Bad idea to send letter??

[BADA-BING]

I sometimes from time to time have to write out my feelings and thoughts on paper to organize and get my own sh!t straight. I wrote a letter to this chick I have been dating. I haven't sent it. Basically it states how she has but hasn't LJBF'd me, and I am not looking for a relationship. I fear that she is just wanting to have fun and nothing more.

I am a recovering AFC that has been a long time lurker on the site and I just wanted to know what everyone else thought.

Isn't it generally a bad move to send this letter to her? I know I am basically answering my own question here, but I am still intrested in your guy's thoughts. I am trying to keep her interest level up to a salvagble level.
Any help here?

Thanks

 

[grinder]

I stopped writing my thoughts to women in letters and emails because, maybe this is just me, but exactly 100% of the time nothing good came of it.

Others can go into long involved explanations as to why this is bad. I’m just relating my actual experience.

 

[insidious]

Write it you must.
What will it do for you?

I'm a "writer type" also and I've been down that AFC road of writing long-ass stupid letters pouring out my thoughts and emotions...dude, don't do it. It is very bit as useless and weak as calling her and telling her all that crap with your own quivering voice.

Start a diary or journal. Write down all the crap that is floating around your mind, all those private little thoughts that should never see the light of day. Lock it up in a safe with your gun collection :yes:

Use the journal to track your positive progress as well, track those moments of pure epiphany where you will suddenly realize that telling a chick all that crap really changes nothing at all, and only serves to weaken your soul.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

Yo Bada-Bing,


Here's the long answer that Commander Grinder warned you about. lol:

No son, DON'T DO IT. This woman has obviously demonstrated a consistent LOW interest in you. Confidence, although it can be mysterious, it is NOT entirely invisible.

What I mean by this is that people can always SEE evidence of how you feel about yourself if they have enough exposures to you. This chick has obviously not been impressed enough with you at the level of confidence that you have already displayed----DON'T show her anymore evidence that you think so highly of HER to your OWN detriment.

Sending her a letter of well-thought out, logically written observations that she will INTERPRET as ultimatums will NOT help your cause. Women, if they are to remain attracted AT ALL, must see or feel confidence all over you when they look at you OR think about you. Follow your OWN intuition AND Commander Grinder's advice in this situation, soldier.

Sending her this letter will most likely either fall on deaf ears, be glanced at with blinded eyes, or WORSE----be used as a trophy of war by this woman (who you should basically think of as a deserter or your enemy at this point) to show to her friends proof of what a LOSER you are to her.

And NO, Bada-Bing...i'm NOT calling YOU a loser, my friend. Quite the contrary, I think you're just another guy who took an emotional hit from a woman that you allowed yourself to get too prematurely and undeservedly attached to. It HAPPENS man...

So all I'm doing here is just painting the harshest picture that I can of how very inconsiderate some women (and PEOPLE in general) can be towards you when they AREN'T into you.

So I say, follow your first mind (as they say...lol):

Continue to journalize your Babe Missions if this continues to be a good way for you to excavate, analyze, and learn from your experiences----but DO NOT ever send a ONEitis-type babe anything written that she can use against you----hoping that she will read it and have a change of heart or a revelation of your worthiness.

Most of the time, this DOESN'T happen. In my tours of duty on the dating/relationship front, I've found that most people only change if they have a stronge enough reason WHY. Translation: If they feel that by changing it will selfishly benefit THEM.

Otherwise, I suggest that you go by the Victory Unlimited Female Interaction Model:

Most times, it's not necessary that a woman sees THE LIGHT (agrees with me), but only that she feels THE HEAT (suffers the consequences for NOT agreeing with me when I KNOW that my motivations are in the service of defending the lines of RESPECT between the BOTH of us).

So put your thoughts on paper, but keep your journal TO YOURSELF. She doesn't deserve any further insight into your soul. And even if she took a look into it, at this point, it's obvious she wouldn't appreciate it in the manners in which you seek.


March on.

 

[Kings_royalty]

Continue to journalize your Babe Missions if this continues to be a good way for you to excavate, analyze, and learn from your experiences----but DO NOT ever send a ONEitis-type babe anything written that she can use against you----hoping that she will read it and have a change of heart or a revelation of your worthiness

I agree with Victory, but a good way to keep yourself out of this type of situation, is to put yourself in the dominate role. It sounds like you gave her all your power, all your manhood and she has you wrapped around her little finger. Now, because she has your emotions firing off in different directions, you have to sit down and write...hoping to sort it out. I hate to say it but this is weak behavior bro.

You have to come from a dominate state whenever you interact with women, always. She should be the one writing the letter, not you.

 

[BADA-BING]

Wow, This just makes me realize I have alot to learn. I have given her all of my power. She has me writing letters spilling my guts, man I feel dumb and AFC'ish. I have got to sort my life out and re-evaluate myself and make different priorities.

To regain anything....I need to WALK AWAY! That is difficult for me to do because I have never done that before. But like a poster once said you have got to strap on your man shoes! or something like that.

 

[Kings_royalty]

At least you were able to realize what was going on, that's the first step bro. Good Luck...

 

[STR8UP]

When a chick has you in some sort of emotional distress, the BEST thing you can do is write it down, but the WORST thing you can do is send it to her.

The last time a chick pissed me off enough to make we want to give her a piece of my mind I wrote out in an email exactly what I wanted to say, and promptly deleted it before I was tempted to send it.

You can act like a tough guy and pretend something doesn't bother you, or you can acknowledge it and do something about it that will allow you to retain your dignity AND her respect. Don't just let it sit there and simmer cause chances are it WILL come out and it might end up happening at a really bad time.

 

[penkitten]

dear bada bing,
you say you aren't looking for a relationship, however you also say your big fear was that she is just wanting to have fun.
i am getting the feeling that you do not know what you want either.
this is perfectly fine, however, how can you send her a letter asking her what it is that she wants, if you have no clue either?
i suggest you get a journal and write all you want. it helps us grow sometimes when we jot down our thoughts and ideas, however i suggest you do not let others read it, as it will be misinterpreted and cause problems.
have a nice night.

 

[drmeathead]

very bad idea. dont send it. if you do write it dont leave it where you can send it in a moment of weakness. burn it after you write it. she doesnt deserve you thoughts and feelings if she doesnt care enough to ask. it has to be a two way street. a balanced and equally led courtship dance. once things get too far from being equal, then just cut cord

 

[squirrels]

Writing long, well-thought-out letters to women usually doesn't work...because it's based on the notion that women have any kind of developed sense of reason.

 

[Victory Unlimited]

...AND writing long, well thought out letters to women often smacks of a last ditch effort to kiss her ass.

Writing letters to women who have LOW interest in you is the same as handing her a "signed" document that is destined to become a Trophy of Disgrace for her to point at and laugh at in the company of her friends for years to come...

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

With as much as guys seem to write about their feelings, you'd think that there would be more self help books out there written by men.....

Nahhhhhhhhh.......

 

[Fuglydude]

I actually used the letter method on my current girlfriend prior to us going exclusive and it worked like a charm...She said it made her cry. I also sent th letter valentine's day morning so as be to EXTRA smooth hehe... Keep in mind though that we had a substantial history and were pretty much acting like bf/gf even before my formal request to go exclusive. Haha I should post the letter... you guys would think that I worked for hallmark!

I think it depends on the girl, and how they feel about you, etc...

 

[DJDamage]

Sending her this letter will most likely either fall on deaf ears, be glanced at with blinded eyes, or WORSE----be used as a trophy of war by this woman (who you should basically think of as a deserter or your enemy at this point) to show to her friends proof of what a LOSER you are to her.

Victory Unlimited has nailed it.

Bada-bing, this woman has low interest in you. I know in your head you are trying to rationalise it and think you can salvage something even dignity from this. In actuality down the road you will smack yourself upside down the head for writing this because you will feel like a fool.

If you want to say something deep or heavy say it in person. However since you are a smart guy and you see that this woman is not serious about all this, there is no point of having a serious disscusion with her. If this is not working out for you and not working out for her then maybe the best solution is saying nothing and walking away. Action always speaks louder then words.

 

[Mind_Body_Soul]

Bada-bing - if you feel like you need to talk about your "feelings", STOP IT!

No, I'm being facetious, it's not wrong to "feel" although men aren't emotional creatures to the same extent as women. But seriously, you wanna talk, you wanna get **** off your chest, come here before you write a little love letter to some girl.

Sharing your "emotions" with a woman should be done as a REWARD for something she did that you appreciate - like letting you fvck her in the butt

 

[blueguy]

Good thing for this forum, huh? I can't imagine some people that go their entire lives staying an AFC without knowing what to do in these situations, but it happens.

 

[Road Demon]

Yo Bada-Bing,


Here's the long answer that Commander Grinder warned you about. lol:

No son, DON'T DO IT. This woman has obviously demonstrated a consistent LOW interest in you. Confidence, although it can be mysterious, it is NOT entirely invisible.

What I mean by this is that people can always SEE evidence of how you feel about yourself if they have enough exposures to you. This chick has obviously not been impressed enough with you at the level of confidence that you have already displayed----DON'T show her anymore evidence that you think so highly of HER to your OWN detriment.

Sending her a letter of well-thought out, logically written observations that she will INTERPRET as ultimatums will NOT help your cause. Women, if they are to remain attracted AT ALL, must see or feel confidence all over you when they look at you OR think about you. Follow your OWN intuition AND Commander Grinder's advice in this situation, soldier.

Sending her this letter will most likely either fall on deaf ears, be glanced at with blinded eyes, or WORSE----be used as a trophy of war by this woman (who you should basically think of as a deserter or your enemy at this point) to show to her friends proof of what a LOSER you are to her.

And NO, Bada-Bing...i'm NOT calling YOU a loser, my friend. Quite the contrary, I think you're just another guy who took an emotional hit from a woman that you allowed yourself to get too prematurely and undeservedly attached to. It HAPPENS man...

So all I'm doing here is just painting the harshest picture that I can of how very inconsiderate some women (and PEOPLE in general) can be towards you when they AREN'T into you.

So I say, follow your first mind (as they say...lol):

Continue to journalize your Babe Missions if this continues to be a good way for you to excavate, analyze, and learn from your experiences----but DO NOT ever send a ONEitis-type babe anything written that she can use against you----hoping that she will read it and have a change of heart or a revelation of your worthiness.

Most of the time, this DOESN'T happen. In my tours of duty on the dating/relationship front, I've found that most people only change if they have a stronge enough reason WHY. Translation: If they feel that by changing it will selfishly benefit THEM.

Otherwise, I suggest that you go by the Victory Unlimited Female Interaction Model:

Most times, it's not necessary that a woman sees THE LIGHT (agrees with me), but only that she feels THE HEAT (suffers the consequences for NOT agreeing with me when I KNOW that my motivations are in the service of defending the lines of RESPECT between the BOTH of us).

So put your thoughts on paper, but keep your journal TO YOURSELF. She doesn't deserve any further insight into your soul. And even if she took a look into it, at this point, it's obvious she wouldn't appreciate it in the manners in which you seek.


March on.

Excellent. I could not have said it better myself.

RD