Been a DJ member forever, finally I need advice!

[Love2Play]

I get the bi-weekly DJ advice, keep up with whats new on the site and have read many of the topics in the forum over the last 3 years. I use much of the advice here and have been VERY successful with one night stands, barroom encounters, brief dating periods and other various STR's with women. Now the problem - after being divorced 5 years and playing many fields, I found a keeper and I don't have a clue what to do now. I have approached all kinds of women and never had a problem, admired by my friends for my ease with women, now I feel ridiculous for asking what to do with this one because now I think I many like this one for more than just a STR. I will make this as short and sweet as possible.

I am very conservative on scales but this one is an 8-9. I am 31, she is 22, with a 4.0 at LSU and awesome looks. I have been her aquaintence for about a year and close friends with her 2 best friends for the last 4 years. 4 months ago she got my number from one of her friends and started calling, I played it cool and she called more. She got back with her boyfriend and stopped calling - no big deal. Recently I found out they were breaking up again. Thursday I asked her on a first date to go with me to attend a political dinner with John Kerry. She always said she liked stuff like that. She bought a new BEBE dress for the night. I picked her up Sat. afternoon and her mom wanted to meet me - all went well. The grandmother was also there and watched me grow up and has always been fond of me (i just found out that was her grandmother 3 weeks ago), so that was easy.
Everything went great the whole night, I introduced her to some State Reps and Senators that were there and also the Louisiana Governor, Mrs. Blanco who wanted us to take a picture with her. My date has never had anyone take her to something like this before and she loved being "a big wheel" that night. We got home at 11pm and talked till 5am. I brought her home and told her I had a great time, she told me the same - I did not attempt a kiss. During the course of the night and now 2 days later I have developed these feelings for her which is new to me and I don't know what to do.

She has since told her friends she had alot of fun and would do something else with me, however, I have not talked to her since (following the 72 hr rule). What should my next move be? and do ya'll think I did Ok that night? and do you think she is even interested in a possible LTR?

I know this is long and I apologize, but I thought I was a long way off from these kind of feelings. It took me by surpise.

Thanks for any help or advice you give,
It is really helpful and appreciated.

Love2Play ?????????????????
(i might need to change my screename)

 

[Falcon Eye]

You talked too much.

The only comment I'd make about your first date is that you spent too much time talking to her at the end. From 11:00 pm to 5:00 am? Big mistake in my view. Not really condusive to being a challenge.

I feel that you would have been better off moving in for a kiss at the end and keeping the conversation short. Leave her wanting.

You spent six hours talking to her at the end of the evening? I've never come remotely close to doing that in my life and wouldn't recommend it to anyone.

 

[NewMan]

Can someone say One-I-tis?

It's great that you've found someone you really dig - but you should temper your feelings and thoughts about this girl.

You took her to a huge event as a frist date? Yeah - and now you've set the bar very high indeed.

I'd ask this question - was it the fact that she spent the time with you - or was it because she was hanging with the big boys? Is she interested in you, or is she interested in what you can show her.

I'd say you ask her out on a realistic date. Do something such as shoot pool - golf - darts - bowling....... Find out what her interest level is - and see how that goes.


I'd also warn you not to treat her any different from any other chickie you've dated in the past. Don't make this more than it is - and don't put her up on this high in the sky pedastool.

She's just another chick - and she needs to prove her worth to you. After all, your the DJ your the MAN.

Good luck - and i hope iy all works out.

 

[iqqi]

Re: You talked too much.

Originally posted by Falcon Eye
The only comment I'd make about your first date is that you spent too much time talking to her at the end. From 11:00 pm to 5:00 am? Big mistake in my view. Not really condusive to being a challenge.

ba-****ing-loney. what you did was establish an extreme connection, which is something very hard to do, and something she won't forget. a lot of people have never had such long conversations, because they've never made such an intense connection. if she was completely into the convo the whole time, then you are in, my friend. now is where you must worry about being just enough of a challenge, without jeapordizing that magical, elusive connection. dig?

 

[TooColdUlrick]

a political fundraiser for Kerry as the first date? BZZZT! introducing her to all of these very important people? BZZZT! getting her pic with them? BZZZT!

you shouldn't have done this! it could very well be that she is starstruck and she's intrigued with the power elite. unfortunately, you will never know.

had you done this AFTER you already went out with her AND you got the "connection", that's another thing because then you would have a good idea that she likes you for who you are and not all of the wonderful, powerful, people that you can introduce her to.

for me personally, i really don't inform a chick of what i do or the people that i know until much later on. frankly, it's none of her business early on.

besides, it seems that you have a serious case of oneitis, as others have said.

 

[PuertoRican_Lover]

You are waaayyy too anxious - you are obviously tired of playing with short term insignificant hors and are ready to move on with your life. I understand, many of us mature men are of the same mind.

But take it sssloooow! What is your hurry? She just got out of a emotional relationship twice so you shouldn't get too emotionally attached to her too early.

As the others said - never show a girl what you have or try to impress her early on because you don't know her honest long term intentions from her short term infatuation!

4.0 mind and atrractive - this is a heck of a combination. More importantly though is what you don't see - what kind of person is she on the inside, what are her values and are they aligned with yours?

Don't get blinded by her external beauty such that you ignore her inner flaws. It is the inner self that matters in a long term relationship/marriage!!

Don't tell me that you 'know her' already because you don't! Many divorced couples had great chemistry in the begining only to say in the end, "I never really knew him/her!"

 

[dietzcoi]

Sounds like you will be heading for the friend zone, sorry to say.

Too much talking - and bringing her to a political dinner is way too smarmy. What are you, Bill Clinton?

Too much talking. Leave that to her girlfriends. Ignore Iqqi... perfect example of women saying one thing and doing another.

Not trying to kiss her = mistake. Just gives her another opnion of you as a "friend" instead of a lover.

You need to change your thinking and treat her like every other girl or you will lose for certain

Dietzcoi

 

[FratAndDiddy]

are you taking all your practice, coolness, suave moves and DJ tactics and throwing them out the window?

you know as well as i to never, i say NEVER show a woman your ace-in-the-hole. has beauty struck the beast? i think you approached this one with your tongue hanging out and she will forever step on it everytime you see her.

the majority who has posted up till now has basically said the same thing. you showed this chickie your best shot all in one night and unless you stand on the podium with Kerry in November, then your best shot has been fired.

my advice is forget about this one as a possible first lady. try to get some wuss off of her, if that fails move on cause you started off with this one on the wrong foot.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

all good points about the ace in the hole concept. Love2Play had it in spades. unfortunately he wasted it on this chick, me thinks. i think it was the circumstances though--was there another, more worthy chick in the pipeline to use this trump card on?

this is why you should always have a couple of chicks in the pipe. when an opportunity like this arises, you can choose whom to use it on. whom to "impress". since they're already in the pipe and have passed your filtering system, you would have already known to a large degree if they like you for who you are. THEN, you trump them. WOW! it magnify's everything else they like about you. "golly gee...what's next...i wonder..."

i am very deliberate in this regard because it's a great filtering strategy for gold diggers, attention wh@res, sunshine girls, and the like. mum's the word on the specifics of what i do or who i know or how much $$$ i make or Huggy Bear or my tats, and some other things. i tend to dial it up deliberately, if it's the right chick.

you blew your mega load on the first date. you've got only one place to go it seems--downhill! you've elevated her expectations to the highest level on the first date. and now, you won't be able to meet those expectations, which means disappointment.

PS: i agree, don't listen to iqqi. she's a hypocrite.

 

[TooColdUlrick]

Re: Re: You talked too much.

Originally posted by iqqi
ba-****ing-loney. what you did was establish an extreme connection, which is something very hard to do, and something she won't forget. a lot of people have never had such long conversations, because they've never made such an intense connection. if she was completely into the convo the whole time, then you are in, my friend. now is where you must worry about being just enough of a challenge, without jeapordizing that magical, elusive connection. dig?

he might be "in" as you say, but the bottom line is that he doesn't know why he's in--and now never will. is he in because she likes him or because she digs the power elite red carpet treatment and has a thirst for more?

dig?

of course the convo was fantastic after an event such as this. the fact that there was no kiss to seal the deal after this intense emotional connection only proves that it probably wasn't such an intense one afterall.

dig?

 

[Austin Allegro]

I've got to echo what the others said.

Don't ever try to impress a woman on a first date.

If she is a decent gal, you run the risk of 'dazzling' her and she'll think you're a show off, or conversely, if she's a goldigger, you'll have set a high standard which she will expect to be equalled or bettered next time.

Also, I think the age gap is a bit much for an LTR. A woman that age is probably not looking to settle down and will most likely want to play the field.

Oh and don't listen to Iqqi. Talking for hours on a first date is just not on. It is very likely to put you in the friendzone. Remember the Tao of Steve: Be desireless, be excellent, be GONE. Don't hang around in the hope she'll like you more, as the chances are she won't want to spoil your great 'connection' with anything as vulgar as a relationship.

 

[maranathaman]

Originally posted by TooColdUlrick
a political fundraiser for Kerry as the first date? BZZZT! introducing her to all of these very important people? BZZZT! getting her pic with them? BZZZT!

That's exactly what I was thinking!!

 

[gentleman193]

You need to buy some insurance . . .

. . . for a heartbreak. You are about to take a major fall.

This girl is on a pedastal so high you're introducing her to the future president of the united states on a first date. I've been there, I've done it (not at that level politically but same concept), and it ended up being a MAJOR disaster for me.

This circumstance comes about b/c your life is feeling empty. Suddenly, you can envision *her* filling all the holes. In reality, it's your job to fill the holes (work with that metaphor). Forget about her, find out why your life feels empty, and fix it.

Otherwise I will tell you exactly what happens -- you introduce her to everyone, she enjoys the rich ride, you hesitate to make the moves, she thinks of you as a friendly fagget, and while you are off shopping for engagement rings to surprise her with she gets back together with the ex. And -- if you are a hot-blooded fool -- that is where the manslaughter charges come in and your life with the president's men ends.

So cool off the fantasy before it gets to that and remember she is just a dumb little college girl. The woman of your dreams exists in one place: your head.

 

[dietzcoi]

"The woman of your dreams exists in one place: your head."

Excellent comment Gentleman 193! I love it... I may have it tatooed on my forehead...

Listen to him, Love2play!

Dietzcoi

 

[Player_Supreme]

1. Relax and slow your roll down. Your putting her on a pedistal. The both of you can't fit up there cuase she certainly has you on a pedistal.

2. You gotta remember YOUR the prize here not her.

3. Treat her like you would any other woman out there. If you start clamming up you will ruin her attraction towards you.

4. She is a smart cookie also. She picked you because of who you are and your connections. Your her ace in the hole. Her goal is to make you symp out and get all flustered and fall in love with her...why not....your connected...you could help her future quite a bit.

5. You need to figure out what is HER angle. Everybody has an angle. Even you. You want HER that's an angle. Your certainly not trying to be her best friend now are you.

6. Once you figure out her angle or what she wants sell it to her at YOUR price.

 

[Ricky]

You lost me at the John Kerry part. Bad judgement unless you like megaliberals from Massachussetts. Ted Kennedy may as well be running.

 

[DJnomore]

Moving target...

Time for a date with another girl that she finds out about.

Unless:

1) She was giving you sexual signals and you chose to ignore them. Not you are thinking back now and can imagine signals but clear signals that other people could have seen had they been present. Signals to you as a person not the event.

2) She is so conservative that she doesn't know how to send signals.

Sorry Guy the date wasn't a disaster but you are way way way way too interested unless she is sending major major signals. You are almost certainly in the ljbf zone. Which isn't in itself a death sentance but you need to see another girl respond well to you to snap out of it.

ljbf is almost always in the guys head. Women can change their view of a guy but only if his actions are different and he can project an image and follow through enough to maintain the image. This is because women use abstract criteria to evaluate guys.

1) is he a nice guy
2) do our personalities match
3) is he successful
4) do other women want him
A guy could change these items

Guys on the other hand

1) is she hot
2) is she healthy (fat etc.)
3) do I like the sound of her voice etc.
Women can't do too much to change these.