Being introverted becomes a problem

[LIKEaBAWZ]

Hey guys, over the last year ive been making progress with improving myself, I dress better and i'm also allot more confident. I used to be a really shy person and to make it worse i'm introverted. I'm actually not bad looking but i'm short but that isn't my biggest problem. I just have a hard time trying to start a good convo with a girl i dont know or don't know that well, it's like i always have to think of an excuse to talk to her. And the cold approach by just asking her name and stuff feels a bit too stiff.

TL;DR Do u guys have any tips for approaching woman at parties and raves?

 

[TheCWord]

Hey man. I'm an introvert. I don't consider it a problem. It just means my game will look a bit different than the extroverted guys.

To start a convo, try this: walk up to her and say "hey what's going on?" as if she's a friend you're bumping into. You're confident now, so you shouldn't have a problem with this. That will usually lead to an organic conversation, or if she's not feeling it you'll detect that and eject.

Remember that introversion refers more to how your energy works and less about being social or awkward. Large groups exhaust me so I typically won't perform well picking up at a club or whatever. But I do well at coffee shops or if I happen to start chatting someone up one on one at an event.

I think extroverts will always get more girls, because social interactions energize them (where as they drain introverts) so they have no problem boldly running up to a girl whenever, wherever. But the girls that I do meet I usually have a very, very high conversion rate with because, as is typical of the introvert, I give so much if myself to interactions with people so girls feel like they've had a real high quality interaction with me - which leads to dates which leads to sex.

Extroverts take energy from people, that's why they like hanging in groups. So whereas some girls will be approached by an extrovert and go, "ugh, I just so don't have the energy for this guy right now" I will almost never encounter that, because people instinctively get that I'm a relaxing presence and, if anything, can give them a boost.

 

[VikingKing]

You need to re-frame this in a positive way. Being an introvert makes you less available which women love. For example, I'm a very good looking guy. I was homeschooled untill 8th grade. In highschool, I was so shy and had a lot of anxiety. I was so shy i could barley crawl out of my shell to make any friends so I tended to gravitate towards the losers, stoners ect.

But I had girls chasing me. No ****. One time a girl sent her friend to ask me out, a hot cheerleader. I told her friend, "tell her that if she wants to be my girlfriend to come ask me herself." Lol the truth was I didn't know what to do so these words just came out of my mouth.

I also used to tease the **** out of certain girls. This one in my English class I would sit in the desk behind her at poke her butt with my foot. One time I saw her at the ski hills, she was drunk, and she came up to me and was like I want to suck your ****. I was shocked, I froze up.

I've had girl tell me a few years later she was really, really, really into me all through highschool. Back then I was socially inept, except with the some of the druggies and stoners.

Looking back I could have had so much ***** if i actually just tried. But thats ok, im 25 not even at my prime yet. Just learn to be more comfortable with yourself.

 

[backseatjuan]

You need to find a natural alpha male and party with him. So focus not on how to extrovert yourself, but find a good man you can hang out with day in and day out. You will naturally look up to him and imitate his behavior.

 

[Zarky]

Frankly I think being an introvert is the number-one impediment to getting laid.

The guys I've known who did the best with women were sociable and outgoing and confident. They weren't always the best looking guys, the smartest, or anything like that, but they always had women around them simply because they made the effort to put themselves out there.

 

[zekko]

Remember that introversion refers more to how your energy works and less about being social or awkward.

Yes. Although introverts often have to work harder at their social skills, because they don't get as much practice as extroverts simply because they aren't as "turned on" by social interactions. Socializing is just naturally more fun for extroverts.

I think extroverts will always get more girls, because social interactions energize them (where as they drain introverts) so they have no problem boldly running up to a girl whenever, wherever.

Yeah, extroverts can "feed" on their interactions and get quite a lot of momentum going. At the end of the day, extroverts are just going to want it more, and will be more comfortable doing it.

That doesn't mean an extrovert will always beat you out, however. If you can come out ahead on attraction factors (looks, money, status, game) you should still have the advantage. You don't have to be the loudest as long as you exude a strong, confident vibe.

So whereas some girls will be approached by an extrovert and go, "ugh, I just so don't have the energy for this guy right now" I will almost never encounter that, because people instinctively get that I'm a relaxing presence and, if anything, can give them a boost.

I've been saying this ever since I've been here: A lot of girls are introverts themselves, and they can appreciate a cool, low key approach. Be the cool guy. Some extroverts can come off as quite loud and overbearing, and introvert girls will not like them.

If you have some natural chemistry with a girl, being an introvert shouldn't hurt you. My girlfriend knows I don't like being around people, lol. I just frame it a strength - I don't need people to be happy. But what you can't be is shy. You're still a man, and expected to be able to rise to an occassion when it's called for. You need to be capable of strong, bold action. I had to take every opportunity to practice socializing for a long time to eliminate my shyness (which was a problem for me, growing up).

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Frankly I think being an introvert is the number-one impediment to getting laid.

The guys I've known who did the best with women were sociable and outgoing and confident. They weren't always the best looking guys, the smartest, or anything like that, but they always had women around them simply because they made the effort to put themselves out there.

I've honestly never looked at either of these qualities before and labeled myself as one or the other. This is psychology 101 too.

I'm definitely a successful confident social introvert if that makes any sense?

Excellent points by Cword and noobolgy, I can relate to similar experiences for sure.

IMO..I don't believe it's a choice of being an extrovert over being a introvert.
Just my 2 cents....

I don't know maybe I'm a hybrid-IntroExtrovert

http://www.wikihow.com/Go-from-Introvert-to-Extrovert

Ether way great post OP, knowledge is power!

 

[yyc12]

Yes. Although introverts often have to work harder at their social skills, because they don't get as much practice as extroverts simply because they aren't as "turned on" by social interactions. Socializing is just naturally more fun for extroverts.

Yes it is quite the b*tch having to reconcile a craving for solitude with a craving for pvssy, lol, . Getting pvssy requires getting out there, but getting out there is sooooo draining and downright painful most times.

The problem with the "introversion" label is that 99% of the population still think this term is synonymous with being "shy" and this grates me more than anything, :trouble: .

 

[LIKEaBAWZ]

Thanks for all the replies guys, there's some good stuff in there.

 

[tdotseoul]

I think some of the best macks are introverts.
They may not be the best in a party setting but in a small group, they can steal the show.

So, don't change.
Accept yourself but make sure you present the best self.

Peace