Bad Luck

[SmooveMooves]

Man, I don't even believe in bad luck but this woman I'm dealing with now is making a strong arguement.

Bad shít, outside her control always happens to her. I mean always. It has been non stop for 2 months now and I don't know what to do. I'm not trying to be superman and solve her problems, just support. But man, so much shít happens to her, I just run out of things to say.

I'm honestly afraid she may turn to drugs or depression, I wouldn't wish that on anyone. This girl can't catch a break and obviously that's putting strain on the relationship.

Any advice?

 

[Bingo-Player]

I went through a similar phase last year

had around 4 months of solid bad luck I was gambling , drinking , depressed the whole 10 yards

often it is because there is something fundamentally wrong in your life , in my case it was my job and the people I was working with

I was harboring so much hate for these people and the job it was effecting every other aspect of my life too , I changed jobs in January and things have progressively gotten a lot better ever since

something in her life isn't right find that and problems will start solving themselves

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

Most people have been there at some point. I'm not one for believing much in luck either. I have been in a mild depression on and off for years, drinking too much, smoking, gambling, banging women I wasn't really in to as well, etc etc. Just a way to get a cheap thrill and escape from reality, but the feeling doesn't last. Waking up with the hangover just means you have even further to climb back up than you did before.

There is something in her life, mentally that she is doing wrong. She's approaching situations from the wrong angle, that's why things keep going sideways. Her focus is obviously on negative outcomes, imagining and believing the worst will happen, opposed to focusing on what can and will go right in a given situation. It's very easy to slip in to a depressive state like that and once one thing goes wrong, the resulting mindset begins to impact on nearly every other event and everything tumbles like a house of cards.

This is also quite true of many posts on SS in general; guys are so focused on not fcking up a text, or date, what to say or whatever - this is a negative mindset. Turning the whole thing on its head, approaching things from a different angle and imagining how things are going to work out for the better will work wonders. It's truly a matter of belief; what one truly believes will happen. One cannot pretend to be happy and have good fortune. You have to live and breathe it. It takes time and people give up very quickly because they don't see results straight away.

Get her to slow right down. Get back to the fundamentals in life - achieving small things to pick her back up. Have her recognise her achievements, simple things like gym, going to work, meeting with friends, picking up new hobbies and build from there. It's not easy, and sometimes people are either too far gone, or just don't want to be helped. Look up the Law of Attraction and manifestation.

It really is about how you look at a situation, in fact all situations, rather than just blind luck. We create our own universe every day in our own minds.

 

[Dhoulmagus]

Probably because she's hanging around the wrong type of people/making bad decisions and they are finally starting to cash out.

 

[SmooveMooves]

I'm relieved to hear she isn't alone. This is weird for me because I'm one of those guys who just has a lot of good shìt fall in their lap. I believe it has to do with the way that I think. What's sad is a lot of the bad shìt that happens to her is just unfortunate.

For instance, she helped a family friend who was suicidal and ended up getting her house robbed as a result. A girl she had a problem with attacked her and she went to jail instead of the attacker. The family member she loves the most is on the verge of dying. Her job has severely messed up her check making her behind on bills. She got a $300 dollar sppeding ticket. Then a $200 dollar ticket for a failed inspection. The officer said if she got the inspection taken care of she wouldnt have to pay, she did and still does. Her brother was recently diagnosed with a disease. She discovered she's at risk for hereditary cancer just as her grandparents.

This is only in a month span. It's one thing after another. There hasn't been any down time in which I could describe as "things going smooth" for her. Usually, I would eject but I'm invested and care for her. Actually more along the lines of feel sorry.

I just don't know my course of action, I'm not seeing her much these days. Nothing I can say will soothe these problems.

 

[SmooveMooves]

SmooveMooves is this woman you're "dealing with" the object of your desire?

I ask because I'm sensing the potential for oneitis--based on your post. I respect you as a SS member and fellow DJ.

I refuse to believe in two things:

1. "Luck"

2. That women are helpless sensitive weaklings who need men to rescue/support them.

I DO believe that the way we choose to react to a situation is MUCH more significant than the situation itself.

Tread carefully.

In my opinion too many guys try to "fix" things for women.

I'm not convinced this is a beneficial situation for you. You could be setting yourself up to be her emotional tampon...her shrink...her sounding board...NONE of these will make her like you more, in my opinion.

If it were me, I'd keep my distance and let her ask for your help. I wouldn't offer any advice/money unless she asks for it.

Typed up a post before I saw this. I appreciate the respect. If it means anything, I have high regard for you as well as you always offer sound advice and insight, just as you did now.

There is not so much of a feeling of oneitis (at least I don't think so) but of, I guess pity. A lot of unfortunate things happen to her, seemingly out of her control in my previous post I've only laid out a few. You're right I want to fix things and I can't and that makes me upset because otherwise the relationship we have would be good.

I think I going to do as you said and pull back. I'm already have not seen her much as is. I just don't want to eject and be what sends her over edge to the darkside. Ie. Drugs and depression.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

In addition to previous, it really depends on the outlook of the people around her as well. There's nothing that can be done about familial disease; but it will certainly affect the communal outlook of the family and close peers. The rest of the sh!t probably stems in part from that.

I know a similar girl who has a similar experience. She had friends caught up in the Thai tsunami (one of whom died), she has chronic illness of her own, her brother committed suicide blah blah blah. I eventually just have to distance myself from these people, being polite and friendly every so often, but mostly just having to ignore them because they just latch on to any kind of positive attention - well, she does anyway.

It sounds harsh, but you do have to preserve your own sanity first and foremost, otherwise the energy is just sucked out of you very slowly in the end.