Bad case of OneItis......

[beginnerDJ]

Guys, it might seem like a bad case of self busting so please bear with me.

So this girl who I thought it was almost over and nothing i could do would turn her around, i achieve a breakthrough.

Somehow or other, I was being confident and funny, and somehow broke through.....we were getting close, enjoying each other's company, holding hands, boyfriend girlfriend stuff....i kissed her and everything, except sex.

And just as I thought we were getting somewhere, she starts to tell me a little bit more of what she hopes her guy will be like, how he shouldnt be too self centred and all.

Funny thing is, i feel we've been really close, and physically so, but we've not touched on an emotional level. Plus she's stated before that she needs more time.....and that she doesnt know me all that well yet... but we're still able to be close physically.

I reflect....and find that I have been a little too leading....always doing what i want us to do.....where i want us to go. And so correct this by asking her to come out for a casual place just to talk, so we can try to connect a little more, but ask for her input as well.

And get hit by a whammy that she's seeing her long lost friends this couple days and wont be free.

So I've left it at that, with a message for her to look for me if she needs me this couple days, I just want to show that I'm around.

It all sounds very AFC and OneItis I know......but I'm just trying to be human.....and try and take it to another level of understanding. I know that I more or less think the same as her....that we dont know each other that well yet, and we should let things flow. But it gets incredibly difficult as a guy to just sit back and do nothing. So I'm going to arrange to see all my female friends, play my favourite games, and generally distract myself this couple days.

And for sure, to gripe about it to you guys

Comments r much welcomed and appreciated

 

[beginnerDJ]

upz

 

[silverwex]

Check out my post in the Tips Section titled: The Ultimate Guide to Beating/Avoiding Oneitis. Revised Edition

Should help.

 

[DonJohn83]

Dude,

Yeah this whole one-itis thing is stupid.

I think you've fvcked up already though, just judging by the way you talk about her. Y'know "emotional level" and "connecting with her" shyt. From now on you're gonna have learn about DETATCHMENT and ALOOFNESS.

I learnt this the hard way brutha, but it sounds like you're trying a bit too hard, and placing too much importance on how SHE feels. Trying to be Mr. Right. Fvck it bro. Treat her like any other girl. I know its hard because of the feelings and all (we're all human) but NEVER SHOW IT. Keep it fun. Then let her miss you. If she says she needs time, give it to her. Give her more than she wants. Cut contact for a couple of weeks at least. Chase other chicks. Tell her you've had alot on your plate.

How she reacts to this is important. If she chases you back, then well done. Keep her chasing you. See her sparingly, keep EVERYTHING light and fun.

If she doesnt chase you, then maybe you havnt given her enough time to miss you, or shes simply not interested enough. Probably the latter.

Any girl worth having will do whatever it takes not to lose you.

You've done the whole physical thing, excellent, theres some attraction going on. Now you gotta amplify it. It's time to turn the tables and let her know you're not waiting for her. NEVER TELL A GIRL YOU WILL WAIT FOR HER.

And quit talkin about this emotional crap with her. It shows alot of weakness (ie. AFCness). At least not THIS early on.

1. Cut the emotional garbage (stop being an AFC)
2. Be fun fun and more fun (Start being a DJ)
3. Cut contact (Make her miss you)

two weeks later...

4. Judge her reaction and act accordingly.

But if i ever hear you go AFC on her again, ima personally come by and bytch slap you.

Sincerely,
DonJohn83

 

[beginnerDJ]

I know....I know.....Its about being fun, aloof, and utterly confident and not caring about what she thinks, that got me so far. I wasnt fazed that she flaked on me once, I just got on with life and asked again when there was another opportunity.

So why's it so tough now? I dont care what anybody says, Its INCREDIBLY tough to go back a few steps, when you know theres something there. Its like having an ice cream in your face and you walk away without even a lick cuz Mom said its bad for you.

And I want to go back to that fun state again. Realized that I've been stressed over this recently, and I dont like its effects. Back to the days when I can just say, "Missed me? No? Well I went out with a bunch of girls tonight" without giving a damn.

I'm going to give it a try, by doing something else rather than sitting at home moping. But I'm not going to cut off all contact either, just treat her as a friend for now. Easier said than done though.

 

[DonJohn83]

Originally posted by beginnerDJ
I'm going to give it a try, by doing something else rather than sitting at home moping. But I'm not going to cut off all contact either, just treat her as a friend for now. Easier said than done though.

What i mean by cutting off contact is to be hard to reach for a while. Dont contact HER. If she calls you, let it ring out, and text her with a 'wats up' 3 hours later. Just be VERY difficult to contact.

If I were you, i'd lay low for a few weeks and date others. If you happen to be in the same place with this chick (unfortunately) make sure you keep busy doing something (so as not to come off as a 'snob', ie. you're genuinely busy). Or just leave cos your brothers waiting for you at home or whatever.

Also get a female friend to call you while you are with her (if you are with her), and have a short but flirty chit chat then say you have to go, cos you're with 'an old friend', and let her hear you say this.

And DONT ask again when the opportunity arises. If she's interested she'll let you know (non-verbally ofcourse).

Detachment brother, detachment.

 

[beginnerDJ]

Guys,

After an evening out with my buddies and NOT staying home to wait for her to come online so I can IM her (I got home after the time she usually logs on in fact), I'm going to state what I'm going to do, rather than say what I'm NOT.

I'm going to wake up tomorrow morning and concentrate on my job.

I'm going to get my finances in order (been pretty messy)

I'm going to find an opportunity to play pool (my fav game)

I'm going to get enough sleep starting tonight.

As for her,

I'm going to message, call or IM her as I would usually do (ie when there is a need).

If there is an opportunity, I'm going to have us do something we both enjoy.

I'm going to take her suggestions into account, if there is any, otherwise we'll go with my plans

I'm going to bust her (as I've done so successfully)

I'm NOT going to act like a little boy and withdraw myself just because I'm not getting immediate results. And not deliberately playing games by not calling (even when I want to), being out of contact when I actually am, etc.

I'm going to be consistent in my interactions with her.

In short, I'm not going to be hesitant or inconsistent just because she is. I feel this is the way to go so I'm just going to stick by this and do it.

 

[FukkingBastard]

I fukking HATE one-itis!

I am still hung up on the girl I tried to kiss in kindergarten.

Somebody please shoot me