Been thinking about our, now, Women who are bread-winners lately

[Poonani Maker]

I've just been thinking about the old way of life and the, now, new the way things are..How, whether, I would Want the old way as opposed to the new..

I think about my Very traditional, Very old school, grandfather (passed away last year at 89), on my father's side, how he managed, quite easily as it was the rule of the day, to have my grandmother (still barely hanging on to life over a year from my Papa's passing) do the chores/housework (Always in the small kitchen with one window over the sink) ALL the days of their lives since marriage at 22. She only had secretarial jobs, briefly, early on in her life. Her brother was a doctor, very smart people on her side of the fam.

My Papa loved her for certain 65+ years of marriage, Even Though she was...just a housewife. That was how it was Donnnne back then. That's just normal living for most. He didn't think anything less of her for not "making" something of herself" and going out and slayin dragons. In fact, I believe, that if she had've, IF she had done that very thing...to excel in a career, what not, my Papa probably would have been less attracted to her, AND their marriage probably would not have went as smoothly as it did for them 65+ years, like a cruise ship, of which they did plenty of in their later years. Smiling and being happy was not a "show" to the world/onlookers by them. It was genuine. It wasn't 2 men slaying dragons in the same marriage, but a real man and a real woman playing their roles (he hunted, fished, made all the money for the household/pension, she stayed home the entire time - mucho free time beyond the chores/getting her hair done).

Then I think about modern woman, here today. I'm talkin 80%+ of them. It's flipped now. Back then 90%+ of them were H-o-m-e-m-a-k-e-r-s. Woman today, will I love/respect/value/feel better about her More if she's excelling at bread-winning? in lieu of homemaking? Would I value my supposed wife, such as say to other families, neighbors, etc, "look at my wife...she's so successful" "look at how smart my wife is" "I picked a good one" "That makes me 'look good'" to others, that she is not just a dumb housewife, not run-of-the-mill like 90% of them were in the olden days. And they didn't know no better then, because that was just how it was.

Now, I believe, women, feel, that if they stay at home in marriage (or out of marriage for that matter), they're somehow "dumb" or "clueless" in the eyes of others, their spouse even. Thus less valued, or thought of as "not on the ball" or "not in the know" as if her husband will always have the one-up on her in their marriage causin' she's anot out slayin' dragons! her mind is not sharpened by the fight! for bread that Every man must go through as a part of His identity. That Role Hasn't changed (if a man's gonna be a man).

So now it's gonna be, let's see, women thinking less of Men in the marriage (the partnership) for many millenium from this point on. So now it's gonna be the Man who isn't razor sharp in mind from experiencing real world scenarios, while the women sees everything around every corner For him, him so helpless. Will this be sustained? Will this shift evolve the man in the relationship into the can't fend for himself fantasy world at home, the homemaker now? Is she (woman in general) Really THAT wise, on the whole, to the world now? After a few decades? by gosh, these women have broken out of their chains! in which men have enslaved them in for sooo long!

I mean, they, if it hadn't been for Men, would have set sail across the planet to brave a new world. You know they would've! Even though with their monthly friend for months on the high seas, mind over matter right? Getter done ladies. Would they have gotten the Initiative to set sail? Why? What for? Their men were giving them everything they'd needed then, right? Why would they ever think to leave the old world for the new?

 

[Slickster]

You have painted two very opposite pictures there. It's a very polar way of thinking and that is when problems arise. The reality will be somewhere in between. Now is that really so bad?

I don't mind my wife working and I don't mind helping maintain the household. We are going thru life and we both have dreams and aspirations we will work at together. If you can't accept a situation like that then don't get married.

If you can find an old school woman who is happy to stay home and you are both happy that is great too.

Things changed for a reason. Good, bad, whatever, it happened. Your opinion of how things used to be really makes no difference. It's how you play the situation you have in front of you that matters.

Complaining about it is about as useful as the old fart who whines "Back in my day......." It's sad and a waste of precious life.


When you read the responses that follow ask yourself how many of these guys will die as grumpy old farts and how many will die happy like your grandparents? How would your grandparents want you to spend your days? Grumpy or happy?

Live your best life. Always.

 

[LiveFreeX]

This is still the case in many traditional Chinese households and women are happy to stay at home and be women. Mine is semi working as a cook in a restaurant learning to cook new meals and spends the rest of her time at home knitting scarves and sweaters. Some jobs I don't disagree with (Cook/Nurse) anything that makes her a better homemaker and teaches skills she can use at home. Other than that, I think you're on the money. If you want to meet these kinds of girls, you gotta come over here as they don't exist in the west anymore.... unless you want a mennonite woman.

@Slickster: Things changed for feminism (depopulation), thats why things are so fvcked up for north america now. Complaining about it is useless, do something about it, only date quality women and only marry women who are quality. If you want good quality at a low price, come out to China.

 

[FairShake]

Personally I like a woman with not only a job but also a career. A housewife who stays at home and knows nothing but kids and cooking is boring to me. That would be a trap for her and myself. So no, I prefer somebody who is exposed to life and improves themselves and constantly is learning and showing me new things. I think THAT'S a better quality of life now ESPECIALLY since our society is so much more open than our grandparents' days.

Also, you must come from a different section of town than I do. Where I come from if women aren't working, then NOBODY is working. Guys here get caught up in drug dealing as young men and living off women (their mothers, sisters, GRANDmothers, and girlfriends) as older men. I think the manosphere idea of only men working is colored by a white, suburban, sheltered worldview. The world is a big place and what applies in the best off situations doesn't apply everywhere.

 

[AlNess]

I agree with Slickster and FairShake. I would not want my wife just staying home and devoting her life to "homemaking," no matter how much money I made. Wanting to pursue higher education and a career is not a "feminist" thing; it's a personal, human thing.

I come from an immigrant family in which EVERYONE worked, even decades ago. In today's horrid economy, the housewife is more of a relic than ever before. Most households today require two incomes.

Also, there's always the risk of the housewife getting bored, which is more dangerous than ever in this day and age. No husband wants his housewife perusing Adult Friend Finder when she's caught up with housework.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I agree with Slickster and FairShake. I would not want my wife just staying home and devoting her life to "homemaking," no matter how much money I made. Wanting to pursue higher education and a career is not a "feminist" thing; it's a personal, human thing.

I come from an immigrant family in which EVERYONE worked, even decades ago. In today's horrid economy, the housewife is more of a relic than ever before. Most households today require two incomes.

Also, there's always the risk of the housewife getting bored, which is more dangerous than ever in this day and age. No husband wants his housewife perusing Adult Friend Finder when she's caught up with housework.

What is your..ethnicity? Mine immigrated in the early 1700s. We were already here when the Constitution was adopted. It wasn't till up until the 60s when the debt-based economy started kickin into full force, thus only requiring families to put down 40% on a house as opposed to 80-90%, thus "trapping" people in their jobs making them inflexible to change jobs or move when the job became not like it used to be (overworked, underpaid, loss of benefits, pension). If a husband and wife team Truly wanted to map out a traditional marriage, then they could live on just the man of the household, If they lived well within their means like my grandparents (savers from the Great Depression) did. There was no trapping yourself in jobs to pay in the future for a lux car (BMW) that the wife wanted that the husband could not afford right now. She'd get that sh!t at 60s years old to drive around in and not at 20. My grandfather didn't buy my grandmother (at 90, probably won't live out the rest of the year, 2013) the Cadillac until she was in her late 50s. My Other grandfather wouldn't even think to buy his wife a lux car Even when they could well-afford it. He, on the other hand, wouldn't even buy clothes for himself (would buy the absolute cheapest and would wear the same shirts/pants for decades). The Great Depression made a huge impression on him, one of the oldest of 12 brothers and sisters on a farm with no electricity, bathroom, etc.

I'm sure the housewives then led very slow, boring existences, but you can see that most movie stars back then went through multiple marriages, not so "boring"...

I believe that a working wife opens up a whole new can of worms, more than any Adult Friend Finder could, even today.

 

[Who Dares Win]

The problem is not the "working woman", the problem is the conseguences which comes from it according to her path.

A girl which works part time in an NGO which thinks she is saving the world from capitalists tyrants and sexist men is gonna be a pain in the ass to deal with, even if has very low power and a low income.

A girl which works as a teacher who thinks she is smarter than others and is used to have power over people which cannot rebel (kids) is gonna be a pain in the ass as well too despite her low income, while it will be impossible to make her even "think" that she could be wrong...after all she is educated, right?

Now imagine a girl which works as an animal doctor which gets a load of money yet her job consists on healing creatures which cannot complain or point their problems nor have interest to get rich by faking diseases.
I believe that this last girl despite the highter income would be much more pleasable to deal than the others.

The point is not her income, the problem is those women which jobs push their ego and self-esteem way above their real value while not punishing them anytime they do something wrong.

A lawyer as a wife? do you really want someone who gets paid to argue while using any prossible trick in laws? someone who gets plenty of money and no matter is something is right or wrong ,its still gonna be her way?

I believe the problem is not the work itself,its the job which deprive a woman of her femininity and nurturing abilities, anyway a woman which accept some feminist propaganda anyway means that she is already partially rotten.

 

[Poonani Maker]

Now imagine a girl which works as an animal doctor which gets a load of money yet her job consists on healing creatures which cannot complain or point their problems nor have interest to get rich by faking diseases.
I believe that this last girl despite the highter income would be much more pleasable to deal than the others.

Interesting. I do have one on my line who's in that field, that I really like, younger than me. Another who operates on dem animals asked me out to a wine tasting event a couple of years ago. I turned her down cause I had other plans. She's decent but older and more feminist-minded - you know, you can just sense it, that while at the time she was somewhat desperate for me, if we'd ever get in to a relationship, she'd be trouble in that I could sense that she was real Ruly, that she'd want to tell me what to do at every turn, she'd want to control...I could just sense it in her tone, her body movement/nature before me talking. The other girl, on the other hand, was/is sweet and No Ring on left hand, and I like her last name (had a friend growing up in HS with that last name, good-natured), I'd consider long-term. Yeah, vets, I've never really thought of honing in on a specific field of woman like that. I've had lawyer women juice me up to get me to ask them out, but I instinctively knew that wouldn't last and it didn't. You just know, you know? Being out and about at all times in your life is very important for finding the right fit in woman for you! especially in this day and age when marriage is just a piece of paper to get your remaining paper stowed up as it turns south, probably, eventually.

 

[AlNess]

What is your..ethnicity? Mine immigrated in the early 1700s. We were already here when the Constitution was adopted. It wasn't till up until the 60s when the debt-based economy started kickin into full force, thus only requiring families to put down 40% on a house as opposed to 80-90%, thus "trapping" people in their jobs making them inflexible to change jobs or move when the job became not like it used to be (overworked, underpaid, loss of benefits, pension). If a husband and wife team Truly wanted to map out a traditional marriage, then they could live on just the man of the household, If they lived well within their means like my grandparents (savers from the Great Depression) did. There was no trapping yourself in jobs to pay in the future for a lux car (BMW) that the wife wanted that the husband could not afford right now. She'd get that sh!t at 60s years old to drive around in and not at 20. My grandfather didn't buy my grandmother (at 90, probably won't live out the rest of the year, 2013) the Cadillac until she was in her late 50s. My Other grandfather wouldn't even think to buy his wife a lux car Even when they could well-afford it. He, on the other hand, wouldn't even buy clothes for himself (would buy the absolute cheapest and would wear the same shirts/pants for decades). The Great Depression made a huge impression on him, one of the oldest of 12 brothers and sisters on a farm with no electricity, bathroom, etc.

I'm sure the housewives then led very slow, boring existences, but you can see that most movie stars back then went through multiple marriages, not so "boring"...

I believe that a working wife opens up a whole new can of worms, more than any Adult Friend Finder could, even today.

My family came to NY from Cuba in 1959. Male or female, there was no choice but to work hard with no excuses. At the same time, though, they still held on to traditional gender roles, to which they still adhere.

A working wife opens up a can of worms today only if the wife's values are not in line (ie. being too career-driven and materialistic, too feminist, and not family-oriented enough).

I would feel chump-like if I was the only working adult in the household and a non-working adult in my household was spending my money. I'd expect that to create an entitlement mentality.

 

[Poonani Maker]

I would feel chump-like if I was the only working adult in the household and a non-working adult in my household was spending my money. I'd expect that to create an entitlement mentality.

Well, in My family (not my parents, but older gens), the wife, no matter what, had to ask permission to buy Anything. I remember my grandmother frequently asking my Papa to take her somewhere. He'd rather stay at home but later in retirement, he caved and caved and caved and they went on more and more cruises each and every year. Oh and she begged and begged not being able to "entertain" in their "too small" house of 30+ years. I had good memories in that house watching superbowl, thanksgivings , christmas, playing pickup football in their yard, 4-wheelers, 3-wheelers, the green-painted breezeway with flimsy, but stiff, storm doors that scratched against the patio as you opened it. I didn't want them to move. He resisted for years, finally buying her a newer not much bigger home. I believe that that kowtowing to the woman in his early 80s caused his health to decline and hers to follow. They were in good shape before the move, before Papa succumbed to her wants for greener pastures elsewhere.