Becoming bitter about approaching women!

[milesman]

Hey guys. I'm getting upset about what I'm seeing as an obvious psychological problem that I've developed over the last year or so (the last time I had a date! ouch.). Just for background purposes, I'm in my mid 20's, handsome and well-groomed, in great shape, gainfully employed and have no problem attracting the young ladies that I'd like to get to know better. I've also been a member here for years and am well-versed in the game. Last summer I removed myself from dating to work on me and haven't pursued anyone since. Now that spring is here I'm ready to meet some quality women but I'll admit I've got some deep-rooted issues with approaching them (specifically black gals-I'm black). I don't believe I'm "scurred" and have done my share of sarges. I may, however, be developing a complex though that since I'm now the bomb, that I shouldn't have to do anything....maybe...

Now during my time off I realized how often even average women get 'hollered' at and as a result how spoiled they are for our attention, how the VAST majority will do everything under the sun to show their interest except put themselves out there and break the ice. They refuse to speak first. And how women have adopted the mindset that "women are to be pursued". How convenient. Personally and professionally I hate passivity, so I really irks me how chicks will position themselves in my periphery, stare, accidentally bump, but NEVER just come straight out and say hello. I do take some satisfaction in knowing that if I don't do the work and speak to her, then she ain't gonna be getting ME either-and I'm the catch. But honestly, it's like a woman must feel desired. Then at a club or bar they want to eye you like they're giving someone "permission" to approach them. FCUK THAT!!! You're not doing me any favors! Furthermore, I get turned off how when I'm walking by, women by default think I'm going to approach them and they get defensive body language...and so I'll just ignore them. But then 5 minutes later or the next time our paths meet they are all grins now that they see I'm not like the other fellas that just bum rush them. And they'll try to get my attention (again without speaking). Those type of attitudes just make me want to kick them in their shins:crazy:
So I suppose I get pissed with the onus always being on the man. Obviously I do want to meet some nice chicks this summer and enjoy the prime of my life. But I get tired of getting the stare and having to put my ass out there (no biggie) while she just sits on her ass feeling cute and sh!t. I'm curious of your thoughts.

 

[Good_ol_boy]

"So I suppose I get pissed with the onus always being on the man. Obviously I do want to meet some nice chicks this summer and enjoy the prime of my life. But I get tired of getting the stare and having to put my ass out there (no biggie) while she just sits on her ass feeling cute and sh!t. I'm curious of your thoughts."

Sorry but it's been like this since we were all black and carried stone knives. It will probably take another million years for it to change.

 

[OceanWindRider]

Well, several points I might say

1. You can bring your game to the levels of some of the guys David D. interviewed - who just sit in the corner and all women approach them
2. Go through an NLP course or something along those lines and work on your beliefs and values.

3. Let me reframe what you just said:
Women have power because they don't do **** and just choose, right?
but is that so? Think about it: they only GET TO CHOOSE from the men who approach them. That's cause the society made them think this way.
WOmen do not approach. So if they really really really want a particular guy - they still can't get him unless he approaches!
Think about it - all girls do is make themselves pretty and sit and wait for the prince charming and wait... and wait....and wait...

Isn't it great to be a man? We can choose who to approach!!
So we, guys, have the real power - to choose any woman we like!
Yes, we must approach them - but that's the beauty of it

Does it make you feel better now?

 

[Veracity]

This is so sad...

"And how women have adopted the mindset that "women are to be pursued". How convenient. Personally and professionally I hate passivity, so I really irks me how chicks will position themselves in my periphery, stare, accidentally bump, but NEVER just come straight out and say hello."

---As the another poster said, this is how women are!!! It's the way mother nature meant it to be. How can you call yourself a DJ if you cannot even recognize the biological realities of life??? Men have their role to play in this world as do women, so...

STOP EXPECTING WOMEN TO BEHAVE LIKE MEN!

WTF? Do you want to primp and preen and sit in a corner giggling with your friends waiting for a women to pick you up? Embrace your manhood Damnit!:woo:

 

[WestCoaster]

Read "You have no competition."

A little off-topic here ... Go to the main site and find an article called "You have no competition."

It talks about getting away from the clubs and going to the grocery stores, the libraries, rec centers, stores, museums, whatever. Why? Because 99.9 percent of guys think they have to hit it at a loud club to meet a woman and no men are at these places.

I recently met and dated for a little while a nice gal I met at an art museum. I didn't go there thinking I'd meet someone, but kept the door open in case I did. I walked into the last day of a pretty good show -- and trust me, I'm no art expert -- and I counted a ratio of about 8 women to each guy. I saw a cute gal standing next to me, chatted her up, got the number, and went out a few times. Nice gal, little too looney to get into an LTR, but better than what I would've met at a club ... and easier to meet at a club. I didn't have to yell or act cool, I just had to act confident.

Go to the clubs for fun and if you meet one, that's gravy. Go to the grocery store, museum (even if you don't like art), library, etc. Women aren't expecting to meet men there either and when they do, they respond favorably. It's true, you have no competition there, not at all.

 

[Sam Gold]

I can relate. I'm not black, but I'm Chinese American.

I've seen both sides. Some great looking guys don't have to do any work. Some great looking guys have to go through hoops of fire. Really depends on what you want, as for myself it is hard because some times you don't know how good looking you are especially if your path was the ugly duckling turning into a swan.

I'm the latter. I just know the ladies are defensive and scared because they know eventually I will leave them nor can they control me. They are right. Simulataneously they desire you and are very much afraid of losing you -- yes girls behave like that before they even know your @#$@# name nor personality.

When I'm not drunk:
I'm still working on this, for some unknown reason I still have this problem like I have something to lose when I talk to attractive girls. I DO KNOW THIS, if you got the looks, man you have to have the personality to match it up, or else girls think you are playing them or #@@#%$@# with their minds.

 

[Friendly Otter]

Think about it: they only GET TO CHOOSE from the men who approach them. That's cause the society made them think this way.

I don't think so, it's biological straight through. If anything, society teaches them to behave like men, and women's magazines chirp happily about how women are now flirting as intensely as do men, even though it is not so.

It's all what used to be called courting, really. And it's the same as when male deer fight each other for the female deer, while she watches. No female, whether human or deer, wants to give her womb to the seed of just any man who prances along. He has to prove his genes are worthy. So they wait and watch.

Also, they need to make sure that the man will stay and care for the offspring. The courting is a test of his level of commitment - the cost of sex is raised.

Imagine many millennia ago, when this wasn't completely decided: those females who didn't have the instinct to raise the cost of sex bore children of wildly varying quality, thereby often bearing weak children, who died and did not carry on their mothers' lack of instinct. Those females with the instinct to raise the cost of sex got better males with better genes, and their offspring survived to pass on their instincts.

That last paragraph may seem superfluous, but sometimes it is good to spell it out thoroughly.

Gotta agree with Milesman, though - sometimes it really is frustrating!

 

[OceanWindRider]

Hey, Otter
It took me a while to figure out where you found contradictions with what I said and why you are talking about the biological mechanisms at all
You are right in your posting, I agree with you - I was a bit lazy in writing my opinion so I made it short.
I think it's both biologically and society-based program women have.

But anyways, that's beyond the point - there is really no point having this discussion as it does not help the original poster too much l

 

[milesman]

Thanks for the responses fellas. I'm very familiar with "the way things are" and everyones biological roles, etc but I appreciated Ocean's comments about how things basically balance themselves out. Women can be *****es towards the men who they don't want (my former self-and we've all tasted this) but have little power when dealing with a developed man who they're attracted to. And this I suppose is where I get salty-Because I used to be that ugly duckling (not terrible but was an average guy with average success). And now I get dialated pupils, open body language etc. Yes, I know that this should be cause for celebration but deep down I still see the b1tch in every woman and feel that, yes, I SHOULD be able to sit my ass down and not do a damn thing! Hah! It's a little crazy I know. But one thing that I find that's helping me get over myself and get back to the hunt is lifting heavy again. Big testosterone boost and that'll make anyone ready to chase skirts again. SIGH

 

[DoubleA]

Miles,

Keep approaching them. Leave the hoodrats alone though. They aren't on ur level anyways. I find that in a more professional evironment like a Happy Hour with young professionals, women are more willing to respond if you are dressed as if you got a job. It's all about being courteous. If you speak right, you'll get a response. If you can't speak right, well..an undesired result will occur. Likewise for women, ones who try to look cute.

I've taken my lumps with all kinds of women. All kinds. That's why I think I have no fear now when it comes to the art of conversation. My man says it's a dying art. He's right. Very few people can carry on a conversation. The setback is you can't have one in a club. Music's too loud.

Or do what I did..take your lumps and work through it. There are other women out here who aren't trying to be cute. Go for them.

 

[xmlenigma]

Ive been reading a lot of Juggler stuff. Try it out. See their free blogs. It will change the way you THINK and LOOK at things.

www.charismaarts.com

 

[milesman]

Leave the hoodrats alone.

ROTFL! Yes sir and I have neglected the candy store which is happy hour-especially here in Atlanta. I got off my ass this weekend though, was well dressed, spoke well (and yes, extended conversation is a lost art and I love watching how a woman gets more excited the more you talk with her) , approached some ladies and got very good responses. Didn't number close but I'm sure I could have, just trying to get my confidence back up. I also chatted up some dudes (damn that sounds gay) but you know social skills are skills anyway you slice it IMO so I'm just trying to better myself and get my swag back

Thanks for the comments guys and Ill be lookin forward to the other 'mature man' threads.

 

[So Many Ways]

ROTFL! Yes sir and I have neglected the candy store which is happy hour-especially here in Atlanta. I got off my ass this weekend though, was well dressed, spoke well (and yes, extended conversation is a lost art and I love watching how a woman gets more excited the more you talk with her) , approached some ladies and got very good responses. Didn't number close but I'm sure I could have, just trying to get my confidence back up. I also chatted up some dudes (damn that sounds gay) but you know social skills are skills anyway you slice it IMO so I'm just trying to better myself and get my swag back

Thanks for the comments guys and Ill be lookin forward to the other 'mature man' threads.

According to what I've been told, if you're black in Atlanta and look like you have a job, it's like shooting fish in a barrell, at least that's what I've been told.

Anyway, I get like that at times, it's just the ego talking. You feel like you've done this that and the third to improve yourself and that automatically means women should fall at your feet and when it doesn't happen, you get mad.

Anyway, I agree with what the above poster said, stay away from the hoodrats.

 

[Last Man Standing]

Yes, it is our job to pursue the woman - we are genetically made to be the initiator and aggressor - but it sure helps alot when the girls make our job easier by giving subtle signals.

A worthy submissive woman is not going to come up to you and initiate the conversation - it is not going to happen - it is not in their nature.

You do have a lot of hors who are blatant and will initiate contact and make aggressive moves - America has a lot of hors so it is really not too hard for the man nowadays -go to a muslim country and you'll experience a stark contrast!!

 

[Stavrogin]

So what does it mean if women never make eye contact with you? What should you do then?

 

[Last Man Standing]

So what does it mean if women never make eye contact with you? What should you do then?

Maybe she doesn't see you or some are shy so this may not happen - this is why men approach who they desire - it is up to us! Men are visual - when we like what we see we pursue or simply lose the opportunity to meet her.

 

[Friendly Otter]

An affirmation of what Last Man Standing says: as we know, porn sells more to men than to women. On the other hand, women are more interested in erotic/porn novels than men are. Men are attracted to the visual, because those who are quick to get aroused by a woman are the first to spread their seed and genes. (A lot of things come back to evolutionary psych!) Women want to learn more about a man, see that he is a high quality potential father - that's why they like their erotic stories.

A good tip is to read some of those smut stories made for women. I have read some pocket-sized books where the heroine is in dire straits or has an exotic job, and she becomes dependant on or has to work with a man. What are their traits?

Mysterious, mischievous, masculine, a little dangerous but not really, and rich.

So when you approach a woman, try to pass yourself off as ... hey, why am I writing this here? I should make a new thread about this. I never make threads, it's my turn, dammit.

 

[Slickster]

Hey Miles

I feel your frustration because we've ALL been there.

Please don't take offense to what I'm about to say but I'm going to be brutally honest here.

As an outsider reading your post I sense a big lack of confidence in your words and the fact that you've written this post in the first place.

You sound like a cool guy with a lot of things going for himself but when it comes to approaching there is a certain amount of tension/pressure involved and this is where your hang-ups begin.

The truth is that if you were consistently approaching women your confidence would be higher and all the issues about women and their attitudes wouldn't mean shyt to you. You'd just accept it for what it is.

Now I'm not going to preach to you about gaining confidence because I'm sure you're well aware. By the way, approaching dudes (or ANYONE for that matter) is a great way to build social skills so don't sweat it. In fact that is precisely what you should be doing! Approach EVERYONE!!!

When I first came to this site years ago I went on my own personal "approach bootcamp". It helped me a ton but what I've found lately is I have much more success when I just cruise around being my happy-go-lucky friendly self. I talk to everyone and when they happen to be women the thought of "approaching" or "number closing" etc. doesn't even enter my mind. At least initially. This takes all the pressure away and in the long run I think you come out a better DJ.

You gain the ability to speak to anyone, anywhere, anytime. The rest of your game just magically falls into place and the biggest bonus is no rejection.
It simply doesn't happen because you aren't speaking to women with any detectable agenda like most dudes attempting a PU. Imagine going out and meeting a ton of women and never EVER feeling that sting of rejection.

I've had many women tell me after the fact that when they first met me they had no clue that I was interested or trying to pick them up. I just smile to myself and think "perfect".

I know that seems ridiculously simple and I'm sure you've heard it before but it never ceases to amaze me how many guys think they have to be some sort of smooth talking PU artist with a ton of game and a canned approach to get women.

Just chill, be friendly to everyone (not just the ladies). With your looks, style, and resume it will only be a matter of time before the ladies will be sensing your cool, fun, friendly demeanor and then they will be the ones seeking you out.

 

[sanoj]

Women are programmed differently. We're the ones with balls.

Last week at a club a woman always seemed to face her body towards me. She couldn't make eye-contact, but she always seemed to be around me. I was busy talking to other girls that night, so I didnt think much about. The day after i remember thinking.. Wow! Some women are real pussies when it comes to showing interest!

And what is with this ass-rubbing on the dance floor? Sometimes I notice that women "approach" me with their ass on the dance floor. Not much eye-contact, just ass first against my body. Isn't that fvcked up or what?

I think rejection is on one level harder for women. When they get rejected its usually because of their looks. And its hard to change looks! Men can always improve their value.