Being second choice

[Igetit!]

So, somehow the book is far from closed.

She had her space, and contacted me to say shed decided she doesn't want anything serious but wants to carry on seeing me as we were, 3 or 4 times a week for sex and some hanging out, eating whatever. She says as long as this is the case she has no intention of sleeping with anyone else or looking for it and that coffeeboy is history as he doesn't want to share her. I realise these are just words, but I so believe her in this instance and also she showed me her last message to him where its clearly over, he has gone ghost.

So this seems to have somehow all worked out fine, we are having a relationship which is mostly sexual, despite her not wishing to label it as such, the other guy is gone.........The only thing I'm confused by is why she insists on not defining it as a relationship.

So you don't understand why she INSIST on not defining what the two of you have as a "relationship"

Wow....

After alllllllllllllllllllllllllllll the insight and advice you've gotten in this thread,you STILL don't get it.....you STILL don't understand.

Unbelieveable.

This suits me very nicely now.

Really......

Well all I can say is enjoy this NOW,you're going to be in for one HELL of a shock.

I don't need or want her to, but am trying to work out what the thinking is behind that, given her actions - doing exactly what happens in a relationship - suggest the opposite. Maybe she needs to not feel like she ended up with second best?

Dude......look,

NOTHING'S CHANGED. Everything is still exactly the same between you two,you're just still blinded by the fact that you get to have sex with a hot chick.

You don't get it......all this blew up because you wanted her to CHOOSE YOU over this over guy. SHE DIDN'T CHOOSE YOU........she SETTLED FOR you. The other guy left.

Him leaving doesn't = her "choosing" you. If you were her choice,she'd chosen you while the other dude was still around. You're interpetting......

her being hot
her sleeping with you
....and the other guy moving on

....you're assuming all that means she's chosen you. She hasn't.....but you can't see it.

You want to know why she won't define the two of you as being in a "relationship"? Because if she did,she'd be committed to you. You're still blinded cause of her being hot and sleeping with you. She's not labeling it as a "relationship" so she can still have her freedom in case this other guy comes back around,or someone else who SHE DOES WANT a "relationship" with comes along.

Nothing's changed. You're STILL the "place holder" you were in the beginning of the thread.

You may be getting sex with a hot girl,and that's GOOD,but what you REALLY WANT.......the WHOLE PURPOSE you started this thread in the first place,was cause you wanted her to want YOU.....PERIOD......in addition to the sex. That right there......That still eludes you.

You're deceived.....and it's YOU who's deceiving yourself.

 

[fixtures]

Yes, I think you are completely correct. However, for some reason, I feel OK with things now like this.

 

[HeadLightsOn]

I feel like boiling my head in a vat of oil, after reading OPs repeated BS. You have oneitis and you cannot seem to change your frame. Just lap up that cunny cream while its in front of you, then come back to the forum for more advice when she slides her cootch away from you. We'll be here with the same advice.

 

[fixtures]

Yes I don't disagree with anything here, but I'm not giving up the great sex, it really is very good. The issue is my oneitis, as you say - I am going to spin more plates. Have two others on the go at the moment, plan to prioritise them and see this one around them, hopefully add another, and see what happens. I feel fine that she has settled for her second choice, no longer being one of her active options, but if it all blows up in my face now then yes, you told me so.