Becoming a 'cooler' guy

[waldo]

Ok this is all slightly tongue in cheek, but does anyone have any practical tips for becoming 'cooler'?. We've all seen those guys who just look and sound totally cool, I'm not bad, but I don't think I act super cool.

A good example is the difference between Joey and Chandler, in the sitcom Friends. I know its fictional but I'm sure we all know of a 'Joey' in real life, and a 'Chandler' for that. What is the difference?, is it inbuilt?, is it self-confidence?, is it simply fake?!. One is super confident, one is a bumbling reck at times...

Recently I've noted several times when I've been out with friends, and I'll get introduced to some guy who just exudes confidence and 'coolness', through all this DJing practice I never seem to be able to get to the level of these 'cool dudes' who seem to be able to charm a chick instantly, and get a date at the click of a finger.

Which got me thinking........ are all these people fakes?, it seems possible, they're so hurt inside for some reason that they live without any real fear?. i.e. broken childhood, lack of happiness... etc..

Any thoughts?

 

[Dirtheart]

It's mostly self-confidence. Notice how Chandler ridicules himself, doesn't rate himself, gets nervous and, as a result, comes across as being a dork?

As dumb and simple as Joey is, he respects himself. He believes he can have any woman he desires, he's not ashamed of anything and he can stand up for himself.

Ross is also interesting. He has a lot going for him and in a relaxed environment he can be cool, but he is very anxious and a typical AFC. His composure gets totally thrown by women or any tense situation.

I think your "coolness" shows in your composure most of all. Slow down, think about your actions, act calm at all times and speak in an even and unaffected tone.

 

[waldo]

Great answer! thanks.

I'll list your main points and then add to them if anyone else suggests anything new.

DO's
===

Do have total self respect
Do have total self belief
Do not be ashamed of anything
Do stand up for yourself

DONT's
====

Don't ridicule yourself, even if you think its being modest
Don't go around telling people how you rate yourself so lowly
Don't expect to get nervous all the time

This all makes common sense when you come to think of it, but I can't remember the amount of times I'll being doing something and will have gone 'god I'm such a pratt' and 'im pretty nervous about this'.... etc

Right better go and study 'Friends'

 

[Duke]

Both of you are right on.

Waldo, you DEFINITELY don't want to sell yourself short. Saying things like "I suck at this" and "Naw, I can't do that" is some of the most AFC behavior imaginable.

I ask you to imagine yourself as a salesman for a moment. If you are trying to SELL a product, are you goint to POINT OUT ALL ITS BAD QUALITIES?

Of course not.

Accentuate the positive

More on 'becoming cooler'...
Try to be different. Use different words, have your own style...things that people can readily associate with you.

Remember "The Fonz" from the TV show "Happy Days" ?
"Eyyy!" *thumbs up*

He was the king of cool. He was also relaxed. He moved slowly... everything about him. His eye movements, his head movements, the way he walked. He talked very slowly, frequently using dramatic pauses. He smiled enough, but didn't wear a perma-smile on his face.

He rode a motorcycle and was famous for his leather jacket. But what made him MOST charming and "cool" was his supreme confidence in himself and his focus on other people.

Now look at the character Potsy-- always bouncing all over the place and fidgeting. Complaining. Speaking with a "nice guy" inoffensive, "I won't hurt you little kitty" type of voice very quickly. Smiling all the damn time.

The difference is clear. Be calm and in control of your own reality. Don't be afraid to express your opinions on things. Make sure you have a few "trademark" characteristics or things about you. To charm, be interested in other people. Most importantly PHYSIOLOGICALLY BECOME MORE CONFIDENT BY SLOOOOWING DOWN.

 

[Dirtheart]

I think your summary is spot on Waldo and Duke adds some great points.

Why have I never seen the Fonz mentioned on this board before? I agree, he was the king of cool and one hell of a DJ and alpha male. Hell, he defines cool. As Duke said, Potsy was a "nice guy", but the Fonz was by no means a jerk. He was respectful, charming and loved by everyone, but he didn't tolerate anyone disrespecting him or his friends.

If you have never seen Happy Days, watch it whenever you get the chance.

 

[DJ_Dork]

i'm cracking up here, wtf? FRIENDS??? Are you out of your mind, how about f@g stare for the straight dork? crikey.

 

[ShortTimer]

Waldo, you DEFINITELY don't want to sell yourself short. Saying things like "I suck at this" and "Naw, I can't do that" is some of the most AFC behavior imaginable.

It's also some of the most honest. For example, I know that if right this second I tried to pick up any musical instrument and played it I would suck because I've never done it. Now I'm not trying to be sarcastic or flippant here, but I do think you're on the right track: most people can't take too much honesty.

If I said to someone "I suck at math" it wouldn't be a statement of low self-esteem, it would be a statement of honest self-evaluation. In fact I would argue that it takes high self-esteem to admit what you are bad at... BUT that's not how chick will perceive the comment because they're dumb.

So yeah, even if you do suck at something it's probably best to not mention it.

 

[gav]

i think being "cool" is very very easy for me, but i do not like putting on that attitude

here's the attitude

1. i am better than everyone else. reasons: a whole list of positive things
2. i do not have any emotions so i won't get excited at all
3. i will rip the piss out of everyone i see to make me and those around me feel better

in scotland, or at least definitely here in glasgow in high school, this is the attitude that gets you cool points

i hate it though and it goes against the dj principles. i am totally moving away from this

the worst thing that comes of this attitude is that you end up taking yourself and life far far too seriously. you end up becoming emotionless and start basing your life on what other people think of you. - you lead an unhappy and unfulfilling life

 

[TheRisingSon]

Watch that movie from the "Coatian Camp" (whatever the f*ck that is). You will be cooler in no time. I promise.

OK. you *really* want to be cool? As other replies have stated, stop giving a sh!t. Again, watch that movie, it will show you how not to act. Oh, I know, the guys with 1k+ posts will tell you that is the way. But, then again, I have a great time at clubs laughing at guys like that (and so do the women who are with me).

Best advice... Many women have told me that I am "cool" becuase "You don't care about what other people think about you." The guy in the movie is trying to be like that, but his insecurities are seen everywhere. The truth is, you have to like yourself before others will truly *respect* you. That might take work, but everything with value does.

Wanna get a feel for the attitude? Listen to "Public Service Announcement" by Jay-Z. "Either love me or leave me alone." It's that simple.

 

[Seeph]

Originally posted by TheRisingSon
The truth is, you have to like yourself before others will truly *respect* you.

You hit the nail on the head bro. I know exactly where your coming from. People need to read Pook's post HERE.

Imitation Is Suicide

- Pook

 

[Balanced]

Not to promote myself or anything but I just went through this stage and posted on it. Charisma

Most important thing, be comfortable all the time, even when people try to put you down. Don't get upset just be comfortable. Be comfortable taking risks. You never want to be embarrissed, a good way to make that happen would be overcoming your fears.

Take it easy

 

[xblitz44x]

Waldo,

1) Your "coolness" is always dependant on who is viewing you. Take that into consideration.

2) I've been saying this and saying this and saying this but nobody wants to listen. You're not going to "act" what YOU think is confident and all of a sudden be so used to act confident that you're going to just magically suddenly BE confident. You're not confident or "cool" because there is shyt in your way, issues deep down inside of you that are constantly tell you "Waldo, lets be honest, you can fake this all you want but you really aren't because (fill in the blanks)." These are issues that you HAVE to become aware of and consciously face down if ever expect to iron them out.

This fake it till you make it shyt is really garbage. In the beginning you might notice 'results' because you're willing to put yourself out there, and you feel good about it because your ego is stroked but that's not confidence. We know this because if the next 3 girls reject us, we're going to be back at square one.

 

[Titus]

Originally posted by waldo
Recently I've noted several times when I've been out with friends, and I'll get introduced to some guy who just exudes confidence and 'coolness', through all this DJing practice I never seem to be able to get to the level of these 'cool dudes' who seem to be able to charm a chick instantly, and get a date at the click of a finger.

Hehehe, sonny boy here struck his head against something he saw working like magic, but he can't quite put his finger on what it is. He just knows it... emits something grand...

Waldo, in case you haven't heard about it yet, it's called "aura." It's the energy every living thing (exept babies up to two years of age, they don't have it yet) emmits. It's practicaly a "able to feel on the outside" mirror for how you are feeling on the inside. Every aura can be described in two ways:

-It's cleanness (how positive and healty your mind and body is)
-It's size and strength (You know, some people are just irresistable. The stronger, the more you attract.)

So, waldo, if you want to be "cooler," you should work on your aura. It can be changed in any way imaginable, just like growing muscles. All you need is exercise.

 

[Pro]

Those guys kicking around are no cooler than you are. What makes them cool is you thinking they are cool.

Pick up a hobby, better yourself and it will all flow from there.

 

[myfriendblu]

Originally posted by Pro
Those guys kicking around are no cooler than you are. What makes them cool is you thinking they are cool.

Pick up a hobby, better yourself and it will all flow from there.

Pro, your exactly right. Just get something going for yourself is the key. be successfull, or at least somewhat successfull. Job/hobby/school etc etc......

 

[NewMan]

The Fonz? Joey off of Friends?

Jeez this board is slipping.

The Fonz, to me was the uncoolest guy around. He hung out with kida 10 yrs younger than him who thought he was cool - and that thumbs up - definitely has to go.



For me being cool is all about Self Control. It's a Zen thing.


It's being in the now, in the moment.

It's not letting anything ruffle your feathers. Your always in control of yourself, your surrondings and your situation. You never let your emotions get the better fo you.

Your not all wired up - your not judgemental of others.

Your not uptight about things. You roll with the situation.


Your confident, determined. You know what you want and are not afraid of it.

It's been said here many time before - but if we want to compare it to a fictional character - then there can be only one - and that 007 - Mr James Bond.

Now that's cool.

No stupid thumbs up from him.... "Yaaay"... The Fonz needs a vocab. overhaul.