Being Friends With Guys

[willtmail]

I am a guy that has more girl friends than guy friends. I find that it's easier to make girls laugh (they laugh at almost anything) and it's generally easier to just relax (no worrying about status). Plus, there's the possibility of sex.

But I want to make more guy friends. I notice that guys talk to each other differently than girls talking to each other. For example, they don't ask questions as much. They make fun of things. They're not "understanding" of each other, but rather playful insult each other and joke around. Any other pointers that you guys have about making guy friends, particularly about what/how to say things? What makes a guy "cool" in your eyes?

 

[DJCT]

I am a guy that has more girl friends than guy friends. I find that it's easier to make girls laugh (they laugh at almost anything) and it's generally easier to just relax (no worrying about status). Plus, there's the possibility of sex.

Let me ask you: how is this strategy with women panning out so far? If you spend time hanging around them being available as a friend, being a goofy guy and not being sexual, I can tell you the possibility of sex is close to 0. Do you want to have a good laugh with them or do you want them to break their fingernails in your back, fvck you like a wh0re and then iron your shirt before you go to work?

...I find that it's easier to make girls laugh (they laugh at almost anything) and it's generally easier to just relax (no worrying about status)... Any other pointers that you guys have about making guy friends, particularly about what/how to say things? What makes a guy "cool" in your eyes?

To be honest, I think what makes a guy cool is not worrying about status and not worrying about being cool. It might sound like I'm being sarcastic but I'm not. That is really what it comes down to. They guy who isn't worried about status, about proving anything, the guy who knows his value and feels no compulsion to prove it, he just does his thing and doesn't feel a need to defend himself, explain his actions or prove anything to anybody--that is what makes a cool guy. Bonus - women are attracted to this cool guy.

 

[comic_relief]

Women are more about talking. Men are more about physical activities.

I used to be the same way, but then I learned how to joke around with them. Now I bust balls with some of the best.

comic_relief

 

[SinJester]

From my experiance guys that hang around with lots of girls are usually the ones who are naturals. It's because they feel so comfortable around them and understand them. So how has your history with getting girls as more than friends? Guessing it can't be too special or you wouldn't be on here with the rest of us

To be honest, I think what makes a guy cool is not worrying about status and not worrying about being cool. It might sound like I'm being sarcastic but I'm not. That is really what it comes down to. They guy who isn't worried about status, about proving anything, the guy who knows his value and feels no compulsion to prove it, he just does his thing and doesn't feel a need to defend himself, explain his actions or prove anything to anybody--that is what makes a cool guy. Bonus - women are attracted to this cool guy.

Very true.

Women are more about talking. Men are more about physical activities.

I used to be the same way, but then I learned how to joke around with them. Now I bust balls with some of the best

Women like to sit and talk. Guys feel like they have to be DOING something. Sports/video game/whatever. The number one piece of advice I can give you is to not take it seriously when they give you sh!t, it's just male bonding, they all do it. If you get hurt by it then they will see you as a pvssy and it will lower your status. I know because it's been happening to me for years.

Girls talk about people or nothing really. That's coming from a guy who hangs with guys. Guys talk about things. Sports/video games/whatever. You see a pattern here? Girls are people orientated, that's why they can been seen as *****ing. Sure guys do it to but not as much. We talk about things and whatever we talk about normally isn't emotionally charged, we don't vibe like that, we just chill.

Hope I helped Have't seen anyone with this problem on here before

 

[Jitterbug]

I have a lot of female acquaintances (most are potentials). Way more than males. But most of my friends are guys. I'm not as close to my few female friends as to my guy friends.

Any other pointers that you guys have about making guy friends, particularly about what/how to say things? What makes a guy "cool" in your eyes?

The number one thing is Respect. Having a mutual respect for each other is the foundation. The rest are just icing on the cake.

 

[Jitterbug]

Women like to sit and talk. Guys feel like they have to be DOING something.

Bold part: with other women, yes. Biggest mistake a guy can make is to sit there and talk with them (Lesson #1 in Pook's 15). That guy'd be well on his way to LJBF land before he even thinks of making a move on her. Do more talking than when you're with the boys, sure, but throw in some actions. Show that you're not gonna become her new girlfriend. That's why action dates work so well.

 

[DJCT]

Bold part: with other women, yes. Biggest mistake a guy can make is to sit there and talk with them (Lesson #1 in Pook's 15). That guy'd be well on his way to LJBF land before he even thinks of making a move on her. Do more talking than when you're with the boys, sure, but throw in some actions. Show that you're not gonna become her new girlfriend. That's why action dates work so well.

Amen!

 

[phooey73]

DJCT -- it's not so much a strategy to get in girls' pants, as it is just my nature up to now. As SinJester suggested, I'm not 100% satisfied with my sex life, otherwise I wouldn't be on here. But right now, I'm trying to focus on developing male friendships. And I agree that it's the guy that doesn't care what other guys think that's "cool." But if you think that through, not caring can lead to a "cool," fun guy, but it can also lead to someone who just doesn't engage because he "doesn't care what anyone thinks." I know because I've been in both situations. I'm wondering about tips to be the first type more.

Really, I am asking about specifics. For example, guys don't sit around and talk about their feelings. Guys generally look down on guys who b i t c h and complain. You know, guidelines like that. Comic_relief hit on two things by noting that (1) guys do things and (2) they bust balls with guys they're comfortable around.

Women are more about talking. Men are more about physical activities.

I used to be the same way, but then I learned how to joke around with them. Now I bust balls with some of the best.

comic_relief

The number one piece of advice I can give you is to not take it seriously when they give you sh!t, it's just male bonding, they all do it. If you get hurt by it then they will see you as a pvssy and it will lower your status. I know because it's been happening to me for years.

How did you guys learn to do that? I take the ball-busting more seriously coming from a guy than I would if a girl said the same exact thing. I think it's about the respect thing that Jitterbug mentioned, but I take it far too seriously.

For example, you playfully insult a girl, they laugh and usually roll over by calling you "mean" or whatever. Calling another guy "mean" is not an option for guys.

Essentially, I'm looking for specific ways to do that and get along better with guys. While handling girls is a part of life, so is learning to get along with guys. Maybe nobody else has this problem, but I doubt that. I think I take a lot of things way too seriously and that is a negative in dealing with guys and girls. I also think in the long run, it helps with girls, since you'll always have to deal with other guys trying to AMOG you and nab your girl.

Thanks for your input, guys.

 

[Teh_Wolf]

Man i started going to this youth group where i didnt really know anyone (this was just before my DJ days i.e. just before this time last year) i was quite and mostly didnt talk to anyone cept like two kids i didnt click with. then there was this dude i thought seemed pretty 'cool'. he was way more calm than the other guys, talked way less, and just had a pretty chill vibe and i had more respect for him than the other guys but i never really talked to him.

soon after i joined the youth a friend started teaching me about being a DJ.

last summer we went on this missions trip at myrtle beach and i kinda talked to the kid on the bus on the way down but not too much. we got there and we were kinda chillin on the beach before going to where we were gonna stay. i was standing next to the water and i looked back and saw him walking down and for no reason i started running at him to tacke him lol, i thought it might be fun. But i had a split second hesitation at the last second cuz i didnt know him and didnt know howd he take it and in my hesitation i failed to complete the takedown and he did some stuff and had me pinned lol (he has a wrestling background and i dont have any contact sports background).

anyways the whole point of that was after i tried to tackle him we started hangin out and now were always looking for that next adventure

P.S. I've also realised that the ballbusting is normal guy interaction, and also in order to avoid it on themselves they will often target the weakest link i.e. whoever gives the best reaction and everyone else jumps on the bandwagon

 

[Warrior74]

P.S. I've also realised that the ballbusting is normal guy interaction, and also in order to avoid it on themselves they will often target the weakest link i.e. whoever gives the best reaction and everyone else jumps on the bandwagon

Oh yah...my coworkers used to bust on me because I was quiet. One day I came out with a full assault and put the smack down with some serious smack talking. After that I was in. They knew I could handle my own. We talk smack all day at work. They are good guys and I consider them friends.

 

[willtmail]

Any concrete suggestions?

 

[Grizou]

I disagree with what one of the previous poster stated: a guy who hangs out only with girls all the time is by no means a natural, but rather more an AFC. I have been there too. Back in school I always had an easy time liaising with the girls from class etc and at first it felt kinda nice. But what I did not realize by that time, hanging around the chicks all the time means turning into some sort of a chick urself. Girls talk girl stuff, boys talk boy stuff. Guys thus are not supposed to chat with girls about their boy problems and their PMS crap. I am painting black and white of course.

In my opinion, a true natural has a circle of friends that consists to equal parts of men n women.

To the point of "how make guy friends?": First of all, don't keep up the girly talk (self-explanatory). Somebody described coolness in part of "not giving a ****", then again not caring at all would back fire too. On the one hand, confidence comes into play here as well. Witty insults are somehow like the male **** test. If you fail, you are out. Why is that? Because men same as women don't wanna be dragging the garbage along. We don't need someone with even more problems than ourselves to interfer in our circles. Failing the **** tests insinuates weakness. If you can stand initial **** tests, you are most likely to become friends with at least one of the guys. Then its again about group dynamics. U have proven yourself to one of them (even better if it is the perceived alpha male), the other guys might respect that too.
On the other hand, if you ignore the **** tests generally, going like "sure dude, whatever you say" (in a too serious manner, heads down, avoiding eye contact, basically showing fear), you are most likely to be burnt too. In my eyes, the best thing is to throw back the challenge by testing your opposite's own waters. You may certainly not insult him in a too serious way, be sensitive and cautious on what you aim. But give him a hard time categorizing you, when first meeting someone be mysterious about your weaknesses.

The more I write, the more I think liaising with other guys to become friends is nothing but another side of the game. The difference is: instead of maintaining a high level of interest for the purpose of sex, u gotta maintain the interest level for reasons of regular bonding. The final aim would then be trust and loyalty, when the "bros before hos"-rule sets in for good.

 

[The Deacon]

If you wanna make guy friends, take up some typical guy interests. If you want to make cool guy friends, you probably wanna play sports. If you want to make nerdy guy friends, take up D&D and World of Warcraft.

When you have a common interest with a guy, you two share some kind of bond as you do it. You gain camaraderie a lot quicker when you're playing on the same basketball team. Just make sure you don't suck at sports.

 

[tookind79]

well glad someone posted this cuz i have the same problems, getting more educated on things. I have tried picking up on things myself, i noticed a lot of guys are into sports, well as for me i could careless about sports muchless what's on t.v. I had started watching sports stats, and scores to give me something to talk about, which it worked. At the same time i end up losing interests in it, when i watch a ball game this is what i see, some steroid pumped gorgons chasing after a ball...lol. Games ya i noticed video games seems to be a really big guy thing, but it has to be something about killing, shooting, blowing up something. Someone had mentioned world of warcraft, fun great game, at the same time it's numbers something a typical guy doesn't wanna think about unless it has to do with work.

I find myself now trying to just make friends, be a guy or woman. I don't have much interests in anything except a few video games, checking out chicks and talking bout boobs, lol. I'm now trying to work on busting balls mainly at work considering that's the most part of my life aside from my woman, and her children.
I feel like i can't go to bars, if i do, i don't feel like i fit in with crowds, for one it's something in me that don't trust them. I see a lot of crowds having a good time, laughing it up, chicks, dudes or mixed groups. I want to be apart of a crowd, at the same time what do i say? How do i get in? I don't have a clue in the world...

 

[jumpoff jorge]

If you wanna make guy friends, take up some typical guy interests. If you want to make cool guy friends, you probably wanna play sports. If you want to make nerdy guy friends, take up D&D and World of Warcraft.

When you have a common interest with a guy, you two share some kind of bond as you do it. You gain camaraderie a lot quicker when you're playing on the same basketball team. Just make sure you don't suck at sports.

yupppppppppp

 

[King of Action]

It's real...I have always been closer to women than guys. This website made it worst with hanging out with other guys. Because of this website, it made me become more of a player (which I am not) to other guys and they seem more jealous.....And, I told these guys about this website to learn about women.

Thing is, I want to hang out with more guys, but they seem jealous. Sinjester got the best understanding about it all.