Being aloof vs. going for it

[Halo]

Tonight I went out with this chick for the second time. She's one of the hottest girls I have been out with, but I know you should treat them all the same. A few weeks passed between our dates, due to a variety of things, so in some respects it felt almost like another first date. We didn't kiss or anything, and I kino'd her very lightly. I don't know, I just didn't feel like I could do more without it coming across as "forced", so I opted for the more natural approach.

This is my dilemma. I was somewhat aloof, not on purpose, even though she is the best looking girl I have been out with in a long time. Aloofness is usually a good thing, but then so is taking the initiative and going for the kiss. I wonder if I messed up. What do you think is worse, acting aloof, or going for a kiss in a way that might end up being awkward? I think part of it is due to a conversation we had before. She was sort of joking about another guy she'd recently been out with a few times, and how he was already hinting at how he could "see how someone might fall in love with you", i.e. total AFC behavior. Maybe I compensated too much in the other direction? I don't know.

 

[1hepcat]

You're thinking about it too much. I had that problem at one point. First, you realize that you used to be AFC, so you try to fix that, but then you worry about being AFC, and in trying not to be, you think too much and screw it all up. What you should do is just be laid back and not think about how good looking she is. If you feel like going for the kiss, then do it! If you overanalyze, you are going the other way and once again being AFC.

 

[ulsterman]

If aloofness comes across as sterile asexuality, then you're sunk. If showing interest comes across as love-struck supplication, then you're sunk.

Learn how to be man enough to be a man at all times, and appropriate actions for most situations will flow therefrom. It's the tips section you need, and a long, measured study of the star-rated tips at that.

A quick review of your dilemma, to help in the meantime, would incline me to say an awkward kiss is a no-no, because if you haven't the confidence, it will end up being just that: awkward. And more, it will be embarrassing... but I'm not convinced you've done anything wrong, by what little you've said on this forum. Actually, it sounds like, while she was laughing at the other guy, she was suggesting to you that she was very much the kind of girl YOU might, or rather should, fall in love with. Women use props, remember? Read Pook's article on ********. And just don't ask her if that's what she meant!

Next time you're on a date with her, make sure you get within kissing distance of her, and gauge her reaction to your proximity. And I still think an "action date", even if it's only a walk on a beach, is the best kind for this.

Good luck!

 

[Halo]

Yeah, we went bowling. Usually I have good luck with this sort of action date, but the place was dead, so I didn't get quite the same effect. Usually I at least kiss them by the second date. I think my inaction with this one is due to a combination of factors: I moved too quickly with another girl recently, and I had in my mind this girl's comments about the other guy she had been going out with. It's almost like I wanted to make myself as tough to gauge as possible, in contrast to him. Overall it was still a good time. I'll probably give her a call next week. In the meantime I have another one lined up.

Consistently going out with multiple girls has helped me more than anything else. That's probably the most solid piece of advice that can be found among all the other good advice here.

 

[So pimp its scary]

This is not a debate!

You are aloof, indifferent, as you are going for it. You can act disinterested, but still progress things physically. You just need to follow your instincts... unless your still new, then you'll first need to develop your instincts.