Balancing aloofness

[GADavid]

A woman I am kind of seeing made some choices I didn't like. Accordingly I withdrew attention as to not reward such behavior on Friday. This morning all hell breaks loose and she loses it on me.

She was livid that my communication has been "sporadic" and "shady". Admittedly, I wasn't responding quickly nor with detail she didn't directly ask about, but we were still talking. I didn't initiate communication and she'd give in and text/call by 3pm each day which is very late in the day from the norm.

Now she sees it as playing games and trying to make her jealous. Honestly, I was quite happy to not worry about her for a while and let her do all the work. It seemed to work too. She would try to set up hanging out and things more than usual so I was disinclined to revert back to the old routine.

So, how does one remain mysterious and aloof without pushing too far and inciting anger? In retrospect I should have laughed it off and acted like all was well, but she called me out on it directly.

I'm assuming it to far and was an ******* instead of aloof. I find it hard to keep calm and collected and not over do things one direction or the other. How do you or what do you tell yourself to moderate your behavior towards women?

 

[Dgwizdal]

Sh*t test you failed miserably. Shoulda ran with laughing it off and then saying something like "aww did you miss me?" instead of allowing her to flip it on you. IE: falling into her raging frame and answering directly.... AFTER SHE WAS THE ONE WHO GOOFED.

To the second part of the ?: Gotta remember that you can't be too aloof or you'll get the boot for being an a**hole who doesn't give a sh*t like I did - especially if the relationship is progressing and your still acting uninterested like you did when you first started smashing. Gotta give in just abit - Balance is key and will also add to your unpredictability.

Hold your ground - Don't get AFC OR SOFT just remember that pushing her away too hard/often will make her feel unimportant and irrelevant. After all, the attraction is there but once a certain time passes (3-4 months) she's going to start looking for rapport. Reward slooowly...

And If she keeps putting you in this situation with bad behavior, you know what to do...

 

[happyDJ]

Aloofness should be understood as Amused Mastery:

http://therationalmale.com/2012/09/14/amused-mastery/

 

[Big Nuts]

Most women do not respond to aloofness like this...she sounds like a crazy cvnt!

Next...immediately!

 

[Driggs]

Be pleasant for a while and then be aloof again. She's telling you that it's working.

 

[denverfan110]

Yeah, agreed with BN. A quality, or even semi-quality, chick does not display this reaction to withheld attention.

Down then line its better off dropped unless you're solely looking to pump and dump (but you're not...as you're "kind of" seeing her) then yeah you should have just laughed it off.

 

[smooth_as_silk]

Now she sees it as playing games and trying to make her jealous.

What do you care what she thinks about it? Do whatever you wanna do.

How do you or what do you tell yourself to moderate your behavior towards women?

Don't you think there are more important stuff to worry about on a daily basis?

 

[Bossman90]

I think you handled it well. I personally find it detrimental to explain yourself to women most of the time or to anyone for that matter.

 

[PlayHer Man]

Being aloof is about REALLY being aloof. Its not a faggot mind game. If you're "pretending" then you might as well have a vagina.

Here is how it works --> If you want to do something.. DO IT. If you don't want to do something.. DON'T DO IT. Your desire to do something or not should come from a place of wisdom and logic.. not fear or emotion.

Example of emotion/fear --> Mind games or buying a woman flowers because she is mad and you can't deal with it. Submitting to a woman is another example OR basing all your actions on her actions (letting her lead).

Fun Fact --> You can't control modern women so don't bother trying. Oddly.. the easiest way to control them is by not trying. Just doing whatever the f*ck you want: TRUE aloofness. The person trying to control the other person is the person who cares the most. Always care LESS than the woman. Always.

Its really that simple. You live on your own terms and let the woman take it or leave it. The only time I intentionally "manipulate" a woman is to f*ck her faster OR in retaliation for disrespect/abuse. Its never a relationship maintenance strategy. Relationship maintenance is the woman's job. F*cking is the mans job.

 

[GADavid]

Be pleasant for a while and then be aloof again. She's telling you that it's working.

I think I over did it. Fought all yesterday and being pleasant now. I will resume being aloof and doing whatever I want shortly.

 

[GADavid]

Sh*t test you failed miserably. Shoulda ran with laughing it off and then saying something like "aww did you miss me?" instead of allowing her to flip it on you. IE: falling into her raging frame and answering directly.... AFTER SHE WAS THE ONE WHO GOOFED.

To the second part of the ?: Gotta remember that you can't be too aloof or you'll get the boot for being an a**hole who doesn't give a sh*t like I did - especially if the relationship is progressing and your still acting uninterested like you did when you first started smashing. Gotta give in just abit - Balance is key and will also add to your unpredictability.

Hold your ground - Don't get AFC OR SOFT just remember that pushing her away too hard/often will make her feel unimportant and irrelevant. After all, the attraction is there but once a certain time passes (3-4 months) she's going to start looking for rapport. Reward slooowly...

And If she keeps putting you in this situation with bad behavior, you know what to do...

Oh yeah, I failed it BAD! We've known each other for years and dated off and on, so this was far out of character for me

 

[GADavid]

Being aloof is about REALLY being aloof. Its not a faggot mind game. If you're "pretending" then you might as well have a vagina.

Here is how it works --> If you want to do something.. DO IT. If you don't want to do something.. DON'T DO IT. Your desire to do something or not should come from a place of wisdom and logic.. not fear or emotion.

Example of emotion/fear --> Mind games or buying a woman flowers because she is mad and you can't deal with it. Submitting to a woman is another example OR basing all your actions on her actions (letting her lead).

Fun Fact --> You can't control modern women so don't bother trying. Oddly.. the easiest way to control them is by not trying. Just doing whatever the f*ck you want: TRUE aloofness. The person trying to control the other person is the person who cares the most. Always care LESS than the woman. Always.

Its really that simple. You live on your own terms and let the woman take it or leave it. The only time I intentionally "manipulate" a woman is to f*ck her faster OR in retaliation for disrespect/abuse. Its never a relationship maintenance strategy. Relationship maintenance is the woman's job. F*cking is the mans job.

I don't have enough else going on. That needs to change today so the aloofness has something to back it up and so that I have better things to do with my time than worry about her. Self improvement is a real challenge for me. I want to go from the AFC I've been for years and years to the DJ master... It's just not naturally how I've been.

The part about controlling modern women is so true. The more I've tried to control, the more they do whatever they want. Forget complaining about it; makes them do it all the more. I have slowly and painfully found out that just saying "people are going to do what they want anyway" and letting go makes the woman WANT to do right by me. It's like a child. They'll do exactly what you tell them not to do, but feel all warm and proud doing the right thing without being told.

Further, it is a weakness of character to try to control another person. Why do I do it? I don't want to get walked all over. It is a tactic to control my own vulnerability. Truth is, if someone wants to walk all over you, telling them not to will not keep them in line. It'll make them attempt it all the sooner. The only tactic to controlling vulnerability is to let people do whatever they want and to be mindful of how much of yourself you give them in return for their own willful behavior.