Being single is bothering me more than ever.

[SanDog11]

So I hate that I have this feeling of loneliness I can't escape when I know I should be happy with myself. I've been married before, had great girlfriends and even before when I was single I enjoyed it. I loved meeting new people and knowing that excitement was just around the corner.

I try to tell myself that I need to enjoy being single because my next girlfriend isn't too far away but I don't even believe that anymore.

My g/f and I broke up 14 months ago, and although I've dated a few women I am single right now with no prospects. I have not had a connection with a girl for over a year and it sucks. I hate the sound of online dating but I think I need to man up and try Match.com or something just to expand my options.

I'm from the Michigan but live in SoCal now. Although women are everywhere I don't seem to connect with most of them - well, at least the onces I meet. Not having alot of friends to spend down time with makes me long for a woman even more.

Not sure what I'm looking for with this post other than a nice rant and someone to tell me to man up and be happy with myself.

 

[suspected_file_swap]

So I hate that I have this feeling of loneliness I can't escape when I know I should be happy with myself. I've been married before, had great girlfriends and even before when I was single I enjoyed it. I loved meeting new people and knowing that excitement was just around the corner.

I try to tell myself that I need to enjoy being single because my next girlfriend isn't too far away but I don't even believe that anymore.

My g/f and I broke up 14 months ago, and although I've dated a few women I am single right now with no prospects. I have not had a connection with a girl for over a year and it sucks. I hate the sound of online dating but I think I need to man up and try Match.com or something just to expand my options.

I'm from the Michigan but live in SoCal now. Although women are everywhere I don't seem to connect with most of them - well, at least the onces I meet. Not having alot of friends to spend down time with makes me long for a woman even more.

Not sure what I'm looking for with this post other than a nice rant and someone to tell me to man up and be happy with myself.

Its cool, rants are healthy once in a while.............Why did you move to Socal ? Was it for work ?

No amount of "man up comments" will overcome feelings of loneliness.

Def hit the gym or join a running club , or both. Great place to meet people , not just chicks but maybe you can meet some buddies this way too.

Remeber the more male friends you have the larger your network will become and the more likely it will be that they know someone for you.

Try eharm or match too what do you have to lose.

GL

 

[jimmy18]

Have a look at this guy:

http://i206.photobucket.com/albums/bb224/Iceman1981photos/vlcsnap-00001.jpg

With all that testosterone running through his body, do you think he would be unhappy if he was single?

 

[SanDog11]

With all that testosterone running through his body, do you think he would be unhappy if he was single?

Haha. This guy is so jacked I doubt he could even get it up. Much less please a woman. I bet here scares most women anyway. But yes I don't think this guy minds being single...probably has been for ever.

Its cool, rants are healthy once in a while.............Why did you move to Socal ? Was it for work ?

I moved out here two years after my divorce because I wanted to start over...Been here four years now. I quit my job of 12 years, sold everything I owned, and came out here and found a job..now here I am.

However, I met a great girl before I moved, and after being here 4 months, I moved here out. We were together for almost 3 years and it was the best time of my life.

Now after dating a few girls, sitting here with no prospects, i'm feeling a bit lonely.

Def hit the gym or join a running club , or both. Great place to meet people , not just chicks but maybe you can meet some buddies this way too.

I work out 4-5 days a week and i'd go insane without it. I'm fit though and always have been.

 

[Tenacity]

San Dog 11

So I hate that I have this feeling of loneliness I can't escape when I know I should be happy with myself. I've been married before, had great girlfriends and even before when I was single I enjoyed it. I loved meeting new people and knowing that excitement was just around the corner.

I try to tell myself that I need to enjoy being single because my next girlfriend isn't too far away but I don't even believe that anymore.

My g/f and I broke up 14 months ago, and although I've dated a few women I am single right now with no prospects. I have not had a connection with a girl for over a year and it sucks. I hate the sound of online dating but I think I need to man up and try Match.com or something just to expand my options.

I'm from the Michigan but live in SoCal now. Although women are everywhere I don't seem to connect with most of them - well, at least the onces I meet. Not having alot of friends to spend down time with makes me long for a woman even more.

Not sure what I'm looking for with this post other than a nice rant and someone to tell me to man up and be happy with myself.

It sounds like you have a problem attracting women. How do you look? Do you workout? Do you make a decent amount of money? Do you have a decent car? Decent place to stay? Can you go up to a RANDOM woman online, at the grocery store, anywhere...and just start a conversation?

You are 34 and still discussing basic high school-early 20's shyt. Most of us on this forum are pass the "how do I get a girl" stage and looking at the fvcked up quality of LTRs, Marriages and creating Children. You should be well pass the "how do I get a girl" shyt man. It's not that complicated:

- Fix your looks. If you are fat lose weight. Get a hair style that fits you. Fix your teeth if needed. Wear colored contacts if needed. When a chick looks at you she should say, "Hmmm...he's decent looking". That's all you need most chicks to say, you don't need to be GQ Magazine or anything.

- Get your money right. If you aren't making at least $50k - $65k a year right now, change careers, get another degree, get another trade, etc., and get to at least this amount now and going forward until retirement.

- Get a nice looking car and a nice looking place to stay.

- Learn to develop the ART of just having a conversation. You really can't develop this until you are just USED to speaking with girls all the time. Go out there in person, online, anywhere and just get in the habit of speaking with women. Through this you can learn which type of "personality style" works for you.

- From there, just go out there and keep MEETING women all of the time. Meet them on Match, POF, the grocery store, the business club, the gym, anywhere. Don't worry about "rejection," there's no such thing as rejection. As long as you did everything ABOVE you can never truly be "rejected".....you can only be "stalled". A percentage of women will move forward with you, a percentage will move forward but opt out, a percentage will just flat out opt out. Take the ones that are moving forward with you and seek to make the best out of that situation....

It's not that complicated man.

 

[Who Dares Win]

Well regarding the suggestions you pretty much got them from the guys above, anyway I understand how you feel, once you experience a fullfilling relationship and you finally get rid of all the frustration of "gaming" and dealing with uncooperative, unworthy or unpleasant women it gets hard to restart again.

What I see in your lines is that what you miss is mostly the lack of companionship from someone you actually had some connection even more than sex which compared to the first one is much easieri to find.

To that as you say "the lack of prospect" which doesnt mean prospect for sex but prospect to be happy in a fullfilling relationship...again I see what you mean awfully.

 

[SanDog11]

What I see in your lines is that what you miss is mostly the lack of companionship from someone you actually had some connection even more than sex which compared to the first one is much easieri to find.

To that as you say "the lack of prospect" which doesnt mean prospect for sex but prospect to be happy in a fullfilling relationship...again I see what you mean awfully.

Exactly man. thanks for understanding. Not what the guy above you said.. this is nothing about being able to get women.

 

[Augustus_McCrae]

Sandog11,

Yes, I get it. I'm in a similar situation except I'm quite a bit further down the road. I'll be 57 this month.

Divorced after a long term marriage, met a girl and it was fire, rockets, great conversation, deep connection. On top of that, if god made the perfect woman (looks wise) for me, it was her. Four years later, she had self destructed to some degree and our relationship exploded.

And you find yourself thinking: Is that all there is? Even when I meet another woman will I experience the same excitement and joy? Am I even capable of experiencing that again or have I become too jaded and world weary?

I don't have those answers yet but I'm working on it. The first thought being that I need to feel happy and complete in and of myself. I need to build a life of my choosing where I don't feel that I need a woman.

I'm also using this time to improve myself. I'm reading more fiction. I'm going to take a transcendental meditation class. Considering taking a tango class.

Another thing that helps is to remember that this life is a gift. I truly believe that. Take a walk every day. Open your eyes. Open your ears. Experience everything around you. The sights, the sounds, the feel of the air. I sometimes derive a sense of joy and satisfaction from just taking my evening walk.

The friends thing is a big deal. It sounds like you're definitely missing the support of some good friends right now. If you have good friends back home, give them a call. Take a trip back home and spend some time with them. And try to foster new friendships at work. Guys you can hang out and drink a beer with. As time goes by, you may discover that you value your friendships more than you'll value your relationship with any woman...

Hang in there.

-Augustus-

 

[speed dawg]

Sandog11,

Bottom line, as simple as it gets: You aren't going to make anyone else happy until you're happy with/love yourself. You can make up all the excuses you want, but this is the cold hard truth. You can't qualify, you can't change it. And you'll never realize it until you're at rock bottom, torn down so much where you have no choice but to see the truth.

 

[LiveFreeX]

https://ca.news.yahoo.com/theme-par...ren-incase-they-re-paedophiles-142537800.html

Pretty soon being a single man will be illegal.

 

[logicallefty]

Its cool, rants are healthy once in a while.............Why did you move to Socal ? Was it for work ?

No amount of "man up comments" will overcome feelings of loneliness.

GL

^^THIS^^ is fact. Loneliness is one of the hardest struggles as a single person especially now around the holidays.

I've been doing a lot of self reflecting in my own mind sense my last breakup and have realized that being lonely per se scares me more than being single. SO, this coming weekend some friends are moving in with me, a married male and female who are on hard times right now and getting ready to get evicted from their apartment. I'm really enjoying not having a GF right now and going out and just dating again, but it will be nice to have them around at times like Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Which brings me back to the OP. I agree that online dating has it's drawbacks, but it will help you begin your transition out of your slump so don't let anyone discourage it. Try to adopt the mindset I posted about here and see what happens:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=221281

 

[Slickster]

Combat loneliness by getting out there and meeting people. Lots of them and not just focusing on chicks.

It's entirely possible to have a gf and still be lonely so don't place too much weight on that.

Man the fck up and get out there!!

It's your life. Make it happen!

 

[synergy1]

I try to tell myself that I need to enjoy being single because my next girlfriend isn't too far away but I don't even believe that anymore.

You seem like the type of person who lives for their next gf - not for anything else. To get out there and make friends, you can't go into it with the expectation that you'll do it basically to swing branches until you find your next "prospect". To me, friends who phase in and out of a social group based on their relationship status are garbage. I am not saying that about you, but I suspect someones only motivation was to hang out until they were banging a broad, I wouldn't invite them anywhere.

Making friends can be difficult. It takes getting out there, doing something you love, and actually creating rapport with people. This process has to be enjoyable at some level to you - not an endeavor to combat loneliness.

And seriously, how do you not have prospects in SoCal? That is insane. You would literally jump off a bridge if you had to live where I live. It is literally a monumental effort to go on dates here compared to sunny california. Furthermore, the women there are beautiful compared to the ugly, selfish, entitled mean women where I am from. Be ****ing thankful you have such an opportunity to date at your lesure and be confident that you will meet a great women.

 

[Warrior74]

The only thing stopping you obviously is you. You obviously have a decent job, and as long as you aren't Quasimodo you can find friends and women. You are just having a fvcking pity party. Enjoy it. Then make a plan to fix your sh1t and get it fixed. Nobody is coming to save you son. You'll die alone on that hill if you don't move your ass.

 

[Cheeks]

I'm there with you. People say go out and meet people, but that is bull****, disingenuous advice. People have their cliques and are not open to letting you infiltrate them. This is even more true in your thirties, when your peers are married with children.

At least there is an abundance of women in your area that you can maybe pull down for a bang here and there. I live in almost complete isolation and can't remember the last time I saw an attractive woman. My advice is to drink.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear San Dog,
Take up Dancing lessons...Ballroom,Rock or Salsa...must be a contact Dance...but don't be in a hurry to get hitched...These can be the best Days of your life...

 

[Paintballguy]

Man you live in San Diego. You can pretty much trip and fall into a hot chick there.

 

[logicallefty]

Man you live in San Diego. You can pretty much trip and fall into a hot chick there.

I am an Illinois redneck who spent 1-week in San Diego in 2008 and 1-week in the San Francisco area in 2011.

An an objective outsider, San Diego sucks. People seemed like their heads were so far up their own a$$es they was no hope for anyone other than a proctologist with the right tools to pry them out...

On the other hand, my redneck midwest a$$ felt right at home in the San Francisco area. Not because I was a midwest redneck, but because they didn't give a cr@p who or what I was. I had women all over me, and I wasn't even trying to get any, I was there for work and not even sarging. Every single person I shoot the sh|t with, male or female, race be darned, status be darned, were all good genuine people.

Just my observation as a California outsider.

 

[Suspens]

I'm in a slightly worse situation mate. Basics life stuff such as job, still living with family, lack of reliable friends etc.