Been following the Claire seduction story?

[bugsquish]

I know a few of you guys have asked me to keep you posted on the story with me and HB8.8 Claire. Just thought I'd post the latest developments! This is the 4th weekend since I met her, and the 5th weekend since I found the DJ centre. If you know me, you know my plan was to find a decent chick for a LTR.

Quick recap:

Week 1
Met Claire and Fey. Kept forgetting Claires name so ended up talking to Fey more. A friend of mine got Claire's number and told her I liked her, not Fey. Not my wishes but it was a start. I didn't call her.

Week 2
Met Claire and Fey again. Talked to Fey more again cuz Claire was surrounded by guys the whole time. Tried kissing Fey cuz I was getting strong buying signals, but she told me she has a boyfriend, and tells me Claire likes me. I make out with Claire and get her number myself this time.

Week 3
Met these chicks again, but gave Claire most of my attention. Danced, made out etc. Took the attention away once she was starting to enjoy it. Repeat process.

Week 4 - This Weekend
Arranged date for Saturday. Went out on Friday anyway and saw her out. Gave her same attention on Friday as I did week 3.

Saturday (yesterday) we met at 5pm and I took her to Hotshots bowling where we played shooting, virtua tennis, air hockey and a couple of games of bowling. Had a great time! Took her home about 9pm and screwed her brains out for over an hour She came first.

After that, we went to the club again. But before we went in she was crying. She said she was worried that I was gonna "fu*k her over" like all the other guys. Man I had some hard work convincing her it was her I was interested in, not Fey. I was honest with her, I said that just because we had sex didn't automatically mean we were in a relationship. We didn't even really know each other. But hey I said, I'll give it a try. I won't screw anyone else until we know either way. No guarantees it's gonna work, but I'll give it a try.

I know you guys are thinking "How un-DJ-like" but I really do want a relationship with this chick. I had to take unusual measures to get her trust. Se is fu*ing gorgeous, intelligent, witty, fun to be with - and a great f*ck!

So we weent out to the club. Had a great time. Both of us mingle, we're pretty independent which I like. And afterwards she came back to mine for another marathon fu*k session.

I now have a girlfriend

 

[silverwex]

hey man,

nice work! Keep us posted on future developments yeah?!

 

[Slickster]

Good show Bug!

I've been following. But why after f*ing her do you have to go back to the club . What's the point.

 

[bugsquish]

Originally posted by silverwex
hey man,

nice work! Keep us posted on future developments yeah?!

Sure thing silver. Your story has helped me avoid certain pitfalls, like one-itis!

Originally posted by Slickster
Good show Bug!

I've been following. But why after f*ing her do you have to go back to the club . What's the point.

That was the plan all along, we just went back to mine in for some sex in between. We're both party/social animals I guess. I won't change that for her and wouldn't want her to change for me But main reason, yeah, it was part of the date.

Been thinking over the "relationship" thing. This may be a bumpy ride. I think she may have some issues. Getting "fuxked over" by guys seems like a big phobia, but she wouldn't explain exactly what she meant. I'm assuming she's been played a few times and has trouble trusting me. So my problem now is that I gotta let some AFC traits into my game to earn her trust. Getting the balance right is tough, I don't want her to think I'm just a player, but I definetely don't want her to think I'm a pu$sy.

Unfortunately the way things worked out I got backed into a corner and initiated the whole bf/gf thing. To make things worse, she casually mentioned that she "missed her ex". Man I'm confused. Am I being played?

 

[Eternal]

Stories like these always bring a tear to my eye...Damn, no teary-eyed icon...Oh well. Great job man, shows what you can do when you put your mind to it...Keep up the good work!

 

[bugsquish]

Thx crazy! Getting praise from fellow DJs gives me a buzz to keep going. You guys helped me bag her in the first place

Glad I've passed the first few stages of the game and I can concentrate on using my DJ skills to actually hold onto one special chick. So we're boyfriend/girlfriend, but I'm taking that with a pinch of salt at this stage. Giving her the benefit of the doubt but no oneitis in sight. If it blows over I'm no worse off than before I met her.

She like an older, blonder, sexier, smarter Avril Levigne

 

[TesuqueRed]

That was a test. She pulled a test. She used tears, emotion, accusing you of being like others and putting it upon you to prove different...

Cold.

Wow. Your first reaction is to reassure her. Mistake--but how can you resist? I know--been there--it's hard.

But you have to. To reassure her means that you take the supplicating position (like a dog rolling over on its back when a superior dog challenges it--that is "tests" it) and she gets you whipped into line.

You have to be cold back.

If she's crying, you look at her and ask if she's really in any state to be going out in public. The implication is that she's out of control and you'll drop her off at her house so she can recover and--if she does--she can join you and everyone else going out tonight.

This is the unstated demand you're making: grow up. Handle yourself like an adult, everyone is going out to have a fun evening without stupid highschool drama scenes---so---when she can conduct herself like an adult, she can join you all.

And believe me, she'll realize what you're saying and will grow up really fast.

If not, next her. You don't want to be whipped like that or have a GF with those issues.

 

[Clint Eastwood]

Once again, I agree with TesqueRed. Damn, we must have had the same experiences with women or something!

Anyway, it's really important in how you respond to her tests. Like Tesque said, if you respond in the manner you did, it's a form of supplication.

The best way to respond to a test like this, if you don't know how to, is to not respond at all. You need to find some way to let her know that her tests won't get to you. That you're unmoved by her little "crying tantrums."

I would like to post more on what I think she's up to, but I'm really sleepy, so I'm going to bed.

As far as your success in getting to f*ck her, way to go. Keep it up. Just learn to see and deal with those tests, and you'll last a lot longer and have her respect.

 

[Clint Eastwood]

I have to add that I like the idea of making her feel like she needs to grow up, when she tests you like this.

 

[bugsquish]

Well sh*t, you guys are totally right! I thought I was on top of my game, but I fell at the first test. Now there were a few things that set off the alarm bells:

1)The tears, the accusation that I may mess her about. At first I implicated that I was still interested in other women, but eventually conceded that I was happy with her as my GF.
2)She kept going on about being second best, how I liked Fey more. At first I said that I didn't and she would have to just trust me. Eventually I had to give her a step by step account of WHY it may have looked like I preferred Fey. Unfortunately, I told her one reason was shyness
3)She said "I miss my ex-boyfriend". I just said "well you're not gonna bump into him anyway right?", she said "In here (the club) from time to time." I didn't really respond to that.
4)She kept saying "I have loads of guys after me (as in why should I trust you)", I said "I usually pull 4-5 women a night in here and tonight just you."

I told her I'd see her tonight. Now not even sure if I should call. I'm confused as hell and I don't know how to play it next. It's pretty obvious that I have AFCd my way out of having much power. HOW CAN I TAKE THE POWER BACK?

At one point on Saturday night I nearly walked away from her, and I told her this. But I didn't actually walk away. Bad move? Well instead she ended up coming back to mine again for sex - which I viewed as a success, but would it have been better to walk away, miss out on that sex session, and have more power for next time?

Guys, maybe - just maybe - she sincerely is worried about being fuxked about? Isn't this possible? She was pretty cold at one point. After I "failed" the test she was more receptive.

 

[KiInCollege]

It's safe to say that she definitely has high interest in you.

Like Tesuq and Clint mentioned, she may be trying to get some power back. This makes sense because you have slept together relatively early.

I don't need to tell you guys that inexperienced women are confused and vulnerable when she has sex with a person she is still getting to know (which is why if you want an LTR you avoid first date sex, etc. ah hell, this could be a whole new thread).

Although things are a little complicated since you're trying to evolve a passion-based relationship into a potential LTR, you have some advantages that I want you to be sure you're aware of:

1. She is now physically attached to you and you basically have most of the power. You can let her do all the affectionate gestures and still sex her at the end of the day.

2. You performed great your first time with her. This is important, and you passed. She will want to secure you, which in your case is okay sine you went ahead and classified yourselves as a couple.

Also recognize what you did/are doing atypical from the usual LTR norm:

1. You are still going to clubs...and seperating. This is not a secure place. It is a place where you both test each others actions with others. I don't need to go into the potential disasters that could happen to your young relationship.

2. You haven't established that you're a provider yet. A couple dates and club outings is not a foundation for her to be sure that you can take care of her. Remember, you want a LTR, right? Not a fish that you catch, violate, and throw back

3. As before, you had sex early. This is good for ONS girls, but bad for securing LTR girls because most guys don't know how to handle things and the relationship becomes awkward. I don't want you to be one of those guys. To succeed, you now need to work backwards in a sense covering the security issues I mentioned above.

I wish you luck. I currently enjoy an LTR, and they are many times more satisfying than ONS. But I still enjoy the hunt and science of it all, so enjoy my perspective.

 

[bugsquish]

Great insight IiInCollege! Man I am so glad I have this feedback cuz I am feeling more confident about how to go forward.

KiInCollege
"1. She is now physically attached to you and you basically have most of the power. You can let her do all the affectionate gestures and still sex her at the end of the day.

2. You performed great your first time with her. This is important, and you passed. She will want to secure you, which in your case is okay sine you went ahead and classified yourselves as a couple."

So what you're saying is I do have the power, even though I boobooed my way through her tests? Is what you're saying based on the whole date, or mostly the sex? Any advice on how to use these advantages?

KiInCollege
"1. You are still going to clubs...and seperating. This is not a secure place. It is a place where you both test each others actions with others. I don't need to go into the potential disasters that could happen to your young relationship."

This is the playing field we met on. We both have a lot of friends at this club and I doubt we're going to stop going to it with, or without each other. But couldn't this be viewed as a strength? It shows that I'm emotionally independant of her. Firstly, I don't need her, I choose to be with her. Secondly, I'm not the jealous type - I'm not going to be questioning her actions 24/7.

KiInCollege
"2. You haven't established that you're a provider yet. A couple dates and club outings is not a foundation for her to be sure that you can take care of her. Remember, you want a LTR, right? Not a fish that you catch, violate, and throw back "

Hmm how do I do this? She knows I'm not a skinflint. I didn't insist on paying for everything, but I also showed her that cash was no big deal and the cash I had was there to be used for our date. I didn't run out of cash. She also knows I'm no pushover. I'm strong and not afraid of a few bruises to protect her.

KiInCollege
"3. As before, you had sex early. This is good for ONS girls, but bad for securing LTR girls because most guys don't know how to handle things and the relationship becomes awkward. I don't want you to be one of those guys. To succeed, you now need to work backwards in a sense covering the security issues I mentioned above."

So you reckon it was a bad idea to have sex so soon? We have kinda been getting to know each other for a few weeks, and I knew I turned her on already. I obviously wanted some action! But as well I wanted her to know that I'm not intimidated by her sexuality, and I can give her what she needs in bed. Do you think we should have sex less in future? How can I work backwards? I'm not sure what sort of message I should be projecting now. Should I make her feel more secure? Or make her think she's walking a thin line? There was definetely a slight uneasyness after the first sex session. But she seemed better after the whole crying/reassuring thing.

 

[bugsquish]

Hmm... been thinking about this all night, and reading up on relevant subjects. It seems I have maybe screwed this one up already.

I have no mystery.
I am no challenge.
She has the power.

So even if it's still together just now, it's screwed in the long run. I didn't call her tonight. I will probably call her tomorrow night, but not sure yet. When I do, I'm going to say something along these lines:

"I have been thinking about it and I'm not too happy with the way things worked out. I think things moved too fast and you kinda backed me into a corner with your emotional outburst. We don't know each other that well, so forcing the whole relationship thing is likely to shorten it's lifespan bigtime. I'm not saying we should stop seeing each other, but I do think we should both take a step back and think about this sensibly.
"So let's not hang out this week. Let's go for another date on Saturday and start over. If we are right for each other we don't need to put boundaries on whether we see other people because it will just feel right to be together."

Does anyone think this is a good idea? Or should I just go for the date on Sat and not mention any of this stuff? I might see her out on Friday...

Also, should I tell her off for the tests?

"I don't want you to think I'm going to bend over backwards every time you cry. Or pick apart my motives for being with you. Or mention how much you miss your ex-boyfriend. I don't need these games."

Any feedback is greatly appreaciated. I really wanna hold onto this girl, AND my self respect

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

I think it's good, just drop the 'I thinks' and the 'not too happy.' I know it's only symantics but saying "I thought about this and I don't like what happened, " makes you sound like there is no questioning nor need for discussing how you feel. There's your challenge.

Dropping the "I think" and just stating the facts sounds much more dynamic and forceful. You've regained the power. Just a couple of minor changes that will pay off for you big time.

 

[Krassus]

She said she misses her ex? I'd next her right there. And i'm not even that picky. But that's a big no-no.

 

[bugsquish]

Good points there Francisco, thx.

And Krassus yes that one is creeping up my list of concerns. I been thinking maybe when I call her I should say
"Look babe, if you miss your ex then there's not much to talk about. Go and think carefully about who you want to be with, and give me a call when you think you're over him."
That puts the ball in her court and the power in my hands, right?

 

[Krassus]

Originally posted by bugsquish
Good points there Francisco, thx.

And Krassus yes that one is creeping up my list of concerns. I been thinking maybe when I call her I should say
"Look babe, if you miss your ex then there's not much to talk about. Go and think carefully about who you want to be with, and give me a call when you think you're over him."
That puts the ball in her court and the power in my hands, right?

Yeah definitely. Just make sure she doesn't go screw him and then come back to tell you she's over him

 

[bugsquish]

Damn it just occured to me he might have been at the club

 

[TesuqueRed]

Don't tell her off about the tests.

As for past mistakes:

a) what's done is done, you can't change that--

b) you can, however LEARN from it; and

c) it will ABSOLUTELY mean that long term prospects are irretrievably fvcked~~~~IF~~~~you believe that you're locked into that.

d) it will have no bearing on the the long term prospects here~~~~IF~~~~you laugh it off, shake your head at what a dumbshyt you were, laugh some more and go sin no more---uh, which is to say, take it with a sense of humor and refuse to let it determine your future.

From now on, get "up" before going out with her or calling her or talking with her--feel your best!---make all dates action dates, enjoy the living hell outta yourself, don't worry about getting laid. Do the above and she will grab you by the collar and pull you into the bedroom, slam you on the bed and do a slow striptease that will leave you permanently scarred because--you're a dumbshyt still, right?--you forgot to unzip before watching said striptease.

Learn from your mistakes and go sin no more!

 

[bugsquish]

Good show Tesque! You're right I am learning here... If it was only my mistakes in question I would take forth your advice with gusto. But what to do about the ex? It just occured to me that she was talking to someone about her ex in the club (perhaps even the ex himself) hence the "i miss my ex" statement afterwards. Some have said next her.