Being the backup guy sucks!

lexab

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Known this girl for a few years, we have always hang out, during this period, we have had many days out, weekends away etc, we have not slept together, got close once or twice but did not happened, I have also been friendzoned, had oneitis if i am being honest, she also dated other guys etc.

So last weekend we made plans to go for a hike, she txted me a couple of days before to discuss the details, and then out of nowhere she said she have to tell me about this massive argument with the guy she was seeing (which i didnt know about), of which the relationship has now ended, sensing the red flag, i ignored it and carry on the topic of hiking.

Fast forward to the hiking day, she wanted so badly to talk about the break up, I initially ignored it but decided to let her vent a little and then at some point later she said,
"you have to promised me to maintain this friendship even if we married to other people", "dont know" I said jokingly, she was so surprise I said that, I then said what if we married each other, her response was "that is a possibility, if I am not married by 40, you are marrying me!"
although I never showed it, I actually felt humiliated, basically what she meant is she felt 40 is her wall and I am the last guy on earth she wants, so I said "not sure about that, i will have to check everything still works first lol" - anyway, during the latter part of the trip she was sulking about the ex, but she also wanted to me to watch a movie at hers after the hike, but since we are both tired plus I didnt want to after her sulking performance. So I said "no, I am going to hang out with H, could do with some(mumble)." she was like "you want sex?!" I said "yes, I do" she just kept quiet and then said I have become a douche lately. After I dropped her off, i weren't going to let her hug me goodbye either.

She actually text me later to complaint about the hug and that I would rather have sex with someone else then spent time with her, so i replied "well, you were tired, so sex and movie is not a good idea anyway", of course she replied saying she weren't going to or ever going to sleep with me ever (and this girl wanted me to married her lol) and guess what, she is back with the ex a couple of days later!
We are back on friendly terms now but the moral of the story? A girl will say anything to keep you hooked and use you where she can, don't let her!
 
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Yewki

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I don't think it's healthy to stay in the friend zone with a girl you want to have s3x with

The fact you didn't move on from this girl years ago I think shows you have little to no other options
 

dustmuffin

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You should move on. She offers you nothing.
What an insult...
If I don't find anything better I'll marry you. Have some self respect and show her the door.
 

sodbuster

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SOME women you'd like to bang are worth keeping around as friends.... because they have value in other ways. I have one who is also a client, and I'm her's. She's also a client of my brothers. Has a master's degree and is a business owner. We have much in common, but I'm NEVER put out having to listed to boyfriend problems,etc. It's a fun educating conversation..... always. She NEVER causes me extra stress.

Your's? well, I don't think I'd hang around her...... she spends your day how? bitching about her BF, and you LISTEN? Drop her ass. Find a real friend, not a user. IF she was a man, would you hang with HIM? No, you wouldn't..... just because she has a "kitten" you keep hoping.... give it up
 

LiveYourDream

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OP, you are 36! I never would have guessed by your post. It's high time to up your game.

Move on from this woman. Do not keep her as a friend, even if you want to. Do what is best for you and your life. If you stay friends, you'll stay stuck in your thoughts about her, rather than move on. Don't do that.

Let her know it no longer works for you two to be friends, that you wish her the best, and if she's ever interested in more, to reach out and you'll consider it. That's it. No more contact with her unless she's calling to straight up initiate more than friendship.

Get busy meeting and seeing other woman, starting now.
 

Who Dares Win

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I dont find anything wrong in being option 2 as long as you dont give a fvck about her on a personal level and as long as you get laid from her anytime there is no option 1.

What is wrong is pay currency (your attention) to a girl which is not paying back with her (sex).

Generally I have to agree with the guys here, unless she provides any value to your life drop it, its a mindvck, Im surpried you didnt go ape at her after those disrespect.

Suggestion is hit the gym build yourself full and that same day while in a rush of test that can over ride your "feelings", delete all her numbers and contact and disappear, no half measure, its like dropping cigarettes.
 

daddymonsterpoodle

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It is OK to have women friends. If you wan to **** this woman it is WAY too late. Don't be a crybaby about it but soft next her. She is not into you. The question to ask is how did you let yourself become anyone's back up man? That reeks of being a nice guy who is about as sexual as 'hello kitty'.

If someone told me I was their back up guy I would laugh out loud and tell them I was going to be too busy having fun and ask them why would I want them?
 

Well I'm here to tell you there is such a magic wand. Something that will make you almost completely irresistible to any woman you "point it" at. Something guaranteed to fill your life with love, romance, and excitement.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

lexab

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Yeah i see what you guys are saying, sometimes it takes another person to point out the obvious.
 

marmel75

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Never really learned it until my 30s...I was terrible with women for a long time...but don't worry, I made up for it...
 

lexab

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I thought i was ok being just friends (being nice lol) but continue flirt with her as i have a couple of fb, obv not.
Will slowly back out of this, start with the usual no initialing text, make myself scarces, no need for drama.
 

lexab

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demand your time and attention. If she does the latter, reciprocate your time and attention SCARCELY--like you are doling out currency. Make her WORK for it.
I did this before, i kept ignoring her, she threatened to come to my workplace lol
Anyway, forgive my ignorance.. But what does make her WORK for it means? like she has to make the plans? She has to buy my dinner?
 

Do not be too easy. If you are too easy to get, she will not want you. If you are too easy to keep, she will lose interest in you. If you are too easy to control, she will not respect you.

Quote taken from The SoSuave Guide to Women and Dating, which you can read for FREE.

lexab

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"In order to make something valuable, you make it scarce."
Thank you!
I am thinking it goes beyond on this girl of course, so a girl need to show me she is worth the time i spent with her.. does that mean like if she dont reply my messages for days i wont bother with her, if she flakes, i next her, if she start giving attitude during a date, i call her out on it, if she refuse to behave, i just drive her back and call it a day yeah?
 

grayclif

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Thank you!
I am thinking it goes beyond on this girl of course, so a girl need to show me she is worth the time i spent with her.. does that mean like if she dont reply my messages for days i wont bother with her, if she flakes, i next her, if she start giving attitude during a date, i call her out on it, if she refuse to behave, i just drive her back and call it a day yeah?
Sounds like you are going to try and reframe your relationship with this woman. Please don't. Just drop her. Delete her from your life. If someone told me I can only have them if she's available at 40 and then tell me she'll never have sex with me, I'm out period. This person would be dead to me.

Get rid of this ho bro!!!
 

lexab

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Man, i so wish I said goodbye to her months/years ago! things have got far more complicated now.
 
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