backbreaker
Master Don Juan
This is something I toyed around with around Christmas and it kinda took a life of it's own. I don't really know where this is supposed to go, so if you need to move it do so. While there are some I feel good lessons to be learned this is for 100% entertainment purposes. I can tell you now it's not 100% grammatically correct, I don't feel like freaking proof reading a message board post. fvcking sue me lol.
Enjoy.
De’andre was a normal, well (or so he thought) adjusted young man who fancied a woman named Beth. Beth was all De’Andre thought about. He had a picture of her on his screen saver. He had a picture of her on his phone. He called her daily. He texted her daily. He wrote her letters proclaiming his undying love for her. This woman was the love of De’Andre’s life, he couldn’t imagine life without her. He lived for the days she would go with him out and he would treat it like a real date. He would not chase other women because he wanted to make sure he was “available” when she was ready to finally date him. He cherished the friendly pecks on the cheek she would give him, which to her were totally harmless. Throughout years of this torment he had convinced himself that she was really interested in him, but all these different things.. work.. that “jerk” Ex of hers, school, were keeping them apart. He believed her when she said she wasn’t ready for a relationship (but you keep calling and taking me out every other night and spending all your time/money on me in the meantime).
Then one day, while sitting in starbucks drinking 7 dollar cups of coffee, she mentioned that she had “met a guy” and they were now dating. He was heartbroken. He asked her what he could do, what did this guy have that he did not have! He demanded to know the answer and know now, and whatever it was that he did not have, he was going to go get, because he was hell bent on winning Beth for himself! This game was not over by any means according to him.
As she gave him a harmless kiss on the cheek (again) and walked out the door, and while he had already in his mind started to devise his “strategy” to win her back, there was a guy on the other side of the room who was looking at De’Andre and was chuckling to himself. Almost crying with laughter. De’Andre, feeling embarrassed, because he knew damn well what the guy was laughing at, asked him what he thought was so funny.
“You” the guy replied. “Let me guess, you just got the “I got a BF, but you can still be my friend and take me out and do stuff for me even though I know I told you for the last year I wasn’t looking for a BF” speech didn’t you?
“How did you know” De’Andre said, with the look of someone who was just knocked out cold
“Look I didn’t mean to come off as harsh” the guy responded, and stood up to come sit next to De’Andre. “Let me introduce myself to you, my name is Virgin, and I’ve seen stories like your all too often in the City of Dissed”
“…..What the fvck is the City of Dissed?” De’Andre asked.
“Haha, I forgot that only a select few people are unplugged from the matrix when I speak, you have to excuse me. The City of Dissed is a version of hell that Average Frustrated Chumps have to endure for the rest of eternity” stated Virgin
“What is an Average Frustrated Chump” asked De’Andre?
“You” stated Virgin. “A guy who has no clue when it comes to the opposite sex, and believes everything that women tell him to do actually works.
“Hey now, wait a minute, I’m good with the ladies, I always go on dates, and I have plenty of female friends, women like me.” declared De’Andre
“Women like USING you” stated Virgin. He went on to explain, “you put yourself out there, and let the woman know that you will do anything and everything to get her attention, and a woman while not sexually attracted to you, will find a way to make good use to you, but is smart enough not to kill any hope you have for a future together. As long as you have that hope, the woman you desire, as in the woman t hat just walked out the door will have you under your thumb”
“Let me ask you a question.. Why where you even here today?” asked Virgin
“Today is my birthday! Stated De’Andre. I’m 22 years old today. She met me here to tell me happy birthday and see how I was doing. And you don’t’ think she has any feelings for me, silly you, only a girl that likes you will show up and do things like that”
“Very well” stated Virgin. “Who paid for the 2 vente iced carmel machanios?” asked Virgin
“..I did” De’Andre reluctantly answered, “But she’s having trouble with money right now and I didn’t want to bother her with that, it’s not a big deal” De’Andre explained
“That’s cool” Virgin stated. “So where did she meet the guy that she meet one time and is now dating?”
“She said she met him at a nightclub, and then her friends and him all went out to Denny’s afterwards” Stated De’Andre
“So this woman has the money to get dressed.. probably in a new outfit, gas up the car, go out to the club, pay a 20 dollar entry to the club, buy 1-2 drinks, then buy herself some food at Denny’s but can’t spring for a 6 dollar cup of coffee for your birthday? This is a woman you are defending?” Virgin asked.
“But..But.. it’s not like that” De’Andre stated. “She’s the perfect girl. She’s sweet, she’s pretty, she’s nice..”
“And she doesn’t like you” Virgin cut off De’Andre mid sentence. “None of that matters even if it is true. Look, today is your birthday, you seem like a nice enough guy, and well I’m bored, so I can show you better than I can tell you” Virgin stated “You are going to come with me” he stated
“Wait.. Where are we going? Asked De’Andre
“I’m going to show you the error of your ways first hand, by giving you a first hand tour of the city of Dissed. It’s actually right around the corner from here” stated Virgin
The two rose up from their seats, went outside and walked about 3 blocks into they saw an empty building with a closed door.
“…I thought this was Red Lobster? I’ve been here before” stated De’Andre
“All AFC’s have been here before De’Andre, and it’s no coincidence the door to the City of Dissed is a Red Lobster entrance. This is the official restaurant of AFC’s. They take dates here time and time again hoping to charm women into dating them” Stated Virgin. De’Andre nodded his head in guilt.
As they walked in however, they took the right turn into the bar.. the part of red lobster De’Andre (or apparently no one) had never been to because he had never gone to red lobster alone, and alas he fount it was not a bar. It was a door with these words inscribed above the door:
As soon as the door was opened, the overwhelming voice of millions of women speaking almost busted out their ear drums. Men who were chained to beds with speakers on both side of their ears with different women cantering different things to each man. “Oh you are such a great guy you are”, “You are my best friend”, “Oh Jim is such a jerk I wish he were more like you”, “Chase and I had some GREAT sex last night. Can you come pick me up to take me to get my hair done?”
“These are all men just like you. Guys who chased a woman, who were shot down, and decided they still wanted the woman anyway. They were going to win their women by virtue, by showing them how great of a friend they were. What these men and yourself do not understand is if it’s a friend she sees, then it’s a friend you shall be. That doesn’t change in a woman’s eyes. These men are sentenced to an eternity of listening to their women they cherished, talk about everything but dating them. Talking about the men they have had sex with, and reminding them why they are such great friends. They could have cut bait and run in the world of the living, but they decided the woman was worth chasing, so their punishment for the rest of eternity is to be with that woman… on her terms. Which is a 100% platonic relationship.” Explained Virgin
“..Wow that ****ing sucks” stated De’Andre. “So this is what I am going to go when I die?”
“if you don’t change your ways, yes” explained Virgin. “As you can see, this is the first room in hell. This is the misdemeanor offenses of hell so to speak. It’s hell but as you can see the men are quite comfortable, their violations aren’t as bad as some of the others you will met, because even in all your efforts, at least you are letting women know you want to date them. You are taking action. You mean good, you just don’t know any better. It’s the easiest thing to fix” explained Virgin.
“So how do I do that?” Asked De’Andre.
“Simply stated, by having a backbone, and standing up for what you want, and not be afraid to walk away. If you wish to date a woman, and she doesn’t see you in that light, then walk away and go try to find someone else who does like you. Do not waste your time trying to “win” this woman. The more you try to win this woman, and she doesn’t like you, you start to think you aren’t good enough for ANYONE, just because this one woman doesn’t like you, doesn’t mean there aren’t 10 more that won’t love you to death. “ explained Virgin
Enjoy.
De’andre was a normal, well (or so he thought) adjusted young man who fancied a woman named Beth. Beth was all De’Andre thought about. He had a picture of her on his screen saver. He had a picture of her on his phone. He called her daily. He texted her daily. He wrote her letters proclaiming his undying love for her. This woman was the love of De’Andre’s life, he couldn’t imagine life without her. He lived for the days she would go with him out and he would treat it like a real date. He would not chase other women because he wanted to make sure he was “available” when she was ready to finally date him. He cherished the friendly pecks on the cheek she would give him, which to her were totally harmless. Throughout years of this torment he had convinced himself that she was really interested in him, but all these different things.. work.. that “jerk” Ex of hers, school, were keeping them apart. He believed her when she said she wasn’t ready for a relationship (but you keep calling and taking me out every other night and spending all your time/money on me in the meantime).
Then one day, while sitting in starbucks drinking 7 dollar cups of coffee, she mentioned that she had “met a guy” and they were now dating. He was heartbroken. He asked her what he could do, what did this guy have that he did not have! He demanded to know the answer and know now, and whatever it was that he did not have, he was going to go get, because he was hell bent on winning Beth for himself! This game was not over by any means according to him.
As she gave him a harmless kiss on the cheek (again) and walked out the door, and while he had already in his mind started to devise his “strategy” to win her back, there was a guy on the other side of the room who was looking at De’Andre and was chuckling to himself. Almost crying with laughter. De’Andre, feeling embarrassed, because he knew damn well what the guy was laughing at, asked him what he thought was so funny.
“You” the guy replied. “Let me guess, you just got the “I got a BF, but you can still be my friend and take me out and do stuff for me even though I know I told you for the last year I wasn’t looking for a BF” speech didn’t you?
“How did you know” De’Andre said, with the look of someone who was just knocked out cold
“Look I didn’t mean to come off as harsh” the guy responded, and stood up to come sit next to De’Andre. “Let me introduce myself to you, my name is Virgin, and I’ve seen stories like your all too often in the City of Dissed”
“…..What the fvck is the City of Dissed?” De’Andre asked.
“Haha, I forgot that only a select few people are unplugged from the matrix when I speak, you have to excuse me. The City of Dissed is a version of hell that Average Frustrated Chumps have to endure for the rest of eternity” stated Virgin
“What is an Average Frustrated Chump” asked De’Andre?
“You” stated Virgin. “A guy who has no clue when it comes to the opposite sex, and believes everything that women tell him to do actually works.
“Hey now, wait a minute, I’m good with the ladies, I always go on dates, and I have plenty of female friends, women like me.” declared De’Andre
“Women like USING you” stated Virgin. He went on to explain, “you put yourself out there, and let the woman know that you will do anything and everything to get her attention, and a woman while not sexually attracted to you, will find a way to make good use to you, but is smart enough not to kill any hope you have for a future together. As long as you have that hope, the woman you desire, as in the woman t hat just walked out the door will have you under your thumb”
“Let me ask you a question.. Why where you even here today?” asked Virgin
“Today is my birthday! Stated De’Andre. I’m 22 years old today. She met me here to tell me happy birthday and see how I was doing. And you don’t’ think she has any feelings for me, silly you, only a girl that likes you will show up and do things like that”
“Very well” stated Virgin. “Who paid for the 2 vente iced carmel machanios?” asked Virgin
“..I did” De’Andre reluctantly answered, “But she’s having trouble with money right now and I didn’t want to bother her with that, it’s not a big deal” De’Andre explained
“That’s cool” Virgin stated. “So where did she meet the guy that she meet one time and is now dating?”
“She said she met him at a nightclub, and then her friends and him all went out to Denny’s afterwards” Stated De’Andre
“So this woman has the money to get dressed.. probably in a new outfit, gas up the car, go out to the club, pay a 20 dollar entry to the club, buy 1-2 drinks, then buy herself some food at Denny’s but can’t spring for a 6 dollar cup of coffee for your birthday? This is a woman you are defending?” Virgin asked.
“But..But.. it’s not like that” De’Andre stated. “She’s the perfect girl. She’s sweet, she’s pretty, she’s nice..”
“And she doesn’t like you” Virgin cut off De’Andre mid sentence. “None of that matters even if it is true. Look, today is your birthday, you seem like a nice enough guy, and well I’m bored, so I can show you better than I can tell you” Virgin stated “You are going to come with me” he stated
“Wait.. Where are we going? Asked De’Andre
“I’m going to show you the error of your ways first hand, by giving you a first hand tour of the city of Dissed. It’s actually right around the corner from here” stated Virgin
The two rose up from their seats, went outside and walked about 3 blocks into they saw an empty building with a closed door.
“…I thought this was Red Lobster? I’ve been here before” stated De’Andre
“All AFC’s have been here before De’Andre, and it’s no coincidence the door to the City of Dissed is a Red Lobster entrance. This is the official restaurant of AFC’s. They take dates here time and time again hoping to charm women into dating them” Stated Virgin. De’Andre nodded his head in guilt.
As they walked in however, they took the right turn into the bar.. the part of red lobster De’Andre (or apparently no one) had never been to because he had never gone to red lobster alone, and alas he fount it was not a bar. It was a door with these words inscribed above the door:
"Abandon all hope, ye who enter here"
The uninformed
As soon as the door was opened, the overwhelming voice of millions of women speaking almost busted out their ear drums. Men who were chained to beds with speakers on both side of their ears with different women cantering different things to each man. “Oh you are such a great guy you are”, “You are my best friend”, “Oh Jim is such a jerk I wish he were more like you”, “Chase and I had some GREAT sex last night. Can you come pick me up to take me to get my hair done?”
“These are all men just like you. Guys who chased a woman, who were shot down, and decided they still wanted the woman anyway. They were going to win their women by virtue, by showing them how great of a friend they were. What these men and yourself do not understand is if it’s a friend she sees, then it’s a friend you shall be. That doesn’t change in a woman’s eyes. These men are sentenced to an eternity of listening to their women they cherished, talk about everything but dating them. Talking about the men they have had sex with, and reminding them why they are such great friends. They could have cut bait and run in the world of the living, but they decided the woman was worth chasing, so their punishment for the rest of eternity is to be with that woman… on her terms. Which is a 100% platonic relationship.” Explained Virgin
“..Wow that ****ing sucks” stated De’Andre. “So this is what I am going to go when I die?”
“if you don’t change your ways, yes” explained Virgin. “As you can see, this is the first room in hell. This is the misdemeanor offenses of hell so to speak. It’s hell but as you can see the men are quite comfortable, their violations aren’t as bad as some of the others you will met, because even in all your efforts, at least you are letting women know you want to date them. You are taking action. You mean good, you just don’t know any better. It’s the easiest thing to fix” explained Virgin.
“So how do I do that?” Asked De’Andre.
“Simply stated, by having a backbone, and standing up for what you want, and not be afraid to walk away. If you wish to date a woman, and she doesn’t see you in that light, then walk away and go try to find someone else who does like you. Do not waste your time trying to “win” this woman. The more you try to win this woman, and she doesn’t like you, you start to think you aren’t good enough for ANYONE, just because this one woman doesn’t like you, doesn’t mean there aren’t 10 more that won’t love you to death. “ explained Virgin