Be more angry at bad news?

[Huffman]

I'd best write down the exact situation, so you know what I mean:

A girl just called me to cancel our date today. It had been kinda hard to find a day where we both have time, so she's really guilty about not being able to make it.
Her: Hey Huffman... I'm sure you're going to be angry but do you have a minute?
Me: Sure.
Her: I'm really sorry about this but my dad just called that my mum is coming for a surprise visit, and I can't make it tonight. I know it sounds silly yada yada.
Me: Okay.....
Her: (some more about how she's sorry)
Me: Well that's OK. Text me when you do have time.
Her: We can do tomorrow evening!
Me: Hm, I have something in the afternoon. I'll text you if I can make it.
(blah, pleasantries and bye)


So! Nothing noteworthy, I'm willing to believe her this one time (she's been VERY interested so far) and she offered another date, so it's ok.

So I literally said it's ok. BUT - should I have shown actual anger? Let her know some disappointment? I know she's a passive girl and these days I'm practicing to be more dominant and aggressive. I don't want to come across as a pushover who just accepts being stood up. You think it's good to let her sweat a bit more?

 

[Huffman]

I've noticed a pattern (with other women though) where they'd say "Did I make you angry", "Are you angry now" over complete non-issues.
So they want you either A) assure them they did no wrong, or B) get angry which shows weakness. In a way you can only lose in answering this question.

Then I'd say "No, there's no issue at all" if there's none, or just show mild disappointment. "Oh but you are angry! Now i've really done it". And they go on asserting about how you're supposed to be angry, and won't shut up until I actually become angry!!

It's as if they're trying to break your shell, trying anything to force an emotional reaction. This will expose a weakness, and they proceed to sink their teeth in you.

 

[LMFAO]

Yes you handled that fine enough. At least she was being specific on why she flaked which can be a good sign, plus she tried to reschedule but you can never tell for sure. Sometimes things do come up, other times another guy's c0ck comes up. I usually say "Oh ok" with anything like that, say as little as possible and let her do the work to make it up to you.

Just text her in 4-5 days and set up another date. If she flakes again then goodbye to her.

 

[Huffman]

Yeah I know I handled it OK. But these days I'm really looking to step up my game. So I wonder if I could have made a bigger impression in actually being a bit harsher.

I'm not worked up about this particular call, it's more like a question of principle for me.

 

[mangotot]

The girl did suggest an alternative day so I wouldn't worry too much. If she flakes on that day too then you have every right to believe this is one time waster and get pi$$ed off or whatever else.

 

[MOTU]

No, being harsher would not have been better, in my view. Indifference feeds the hamster far better than anger.

 

[BraddH]

No angry. Never. Just seriousness if necessary.

 

[In2theGame]

IMO it depends. Im the type of guy that when something goes down that i dont like, I let her fvcking know it. Fvck all that "play it cool" garbage. Sometimes its fine to let sh!t slide but for the most part, Women always test Men to see if the dude actually has a spine and will put her azz in check. The funny thing about it is, In my experience atleast, the HB6, 7's dont respond well to this but the 8's and 9's do!. Some of the hottest Women i either dated or was just fvcking told me they like that i "Put them in their place". Maybe its just the way i am but if i feel it, i let it be known.

 

[skinnyguy]

Women are so silly. My 4 year old niece is more mature

 

[beyondunplugged]

IMO it depends. Im the type of guy that when something goes down that i dont like, I let her fvcking know it. Fvck all that "play it cool" garbage.

That's what I'm talking about. I'm like that too. I call it like I see it. Some of these b1tches hate it. Some of them can't get enough. I don't give a sh1t. I take the "do what's best for yourself" approach to the extreme and call out virtually everything that I'm not cool with. I guess with that though you really have to pick your battles. It is also how you phrase things and the tone and everything else. But I use it as a way to stranglehold the frame forever.

 

[Peaks&Valleys]

First time flake, good excuse, apologized, tried to reschedule for the very next day.

Any reasons so far not to trust her?

Context is important here. Not all flakes are the same.

Is she blowing you off for something better? Or does she sound like she wants to see you, but she can't? There is a time to call them out, but it needs to be valid. You call them out at the wrong times, then you're going to come across as a desperate jaded beta.

I thought you handled it great OP, especially the part where you didn't jump at the chance to reschedule with her. Only thing I might have done different, depending on how far along in the relationship we were, is say something like: "okay, but next time you owe me one "

I never show "disappointment" if I'm unable to see a woman. I'm the prize, not her. She should be showing disappointment in not being able to see me. That's where "playing it cool comes in". There's a difference between playing it cool, and being her doormat. Even if they did have another date, by me showing that it's no big deal that I'm not going to be able to hang out with them, they will start to wonder why it's no big deal to me. That hamster is a peculiar thing. I've had women who, after flaking on me, magically free back up soon after our interaction of me "playing it cool", then I get to decide if to go on with the date, or tell them: "sorry, I already made plans". Women are horrible at making decisions, mainly because their decision making ability is fueled by their emotions. If you get angry or disappointed then they know they have power and control over you, and will therefore know that they can get away with flaking on you. However, if show that you don't really care if you see them or not, then that will bother them more than anything.

 

[VladPatton]

There is no reason to show anger. For what? At most, you can state you're disappointed, then test her by seeing if she'll make it up to you. If not, adios, she doesn't care. You can turn this into your very own sh!t test for her.

 

[Huffman]

Thanks for the advice. I guess there's other ways of practicing directness and dominance. For example on the date we're going on, since of course we rescheduled and she's already excited