Bad listener

[Prodoge]

I realised that my conversation skills are pretty pore because i don't fully concentrate on the conversation. And not only woth women but any conversation I noticed that often i stop listening to the person and end up in my own head basically ignoring what they are saying for a few seconds. This makes it difficult to respond properly and conversations end up dying out rather quickly with me.

Did some of you have this problem and how did you inprove your listening skills?

 

[Serenity]

I didn't have this problem as much as I didn't know how important it was to listen. It gets better with training.

 

[Von]

Yeah, all the time but it get better with training and goals

 

[Thorninmyside]

One way you can stay engaged in the conversation is to ask questions along the way, just little ones that don't interrupt the other person too much.

Then again, maybe people are just boring as bat**** to you. I find this. One of my exes used to insist on telling me every detail about her day involving everybody in her office until one day I just blurted out honey, you can tell me anything you want about yourself, but I simply don't give a f*** about anybody that you work with.

 

[lizardking82]

Depends on who you're listening to and about what. If someone else doesn't know a thing about a certain topic and they're still running their mouth, it's only natural for you to stop listening to stuff you know is wrong or flawed. On the other hand, it seems like you don't respect most people enough to shut up and listen what they gotta say. Most people don't deserve respect anyways.

 

[sazc]

Yep! I had to decide to make an effort. Step 1 is to force myself to listen to what the other person was saying without getting engaged in other things in my own head - i.e. wandering onto different topics in my head, or starting to formulate my response to what I think they are going to say.

Step 2 I've also found a good tactic is to always paraphrase back to the other person what you believe you heard them say. It is at this time, when I am paraphrasing, that my brain starts to determine what I want to say in response.

Paraphrasing what they said back to them is not only validating for them but it lets them feel like you were listening, and you then have an opportunity to correct/clear up any misconceptions in what you heard.

Not all conversations are going to be engaging. I suggest you remove yourself from the situation or change the subject, if you can. In the situations where that is not possible, you just need to tell yourself (in your head) I need to focus and listen.

If you practice you will get it. It's a great tool for having quality communication.

Side note: what I really get annoyed with/what I have now noticed is - I give the speaker the time they need to completely finish their train of thought, while I focus and thoughtfully listen BUT after I have paraphrased back and have started to reply, THEY feel as if it is perfectly okay to cut me off. I have had to also train myself to gently but firmly insist that they allow me to finish as I allowed them to finish. 60% of the time the person whom is used to cutting someone off cant control themselves. Frustrating.

 

[resilient]

Paraphrasing is a good technique. Also, open-ended questions are a good way to establish a better rapport.

"I can hear in your voice that vacation to ____ was pretty amazing! Damn! That makes me want to hop on a plane and go there right now [kino/tease/push-pull if she's a woman right here]. What else can you tell me about your trip?"