bad with women and worse oneitis

[Donnie J]

sorry that it's so long but i really need some advice.

alrite so i'm a senior in highschool, and i've never had a GF, but it's not because i'm unpopular/unattractive, or anything . Not to sound stuck up or ****y, but i hang out with the popular people, go to all the parties, and see myself as a pretty attractive guy. I played football and even won state in powerlifting about a month ago.

I just don't know how to talk to girls at all, i've had a few hookups here and there, but not very often. I'm friends with a bunch of girls, even friends with the sexiest group of girls at my school, but i have no clue how to attract them. I'm really nice and do the craziest things to get people to crack a smile or laugh, but i'm terrible when it's just a 1 on 1 conversation with girls.

I've never really liked a specific girl until a little less than a year ago, lets call her HBF... she's my best friends girlfriend of 3 years now and i have no clue what to do. lets call him BFM, and he literally treats her like ****, he always cheats on her behind her back and tells me about it, and i always tell her after. they break up all the time, but she always winds up going back to him after a few days. i really like her alot and never felt like this about anyone before. we text everyday and i trust her more than anyone else and knows everything about me, besides the fact that i like her.

i know it's bad that tell her when he cheats on her and feel like this about my bestfriend's GF but i can't help it. he's been changing lately and turned into more of a douche than a friend. 2 weekends ago it was her birthday and one of our friends threw a party for her. HBF and my friend were broken up at the time of the party, and he kept trying to pull her into a room and she started yelling for him to let go and 1 of her friends saw it and got another girl to help her make him stop and leave HBF alone. when they came back to help, he pushed HBF and pushed another 1 of the girls and most of the people at the party heard them yelling and ran over to see what was happening and he left after that.

After he left, HBF cried and threw up for the rest of the party and was saying that this was the worst birthday ever. i sat with her the whole time trying to make her feel better, at the end of the night she felt a little bit better and said she wanted to go to sleep so me and a few of her friends helped bring her to a bed. when she laid down we asked if here was anything else we can do to make her feel better, and she said i just want you to sleep by me. all of her friends left and i laid down on the bed with her, and we just went to sleep. i feel like it would have been the wrong time to make my move because of all she went through that night and she was still sort of drunk, and i would rather have a relationship with her than just a hookup.

the next day a bunch of us went to the beach and i brought a cake out there for her birthday. when i got home, she sent me a text saying like "thank you for helping me and staying by me through all that, like i really do mean it, you definantly helped make my birthday great. i love you" i told her that i love her back and i had to help make her birthday better and talked for a little bit after that.

on monday both BFM and HBF didn't come to school and someone told me that mike had hooked up with a girl i was talking to at the beginning of the year, while i was talking to her. i texted him that i wanted to fight him because of that and pushing HBF and her friend and after a while of him saying it wasn't true, HBF told me that if i fought him she'd never talk to me again, so i dropped it and they got back together 2 days later.

i don't know what to do, am i stuck in the friend zone? and is there anyway out?

sorry it's so long

 

[MurdocIsGod]

I see you trollin' over there

 

[Alle_Gory]

Get over it. Easier said than done. You live in your own little insular society there. Do you have any friends outside your little circle there? Probably not... and that's terrible.

Best advice I can give is to get out more and observe the world. When you realize all the things that are happening all at once and how insignificant you are in the world your problems won't seem important at all.

Focus on solutions and what you can do to influence the world in your own way and create what you want. Problems are to be fixed not to be repeated and agonized over.


You really don't want this girl. She's already making everything such a pain for you. So much drama. Imagine if this guy was out of the picture and you took his place. Would the girl listen to you? Would she give a damn about you? No, she only likes drama and would make your life a living hell. She doesn't give a damn about you, she doesn't give a damn about herself either. She lets herself be disrespected and abused and she loves it because she always comes back for more doesn't she?

She can never be yours because you're a normal guy and you can't treat her like she wants... like dirt. You care for her partially because you want to save her from her abusive boyfriend. Only problem is that you can't save her. The problem is her, not the boyfriend. Sure he's an ******* but that's what she craves.

Leave her alone and she might learn her lesson. Like a child playing with a burning stick. He'll learn not to touch it once he gets burnt. If you keep stopping him how will he learn how much fire can hurt and to avoid it? Leave her alone and she might learn not to play with fire (******* boyfriends).

 

[phoreus1911]

I have an understanding of where your coming from. I'm trying to forget about a girl that I like. I am in a similar situation that you are in. Others here are right. You need to Forget About her. You are a young guy you are about to go to college. There are tons and tons of women on campus, drop dead gorgeous ones too. I know it will be hard. I'm trying to forget about mine and I feel like I'm tearing out my guts. Try to focus on yourself, and your hobbies, or take up a new one.

There isn't anything you can do. She has to realize this guy sucks for her, even if you were to continue on, you'll basically become a surrogate boyfriend; like what I did. She'll milk out what she can from you, and still be with her boyfriend. She won't change for the time being. Sorry Brother. I hate to be the bear of bad news.

But honestly look up. life is too short. You are about to go to college. Lots of Girls! Pretty ones too. Read up on the DJ Bible here on this website, and implement those principals so you won't end up like me. I'm third year in college, 20 years old, and no nothing to speak of, until my escapade. I'll admit, I'm not sure about what I did. like you, I'm kind of new, but yeah. If you want to talk, send me a message.

 

[Donnie J]

trolling?

and alle_gory your right, my school is really small and i'm friends with pretty much everyone, even the freshman, but i'm only friends with a few people that go to other schools in my town.
and i probably sound like a chump but i really do believe that she cares about me, she's helped me through some rough stuff that i've gone through this year and i know your going to say like "your only in high school, wait until you get into the real world, you haven't been through anything rough" but i really have had to deal with **** that most people my age don't have to deal with

"You care for her partially because you want to save her from her abusive boyfriend. Only problem is that you can't save her."
i thought about that, i really hate seeing guys treat girls like **** so that probably is part of the reason i have feelings for her.

i forgot to say that on the day that i tried to fight her BF, i told 1 of my friends about how i felt about her and he said that he could tell that i liked her and he texted her and asked about me, he asked her if there was anything going on between us, and she said like " no he's my best friend, like i trust him more than anyone and i need his friendship but i'm just not attracted to him like that, i've tried to be whenever me and BFM were broken up but i just don't have feeling like that for him" did i fxck up when i didn't make my move whenever she told me to sleep with her?

i just found this website a few days ago and after reading flirting tips, other things about flirting, i realize that she has tried flirting with me when they have been broken up but i never realized it until now... you really think i should just drop her?

 

[MurdocIsGod]

Oh sorry if this is actually real it's just such a typical story that I thought it was a troll job.

I am the same way with this girl. I friendzoned her, she's amazing, great, she treats me better than any other girl. I try so so hard to have romantic feelings for her but it's just not happening. I still have sex with her, be better if I wanted more.

Well, what you should do is disconnect yourself a bit, get a new style. She'll notice when she sees you if you look like a totally different person. See other girls, make sure she knows you're seeing other girls. Hopefully she will feel jealous. Also break the touch barrier but only in small ways like putting your hand on her shoulder to make a point etc.

Then after a while call her up and be like, "hey haven't seen you in a while, I'd like to take you out some time, there's this great movie I want to see..." etc etc blah blah blah.

At the moment you are in the friend zone which is why she doesn't feel attracted to you. You're a non-sexual entity to her.

 

[Donnie J]

no it's real bro, and i didn't have any clue what to do or what i was doing wrong until i found this site.
it's hard as hell but i have been trying to avoid her lately, i haven't texted her for a few days and today i said something about getting accepted to a college to my friend that sits behind her in class, and i saw her turn around and look at me, but i just kept talking to my friend and acted like i didn't notice that she had turned around

 

[MurdocIsGod]

no it's real bro, and i didn't have any clue what to do or what i was doing wrong until i found this site.
it's hard as hell but i have been trying to avoid her lately, i haven't texted her for a few days and today i said something about getting accepted to a college to my friend that sits behind her in class, and i saw her turn around and look at me, but i just kept talking to my friend and acted like i didn't notice that she had turned around

Well keep us updated and keep at it.

If it makes you feel better I'm going through the same thing with a girl I like, she has a boyfriend and it makes things much harder knowing that. Been 5 days so far. It's better if you get out of the house as much as possible otherwise you'll just dwell on things.

It's quite likely she'll try to reinitiate contact with you, and question why you haven't spoken to her as much. Act like everything's fine and you've just been busy hanging out with friends and seeing other girls. See what happens then. When you speak to her don't try to keep conversation going too much, let her do all the work. See what happens then... If that doesn't work switch it up and start teasing her and messing with her a little (so she hits you on the arm etc).

Personally I say never give up. Definitely move on and see other girls, but every now and then try something else with this girl. Always try new approaches. Maybe at some point you'll find someone else then she won't even matter to you anymore.

 

[Donnie J]

thanks bro, i've tried avoiding her before and stuff and she eventually sends me something like "not friends anymore..?" i'm almost positive she will send me the same text in a day or 2, any specific advice on what to say back to that?

and i've brought up how i think this girl at our school beautiful, and when i said that she started saying how big of a ***** she is in class and stuff. i've never talked to the other girl before so i don't know if she really is or not but could that be an IoI?

 

[Alle_Gory]

thanks bro, i've tried avoiding her before and stuff and she eventually sends me something like "not friends anymore..?" i'm almost positive she will send me the same text in a day or 2, any specific advice on what to say back to that?

"Hey listen my life's kind of hectic right now. We should meet up later (but you forget to call, ooops). Listen I have to go, talk later."

If she presses you "Listen I'm running late for something, it's nice to see you again but I have to go. Talk later. Bye!" Or. "Yeah, I don't think I'm free that weekend I have family stuff and I have to go. We should hang out later but not now."

You don't give her any details what you're up to. It's none of her business. It's your life and you don't owe some random girl an explanation for anything, ever.

but could that be an IoI?

No. Interest is shown not spoken. If she hangs around all the time when nobody else is around, if the touches you all the time, if she gets jealous when you talk about other girls, when she "accidentally" keeps running into you... etc. By themselves each of these mean nothing. If more than a couple start happening that's more than coincidence.

i probably sound like a chump but i really do believe that she cares about me, she's helped me through some rough stuff that i've gone through this year

Maybe she does maybe she doesn't. However she's just not interested in you. Make her a friend that you see once in awhile and give her the backseat on the bus.

The front seat is reserved for girls who like you. That's who you should be spending the majority of your time with. Make this a rule in your life.

i thought about that, i really hate seeing guys treat girls like ****

Trust me I know what you mean, but many of these girls chase down guys like this. They're messed in the head. They need a therapist more than they need a friendship from a good guy like you. Leave them to solve their problems.

It's like a test in class. If you study you get a good mark. If someone helps you and you cheat, you're still dumb and you will fail the next test for sure. Let them learn on their own how to solve their own problems.

i told 1 of my friends about how i felt about her and he said that he could tell that i liked her and he texted her and asked about me, he asked her if there was anything going on between us, and she said like " no he's my best friend, like i trust him more than anyone and i need his friendship but i'm just not attracted to him like that, i've tried to be whenever me and BFM were broken up but i just don't have feeling like that for him"

Leave your friends out of this. This is between you and her. It's none of their business what you're doing and you shouldn't involve them. When people talk for you they usually mess things up. Speak for yourself don't let others speak for you... unless you're in court with a lawyer. Then you do what your lawyer says.

 

[MurdocIsGod]

thanks bro, i've tried avoiding her before and stuff and she eventually sends me something like "not friends anymore..?" i'm almost positive she will send me the same text in a day or 2, any specific advice on what to say back to that?

and i've brought up how i think this girl at our school beautiful, and when i said that she started saying how big of a ***** she is in class and stuff. i've never talked to the other girl before so i don't know if she really is or not but could that be an IoI?

Do what the other guy said, tell her something like "sorry, I've just been so busy lately". Don't ask her out like the other guy said because you want to avoid hanging out, you need to make sure it's specifically a date. Anything else and you're just gonna get zoned.

And yes her telling you the other girl is a ***** is probably an IOI, BUT given what happened before (what she said about you, how she "doesn't like you in that way") I don't know, the time frame seems too short. So I see it two ways:

1) She wants to keep your attention (how dare another girl steal away her lapdog!)
OR
2) The girl really is a ***** in class or w.e.

I don't think her opinion of you will have changed so quick. Keep busy for a bit longer. When she says something like "not friends..?" or whatever later down the line, THEN tell her something like: "yeah sorry life has been a bit hectic! How about I make it up to you by taking you out some time?"

Use the term "take you out" so she knows it's a date. Or be more specific and literally ask her out on a date. If you "hang out" you'll just be friend zoned again. You need to have changed your style or attitude towards her to the extent where it's like you're a new person in her mind. The old "friend" you needs to be gone forever and replaced with the new "boyfriend" you.

BUT FIRST

Keep playing on her jealousy. Go to her for "girl advice", be like "Hey I'm taking out *girl's name* this weekend, where do you think would be a good place to take her?" Trust me she won't like it haha! Don't make it obvious you're trying to make her jealous. If you can somehow talk about the "wild steamy sex" with the girl you took out, then bonus points to you.

After a few goes of that is when you ask HER out on a date. But don't forget, make sure it's a DATE, not "hanging out".

 

[Alle_Gory]

After a few goes of that is when you ask HER out on a date. But don't forget, make sure it's a DATE, not "hanging out".

I disagree with this advice. You don't ask a girl out on a date who you KNOW for sure is not interested in you. Better just leave her alone and see what happens. If she comes around and keeps bugging you and then maybe ask her out a month from now when she's no longer with her boyfriend. In the meantime you're "busy". Find something interesting to do and forget about her.

 

[WorkingDJ]

Leave and go reinvent yourself.

Your too far up this girl's ass currently. Take a step back.

 

[Donnie J]

thanks for the tips, i'll try it out and let ya'll know how its going in a few days