Became too much of a jerk to my girl

[That_guy]

So me and her have been together for 7 months now. Somewhat understanding about push and pull and all that. I think I might have been too much of a jerk now, because now she is saying that I might have been cheating on her and stuff and also that now she is used to not having me around so much that it does not bother her as much anymore when I dont contact her and she is thinking of ending it.

So do I go colder or is this the time to let the beta out? And give her attention?

 

[Iceberg]

If she's treating you differently or acting differently, then it may be time to re-calibrate your approach.

If she's simply complaining, but her treatment of you remains the same, then you should remain the man that she's been attracted to for these past 7 months.

It always comes back to actions vs. words. A woman will complain about a guy all damn day long, but if she's still banging the guy, cooking him dinner, etc, etc, then her complaints are simply words.

As a caveat, I'll say that as a grown man, I'm trusting that you know the difference between a "jerk" as a man who speaks his mind and a "jerk" as an immature clown.

 

[That_guy]

If she's treating you differently or acting differently, then it may be time to re-calibrate your approach.

If she's simply complaining, but her treatment of you remains the same, then you should remain the man that she's been attracted to for these past 7 months.

It always comes back to actions vs. words. A woman will complain about a guy all damn day long, but if she's still banging the guy, cooking him dinner, etc, etc, then her complaints are simply words.

As a caveat, I'll say that as a grown man, I'm trusting that you know the difference between a "jerk" as a man who speaks his mind and a "jerk" as an immature clown.

Its not just complaining though, because she confessed that she was telling and assuring herself that if I dont contact her the whole week, she will dump me. Luckily for me yesterday I got nothing to do so I contacted her. We did have sex and all that. But, there is a difference in affection levels for the past few days. Like she does not jump me whenever we see each other anymore remember, I used to only pick up the phone once or twice a week and see her as much.

The difference for me is kind of blurry, if its scale I will probably be the first kind of jerk 45% of the time and the immature clown 55% of the time. Kind of a Roissy/Heartiste kind of ahole.

 

[The Karate Kid]

Gotta remember, there is a point of diminishing returns with a chick, I recently went through this, would only see the girl once or twice a week, and speak to her every other day or so. After we ended things, she said that she didnt think i cared, and was ready to meet someone else because she didnt think we ahd a future.

sounds a lot like your situation man, If i were you, id show her a little more attention, and that you care. Just dont say it. Show it.

 

[That_guy]

Gotta remember, there is a point of diminishing returns with a chick, I recently went through this, would only see the girl once or twice a week, and speak to her every other day or so. After we ended things, she said that she didnt think i cared, and was ready to meet someone else because she didnt think we ahd a future.

sounds a lot like your situation man, If i were you, id show her a little more attention, and that you care. Just dont say it. Show it.

Ok....man, I cant believe I am browsing teddy bears online now....

What kind of a jerk I am?

It was her birthday and our 7 moth anniversary the day after and I was not there for either one, where was I? With my friends at the bar and some random girls....she texted me throughout and I was not responding.

Also, I did not get her anything for valentines day...actually I ignored her for that whole week.

I yelled at her in public.

I made a comment on her kid pictures on how fat she was.

In hindsight, I probably shouldnt be that bad, but then come on? When I was nice to girls I didnt get any lol now even one of her girlfriends who "hates" me the most winked and smiled at me when my girl was not looking. Riddle me that.

 

[The Karate Kid]

Yeah, you have to be there for important things like that. Imagine the messge it sends to her when you blow off her birthday and a kinda pointless, but important to her anniversary.

Now im not saying get clingy and drown her in attention, but a little showing that you want her around and are interested in your relationship is very important.

and dont buy her any gifts. it sends the wrong messge. You gotta do this subtly, so it looks natural.

And on the point about being nice and getting nothing and being a jerk and getting something, You want to honestly be the jerk who speaks his mind, and doesnt put up with ****. Not the one that hurts peoples feelings for fun.

Just dont be a pushover, know that respect is everything, and have enjoy your time with her, thats what a relationship is all about

 

[That_guy]

Yeah, you have to be there for important things like that. Imagine the messge it sends to her when you blow off her birthday and a kinda pointless, but important to her anniversary.

Now im not saying get clingy and drown her in attention, but a little showing that you want her around and are interested in your relationship is very important.

and dont buy her any gifts. it sends the wrong messge. You gotta do this subtly, so it looks natural.

well, kind of like a late birthday present then? it was this weekend.....

I will be like "oh I found this s#!+ lying around and i thought you might like it"

she made a hint about wanting to buy a giant plush toy instead of an actual animal pet...so yeah

 

[DonJuanabe]

Ignoring her birthday was not a jerk move, it was a d*uche move. That was really dumb and can certainly cause her interest level to drop.

 

[The Karate Kid]

well, kind of like a late birthday present then? it was this weekend.....

I will be like "oh I found this s#!+ lying around and i thought you might like it"

she made a hint about wanting to buy a giant plush toy instead of an actual animal pet...so yeah

Rather than buying her something, i would do something with her, take her on a day trip to a nearby city, romantic date night, concert, etc. Do something that builds a memory over a material item. I like bringing girls to concerts that way whenever they hear the music, they think of me and that awesome concert we went to

 

[coochieman]

Its a choice. A hard one, I'll tell you that.

Choose the person you want to become and roll withe consequences. Whether good or bad, Period. Re-model yourself. There are lots of women for every type of fellow as long as this fellow keeps approaching and escalating (unlike our everyday average chump model).

Look, this whole.... jerk, nice-guy with an edge, bad-good guy, unpredictable gentleman, mixture blah blah blah bullsh!t became too much for me.

So what did I do?
Became a brooding ****y arrogant jerk (If it's what it's called nowadays) that didn't give the slightest fucck what he said, behaved and how you felt 'bout him.

Did it work?
Yeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeah brah! It did.

Does this mean you go around starting random fights, screaming "alpha!"?
No! That's stooping low. I'm a KING not a monkey mahn.

So what does it mean?
I'm silent, relaxed, cool. Minding my business. Not really concerned with any other person around me. I might behave bigger than everybody else, I don't just yell it out in mere words. But when I see something (Like that pretty HB standing over there) I go for it. Something I would have feared to do before.

Wow! Everybody must adore you then?
Ha Ha Ha, I laugh. Maybe, I don't know. Not a "people-pleaser" any more, whew! But what I do know is they pay me much more respect since I don't appear really approachable or random any longer.

You say you are silent, so how do you converse?
Actions speak way louder than words. I talk, I just don't do it like I used to before. Funny thing, girls respond better to you having them do the life-history talk, all you gotta do is shut up and throw in a little funny seeds once in a while. Plus if body language could be verbalized, I'd probably have mutated into a siren.

Did I have to ditch some friends?
Yes, a lot. It was a painful choice. But I can't hang around boys that do nothing but complain all day. Real recognize real.

If this is what you call a jerk or whatever, then good. Everybody here knows the full spectrum of the niceguy-jerk calibration scale. Set yourself exactly where you wanna be, enjoy the successes, accept the failures gracefully and be unapologetic about it. Plenty girls don't really feel this me, but I was never planning on fucckin' the whole world from the onset lol. All I know is I'm getting more girls than I ever thought I was capable of attracting previously. Tell you something for sure.... other dudes gonna respect, follow, envy & hate you!

So dude, CHOOSE WHO YOU ARE!
GO DJ.

 

[FairShake]

There's a simple difference between being a "jerk" and a "d!ck."

You not only overstepped that boundary but vaulted it.

"Jerks" are fun. They keep it light and playful. They get a medium hard punch on the arm, a rolling of the eyes, a sarcastic "you're a jerk" snicker but the girl doesn't mean it. Jerks are "calibrated" to use a recently overused term.

D!cks are mean just because. Usually they are lacking in some other area (usually self-esteem or balls) and take their venom out on people that care for them. Guys and Girls (known as b!tches) can get away with it once they've got somebody to fall in love with them...but it only lasts for so long.

Missing a birthday to spend time with some dudes (and girls), yelling at someone in public, and calling her fat is a good way to get her to break up with you. Is that what you want? It sounds like it...

 

[Zarky]

OP you're overgaming just a little. Better calibration than most guys though. Be just a little nicer. Not a lot, but a little.