preoccupied with yourself, then those ARE aspects that are not helpful to you nor help build bridges with others.
So you must FIND the VALUE in connecting with others, otherwise, you wont want to change your overall demeanor.
I do not want to force a smile and I do engage in conversations that's what is shocking to me.
It is important to be authentic. But it may appear you dont know how you are projecting yourself to others. Sometimes we are too up in our head to pay attention to our actions and behavior. This may be why you feel 'shocked'. Your self image, how YOU see yourself,and what you seem to be projecting apparently are two radically different things.
What I would gain by changing my serious attutide it would be much easier to make contacts, women, bigger social circles.
Then I advise you to examine this goal and why you want this. This alone will steer you in the direction you want to go.
And then examine again, WHY do you want contacts, women, and bigger social circles?
Examine your motivations. This is crucial.
I feel like I gotta try harder than the more laid back guy.
What is it youre trying to get?
Have to try harder for what?
These are important questions to think about.
What is it about the more laid back guy that you would like for yourself?
What do you want to project to people?
