Bad date #5. Furious.

[SteveBlaine]

3 of the dates I wasn't attracted to. 2 of the dates I liked, but I was sick. I had a bad cold and lost my voice on both dates. The other three dates I didn't care about and said my goodbye and left. I was very quiet with lots of awkward silences and checking out other girls. I wasn't in the zone. But sometimes acting aloof gets me laid.

 

[Juanto]

I think someone else already said this before here, but this is my view. On 1st date you should pay (anyway it should be something cheap, like coffee or some drinks) but if she doesnt even offer up to pay, and on the 2nd date she does the same.... thats a big no-no for me.

Ideally it should be evenly split, doesnt have to be 50/50 all the time, but generally speaking. But thats me.

 

[SteveBlaine]

I’m an attractive guy, intelligent, financially stable, and I like to think I’m confident and funny, but when I go out with women, they pretty much never want a second date. It’s mind-boggling. When I see the guys that these women do eventually choose the go out with, it only deepens the mystery. I can only conclude that women aren’t looking for an attractive, confident, funny, smart guy who can hold a conversation. What are they looking for instead? Should I act dumber? Not be funny? Dial back the charisma? Take steps to make myself look worse right before a date? Any tips would be greatly appreciated. What exactly do women want out of a date? I have no idea what I’m doing wrong.

 

[TheMonkeyKing]

What exactly do women want out of a date?

Focus on having fun. That's what girls want, and it should be what you want as well, regardless of the 'outcome'. In fact, that's the only outcome you need.

So far, without knowing finer details of other dates, I observe the following:

-You are spending too much time on dates. Six hours is probably too long for a fourth date, let alone a first. It seems like you have no urgency to get back to other priorities in life; therefore dating whichever specific woman, seems like your only priority. Your time doesn't seem precious because you can happily spend 6 hours at the drop of a hat with someone you hardly know. This makes you (at least seem) low value.

My personal first date (and second date) preference - The Three Bar Bounce:

http://the3bromigos.com/2013/03/04/the-best-first-date-advice-you-will-read-this-year/


-You do online dating; online dating = flakefest / fckfest / attention-deficient prole-fest

-You are focused heavily on tangible specifics, that are objectified in your own mind.....

I’m an attractive guy, intelligent, financially stable, and I like to think I’m confident and funny,

.... you forget modesty on that list Dude, you are preaching from the Cosmopolitan Textbook of Eligible Batchelorism. Don't you think that women have the numbers of eligible men coming out of their ears. You're not that different from the rest man. Sorry to pull that plug for you. Above all else, you are probably stumbling over your own ego and expectations of the dates. This will be tangible to the women you meet and again is a sign of desperation and a man without options.

SOLUTION:

-Forget everything you know about traditional 'dating'. In fact, don't go on dates AT ALL, until a girl suggests it. It's antiquated. As I've said before, go out and meet women on the hoof, learn to HAVE FUN, learn to be a fun person (by having fun), so much so that women actually start approaching you. Then, and only then, can you expect to possibly date someone in the medium to longer term.

-You don't get the second date? Who fcking cares man, because you had fun anyway. And you should have another woman lined up in a couple of days time anyway. You're thinking about monogamy before you even know someone properly.

Long story short, you're not giving off the right energy at the moment. You are focused on vague, subjective, personal characteristics that you think (have been taught) ALL women 'should' be attracted to.

The only thing that ALL women are attracted to? A relaxed, carefree fun vibe.

 

[SteveBlaine]

My game has totally changed.
From now on...I am meeting a woman for two reasons>>>> from flirting to f*cking within a 30 minute time frame.
This means I am not going to meet her to entertain her or make her laugh. I am not meeting her to have a "good time" and drink or go to a concert or listening to a live band. Not going to spend 6 hours with her on a date drinking and laughing. I have no intentions of having a second date with her. Getting her drunk doesn't increase sex in a girl who wouldn't already f*ck you. Save your money and take her for tea or coffee instead and use game on her. I have nothing to lose.
Alcohol is for guys who have weak game. A girl decides within 5 minutes if she wants to f*ck a guy---she doesn't need to be drunk to f*ck.

My job as a man is to flirt with her quickly when we meet and escalate into sex. It doesn't matter if I take her to a bar or a library for a our first date.
My goal is to get in her panties off as quickly as possible. The meet and greet will last no more than 30 minutes.
If I am not kissing her within 15 min then I will try to advance. If nothing I will say goodbye and leave.
The reason I like my new game is because it weeds out "time wasters" and the stress of not knowing if she is in for having a good time or if she is DTF.
The only way to know the OUTCOME is to flirt hard in the beginning and escalate for sex. A lot of guys may think that's creepy. But if you are confident --- nothing is creepy or awkward. I want results --- which equates to sex.

 

[marmel75]

I’m an attractive guy, intelligent, financially stable, and I like to think I’m confident and funny, but when I go out with women, they pretty much never want a second date. It’s mind-boggling. When I see the guys that these women do eventually choose the go out with, it only deepens the mystery. I can only conclude that women aren’t looking for an attractive, confident, funny, smart guy who can hold a conversation. What are they looking for instead? Should I act dumber? Not be funny? Dial back the charisma? Take steps to make myself look worse right before a date? Any tips would be greatly appreciated. What exactly do women want out of a date? I have no idea what I’m doing wrong.

OK...you need to just STOP.

You need to stop and look at what these guys provide those women that you don't. Because obviously, it is something they want more than you're attractive, financially stable, funny self. You should act sexually interested. That's pretty much always the issue in these situations. Those guys display sexual behavior with them while you don't. Yes, women like funny, confident, financially stable guys. But only once they know how to sexually excite them. That's like the icing on the cake. You are basically the frosting while these guys are the cake. You can have a cake without frosting but nobody eats frosting without cake...

 

[marmel75]

My game has totally changed.
From now on...I am meeting a woman for two reasons>>>> from flirting to f*cking within a 30 minute time frame.
This means I am not going to meet her to entertain her or make her laugh. I am not meeting her to have a "good time" and drink or go to a concert or listening to a live band. Not going to spend 6 hours with her on a date drinking and laughing. I have no intentions of having a second date with her. Getting her drunk doesn't increase sex in a girl who wouldn't already f*ck you. Save your money and take her for tea or coffee instead and use game on her. I have nothing to lose.
Alcohol is for guys who have weak game. A girl decides within 5 minutes if she wants to f*ck a guy---she doesn't need to be drunk to f*ck.

My job as a man is to flirt with her quickly when we meet and escalate into sex. It doesn't matter if I take her to a bar or a library for a our first date.
My goal is to get in her panties off as quickly as possible. The meet and greet will last no more than 30 minutes.
If I am not kissing her within 15 min then I will try to advance. If nothing I will say goodbye and leave.
The reason I like my new game is because it weeds out "time wasters" and the stress of not knowing if she is in for having a good time or if she is DTF.
The only way to know the OUTCOME is to flirt hard in the beginning and escalate for sex. A lot of guys may think that's creepy. But if you are confident --- nothing is creepy or awkward. I want results --- which equates to sex.

I predict that will go horribly wrong. You cannot just become someone you aren't overnight. It will look desperate, phony and you will be the creepy guy girls run away from and then tell stories to their friends later on and laugh about. That takes time to develop and gradually turn into that person. It's going to require effort and a lot of failures on your part to learn from first. But like anything achieving in life that is worthwhile, it isn't going to come easy...

 

[Roober]

Steve, you probably not giving off enough swagger...

I don't know how to explain it, but I definitely am starting to "feel" it more. I think I am actually beginning to believe I am "the great catch" instead of just thinking it to myself. Guys that have been doing this a while, or are just naturally good at it, just have a natural air about them. They give off that vibe? Being a science nerd, I wish I could explain it more, but I can't think of it.

When you get to this state, which I believe I get about 25% of the time currently, you are...
-completely unphased by anything
-can smile or laugh about anything, good or bad
-can "eye fvck" women without even realizing it, probably just do it subconsciously
-the conversation just naturally flow
-people will "feel" you enter the room
-your demeanor and physical presence is inviting and welcoming, women will open up to you easily
-even men gravitate towards you and look up to you

Maybe this is step 1 or 2 of the 12-step DJ process...?