Back into a committed relationship

[Desdinova]

So here's where I'm currently sitting... I have one plate leftover from the batch that I've been spinning. The last girl I took out on a date before I entered the relationship was texting during the whole date. I was not impressed.

The other plates have all spun off the table and smashed onto the floor. I'd forgotten how many terrible women are out there. I've got the one plate left, and she's treated me well, been respectful, and hasn't been bytchy at all. We're entering two months of dating, so I made things official. Honestly, I would have liked to continue just dating, but things don't really work that way. If I want to keep a girl around for a while, I need to eventually make it official. I'm not saying she's a soulmate, but she's definitely earned a larger portion of my time.

However, one of the last girls I dated (the one I built a computer for) was still pursuing me, and I initially was supposed to take her to a concert this month. I told her I gave the tickets away for someone's birthday (which I did - to the girl I'm now exclusive with) and she's pretty pissed about it. I honestly can't go to the concert anyway because I've got dance lessons that night, and I'd rather miss the concert than miss a lesson. Here's how the interaction has been going on facebook with her. I think I stood my ground quite well...

Seriously? U know Des instead of just kinda putting the blame on me . U could also mention not going to the concert with me because u have a girlfriend, as that would make alot more sense .instead of just making me sound so awful, cuz I'm blunt and not as pleasant as u would like me to. Be. I got u have no response to anything I say i am not very nice? Well Des call me crazy but I think it was harsh to just give the tickets away , without even letting me buy the one that would be mine? But no comment on that. lets be real though u are probably taking your girlfriend, which would also make sense. Something that u could just say. So I may not be a nice as can be, oh well at least I was honest. So I apologize for text messages, but u could care less about actions. Hmmmm well I don't expect u to respond to this either....would be nice, but I probably wasn't pleasant enough.i guess I really didn't expect u to sell me the tickets or ticket, but I don't believe u gave them away. That's real un pleasant , kinda like I was never significant, like the plan never existed.....that's not nice, and hurts. A little more than. A unpleasant text msg. U think?

And here's my response to it...

RH, I'm not going to the concert. I took up dance lessons and they fall on Thursday nights. I'd rather miss the concert than miss a dance class. I had to make the decision of which one I'd miss, and the concert was the one to go.

I really got discouraged after all the cancellations and the unpleasant text messages. I just can't bring myself to do something for someone who isn't into me. Your being blunt doesn't bother me. You frustrated me by constantly canceling plans, you hurt me by kicking me when I was feeling down, and the conclusions you come to based on your assumptions are quite offensive. I'm not a liar, and I'm not taking my girlfriend to the concert. Regardless, feel free to believe whatever you like.

I honestly cared a great deal for you, I had the desire to help you, and wanted to have fun with you. I did quite a few nice things for you RH, but I can't bring myself to continue doing it when you make me feel like 5hit.

I'm not sure why I'm still interacting with this bytch. I honestly don't like burning bridges, and would like to keep her at least somewhat on the backburner because sex with her was pretty good. She's been much more responsive with me treating her like crap, so I figured keeping her in my vicinity wouldn't hurt. Women love the drama, they feed off it, and they respond to it. I guess it's more of an experiment than anything else, and since I don't plan to live with another woman (let alone marry one), I figure I've got all the time in the world to experiment and learn from the experience.

 

[zekko]

I'm sure some will give you crap about responding to the girl's messages, but I like the honest, direct way you dealt with it.

I'm sure some will give you crap about getting back into a committed relationship so soon (didn't take that long, did it?). But you're right, there are so many terrible women out there, it can become tiresome. Best of luck to you.

 

[Razor Sharp]

I think you got a little too emotional, gave her too much power over your feelings and fell right into her frame. My response would've been more cut & dry (if I did bother responding, which I probably wouldn't):

I could sit here and point out how just about everything you said was wrong and based on your own offensive assumptions, but it's just not worth it. All I can say is you get what you give. If you want to be significant to someone you have to treat them well, but that's just not your style, is it? I hope you like cats, RH. I see a lot of them in your future.

That would have stirred her pot nicely.

FWIW her writing style shows a fragmented mind in torment. This girl has issues with accountability and loves to play the victim - honestly not worth your time. Dodge the bullet and move on.

As for you settling down, that's a choice I can't comment on without knowing your age or history.

 

[Scaramouche]

Dear Desdinove,
So far you have moved impeccably....very hard to fault...your main problem now is,in the enthusiasm of the initial novelty,committing too much time to her....No more than four nights a week,preferably three....This will keep things fresh between you both,and most importantly gives you a chance to spin plates....believe me,whilst the attractions of an LTR appeals right now,you will soon find it too much of a good thing, and something new will look good to you....So like everything in life,keep your options open,without minimising the fulfilling of your needs.

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

Not too bad. I would've left off the last 2 sentences though.

I hope you like cats, RH. I see a lot of them in your future..

Winner.

 

[5string]

Des

Don't really think you did anything wrong here.

You'll need to update this as I predict she'll be back and the sex will be even better. You have her off balance and her IL will be sky high.

 

[squirrels]

What DID you do with the tickets?

I love the fact that she thinks she's entitled to a chance to buy tickets off of you. I would've been more direct from the word-go, though. Just told her, "look, this just isn't working out...I'm going to give these tickets away because I don't think we'd enjoy each other's company anyway".

And leave it at that. Let her stew at being rejected...none of my business at that point.

 

[TheHumanist]

I know that type of texting is common and it's not like I never been lazy in my writing before, but for some reason that grammar makes me want to punch babies. I like how your response is so well-written.

 

[Jitterbug]

I'd drop that chick just for the grammar and spelling alone. What a retard!

 

[KarmaSutra]

Honestly, I would have liked to continue just dating, but things don't really work that way. If I want to keep a girl around for a while, I need to eventually make it official. I'm not saying she's a soulmate, but she's definitely earned a larger portion of my time.

This is the only portion of your post which makes my dirtchute roil and tighten.

I know it's absolutely "the right thing" to give women the thought that you're her one and only. This is the tether which keeps the sexual tension at it's most taught.

But forsaking other women, even if only your intention to cloud her perception with expectation, isn't going to pay you back a damned thing on your time invested in her.

Once she knows (or has the fleeting thought popped in her dreamy head) you're all hers, it's the beginning of the end Brother.

 

[KarmaSutra]

I'd drop that chick just for the grammar and spelling alone. What a retard!

Agreed.

I do not tolerate grammatical laziness whatsoever. If I see one goddamned "U" or *LMAO*, she gets a warning.

Laziness is a choice.