Be honest, be blunt, care less and spin plates

[highSpeed]

You may have made some mistakes but to have sex with held from you like this os beyond that.
You're doing to yourself right now what you are allowing her to do, walk all over you.
When my ex would be an ass and couldn't connect as soon as i saw her i would pick her up and aggressivley bang her allover the place. Literally and figuratively put her in her place.

You need to step up like that or something. Take control.

are you kidding man? I raise my voice and she claims I'm abusing her. If I did that sh*t? I'd be posting from jail. Look man, I make f*cking awesome money. She's got a ring on her finger. We've got 2 kids. I have no pre-nup and anyway, my career has gone through the roof since I've met her, so pre-nup wouldn't matter in this case all that much. I'm f*cked. I work out, I'm 43 and can still run a sub 6 mile. I'm 5'9" and weight 185 too, so I weight-lift. I'm on pace to make around 4-5 hundred k next year. My one mistake? Putting a ring on her finger. So I'm left with:
a. keep doing what I'm doing, so fun to walk around sexually frustrated all the time.
b. get a side piece. I'm sure I would eventually get caught but at least I could have my money and a piece of *ss regularly for awhile.
c. walk out and get literally bent over for money and my kids.
I don't have good options at this point but she's a lost cause.

 

[exhausted]

are you kidding man? I raise my voice and she claims I'm abusing her. If I did that sh*t? I'd be posting from jail. Look man, I make f*cking awesome money. She's got a ring on her finger. We've got 2 kids. I have no pre-nup and anyway, my career has gone through the roof since I've met her, so pre-nup wouldn't matter in this case all that much. I'm f*cked. I work out, I'm 43 and can still run a sub 6 mile. I'm 5'9" and weight 185 too, so I weight-lift. I'm on pace to make around 4-5 hundred k next year. My one mistake? Putting a ring on her finger. So I'm left with:
a. keep doing what I'm doing, so fun to walk around sexually frustrated all the time.
b. get a side piece. I'm sure I would eventually get caught but at least I could have my money and a piece of *ss regularly for awhile.
c. walk out and get literally bent over for money and my kids.
I don't have good options at this point but she's a lost cause.

When i said bang i meant sex. Just to clarify.

Have you sat down and talked to her?
Is she unreachable to communicate with?
Does she just not like you? Why is she staying? Most women feel entitled they could leave and get support and a new man.
Is she personality disordered?

I feel for you.
I was married a year and my ex wife tried pulling this chit of no sex and no interest. I gave her 2 months no change so i packed her up and moved her out.
Sadly you can't do the same.

 

[highSpeed]

When i said bang i meant sex. Just to clarify.

Have you sat down and talked to her?
Is she unreachable to communicate with?
Does she just not like you? Why is she staying? Most women feel entitled they could leave and get support and a new man.
Is she personality disordered?

I feel for you.
I was married a year and my ex wife tried pulling this chit of no sex and no interest. I gave her 2 months no change so i packed her up and moved her out.
Sadly you can't do the same.

long, long story man but she essentially puts up barriers to intimacy. neither one of us wants to raise kids in a single parent household, although I'm probably more vehement than her about it. she blames me for everything, takes no responsibility and without a way of punishing her for bad behavior, I've no real meaningful way to change it. some sh*t went on with my daughter from a previous marriage that she brings up all the time, even though she hasn't lived at home in like 4 years. she literally threw gasoline all over the situation with her and then stepped back and said she had no responsibility. she's held that against me ever since. she definitely has a nutty bent, although she'll never admit it. she gaslights me. she disrespects me. if we had no kids? I'd put her sh*t out on the street in about 5 seconds. she wants to goto counseling but freely admits she's only going to grind axes. I'm in a no-win situation. I have literally no desire to give away my every day relationship with my kids and half my income to have them turned against me and have someone else be called dad.

 

[exhausted]

long, long story man but she essentially puts up barriers to intimacy. neither one of us wants to raise kids in a single parent household, although I'm probably more vehement than her about it. she blames me for everything, takes no responsibility and without a way of punishing her for bad behavior, I've no real meaningful way to change it. some sh*t went on with my daughter from a previous marriage that she brings up all the time, even though she hasn't lived at home in like 4 years. she literally threw gasoline all over the situation with her and then stepped back and said she had no responsibility. she's held that against me ever since. she definitely has a nutty bent, although she'll never admit it. she gaslights me. she disrespects me. if we had no kids? I'd put her sh*t out on the street in about 5 seconds. she wants to goto counseling but freely admits she's only going to grind axes. I'm in a no-win situation. I have literally no desire to give away my every day relationship with my kids and half my income to have them turned against me and have someone else be called dad.

That sucks. She is on the spectrum of cluster B for sure. Npd. That is a miserable life.
Well fight fire with fire and be worse than her. Just go off the deep end to where she will be the one uncomfortable.
Or get a side piece.
Or do what you are doing.

Peace of mind may be worth losing some money.
Talk to a lawyer and see what your chances of 50- 50 custody are.

 

[highSpeed]

That sucks. She is on the spectrum of cluster B for sure. Npd. That is a miserable life.
Well fight fire with fire and be worse than her. Just go off the deep end to where she will be the one uncomfortable.
Or get a side piece.
Or do what you are doing.

Peace of mind may be worth losing some money.
Talk to a lawyer and see what your chances of 50- 50 custody are.

side piece is where I'm leaning and it makes me feel really sh*tty even considering it. I'm not that kind of guy, literally never, ever cheated before in my entire life. Always considered people that did that kind of crap to be real douches but honestly, I think I know where at least some of those guys are coming from. I don't want to be that kind of guy but what options do I have? I enjoy s*x but I'm not going to beg her. I'm not walking into her counseling trap, God I take enough punishment now, I'm not paying someone to air our dirty laundry. 50/50 custody, it's a crap shoot at best. She does **** like record me to line me up. I'd probably be at a disadvantage. I screwed myself. I should have been looking out for myself when I was looking out for her. She has always looked out for herself. I got caught up in lust, she was a little sex kitten before we got married, dried up shortly after we got married and whala, you have a recipe for being taken advantage of

 

[exhausted]

side piece is where I'm leaning and it makes me feel really sh*tty even considering it. I'm not that kind of guy, literally never, ever cheated before in my entire life. Always considered people that did that kind of crap to be real douches but honestly, I think I know where at least some of those guys are coming from. I don't want to be that kind of guy but what options do I have? I enjoy s*x but I'm not going to beg her. I'm not walking into her counseling trap, God I take enough punishment now, I'm not paying someone to air our dirty laundry. 50/50 custody, it's a crap shoot at best. She does **** like record me to line me up. I'd probably be at a disadvantage. I screwed myself. I should have been looking out for myself when I was looking out for her. She has always looked out for herself. I got caught up in lust, she was a little sex kitten before we got married, dried up shortly after we got married and whala, you have a recipe for being taken advantage of

Do the counseling. Stay composed let her look foolish. Npd's Don't realize how off they are and how obvious it is to everyone but her. A decent psychologist will call her straight out they know how terrible and cruel npds are. Believe me. And see a lawyer behind her back.
Dont cheat. Go for 50 50 custody. Cheating will cost you financially if you get divorced.

 

[highSpeed]

Mixing families is tough. I come from a mix family. Older siblings hated it but us younger ones blended well.
My parents did a great job and were balanced. However seeing step families ariund me falling apart helped me realize how difficult it really is.

bottom line is, you have to be extremely understanding in that situation as a step parent to make it work. If you don't like the kid, man or woman, boy or girl, don't get involved with the other person. I stopped dating a woman just for that reason, I disliked her son. May make me not an understanding person but I'm not going to curse myself or someone else with a relationship when I dislike their child.

 

[highSpeed]

Do the counseling. Stay composed let her look foolish. Npd's Don't realize how off they are and how obvious it is to everyone but her. A decent psychologist will call her straight out they know how terrible and cruel npds are. Believe me. And see a lawyer behind her back.
Dont cheat. Go for 50 50 custody. Cheating will cost you financially if you get divorced.

she puts a good face on it man, she saves the devious sh*t and nasty attitude for when we are alone. Sometimes the mask pops off but it is pretty rarely. I suppose I could argue it out in counseling and put my points forward, get her to wig out but honestly, the thought of that is exhausting. I already work a sh*t ton of hours, I don't want to put more work into a failed relationship. Look, she's not going to cooperate anymore, she got what she wanted and needed from me, kids and resources. Now that the goods have already been given, there's no reason for her to behave like an adult. I appreciate the advice but I'm truly not sure what to do anymore.

 

[exhausted]

she puts a good face on it man, she saves the devious sh*t and nasty attitude for when we are alone. Sometimes the mask pops off but it is pretty rarely. I suppose I could argue it out in counseling and put my points forward, get her to wig out but honestly, the thought of that is exhausting. I already work a sh*t ton of hours, I don't want to put more work into a failed relationship. Look, she's not going to cooperate anymore, she got what she wanted and needed from me, kids and resources. Now that the goods have already been given, there's no reason for her to behave like an adult. I appreciate the advice but I'm truly not sure what to do anymore.

I understand your point but that is is the thing you will not have to antagonize her to get her to flip out just be honest with the facts of the things that she says and does and that will be enough for the psychologist to see her narcissistic bipolar cluster beat rates and tendencies. I understand that even going through counseling with her she won't change as this personality disorder has no ability to change and she sounds quite cruel anyways but if you go and have a lawyer when you get the court the judge will see your effort and maybe that will help you with 50/50 custody. So the end game is not for her to improve because it won't happen it is to protect your rights and make you look better when you do end up in court for a divorce and custody

 

[marmel75]

What is the "correct" response to the question, are you seeing other people? I've had this before and it gets me every time. It's open ended because I may not have other dates lined up at that specific time but it is not to say I wouldn't spin other plates. If I say yes, it implies I have been on other dates recently. If I say no, it implies I have no other options. I wish it was just obvious to them that the answer is yes I would see other people. If I haven't been on dates recently or if I have I say the same thing, "I'm keeping my options open, I would go on other dates". This makes me sound a PUA - especilly if I can tell the girl I am with hasn't been on many dates.

There is no "correct" response per se, one that will work in ALL situations.

I usually go with something like "I am seeing other people but nothing serious at this time"

That way she knows I am seeing other people but yet I still dangle the carrot in front of her...

 

[sosousage]

I had a successful (no bang) date with 30 today (im 22) im sure shes interested. she called me empty and shallow at the end when I said no1 likes fat girls anyway (I was talking about a story that mentioned fat person). She like went from happy to sad

 

[guru1000]

I had a successful (no bang) date with 30 today (im 22) im sure shes interested. she called me empty and shallow at the end when I said no1 likes fat girls anyway (I was talking about a story that mentioned fat person). She like went from happy to sad

I could be your father and I date younger girls than you. 30 yo women at your age is grabbing at the low-hanging fruit.

I get it if you're trying to reach abundance, but your focus group should be 18-21 yo, which is nearly the hottest age group of women.

 

[sosousage]

I could be your father and I date younger girls than you. 30 yo women at your age is grabbing at the low-hanging fruit.

I get it if you're trying to reach abundance, but your focus group should be 18-21 yo, which is nearly the hottest age group of women.

not sure what you mean. shes sexier than most my exes in their 20s.. and generally sexier than most women at 20


@guru1000 you wouldnt like to be my father if you are jew haha. im full time atheist

 

[highSpeed]

I understand your point but that is is the thing you will not have to antagonize her to get her to flip out just be honest with the facts of the things that she says and does and that will be enough for the psychologist to see her narcissistic bipolar cluster beat rates and tendencies. I understand that even going through counseling with her she won't change as this personality disorder has no ability to change and she sounds quite cruel anyways but if you go and have a lawyer when you get the court the judge will see your effort and maybe that will help you with 50/50 custody. So the end game is not for her to improve because it won't happen it is to protect your rights and make you look better when you do end up in court for a divorce and custody

Yes, I honestly don't see much that will cause this to change. She has no reason to change. People don't often change unless they have a reason. You know, I used to think she was pretty solid mentally. At this point, nope, there's something a bit off. A shame I didn't figure that out until now. Another anecdotal reason for you or anyone else not to get married. You don't know what you're getting until you know and by then, it's too late. There are the rare unicorns, but for the most part, women are mostly untrustworthy and undependable. The only thing you can depend on with them is that they will look out for themselves.

 

[guru1000]

not sure what you mean. shes sexier than most my exes in their 20s.. and generally sexier than most women at 20[/

...you wouldnt like to be my father if you are jew haha. im full time atheist

I'm a buddhist.

 

[RichardTheFrog]

I'm a buddhist.

See? Jews are going extinct just like white people in general.

Mark Zuckerburg = Jewish
Mark Zuckerburg's children = half Jewish

That 0.2% of global population could be shrinking.

~50% of people living is Israel are non-Jewish.

 

[guru1000]

See? Jews are going extinct just like white people in general.

Mark Zuckerburg = Jewish
Mark Zuckerburg's children = half Jewish

That 0.2% of global population could be shrinking.

~50% of people living is Israel are non-Jewish.

You didn't know I'm a Paizan. I'm Sicilian.