bed but no sex?

[ronswanson]

SO... Iv known this girl a couple of months shes hot but i never really went after it, i met her the night before she started to work at the same place as me, we no longer work there.
Been to a couple of parties with her she had a boyfriend who left the country like a week ago i assume its over.
So on the weekend she txt me to come out with her to town for drinks and such
and that she loves my company so i went and she said i could stay at hers the night.
We walked to her place, proceeded to the bedroom got undressed down to underwear jumped in bed, then she said, "dont get a hard on though" , and i think i replied, ok and laughed. ( because i was somewhat confused )
then we talked a while which evolved to cuddling and spooning which turned into me feeling her tits and ass so we fell asleep spooning and stuff and she was totally into it, but then the next day she sent me the i really love your company but just mates txt.
so im curious wtf was that all about.

 

[MtnMan]

you are in the friendzone my friend. Perhaps you did not make your sexual intentions clear enough.
When she told you not to get a hard on, you could have had a better response. Perhaps "he does what he wants" or something else.

 

[pyros]

SO... Iv known this girl a couple of months shes hot but i never really went after it, i met her the night before she started to work at the same place as me, we no longer work there.
Been to a couple of parties with her she had a boyfriend who left the country like a week ago i assume its over.
So on the weekend she txt me to come out with her to town for drinks and such
and that she loves my company so i went and she said i could stay at hers the night.
We walked to her place, proceeded to the bedroom got undressed down to underwear jumped in bed, then she said, "dont get a hard on though" , and i think i replied, ok and laughed. ( because i was somewhat confused )
then we talked a while which evolved to cuddling and spooning which turned into me feeling her tits and ass so we fell asleep spooning and stuff and she was totally into it, but then the next day she sent me the i really love your company but just mates txt.
so im curious wtf was that all about.

so a woman you find attractive tells you to go out for drinks at night, and after that, she says that you can stay at her place...you two get in underwear and go to bed...AND YOU DO NOTHING????!! wtf??!!!
how old are you 14????
have you really read what you wrote??! realise your a dumbass!!!! a ***** and retarded.

She gave you the opportunity of banging her and instead of behaving like a man, you ignored it and became her female cuddling friend!!

Of course she texted you the following day: "just mates". She understood that you either dont find her attractive or you're gay, so she's confirming that there is no sexual stuff happening.

I hope you commit suicide XD

To make it clear, you should have:

1 kissed her when you were out having a drink and gotten physical.
2 once at her place, made out, continued to escalate and f-ucked her.
3 end.

 

[jurry]

so a woman you find attractive tells you to go out for drinks at night, and after that, she says that you can stay at her place...you two get in underwear and go to bed...AND YOU DO NOTHING????!! wtf??!!!
how old are you 14????
have you really read what you wrote??! realise your a dumbass!!!! a ***** and retarded.

She gave you the opportunity of banging her and instead of behaving like a man, you ignored it and became her female cuddling friend!!

Of course she texted you the following day: "just mates". She understood that you either dont find her attractive or you're gay, so she's confirming that there is no sexual stuff happening.

I hope you commit suicide XD

To make it clear, you should have:

1 kissed her when you were out having a drink and gotten physical.
2 once at her place, made out, continued to escalate and f-ucked her.
3 end.

Lol, how do you really feel?

 

[Mike32ct]

She let you feel her titts and as$, so you probably could have gotten away with more. Was she topless or bra still on? Topless would point even towards her wanting to F. But regardless, my advice is the same.

Assuming her back was towards you, you could have kissed her shoulders and then her neck, etc. Then, she might have gotten turned on, faced you, started making out, and be open to closing the deal. (If she stopped you and friend zoned you, at least you tried.)

While kissing her all over, once it gets REALLY heated, you could have said, "I promise not to get a hard on if you promise not to get hot, wet, and tingly inside."

 

[gravityeyelids]

Yea man, if you're in the friend zone you dont get invited to get drunk, stay over, cuddle with her in underwear and feel her semi-naked body. She would have stopped you long before that unless she were REALLY trying to toy with your mind.

Unfortunately, what she did sounds like she was down to bang you on the rebound and/or a test as to whether you truly are just a friend. I don't think you were fully in the friendzone, although you might be now. You essentially failed the test by not pushing for sex.

The question now is whether you want to just say "eh screw it" and just accept being friends...or try to still bang her. I do think you might have a small chance. However, don't get hung up on her, and more or less accept that you're probably in the friendzone.

If you want to bang her:
Do not respond to her "just mates" text message. It is a trap. You lose if you accept that you're just a mate. You lose if you try to tell her you're not just a mate. Ignore the text for now, and wait until she texts you again. Go ghost for a few days and get her hamster spinning.

You need to make it known that you are a sexual threat. Subtly switch up your tone when talking to her in person or text from friendly to flirty. Dont be a pushover. Don't supplicate to her or just hang out and do stuff with her just because you want to get with her. You're a man. Lead the interaction. Oh yea, and cut down on "friendly" dates or activities.In fact, i would advise not making plans with her unless it's an activity where you can push for sex (getting drunk at her place, watching a movie, etc.

Kino, Kino, Kino. This might just be the most important part (besides escalating) to staying out of the dreaded friend zone. Start to become comfortable touching her while talking to her. You can also try messing with her via tickle-fighting, fake-wrestling, pillow fighting etc. These "games" are perfect segways to sex.

You might be sunk, but if you get another opportunity, for God's sake push for sex.

 

[Father Joseph]

OP She wouldn't have mentioned "Hard on" in bed with you in her underwear if she did not want the D she wanted you to take the initiave. IMO her talking about a boner means that she thought about it. Next time you know better.

 

[Bible_Belt]

This is one of those discussions that you can't have outside of sosuave without everyone calling you a rapist.

When I worked in sales, they taught us that the typical customer said no seven times before they said yes. If you didn't keep trying, you didn't make sales.

That's where the 'make the ho say no' advice comes from. Some women have a need to be taken by a gentle amount of force and persistence. Overtly saying yes makes them feel like a slvt. They want to tell you no ten times and then end up having sex anyway. It makes them feel sexy that you can't control yourself enough to listen to their words.

As always, look at actions, not words. The action was that she got naked in bed with you. That's a yes. If she wants to really tell you no, she'll either leave the bed or throw you out of it. Once again, that's an action.

I really don't condone rape, but at the same time, it's one of the most common female fantasies. We'd be bullsh!tting ourselves to deny that.

 

[MtnMan]

i cannot imagine being in bed with a women in underwear and not banging! You just need to keep trying, back off some, try again.

Next time you know.

 

[MOTU]

I think Pyros correctly pointed out, though perhaps crudely, that you should have been kinoing and escalating all night, not just at her place. So she knew on the walk home that she was gonna get the d!ck, without you having to say it.

 

[nismo-4]

Believe none of what you hear and half of what you see!

You denied her the dik, now you're just friends. Congratulations! All because you went off of words and not actions. Judge nismo is disappointed in you.

You are guilty of failure to escalate. Your fine is 1 sad dik, 2 blue balls, multiple nights with your hand, and sweet stories of how I'm mistreating her and doing her so badly when she gets into chambers.

Next time, don't be afraid to escalate unless you like being just friends (you're a beta orbiter just feeding her attention and ego boosts). If she really didn't want you, she would've threw you out or dressed up and ran or called her boyfriend over.

Actions speak louder than words. And what would you do if Katy Perry were nearly naked in your bed? You'd be scared? You'll say you have a headache or you're tired? Or will you take the initiative and keep going till she says yes or no? It better be the latter.

Case closed. What position should I rail her in next? :trouble:

 

[3agle 3yes]

I've read many posts from inexperienced guys on here who have made similar mistakes, but to a much lesser degree...however, this one takes the biscuit.

Has the state of the average man gotten so bad that he now looks to women in which direction to proceed?

We walked to her place, proceeded to the bedroom got undressed down to underwear jumped in bed, then she said, "dont get a hard on though" , and i think i replied, ok and laughed. ( because i was somewhat confused ).

I've read the other comments on what he should have done here and although I know this is how OP should've proceeded....I actually disagree with them all.

A novice would've f*cked her right away, but I am no novice.

Most guys want sex, I don't.

Because I don't just want sex, I want GREAT sex.

And great sex can ONLY happen when there is sexual tension.

She obviously wanted sex, and when a woman clearly wants sex you should ALWAYS make her WAIT.

The more you build up sex, the better it is, however don't over do it.

Here's how I would've played it:

I would've flirted with the idea of NOT meeting her for drinks (I would've texted "I'll think about it", then when I was there joked about refusing to go to her house when she offered, a woman shouldn't be this sloppy about her interest in me...sexually confident women are subtle...sluts are obvious.

I would've waited for her to beg me to go.

Then after deciding to go I would've refused to sleep on her bed and chosen the couch instead.

Taking you to her bedroom is another sloppy mistake on her part...I like to punish girls for slutty behaviour.

80% of the time she will attempt to do something AGAIN to get you in her room, so I will go.

I will give her a massage, then I (NOT her) will remove her underwear and message her naked.

Then this will transition to kissing her all over, then I will f*ck her.

This is how you have great sex.

Here's a secret that most men don't know...

Sex is 80% PSYCHOLOGICAL and only 20% PHYSICAL.

If you don't want just sex, but GREAT sex, NEVER EVER have sex on a women's terms.

If a woman tries to get you to f*ck her on her terms PUNISH her by making her WAIT.

 

[VladPatton]

W.t.f.

I don't understand this cuddling in bed with no sex bullshıt. Really, I don't. What the fück are you doing there if she's not putting out??? You're both naked, 90% of the way to home plate, nothing happens, yet you still stay in her bed (or keep her in yours) and cuddle like a 5 year old girl with her favorite stuffed animal named Tinky Winky. Has the desperation to feel human female contact sunk to such an abyss that one will take anything? How do you remain mentally coherent when your erect, throbbing penis in between the firm, hot ass cheeks of a firm female ass and not do anything? I'll figure out cold fusion from scratch with Bigfoot as an assistant before I figure that one out. Pictures included.

If I try and try and she's resisting tooth and nail and saying no, no, no, I'd just put my fückin clothes back on and get the fück out of that situation pronto. The fück is that Romper room cóck tease bullshıt?

Men, if you get massive resistance after trying for a lay, do yourselves and the members of SoSuave a huge service, in an effort to teach others by way of action and integrity, and get the fück out of that hopeless situation and save some personal dignity.

 

[ronswanson]

Well i did the hole text evasion thing untill she made it pretty clear i should go, (but she is naturally a really friendly type of person so i still wasnt 100% sure) The big thing is iv never had the whole " dont get a hard on " line and it threw me, also i did kiss her a bit on shoulders and neck and stuff, and i didnt want to come off rapey, also i dont instantly get a boner because im in bed with a girl because im not a 15 yr old. have some self control?
yeah i think ill give it the ghost protocol and then try set things off in a week or so be more proactive, lmao.

 

[zinc4]

Push for sex until she screams no...which likely wouldn't have happened....if a girl is in your room and especially your bed, up the aggression to the max....when she said don't get a hard on...it was a sh&t test.....you should have just smiled and said oops my hard on just got bigger kissed her while spanking her ass...

And if she ever denies you when you are in your bed especially, force that **** out of her caveman style....NEVER accept no in your bed with a new chick.....if she doesn't like it she can always GTFO....but you have to push her to her limits until she breaks....if there is ANY attraction it will make her wet as hell...

 

[Greasy Pig]

When I was in my early 20s, I had some similar experiences to the OP's.
One day I was whingeing about it to an older work colleague and he simply said: "If a woman is in your home, she's expecting you to make a move. If she's in your bed she's expecting you to fvck her." (And vice versa if you're at her's)
After that I never allowed myself to be alone in private with a woman and not make a move, no matter how unsure or awkward I felt.
And I can honestly say that 99% of women I've made a move on in these circumstances fvcked me.
OP, from this day forth, you must make the same promise. And if she turned out to be a massive pryck tease and still denied you, at least you can say you had the balls to at least try.
There's still a chance you can nail this one. Leave things for a while and them make an excuse to go out drinking with her again.

 

[Thorninmyside]

Yeah man, next time it's either give her the big D to swallow, or take some Greys Anatomy DVDs and have a pyjama party haha. If she says don't get a hard on, tell her your **** will be giving her the orders from now on.

 

[Aesthetix29]

^^^^ This is f****** Hillarious!!

 

[gravityeyelids]

Yeah man, next time it's either give her the big D to swallow, or take some Greys Anatomy DVDs and have a pyjama party haha. If she says don't get a hard on, tell her your **** will be giving her the orders from now on.

Orders?? You giving me orders?.....Amigo....The only thing in this world that gives orders...is balls. Okay? Balls.

 

[compleks]

I'm going to assume you already replied to her "just friends" text?

If not, just write back "pfft, I've got all the friends I need" and leave it at that.