Being a nerd

[joeEtata]

As far as my looks...I like my looks, especially now that I'm exercising and getting the type of body I want (the type of body I'm aiming for/always wanted is kind of like Luke Perry or David Duchovny's body...where they're toned, clearly work out, but aren't all Arnold about it.) I don't see anything wrong with my face..I can see why some people would think I was kind of goofy/nerdy/different or whatever...but I'm not ugly and don't think I am...have a full head of hair...I wear glasses but very stylish ones...etc., dress well.

It's just the social anxiety (which pills or practice can't really cure) that bugs me personally...because sometimes I'll be on a date or something, especially if it's a blind date or first date on an internet site or something...and it's like "What the hell is going on with me?"

In a show like Frasier it's funny...I mean David Hyde Pierce is funny and also a very good physical comedian...but it gets old. The good news is, the more I'm around a person, even a hot girl, I warm up to them and lose the excess nervousness.

 

[Fuglydude]

As far as my looks...I like my looks, especially now that I'm exercising and getting the type of body I want (the type of body I'm aiming for/always wanted is kind of like Luke Perry or David Duchovny's body...where they're toned, clearly work out, but aren't all Arnold about it.) I don't see anything wrong with my face..I can see why some people would think I was kind of goofy/nerdy/different or whatever...but I'm not ugly and don't think I am...have a full head of hair...I wear glasses but very stylish ones...etc., dress well.

It's just the social anxiety (which pills or practice can't really cure) that bugs me personally...because sometimes I'll be on a date or something, especially if it's a blind date or first date on an internet site or something...and it's like "What the hell is going on with me?"

In a show like Frasier it's funny...I mean David Hyde Pierce is funny and also a very good physical comedian...but it gets old. The good news is, the more I'm around a person, even a hot girl, I warm up to them and lose the excess nervousness.

Dude, I'm still gonna suggest you get jacked up... You don't have to be obsessive about it. I mean I work around 50 hours a week w/ a combo of day/night shifts, and still have time hang w/ my fiance and friends despite being a competitive bodybuilder. It'll be a bit different around comp time, but that'll only be for 12-16 weeks. I only work out 4 times a week about 1.5 hours each time... The trick is to have your diet and supplementation program down.

Do you know what its like to have a girl wanna sleep with you just because of how you're built? Have you ever had a whole group of bikini car wash girls blatantly stare at you as you walked past them in a tank top, or been approached my multiple women on the street/club? Trust me man, its a good feeling. Its like being an instant 8-9 in looks, and with your intelligence and game girls will be in line to drop their panties for you.

You're functionally turning the tables on them. Being in top shape instantly gives you social/sexual value in ANY social setting. IF you have a bit of game on top of that you can just play/sexually frustrate girls at your will... I'm not saying its something you should do, but its definitely nice to have that power. Having all the power in a relationship dynamic will likely abolish any and all anxiety that you do have.

Trust me man, the world is a MUCH MUCH different place when you're in elite shape. Guys like Perry and Duchovny simply aren't anything special physically, and if they weren't stars, they'd get chics based on their looks/game... NOT because of how they were built.

I know it seems like a simple solution, but why would you need to complicate something? Being in elite shape has so many other benefits in addition to getting girls. So why not do it for yourself. Its really not as hard as you think either... the main mistake that people make is neglecting diet. If you eat and supplement properly and train around 4 times a week, I'm confident that you'll have the kind of build that puts you in the top 5-10% of guys. Yeah, it'll take a couple of years, but I promise the results are worth it.

 

[joeEtata]

I'm not sure if I have the genetics to have a bodybuilder type of body. I am working out everyday (between going to the gym and lifting at home) and it would be nice to have that type of body but my main reason for working out is that it feels good...the burn from lifting weights and the rush and adrenaline from cardio and working the machines.

I'm not even sure how much sex I want. I'm mainly concerned with losing the v-card to demystify sex for my own sanity...just won't sleep with a warpig/UG/fattie or woman that I'm not at all attracted to.

My mind is just obsessed with the idea of sex more so than women or having a girlfriend or being a pimp. Girlfriends are just a waste of time and added drama (from my couple experiences) and I'm a laid back guy that likes time to himself. I just don't want to one day meet some UG that makes things really easy for me, next thing you know I have sex with her, get attached and have a ****ty existence and 2.5 kids.

 

[Fuglydude]

I'm not sure if I have the genetics to have a bodybuilder type of body. I am working out everyday (between going to the gym and lifting at home) and it would be nice to have that type of body but my main reason for working out is that it feels good...the burn from lifting weights and the rush and adrenaline from cardio and working the machines.

I'm not even sure how much sex I want. I'm mainly concerned with losing the v-card to demystify sex for my own sanity...just won't sleep with a warpig/UG/fattie or woman that I'm not at all attracted to.

My mind is just obsessed with the idea of sex more so than women or having a girlfriend or being a pimp. Girlfriends are just a waste of time and added drama (from my couple experiences) and I'm a laid back guy that likes time to himself. I just don't want to one day meet some UG that makes things really easy for me, next thing you know I have sex with her, get attached and have a ****ty existence and 2.5 kids.

I know I'll never be an IFBB pro, nor would I ever wanna be... However, I can assure you that you can achieve a physique well above anything you expect by simply doing the fundamentals proficiently. By fundamentals I mean great diet/supplementation coupled w/ a good weight/cardio regimen mixed w/ heavy compound work. That's pretty admirable that you train every day... I'm gonna have to do that come contest prep time, and to be quite frank, am totally dreading it. Endorphins are great though hey?

Sex is lots of fun man... I'm a bit of a horn dog and spend a good amount of time thinking about sex. I respect you for not wanting to lose your v-card to some ugly biatch. However, keep in mind that you'll have a much much easier time attracting a girl that you're attracted to if you're in great shape.

Sex can be pretty amazing if you have a great partner. I'm kind of a sick phuck, and so is my fiance, so I enjoy doing lotsa perverted **** to her. Remember though, sex is a fundamental biological process, and is nothing really more... don't let it hold such a mystical status in your mind. The more you demystify it the easier it'll come (no pun intended ).

 

[Fuglydude]

I'm not sure if I have the genetics to have a bodybuilder type of body. I am working out everyday (between going to the gym and lifting at home) and it would be nice to have that type of body but my main reason for working out is that it feels good...the burn from lifting weights and the rush and adrenaline from cardio and working the machines.

I'm not even sure how much sex I want. I'm mainly concerned with losing the v-card to demystify sex for my own sanity...just won't sleep with a warpig/UG/fattie or woman that I'm not at all attracted to.

My mind is just obsessed with the idea of sex more so than women or having a girlfriend or being a pimp. Girlfriends are just a waste of time and added drama (from my couple experiences) and I'm a laid back guy that likes time to himself. I just don't want to one day meet some UG that makes things really easy for me, next thing you know I have sex with her, get attached and have a ****ty existence and 2.5 kids.

I know I'll never be an IFBB pro, nor would I ever wanna be... However, I can assure you that you can achieve a physique well above anything you expect by simply doing the fundamentals proficiently. By fundamentals I mean great diet/supplementation coupled w/ a good weight/cardio regimen mixed w/ heavy compound work. That's pretty admirable that you train every day... I'm gonna have to do that come contest prep time, and to be quite frank, am totally dreading it. Endorphins are great though hey?

Sex is lots of fun man... I'm a bit of a horn dog and spend a good amount of time thinking about sex. I respect you for not wanting to lose your v-card to some ugly biatch. However, keep in mind that you'll have a much much easier time attracting a girl that you're attracted to if you're in great shape.

Sex can be pretty amazing if you have a great partner. I'm kind of a sick phuck, and so is my fiance, so I enjoy doing lotsa perverted **** to her. Remember though, sex is a fundamental biological process, and is nothing really more... don't let it hold such a mystical status in your mind. The more you demystify it the easier it'll come (no pun intended ).

 

[Mr. Fantastic]

Sigh...

"If you're a nerd...a real nerd...not a hot topic shopping, hipster nerd...naturally awkward, figity etc...are you pretty much screwed with young women?"

No but you need to stop worrying about being with young women. You need to put the focus on yourself and yourself only. You need to look into your mind and find out why you are "naturally awkward" and "figity" (I don't believe in this. I was once "naturally awkward". It just turned out I had no socializing skills) Once you find out the root of these problems eradicate them with a laser. If you don't have one then try to find solutions. Like with "natural awkwardness" (which is just having no social skills) go out and talk to people and develop skills. It ain't hard son... It's just a matter of how much you want it.

Plenty of guys in their 30s end up dating/marrying an attractive woman, even without money involved, because the women are more mature and just looking for someone to raise a family with and sick of the guys that cheat and beat on them...

HA! You actually made me laugh there. Women don't settle down with some AFC because they are mature. They settle with it (don't call an AFC a man EVER!) because they couldn't tame a real man and figured they might as well settle and be unhappily married than unhappily single (heck it is probably a multitude of reasons other than maturity. Women mature? Ha! that is a good 'un). Women aren't goddesses. They are human just like you and me. You give them too much credit...

but in your 20s...at least with women who aren't nerds/artsy and the like themselves (and they're hard to find at least in nowhere USA) are you pretty much screwed?

Once again stop caring about what women want...

I saw a waitress that wouldn't rate above a 5 or 6 to anyone on this forum laughing at me and I wasn't sitting weird or wearing weird clothes and I'm not ugly...and this kind of thing happens a lot with me. I've dated cute/hot women, but they were either nerds themselves/non judgmental/psychology/sociology majors etc...(which isn't a bad thing at all...just hard to find)...so I'm just wondering if I should just admit defeat?

What kind of Don Juan attitude is that? Never admit defeat! You are the king! Once again stop trying to please women. You are starting to make me sick...

I work out, not for women, for myself, have put on muscle...but that doesn't make a difference. I have a nerdy face (not ugly but kind of Bob Sagetish) and look much younger than I am.

It sounds like you put on muscle for women (hence the whole "but that doesn't make a difference" thing). Truly do something without trying to please others (especially women) and you'll be surprised by what you can do and how joyful you will be.

I have hobbies etc. But I can't just stop thinking about wanting sex with women and am too young to meet/go for attractive older women.

Well you need to stop thinking about it. If not it WILL ruin your life... Ask yourself "why" do I want these things and talk it out with yourself. You'll find that you don't actually want it as much as you thought you do. Sex from an attractive woman isn't the pinnacle of male existence. More than anything you'll find that you don't want it for your sole pleasure but to impress others. Stop thinking with this infectious thinking and start focusing on yourself.


I believe Pook put it best: Narcissism is the denial of the self

 

[joeEtata]

I really don't want it to impress others. I have no one to impress. The only people I'm really close with (by choice) is my family. I have friends but not a consistent social circle...just people I get together with in the good weather to play football, and a few people I get together with a few times a year to catch up.

I want it for me. I also wouldn't date/do a woman that was hot to others just because she was hot to others. I'd take a less attractive woman that was my type over someone that's show off material but isn't my type.

About the muscles, I'd be lying if I said a secondary purpose wasn't to look better for others...but if someone from the future told me that working out/exercising would lead to zero women...or at least no women I wouldn't have got already beforehand...I'd still do it for the hobby/endorphin release.

And pretty much I'll do any woman that would rank a hypothetical "6" by my standards. I'm in no way holding out for Ms. Dream Girl. Just no UGs/fatties/warpigs or women that would not get me off whatsoever.

 

[FairShake]

Joe, have you tried online dating? PLENTY of shy and sweet (read: Nerdy) girls there.

And if there aren't many smart, artsy, nerdy women living where you live I imagine you don't live in an economically and/or artistically dynamic place...why not move to one? Not only would the poonage be more to your liking but the job market and lifestyle might be too...

 

[joeEtata]

I met the second girl I dated on okcupid...cute, nerdy, great sense of humor...I mean it was scary how much we clicked...but she had a 2 year old, was separated (only 24 too), and the most important thing was, she wasn't making time for me...it didn't even feel like I was dating someone...also she seemed to be very sexually repressed...so I ended it.

The online dating...I don't want to get into too much detail...but let's say I've been kicked off pof in the past for begging women to meet/arguing with women (women that in real life I probably wouldn't even notice or care about) and on a few occasions came close to meeting warpigs for a hookup.

What's funny is that since I got the gym membership, the gym has pretty much replaced the online dating obsession and I haven't been on them whatsoever.

The location is definitely an issue, but I don't want to use it as an excuse because if I wanted it bad enough, I'd find ways to meet women. It's not like I'm living in the desert. The town I live in is pretty much black/cape verdean dominated but there are plenty of surrounding towns and things going on, I just need to find them.

It's funny though, when i was in Virginia Beach last summer, just for a week, I met/talked to more women than I would in months locally...much better looking too. So a lot of it is location (coupled with the fact that I'm not a bar/club person and don't have a big social circle)...but I want to rise above that and find a way to meet women.

The women I tend to like in particular are what most guys would consider attractive but plain janes...Julianne Moore...Roz/Daphnee from Frasier/Rachel Weisz type of women.

So it's frustrating yet encouraging at the same time that the type of woman I want is getable and would also like me back. Even the more hot type of women I like aren't the super model/club hot types...they're more garden variety 8s.

 

[sodbuster]

Alot depends on how much you weigh and your self confidence. My 17 yr old son is 6'2",about 240 or so. He's dated plenty of girls,and only asked 1 out...the rest ask him. Qualified for the state track meet in shot put last year,top 1% in school. NERDY sense of humor,plays the games,etc. He will wear a $3 Menards t-shirt out...if he's asked about it? He'll answer "why are you asking about MY nards?" Confidence kills'em.

I've said it before,if a woman isn't smart enough to know what I am and will be,she isn't smart enough to be the mother of my children[that was my attitude when I was 17, it didn't get better... I have my kids,what do I need you for? is more like it now] That needs to be your attitude. Now that I'm in my 50's,the fat cows who used to be cute are sending their daughters my way,but they are mostly as dumb as their mothers