Been dumped, but she keeps contacting, why?

[QuadDeuces]

OK shes driving me crazy. I try being distant more replying only when she initiates. Everytime I go radio silence in a few days she texts me just like today: "how are you? X"
When I reply after 3 hours "good and you?"
She sends me "oh just wanted to know if lifes treating you good, my life is crazy nuts right now Im having a great time!! x"

Didnt reply, but scat like that ruins my day.
Its obvious shes having a crap time and thinking of me, and at the same time wants to put up a charade to show me all the so called amszing things im missing without her, which is of course BS.

What do you guys think, should I just put all the cards on the table and email her this:

"Hey Lis I wrote this in an email because a text would be too long.
Look its very kind of you you still care about my wellbeing but I think you need to let me go.
Ive told you before I cant have friendship or contact with exes because it will always be a subconsious "war" of showing the other one how much fun and better our lives are without each other and Im just tired of games and wars I just want to move on with my life.
So I dont think there is anything left I can offer you, basically all the cards were on the table.
Would I do things differently if wed go back? Definately, but unfortunatly we cant go back, milk has already been spilled, drama and pain are already on our necks.
Relationships should be lightly and fun and no pretentious charade, so id appreciate if youd leave me alone and dont contact me anymore. I sincerly wish you all the best.

Bye
"

 

[backbreaker]

si'm not a big fan of torching bridges like that.


if she is annoying you block her number. just go ghost.


also you don';t have to apologize for anything.s hit happens. if she doesn't understand that trust me she isn't anyone worth being concerned about anyway.

just disappear and she will get the message. but i am not a fan of dramatic exits. you just never know. like say you run into her 2 years later and she has a smoking hot friend with her and you want to talk to the friend, but now you have given the girl this ammo about how much of a drama queen you are and stuff. just disappear. then she knows, but doesnt' know. she asks just say you are busy.

my goal when i ghost a girl is to be able to run into them in the future and it not be totally 100% awkward. I mean it's gonna be but don't make it worse by giving her the torch. those girls also make for recycled ONS's later down the line. you run into her at a bar. you actually now have some game lol. she's drunk and pissed off for whatever reason, she knows you and feels comfortable around you, one thing happens, bam.


you guys got to learn how to recycle lol. not ever girl but you spin enough plates, sure enough some of those plates are gonna come back recycled as ONS's under the right circumstances. you run into her and she's mad at her BF and wants to ****. or you bump into her at a party and she's had a few, etc. never burn a bridge. just do what you have to do. the big speech is tyring to find closure and it's not gonna help

 

[hansol]

Good rule of thumb when it comes to chicks: "If it comes down to a big speech vs. No speech at all, always choose no speech. Less is more." Speeches make you feel good. Rarely do they ever have an effect on the broad.

If her contacting you is legitimately hard on you, just change your phone number and block her emails.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Alright guys, ill just go ghost, thanks for the input.
Thats the good thing about a forum like this, you can get neutral advice before you regret something you send in an emo state of mind.

 

[betheman]

Good rule of thumb when it comes to chicks: "If it comes down to a big speech vs. No speech at all, always choose no speech. Less is more." Speeches make you feel good. Rarely do they ever have an effect on the broad.

If her contacting you is legitimately hard on you, just change your phone number and block her emails.

I agree with this, dont go for the Grandstand finish, dont give her a wall of words she can pull to bits and turn around on you, women are experts at the manipulation sh!t and sending an email like that just gives her ammo.
she wants to know you are sufferring and thinkign about her, she worth the effort of your emotions.
Like BB says, Id go ghost, if you really must respond, give her nothing but confusion..."oh just wanted to know if lifes treating you good, my life is crazy nuts right now Im having a great time!! x"

you, [next day]: "mmmm nuts" thats all, its stupid but she wil think wtf? just dont give her anything

 

[QuadDeuces]

OK new progress after I went ghost after last text, kinda chuckled me up though.
3am (i was asleep and phone was silent so read it this morning)
"I miss you"
10 mins later:
"Did you already get laid "
5 mins later:
"could you give me another chance, when Im back in Sydney?"
"baby im so horny, wish you were here to abuse my gaping azzhole"

Obviously she was wasted, but this kinda strokes the ego.

How bad I want to pound her, the idea of meeting up makes me anxious. Dont even know what to reply, staying ghost?

 

[QuadDeuces]

It has to be said that in our relationship we also had that explicit pornstar dirty talk though.

 

[JBB84]

In response to your original problem with this girl sending you mixed signals, and then shutting you down once you hung out, I think that she was probably romanticizing about the past and then when she saw you and you were TOO nice to her, reality hit that she could have you when ever she wants you - big attraction killer. I have made that mistake more than once. As hard as it may be, you have to have the attitude that you are good on your own, and you could take her or leave her. Nice guy with an edge, sort of.

As for the most recent update about the drunk text, you need to keep in mind exactly what it was - a drunk text. It sounds like she might be a little bit of a mess, and just because she decided to drunkenly give you some attention, don't automatically buy into it and be nice to her again. The colder you are after that, the WORSE she is going to feel because now YOU have the upper hand and thats the way you want to keep it. Say something snide about her drunk texting, its sloppy. And most importantly, it doesn't mean that she is coming around for you in an authentic way. Keep your head straight. If you have feelings for her and she is hurting you, block her from contacting you so you can move on. This does not sound like a girl who is ever going to give you what you want from her.

 

[MatureDJ]

I would say that you should keep her around as a fvck buddy - and if the question of marriage or commitment were ever to come up you can tell her, "you've already had your chance." You then openly seek other women for that commitment situation, with her getting the message that she is nothing more than that fvck buddy.

 

[QuadDeuces]

Havent replied to the texts, Just remaining frame, first get my life on track, start spinning new plates before I can reconnect.

The more I analyze/read about HPD the more Im convinced she has it.

Funny how I keep attracting those Cluster B's. Most "normal" girls lose my interest quite quickly, but the seductions and lively childish behavour of the Cluster tend to give me oneitis.
I must say I took it a lot lighter than my BPD breakup in Januari, where I couldnt eat for 2 weeks and lost like 10kilo.

 

[Dominance]

She sounds like she wants you back or maybe wants some sex. So it's up to you whether you want to or not.

 

[QuadDeuces]

It has been 3 weeks NC, but it feels like a century.
She has sent me a few texts asking for reconciliation and I ignored them.

I never obsess about women this bad.
Normally we get the incompatibility speech, mutual respect, we get closure, feel bad for a few weeks and move on.
Only woman I have ever obsessed about this bad was my BPDex

My gut tells me so hard I have dealt with a Cluster B here, but some memories keep doubting it, because Ive seen BPD and she was not a hysterical arm slicer, suicide threathner, no she was extremely calm, an empty shell. Somehow there was something unable to connect with, although words spoke the right music, the vibe felt disconnected.
I remember myself wondering a lot. "What does she want from me?"


My gut has been talking to me ever since we met.
Just the feeling something is wrong with this girl.
Red flags all over, which I ignored of course:
Psychopathic father (Walked out from one day to another on a former girlfriend pregnant of his baby, to start a new family Liked to cut electricity cables of company competition, beating up people in traffic jams etc)
Father died when she was 18, she talked about it shallowly with a smirky smile on her face ("But Im over it now")
Sometimes a psychopathic stare (Ted Bundy stare)
Her sister, Im sure has Borderline, who apparently lured a random d!ck in pregnancy and claimed some AFC he was the father, which he found out he was not after a DNA test, and then still she claimed he somehow forged it (LOL). I've seen her on skype and she's a manipulative foulmouthive trashbag.
I feel sorry for the kid.

Trail of married/older men as exes
Vague medical problems that never showed up at doctors examinations.
Likes going to fetish **** clubs
Has a split personality, childish and on the other side vain and queeny.
Everything is always about her
Empathy is something she doesn't have
Talks sadistically about exes, still they keep beggin/kissing her @ss on FB.
Everything is always someone else's fault, she is perfect.
She has great stories about achievements, which seem very doubtfull (Like working 3 jobs to provide for a family and pay off a mortgage after the uninsured father died)
She flirts around, is highly attractive and knows it, she has the seductive smiles, movements, speech, and sex is no big deal to her. The way she talks about random guys she shagged before is astounding.
Although during sex she dissociates, never loving, always hardcore. She loves rough hard sex, wants to be raped until it's "sore". Wants to walk around at work with sperm dripping out of both sides. Anyway you get the picture.
Cluster B alarm all the way in retrospect.

BUT the thing that bothers me.
She DOES show empathy to baby's and pets and friends, one of her friends has tragically been raped and she couldn't stop whining about how bad she felt for her.

I had been "lucky" enough to have had a shameful experience with a full blown diagnosed suicidal BPD, which dumped me and I pathetically begged for more punishment, which she was happy for me to provide.
Of course I didn't know anything about BPD at the time and my subconsious thought that providing more narcissistic supply was going to bring back the sweet kitten. I learnt painfully the hard way that that didn't work, and I can say that after that experience I increasingly "manned up" to a certain extent to set boundaries and walk away when facing disrespect.

Therefore I managed to dash the eject button and parachute away in the vaccuum of nothingness, at the first sign of pushing me away in the potential push pull cycle with this girl.


But now I'm at the point of, should I call her to reconcile?
Not to try again, but just for an extra analysis to either confirm or deny she is Cluster B.
Because nevertheless there are more red flags then at a communist parade subconsiously I'm telling myself that maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and she is not a cluster B and perhaps I'm just paranoid and depressed, seeing things that are not there?
Because I have not really seen hell but only a glimpse at the gate.

Please tell me I'm stupid and stay NC


Thanks for the read.

 

[HBK]

Your mind is playing with you. Take a deep breath, relax and do nothing.

Your gut is right. Follow it. Stop trying to rationalize her advances.

Go out and do something today for someone you care about. Take your mind of her. Try and relax, you seem very stressed.

 

[jonhaul]

Why on earth would you take her back? You'd just be telling her she can do whatever she wants and that you have no self respect.

 

[Atom Smasher]

HBK is right. Your mind is playing tricks. Don't buy into it. I guarantee you 100% that if you cave and re-contact her, you will unleash a world of hurt on yourself.

Stay strong and stay ghost. YOU have the upper hand now. Words are your enemy, and action is everything. No matter how you try to attain "closure"", she will flip it against you and blow you to smithereens. Don't let her do that.

Keep the upper hand that you have earned, and turn your attention to other women and improving your life. Live for YOU, not for someone else.

 

[Slickster]

It has been 3 weeks NC, but it feels like a century.
She has sent me a few texts asking for reconciliation and I ignored them.

I never obsess about women this bad.
Normally we get the incompatibility speech, mutual respect, we get closure, feel bad for a few weeks and move on.
Only woman I have ever obsessed about this bad was my BPDex

My gut tells me so hard I have dealt with a Cluster B here, but some memories keep doubting it, because Ive seen BPD and she was not a hysterical arm slicer, suicide threathner, no she was extremely calm, an empty shell. Somehow there was something unable to connect with, although words spoke the right music, the vibe felt disconnected.
I remember myself wondering a lot. "What does she want from me?"


My gut has been talking to me ever since we met.
Just the feeling something is wrong with this girl.
Red flags all over, which I ignored of course:
Psychopathic father (Walked out from one day to another on a former girlfriend pregnant of his baby, to start a new family Liked to cut electricity cables of company competition, beating up people in traffic jams etc)
Father died when she was 18, she talked about it shallowly with a smirky smile on her face ("But Im over it now")
Sometimes a psychopathic stare (Ted Bundy stare)
Her sister, Im sure has Borderline, who apparently lured a random d!ck in pregnancy and claimed some AFC he was the father, which he found out he was not after a DNA test, and then still she claimed he somehow forged it (LOL). I've seen her on skype and she's a manipulative foulmouthive trashbag.
I feel sorry for the kid.

Trail of married/older men as exes
Vague medical problems that never showed up at doctors examinations.
Likes going to fetish **** clubs
Has a split personality, childish and on the other side vain and queeny.
Everything is always about her
Empathy is something she doesn't have
Talks sadistically about exes, still they keep beggin/kissing her @ss on FB.
Everything is always someone else's fault, she is perfect.
She has great stories about achievements, which seem very doubtfull (Like working 3 jobs to provide for a family and pay off a mortgage after the uninsured father died)
She flirts around, is highly attractive and knows it, she has the seductive smiles, movements, speech, and sex is no big deal to her. The way she talks about random guys she shagged before is astounding.
Although during sex she dissociates, never loving, always hardcore. She loves rough hard sex, wants to be raped until it's "sore". Wants to walk around at work with sperm dripping out of both sides. Anyway you get the picture.
Cluster B alarm all the way in retrospect.

BUT the thing that bothers me.
She DOES show empathy to baby's and pets and friends, one of her friends has tragically been raped and she couldn't stop whining about how bad she felt for her.

I had been "lucky" enough to have had a shameful experience with a full blown diagnosed suicidal BPD, which dumped me and I pathetically begged for more punishment, which she was happy for me to provide.
Of course I didn't know anything about BPD at the time and my subconsious thought that providing more narcissistic supply was going to bring back the sweet kitten. I learnt painfully the hard way that that didn't work, and I can say that after that experience I increasingly "manned up" to a certain extent to set boundaries and walk away when facing disrespect.

Therefore I managed to dash the eject button and parachute away in the vaccuum of nothingness, at the first sign of pushing me away in the potential push pull cycle with this girl.


But now I'm at the point of, should I call her to reconcile?
Not to try again, but just for an extra analysis to either confirm or deny she is Cluster B.
Because nevertheless there are more red flags then at a communist parade subconsiously I'm telling myself that maybe my mind is playing tricks on me and she is not a cluster B and perhaps I'm just paranoid and depressed, seeing things that are not there?
Because I have not really seen hell but only a glimpse at the gate.

Please tell me I'm stupid and stay NC


Thanks for the read.

I had a nice thoughtful response formulating in my mind until I read this.

You are a fool my friend. You have chosen to roll around in the trash and now you stink too. These experiences will leave lasting scars.

Move on with your life!

Sad.

 

[SecondHalf]

Hello Mr. Denial!

You're using every angle you can come up with to justify yourself contacting her.
Why, because you were gamed, and had some really raunchy sex that made your ears wiggle!

In short, you became addicted!
No mystery here.

You know what will happen if you go back.
It will scratch an itch, but ruin you long term.

SH

 

[Boilermaker]

If you are going through hell, keep going.

- Winston Churchill

 

[QuadDeuces]

I know guys, I know. Thanks for the input.

But because BPD's and other Cluster B paychopaths come in so many forms that it's my curiosity that tingles a bit. "What if she is just a young girl with ADD, and no Satanic offspring"

Of course if you do the math, youll see a Charles Manson with t!ts.

 

[C-quenced]

This sounds like the kind of girls I get into LTR's with lol. No wonder why I'm all ****ed up.

This ho did her part on getting you hooked like a heroin addict and allowed you to unleash your sleazy side on her. It's not your fault brother. On top of that it sounds like you really had a blast (possibly some of the best times of your life inside and outside of the bedroom) while traveling with her, so your mind naturally tends to glue itself to the past and associate her with the good times.

While you don't need other women to get over her it certainly does help. This is especially true when you find other women that can rival her, if not, surpass her on all the qualities which got you hooked to your ex in the first place.

You had nothing to anchor yourself to and no safety net for when the stuff hits the fan so when you get caught up in the mess and when the going gets rough it's no longer "our" problem but YOURS and yours alone. You're the one to get caught up in the mess and she then decides to pick up and leave. Typical woman, don't expect anything different from others you come across.

Get your life together (easier said then done sometimes) and follow your passions (it's very important that you do). If you have to travel and get out of Sydney to see the world in order to get out of that mental prison which you've built for yourself then do just that after you get your finances straightened out. For the time being don't drown yourself out in boredom and self pity while sacrificing your enjoyment of life.

Don't give in to the temptation to contact her unless she shows up naked on your doorstep. Only you know the likelihood of that happening but even then remember... she's not LTR material and doesn't owe you a damn thing so do everything it takes to deal with YOUR feelings.

Whatever negative feelings you need to let out, do it here (even more effective with people your personally trust) as this is your thread. Rest assured that a lot of the guys on here ARE listening. It's not good to harbor such negative emotions but unfortunately too many women carry that negative energy with them. It's just what they are by nature.