Beginner seeking help!

[puppysteps]

Hey everyone,

Growing up I’ve always had a more introverted/shy personality and never been in a relationship with a girl. Here is my situation and would be grateful for any helpful insight you can provide me.

I met this women a few years ago in a recreational group. She came with her bf at the time and we were introduced by the group organizer. It wasn’t until a few gatherings later that we actually talked to each other when she called me over to her small group to ask for some tips on playing since I was one of the better players and her group was still learning. From then on, we started playing within that small group that summer if we saw each other in the gatherings. I didn’t think much of her at the time because she had a bf but I did notice that she really had a cute and cheerful personality about her that really stood out. We we’re just acquaintances at that point and never hung out or talked outside of the group gatherings.

A year went by where she didn’t attend any group gatherings. It wasn’t until the latter portion of the following summer where I saw her again at another gathering. This time she came by herself. Members come and go but even after a year she still remembered me and greeted me with a happy wave.
We didn’t talk too much while playing that day but chatted here and there with the group when we went for coffee after playing. She also met a new lady from the group that day and they were chatting it up about relationships/family/guys. I was listening in on the convo and managed to crack a few jokes within the flow of the convo to make them laugh. She responded by saying “you really know how to say things to make a girl smile”. That’s really far from the truth but I do have my moments of joking around in a “friendly” way depending on the convo. This was when I started having some feelings for her.

A few gatherings passed where I started noticing that she was coming by herself. Over time, I’ve found out indirectly through random conversations that she is single. One day after playing, she came and asked for my ph#. Knowing how shy I was, I did not ask for her ph#. We hung out with the group for dinner that day and the group was discussing end of the year parties and winter plans to play in smaller groups. As we were about to leave I asked her if she was going to play in the winter and she responded by saying “if you invite me” with a smile.

As the end of the year party was coming up, she texted me out of the blue (that’s how I got her ph#) to ask me if I was going to the party and what I was going to bring. The night of the party I came a bit earlier and that same lady who she was talking about relationship/family/guys with back at the coffee shop that time said hi to me and then whispered to me “to talk to her” more when she came. Not sure if it was a vibe that she sensed between us or maybe they chatted about on their own time. She ended up not coming that night as she got off work late.

Fast forward to winter where I asked her to join a much smaller group of mine to play once a week. Afterwards we’d usually go together to eat somewhere as a group (smaller than the usual big group). There were a few times where we ate alone after playing but there was lack of conversation outside of the usual “what you have been up to” or “friendly” convos you’d have with friends.

After a few times of eating alone with her, I finally got the courage to ask her to go out and do something outside of the group. At first she declined the first few times. I was thinking of giving up at that point but we still kept in touch thru texts and she seemed pretty cheerful in the text convos. One day I mentioned I went somewhere for a day and her response was “you should have asked me to come”. After that I asked her to go out a few times recently and she said yes.

Don’t want to drag this on too long but I think you get enough of the picture to give advice…

My friends think she likes me but I seem to think she sees me as a friend. She has a natural cheerful, friendly, good girl personality.

She once mentioned that she was looking for someone her age to settle down with. She is a few years older than me and has a more successful career/financial situation.

My concern is even in our outings or texts, a lot of the convos are too boring “how was your week?” or just convos you’d have with friends with a few jokes mixed in here. It’s too friendly and doesn’t seem to create any attraction or interest beyond friends which leads to silent moments at times when we are hanging out. She seemed a bit bored towards our last hangout and I feel if I don’t change this, I may lose any potential interest from her if any in the first place.

People have been telling me to be myself, relax and don’t over think. I’m just introverted and even for me to go through this thus far is a big step already. At the end I am just a boring guy who doesn’t have a flirty/teasy personality or know what to talk to girls about even if I’m relaxed.

How do I get her to see beyond friends or even be intimate around her?
Eg: hugging, holding her hand without feeling ackward and more natural since we’ve never done any of that before.

I’ve read somewhere that telling her how you feel is not good and gives away your power and looks needy. Some people say just go by actions and don’t tell her and over time you’d be in a relationship if it’s meant to be.

What do people do to finally confirm they are in a relationship?

Also any date ideas would be great. I’m clueless when it comes to going out on fun and economical dates.

 

[Deep Dish]

Don’t want to drag this on too long but I think you get enough of the picture to give advice…

My friends think she likes me but I seem to think she sees me as a friend. She has a natural cheerful, friendly, good girl personality.

She once mentioned that she was looking for someone her age to settle down with. She is a few years older than me and has a more successful career/financial situation.

What’s her age? Here’s a cheat sheet for game:

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2010/08/12/the-difficulty-of-gaming-women-by-age-bracket/

Please note the caveat of “The following observations apply to established adult men, post college years. Younger men still in college will find their success rate with women of various ages, particularly older women (aka cougars), highly variable. The rules for them will be different than the rules for older men.”

Now, as for your situation, via Roissy:

Don’t let yourself get into a scenario where friendzoning is possible.

You should be flirting all the time and dropping bits of sexual innuendo. Let a girl know, through subtle cues, that you are a sexual creature right up front. This is what successful players mean by “make your intentions known”. They don’t mean “go up to a chick and tell her you love her body and want to spill your sin all over it”. (Well, sometimes that works.) They mean that you should be innocuously flirting, with plausible deniability, sooner rather than later, so that her subconscious registers you as an alpha male not to be trifled with nor cavalierly tossed into the LJBF discount bin.

If, however, you do find yourself in the friend zone, the way out of it is… drum roll please… scarcity.

Disappear. Vamoose. Deprive her of the happy nonsexual emotional support she’s come to expect from you.

It’s a bit more complicated that that, but that’s the gist of the “LJBF2Lover” program. In detail, it would look like this:

1. Knock her out of her comfort zone with a surprise flirtatious vibe. Don’t overextend this. Too much shock to her system will drive her into a cocoon. You want to give her a small buzz, not an electric storm that immediately activates her anti-beta male, egg-preserving bïtch shield.

2. After your flirty expectation sabotage, promptly pull back into beta orbiter mode as if nothing unusual happened. Your goal is to strike a hot iron at the girl’s subconscious without alerting her conscious awake state. If she calls you out on your flirt, act like she’s weird for bringing it up. “I hope you don’t get the wrong idea” is a great line to drop at that moment.

3. Leave her on a good (i.e. congruent) note. But leave her for at least two weeks. During the interim, if your LJBF is strong, she will attempt to contact you asking why, as a friend, you’ve been incommunicado. Again, chastise her for being needy, and tell her you’ve been busy. Do not explain yourself beyond that.

4. Meet her again. Repeat the above three steps, with the exception that you will amp up the intensity and frequency of your sexual, aloof vibe each new time you hang out with her. You are in the process of acclimating her to your new, sexual self.

5. You can speed up the process by actively flirting with other girls in her field of view. Jealousy is the most powerful hacksaw against the chains of the friendzone.

6. When enough time has passed, and your shift from asexual lump to ****y bastard is almost complete, drop the following line on her (with brow deviously furrowed in deep, phony concern): “You’ve been flirting like crazy. I think we should be apart for a while so we don’t risk our friendship.” Wham. Game dynamite with the fuse attached right to her hamster’s anus. You’ve implied she’s falling for you, you’ve disqualified yourself by insisting that you need time away from her, and you’ve flipped the script so that any further interaction would require some amount of chasing by her.

7. If she agrees with you, admit defeat (to yourself) and move on. The LJBF was too powerful to overcome. If you have made an impact on her perception of you, her attitude will be different. She will act confused, half-heartedly agreeing only as a default response with nothing better to say, or disagreeing in mild protest. “Nooo, I’m not flirting with you.” (The very act of verbalizing this will put her in a chaser frame of mind.) Or: “Nooo, we can still be friends.” Either way, insist that you’re right to spend time apart until “the heat cools off”. But if she can “control herself around you”, you might be OK with hanging with her some more.

8. Segue like a diabetic tourist. Forcefully move the conversation away from the drama that just went down. Act like she’s a girl you just met. Gauge for positive reception. If she attempts to pull you back into a friendship frame, the attitude you want to avoid is sounding resentful. She’s testing you for congruency with your new identity. A funny quip like “Oh, man, it’s just not the same anymore. I already miss the old you” should do the trick to pass her test. Again, hit on another girl in front of her. Leave prematurely.

9. At some point you’ll have to make a bold move for her vagina. This is when verbal game stops and physical game revs into high gear. A lot of recovering betas make the mistake of letting the attraction and comfort phase of pickup drag on too long, for fear of losing the good feelings they are engendering in the woman to a sloppy bedroom move. “You’ve never seen this part of my life” is a great line to use on a former LJBF to persuade her to come to your place. It ignites a sense of wonder in her that she will presume is missing with a man she (thinks she) knows very well.

10. Does the above sound like a lot of work? You’re right, it is! Accept the challenge of converting an LJBF for its own sake, but if lay efficiency is your goal, you’d be better off pawning that girl buddy into social circle game with her hot, and relatively unfamiliar, friends.

http://heartiste.wordpress.com/2012/06/14/how-do-i-get-out-of-the-friend-zone/

 

[Olivia]

Tell her you find her attractive and you want to fvuck her to bold. Only if you do want to fvck her.

Sometimes.. especially newers to game are very interested in only "dating and being official", finding the soul mate, the only one, which is absolutely normal by social conditioning. But you should always focus on something higher than your goal. If you want to be official, focus on pvssy, the official will come by, without any effort. If you want pvssy, focus on something ever higher, like, **** buddies, and if you want **** buddies, focus on sluts, and if you want sluts, focus on your money to buy them, and so on.. untill it comes back into if you no longer want pvssy: tired of them and you want a meaningful relationship, then focus on the girl, back into the start of the game but with better ground, better experience how the different dimensional of woman works. Experience is the key. You cannot get anything you want just like that, you gotta experience and see it for yourself.

After the phase where you are no longer interested in casual sex, you will seek for something higher, higher dimensional like love, meaningful, then you can make sex a scared experience, then it is no longer just sex. It will be a communion, with your beloved one, rather than just using the other to release your tension, your semen and fill your ego, you will have sex as just a play, there is no need for sex, but if you guys one day get close and feel like having sex, then you have, it will be only a play, a sharing, a sacred experience. Then you can add beautiful flowers, fragments, candles to make it even more beautiful and you can try in beautiful houses, big houses or in an open island - This I call a scared experience.

But only when you are ready. You can be ready now, if you are intelligent and see that there is no point in any casual sex, it is just stupid, waste of time and effort, meaningless where u simply use the other to release your tension and have an ego filling. You can release your tension alone, without any effort and struggle! Without any money spent. That would be way better, time consuming.

So, when you are ready to have a meaningful relationship, a beautiful experience with the beloved lover, a mutual commitment. Then go higher, otherwise stay in the low position where these gamers are. They are simply interested in using the woman to release their tension and to have an ego fullfillment. It is very meaningless..

And I tell you something, when you go into the higher level of lifes like love, poetry, art, it is the most beautiful thing in the whole world. You will not feel like having sex at all. All your sexual energy will go into beautiful things like art, creative - be creative to this beautiful Mother Earth! Create something for her.

Sex is very low. Animals do that all the time. Even mosquitos do that! It is nothing special. As human beings you have to learn to love, to do art and poetry, music. That is what separate human beings from animals. We can love a person so deeply that we will be absolutely in bliss. Animals never know joy, they never know how to laugh. The so called ghetto people in the darker dimensional contines are very interested in sex, they get very much sex. But that is only so. And they think that sex is something great. Now they are no any different from animals. If you go to the east, where sex has almost dropped, there you find alot of beautiful human being qualities. In the east, they know very much poetry and art. In fact, the worlds best poetries and arts are born there.

So, if you find it hard to move deeply into love and you are still very much interested in casual sex, then you should do that, focus on casual sex, but remember that it is just only a ordinary casual sex where you release your tension and get an ego fullfilment. Remember that! I am not for repressing anything. If you feel like that is the way, then do it. Everyone has their own ways. And if you feel like there is something much more than just casual sex, then you should find out about it too. It will be beautiful.

Kissing will be art, touching will be art, moving will be art, anything you talk will be art. Your life will be a poetry, an art. You will simply live a life of beautiful bliss. That is, only when you have moved higher into love, beyond casual sex. And game is good place to start, otherwise you might simply get stuck into the soulmate part! And that is the lowest. There is no soulmate. We are not made for eachother, we are made for everyone. There is no specific thing made just for you, if it fits with you, it will fit with everyone else. You are no different than anybody else. Every human being is deep down same, made of same structures. The only difference is dimensional. Some people are stuck their whole life in the soulmate phase, where they think they are not complete and they have to find their mate to be complete. And then there are those gamers who have gone past that step. They now think that they are complete but only sex is missing. Without sex they cannot be real men - A stupid need to fullfill their ego as a man. And then there is the third which I talked about. Where you are complete just as you are. You do not need anything else to be complete. Your life becomes a bliss a beautiful phenomenon, where you simply are art. There is not a single thing missing in your life anymore. That is what they call an awakened one. An enlightened one.

 

[NewAndImproved]

She definitely liked you at one point but this thing has dragged on too long. Relationships need to grow and progress. You've been stuck in the same ol for at least a year without a single PHYSICAL ACTION on your part. No kissing. No sex. No nothing. You're in an imaginary relationship, not a real one. You're in a situation where your ego is safe from rejection but you're not getting anything real or substantive... You're certainly not growing or pushing your boundaries. I'm being honest and blunt here because I've been there in the past.

As for what to do now, I dunno. Some will tell you to go out with her, make a move (despite the lack of context) and then you'll have your answer. I think this is better than the other route, which is to verbally convey your feelings. At the end of the day, though, you do need to move forward and if it doesn't go the way you want, move on.

Imaginary relationships --they're a waste of time and energy.

 

[puppysteps]

Thanks for the input everyone. She's approaching her mid 30's. My own dilemma is not that I don't want to make a move but more like I don't know how to make a natural move without making things look ackward.

I'm already a shy and introverted person but I've tried hard to overcome that by being more like myself like how I am around my close friends so she can see my true personality. However overall, I'm a pretty boring person and the conversations we have sometimes are more like what you'd talk about with friends trying to catch up on what's going on in life. I just don't sense she is seeing me beyond friends if I continue this trend. I am not a great conversational person.

My question is how do I keep a conversation flowing in an interesting way with girls and what can I talk about or do to create attraction so that she can see me as a potential person she'd wan't to be in a relationship with?

People tell me not to convey my feelings to her so how do I make a move without doing so?

I don't know how to initiate hugs, kisses, hold hands or any physical contact naturally without making the situation feel ackward. Fyi, I've never done any of that with her yet. I don't know what steps people take to get into a relationship with a girl.

Also what are great places to take a girl out to or things to do with them? She is a really down to earth good girl and not your wild party type girl.

Any advice, personal experience to share or resources to read that you feel could help me would be great. I thank everyone for their patience as I am a complete beginner.

 

[puppysteps]

Any suggestions to my previous post?

 

[hockeyfreak79]

Start reading the DJ Bible, it's full of articles that will help you tremendously! TONS of stuff, read it all man.

 

[Dalshtröm]

Olivia pretty much said it all, read it more carefully and with more love.