Been living with this girl for half a year. Need advice. (is she cheating?)

[Macaframalama]

I've never been through a girl's phone. I don't have to in order to note obvious changes in routine, Fagadramalama.

You've never had to cover a shift or known someone who has, Prickinyourbutt?

 

[Thorninmyside]

Nope. I've never worked a shift or dated anyone who has.

 

[marmel75]

@Macaframalama
Has there ever been an example you've read on here where a guy's gut feeling about a situation ended up being wrong?

Can't say I have to be honest, even when they were in denial like @captain55

 

[derby1]

Seek Acceptance and not Self Medication

I went out with a woman whos Sister had killed herself, she was great to be in the company of!
But when i wasnt with her she was a fcking pain in the ass.
She would Send me random Paranoid Messages like "FRIENDS WITH BENEFITS ARE WE" yet we were properly dating
She was the exact flip the script of you OP by the sounds of it all cuddly and normal when with me like we had just got married
But when not with me JESUS the fun started ..

"the talk" is shes going to split up with you,
The relationships doomed the minute you need her phone, thats no basis for a relationship

 

[QuadDeuces]

Suppressing emotions with drugs will never work.

Find a psychologist expert in traumas who can treat you with CBT, EMDR or EFT treatments to get back on track.

 

[Macaframalama]

Let's all just forget about the fact that he's abusing opioids and probably close to being strung out of he isn't already. Have any of you done anything like lortabs or been around someone who does them for recreational pleasure? The paranoia is similar as methamphetamine user who's been up for days. Let's also forget the fact that he self admittedly has a history of going through her chit.

 

[Macaframalama]

@Macaframalama
Has there ever been an example you've read on here where a guy's gut feeling about a situation ended up being wrong?

Can't say I have to be honest, even when they were in denial like @captain55

He's smacked out half the time and probably withdrawing the other half. How can he trust his gut?

 

[derby1]

He's smacked out half the time and probably withdrawing the other half. How can he trust his gut?

I said this in the very first reply tbf self medicating and paranoia

 

[Macaframalama]

No, because of your reactions of pure panic to everything a man does.

Panic? I don't panic over chit bih. Just because I don't freak out in a paranoid fit like the rest of the red pill extreme freaks everytime somebody's girl picks up a shift?

 

[Macaframalama]

I said this in the very first reply tbf self medicating and paranoia

Yea, there's factions of extreme thinking on both sides regardless of facts on this forum.

 

[derby1]

Yea, there's factions of extreme thinking on both sides regardless of facts on this forum.

well you only have to say shes popped to the local store on here and they try to convince ya shes on the **** carousel

 

[Macaframalama]

well you only have to say shes popped to the local store on here and they try to convince ya shes on the **** carousel

Ikr. It just doesn't add up. She's supporting him financially, emotionally and sexually despite reciprocation. She's offered up her phone, email, passwords, fb, etc. Her track record is spotless and from his own mouth, "she's great". Then, on the other side of the argument you have the fact that she's picking up shifts during the holiday season. And you got one guy talking burner phones. LMFAO. It does make for great comedy though.

 

[marmel75]

He's smacked out half the time and probably withdrawing the other half. How can he trust his gut?

Fair point I suppose.

 

[marmel75]

Yea, there's factions of extreme thinking on both sides regardless of facts on this forum.

I was just bringing up that most everytime ive seen a guy not trust his gut on this forum 3 months later they update with what they thought was happening was what was actually happening.

I try and stay down the middle but its difficult when I always see the results going the same way.

 

[Macaframalama]

I was just bringing up that most everytime ive seen a guy not trust his gut on this forum 3 months later they update with what they thought was happening was what was actually happening.

I try and stay down the middle but its difficult when I always see the results going the same way.

Yea, I was referring to burner phone guy. I've always thought you offer solid advice and insight. I approach as cautious and try to follow my intuition as much as any. Ego aside, I would hate to be wrong in this instance. OP is in a bad way and could quite possibly run off the one good thing he does have going for him.

 

[Macaframalama]

It's not just his gut, it's the actual circumstances too.

What circumstances? It's a very good possibility he will be back in three months. He's not giving her anything, other than accusations and sex once in a blue moon. Op does have some things he's going through, but it does put a strain on the relationship and isn't sustainable regardless.

 

[Macaframalama]

So a little background, we moved in together extremely fast, I get it, this probably wasn't the best idea (although It did garner me free rent), we were only seeing each other for about 2 months before we moved in. Its 8 months in, roughly, so far. We live on the property of her parents in a separate house that they allowed us to fix up, so I put in carpet, did the walls, windows etc. It actually looks really nice and is very cozy. We have been living and working here since, I also occasionally work part time for her dad at his business. We fight occasionally, the normal couple stuff about money issue, family stuff, other issues that don't really bring up major flags to me, none of this is too horrible for me really, especially since in past relationships the fighting was much worse.

We have a lot in common, she's a really awesome chick. She comes from a conservative background, and a very stable awesome family. She has only had a couple of other sexual partners other than me (she claims). I find her trustworthy, especially in comparison to my past girlfriends. She might white-lie here and there, but I haven't caught her in any major lies. We say we love eachother, we talk about getting married, having kids, we have made long term plans to move in together (after we move out of here).

The sex life since the beginning was always really good, by mine and her standards. She has easily given me the best orgasms of my entire life. On top of this we have shared secret sexual stuff (both of us have) that we were never able to build up the trust or courage to tell anyone before. This was extremely liberating to us both and has helped mentally in a lot of ways. She as well says the orgasms are the best she's ever had (she wasn't really having proper ones before).

The problem arises here: my brother hung himself in September. Since then we have only had sex 3...maybe 4 times. ive been extremely distraught, and have been self medicating with opiates, which has diminished my sex life. (she encourages me to be medicated though because it greatly eases my mental anguish and helps me function/go to work/etc). We have done other stuff though, oral etc. We still sleep in the same bed every night, and are intimate in that we still say we love each other, have long discussions, snuggles, Netflix etc. There was also this instance where she was working, and I had visited her at her workplace, she wasn't there (to my shock), and she wasn't home either. I called her and apparently she was at her dads office helping him (and apparently just forgot to tell me?). Since then I feel there have been other times where it seems like she has picked up a shift or two that were oddly placed, it just seemed off, I approached her about it and she of course swears up and down that nothing is going on and everything is 100% kosher. Like the other day for instance when she picked up a 2 hour shift (??) because apparently someone else couldn't make it and they only needed her for just those hours, on top of this the store was closed so I couldn't visit her then either, but she told me to call her work to see if she was there. I felt weird about it and never did call, what difference would it make? Either her or her manager (male- names john) would answer and obviously aren't going to just say "ya we're bangin". They could be banging in the back and I would never know.....she very regularly works till close, unless shes picking up a shift she basically only ever closes.

Also, she gives me full access to her phone and all of her social media accounts, facebook, insta, etc. In fact I have her phone in front of me right now. Shes always been 100% forthcoming with this sort of thing, passwords and etc, so I've never had to worry from that angle.
Is this fishy? It feels fishy to me. She doesn't seem like the type to cheat, especially in comparison to all the other girls I've been with.

I don't want to think shes cheating on me, and I don't thknk there's really any way I can actually verify if she is or not. What do you think I should do? at times I feel i'd rather just be single so I could have the peace of mind, even if it means endless loneliness. feel free to ask any questions you'd like I will answer anything. thanks again

What does your girlfriend do for a living and are you currently working?

 

[Macaframalama]

You just named them yourself. He's not bringing it, women hate weakness in men(esp non-unicorn women), and she is significantly changing her behavior (the absolute #1 sign).

I noted a possibility of a consequence. The facts are, that the only behavior that has changed is she is working more. Op stated that he is only working around the house to help out. One income doesn't go very far supporting a two person household these days. Also, he mentioned that she almost always closes, which leads me to think she works retail. With Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Christmas, it's not uncommon to have to cover shifts and pull doubles. The biggest fact of them all, she has stepped up financially and emotionally to pull the slack. Also, she's still making herself available sexually. I'm not suggesting op walk blindly, rather consider what he knows for a fact. He can't rely on his intuition at this point. He's dealing with trauma and self medicating with synthetic heroin. The only red flag I see is why she is encourage the drug abuse. I would say out of empathy and doesn't like seeing him endure the tragic loss of his brother.

 

[gorillaglue#4]

I noted a possibility of a consequence. The facts are, that the only behavior that has changed is she is working more. Op stated that he is only working around the house to help out. One income doesn't go very far supporting a two person household these days. Also, he mentioned that she almost always closes, which leads me to think she works retail. With Thanksgiving, Black Friday, Cyber Monday and Christmas, it's not uncommon to have to cover shifts and pull doubles. The biggest fact of them all, she has stepped up financially and emotionally to pull the slack. Also, she's still making herself available sexually. I'm not suggesting op walk blindly, rather consider what he knows for a fact. He can't rely on his intuition at this point. He's dealing with trauma and self medicating with synthetic heroin. The only red flag I see is why she is encourage the drug abuse. I would say out of empathy and doesn't like seeing him endure the tragic loss of his brother.

I have to admit the guy talking about burner phones had me laughing a bit too. lol. Just to clarify, we live together, she works retail part time and at her dads business the other half. I work at a temp agency part time and at her dads business the other half, however since the loss of my brother I have been working considerably less. You are right, my "gut intuition" is pretty out of whack at the moment, and I really shouldn't push away the one thing that I really have going for me. Also I don't feel right about "snooping" on her phone, either, or "snooping" around her work. And i'm not going to "accuse" her of anything. There really are no questions that I have to ask really, I just really should give it the 3 month test and see if anything else surfaces. I've always thought sex is a really good indicator, but since its my problem at this point and the ball is effectively in my court, I really need to step up and then gauge her reaction accordingly.

 

[Macaframalama]

I have to admit the guy talking about burner phones had me laughing a bit too. lol. Just to clarify, we live together, she works retail part time and at her dads business the other half. I work at a temp agency part time and at her dads business the other half, however since the loss of my brother I have been working considerably less. You are right, my "gut intuition" is pretty out of whack at the moment, and I really shouldn't push away the one thing that I really have going for me. Also I don't feel right about "snooping" on her phone, either, or "snooping" around her work. And i'm not going to "accuse" her of anything. There really are no questions that I have to ask really, I just really should give it the 3 month test and see if anything else surfaces. I've always thought sex is a really good indicator, but since its my problem at this point and the ball is effectively in my court, I really need to step up and then gauge her reaction accordingly.

Man, I hope it all works out for you. A have a cousin that was addicted to opioids. He's been sitting in county for about two months now on a $100,000 dollar bond, awaiting trial for stalking and threatening his wife. Not saying you are capable or as far gone as he is, because he has other chit going on, but everyone around him pretty well watched him talk himself into believing she was cheating, while in reality she was at home caring for their two babies all day. Stories like this are all too common though here in Oklahoma, where prescriptions are easily obtained. Not to mention what you're going through with your brother. I've had a little experience with that too. That's enough to drive a person insane in itself. I wish you luck!