Back here after a 2.5 year relationship

[bobafatt]

The last few months have a been a struggle, this weekend I think we've finally both cracked. There has been some real toxic and disrespectful behaviour on her part, I wanted to end the relationship soon and had plans to after she finished her course which we was struggling quite a bit with, she beat me too it. Both of us were in agreement that we weren't making each other happy.

I lost my centre and purpose in life but i could see everything failing in front of me without the communication from either of us, I have been working out and eating healthy for a while now, I guess, in a way mentally preparing for the situation I find myself in now.

If I'm honest, yes it does suck at times but not as bad as I thought - it does feel like a weight has been lifted.

We got into an argument over the weekend over nothing, i asked her what the problem was and that's we she came out with not knowing what she wanted and was unhappy. I asked her where she wanted to go from here and she didn't know. I proposed a break to test the waters and see how we both felt and this would also allow her to complete her course with less stress, she agreed.

Knowing this was a big mistake on my part, I rang her back and asked to meet her tomorrow so we can properly chat about us and the future.

Cut a long story short I told her the break was a bad idea and the best thing for us both was to drop down tools and move on without each other. I told her this is something that's been coming for a while and even though I would try my best to make us work, I didn't feel like she would put the effort in as much as me. I told here there were no hard feelings but I will not be getting in contact with her again and that if she changed her mind. She knew where I was!

I walked away and that's been the last time I've seen or spoke to her in four days - the longest we've gone without speaking to each other.

If you've read this far down, thank you! I needed to vent somewhere and this is it.

I'm here if anyone else wants advice or a chat!

 

[SW15]

2.5 years is a good, long relationship. You did well. Time to move on and find new women.

 

[derby1]

2.5 years is a good, long relationship. You did well. Time to move on and find new women.

yeah women say they want companionship, but truth be told they are completely corrupted from social media, and the ongoing crash of dopamine....

its almost predictable when a woman announces a relationship online, she will be back within 18 months with the selfies and hint dropping that shes single again....

you did well

 

[Stuffnu]

We‘ve all been there.
I’ve always found it funny when a girls say “I don’t know” or not knowing.
In fact, they do know and likely checked out.
The first person who walks away first is always in the power position..

Good luck!

 

[DonJuanjr]

I’ve always found it funny when a girls say “I don’t know” or not knowing.
In fact, they do know and likely checked out.

Can you give an example of them knowing... I'd have figured that they really don't know. They just know what they're feeling.

 

[bobafatt]

Regardless of what her thoughts were or lack of towards the end, we were both of the same mentality, I should of recognized the problems sooner and taken action myself but instead i stayed in the relationship to try and resolve the issues we had, I will put my hand up and say i made mistakes and now is a time to work on myself, find my centre and get back to my happy single life!

Im lucky to be a member of a site like this, I would also like to recommend coach corey wayne's book and youtube videos - they have helped out a lot. When you know exactly what to do after a break up it makes life a lot easier. I can be proud in myself knowing that after she bailed out mentally in the relationship that i owned up to my own self, valued my time and respect as a person to just walk away and mean it.

i advise anyone else in the same position to do the same!

 

[john1234]

Regardless of what her thoughts were or lack of towards the end, we were both of the same mentality, I should of recognized the problems sooner and taken action myself but instead i stayed in the relationship to try and resolve the issues we had, I will put my hand up and say i made mistakes and now is a time to work on myself, find my centre and get back to my happy single life!

Im lucky to be a member of a site like this, I would also like to recommend coach corey wayne's book and youtube videos - they have helped out a lot. When you know exactly what to do after a break up it makes life a lot easier. I can be proud in myself knowing that after she bailed out mentally in the relationship that i owned up to my own self, valued my time and respect as a person to just walk away and mean it.

i advise anyone else in the same position to do the same!

OP, explain to me what happened in your relationship that made it get to that stage?

Where you having sex before you ended it?

How old are both of you?

What did you or her do to cause the relationship to crash?

 

[bobafatt]

I think there were a few things, she didn't trust me even though I was fully committed to her. She caught me liking celebrity posts on Instagram and also there was a transaction on PayPal to a girl that was from ages ago but I think for her that was the start of the end.

We were having regular sex right up until the end and even on the last night we were together she told me how much she loved me etc.

I feel as though she really doesn't know what she wants but I'm hoping she comes to a realisation that I'm not this person she thinks I am!

I feel as though I had to make the decision I did of walking away, she was having these thoughts about having space and to me when they're thinking like that it's coming to an end anyway.

I miss her like mad, it's been over a week since we spoke, I am 32 and she is 28. Did I do the right thing in turning down a break and walking away from the relationship? I did say to her that I wanted to make it work but I didn't think she did so if she did change her mind then it should be her to contact me.

I left it a couple of days, I changed my profile pic on WhatsApp of me and her and she followed straight after. After that I deleted her off most social networking sights and she also blocked me off some as well.

Any advice would be appreciated

 

[andreihaha]

I think there were a few things, she didn't trust me even though I was fully committed to her. She caught me liking celebrity posts on Instagram and also there was a transaction on PayPal to a girl that was from ages ago but I think for her that was the start of the end.

We were having regular sex right up until the end and even on the last night we were together she told me how much she loved me etc.

I feel as though she really doesn't know what she wants but I'm hoping she comes to a realisation that I'm not this person she thinks I am!

I feel as though I had to make the decision I did of walking away, she was having these thoughts about having space and to me when they're thinking like that it's coming to an end anyway.

I miss her like mad, it's been over a week since we spoke, I am 32 and she is 28. Did I do the right thing in turning down a break and walking away from the relationship? I did say to her that I wanted to make it work but I didn't think she did so if she did change her mind then it should be her to contact me.

I left it a couple of days, I changed my profile pic on WhatsApp of me and her and she followed straight after. After that I deleted her off most social networking sights and she also blocked me off some as well.

Any advice would be appreciated

Advice?

It's ok to take a break after a long relationship. Think about what didn't work, what you're really searching for, what mistakes you did... And just enjoy being alone for a while until you find what you're looking for.

Also, if you care about her changing her Whatsapp picture, do you think you loved/love her? I'm gonna assume you didn't since you threw it away with ease. So why are you doubting yourself?

A lot of people say here "Don't judge her by her words, but by her actions". Why not apply the same principle about yourself? Then, you'll realize what you really felt and maybe you'll get some closure.

The first few days are the worst, but eventually it will all fade away.

I wish you a healthy recovery.

 

[Barrister]

The last few months have a been a struggle, this weekend I think we've finally both cracked. There has been some real toxic and disrespectful behaviour on her part, I wanted to end the relationship soon and had plans to after she finished her course which we was struggling quite a bit with, she beat me too it. Both of us were in agreement that we weren't making each other happy.

I lost my centre and purpose in life but i could see everything failing in front of me without the communication from either of us, I have been working out and eating healthy for a while now, I guess, in a way mentally preparing for the situation I find myself in now.

If I'm honest, yes it does suck at times but not as bad as I thought - it does feel like a weight has been lifted.

We got into an argument over the weekend over nothing, i asked her what the problem was and that's we she came out with not knowing what she wanted and was unhappy. I asked her where she wanted to go from here and she didn't know. I proposed a break to test the waters and see how we both felt and this would also allow her to complete her course with less stress, she agreed.

Knowing this was a big mistake on my part, I rang her back and asked to meet her tomorrow so we can properly chat about us and the future.

Cut a long story short I told her the break was a bad idea and the best thing for us both was to drop down tools and move on without each other. I told her this is something that's been coming for a while and even though I would try my best to make us work, I didn't feel like she would put the effort in as much as me. I told here there were no hard feelings but I will not be getting in contact with her again and that if she changed her mind. She knew where I was!

I walked away and that's been the last time I've seen or spoke to her in four days - the longest we've gone without speaking to each other.

If you've read this far down, thank you! I needed to vent somewhere and this is it.

I'm here if anyone else wants advice or a chat!

First, please notice the "No Contact" thread at the top of the Don Juan forum. This is a good place to direct your attention during this time if you feel you need support.

Second, you actually played this pretty well IMO. You exercised the "agree and amplify" tactic in good fashion. Whenever a chick pulls away, you not only agree it was the right move, but you go a step further. You did that here. When you said this, if she really wanted to maintain the relationship, she would have said "is that really what you want?" The fact she agreed means you essentially just beat her to the punch. Had you not, your "break" would have become permanent once she decided it was time. Instead, you took it by the horns and made the decision on your own.

Maintain no contact. Get in the gym. Eat right. And then when you're ready start seeing other women. A lot of us have been where you are and it isn't fun - it sucks bad. But you will get through it. Understand that every time you reach out to her you DELAY your healing. If she reaches out to you, do not respond unless she is ready to say she is going to fully commit to making the relationship work. That is tricky to respond even then because the ONLY way you go back is if she takes responsibility for her actions. Do not have that talk and tell her you're "sorry" or you will be right back where you are now at a very not-too-distant point in time. IMO, you are better off simply moving on. Do not try to put the toothpaste back in the tube as @Atom Smasher once told a distraught Barrister.

In the end, you are better off focusing on yourself. This is over. Focus on your future.

Good luck, brother.

 

[bobafatt]

This is golden advice and I really appreciate the replies. It's a shame but I guess it's for the best, I have been messed around in the past by other girls and I guess the reason why I handled the situation in this way was to protect myself. I know this girl really loves me but if that's the way she feels tight now then I just need to leave her alone and let her figure it out for herself. She wanted space so I'm giving it to her.

I was probably a bit rash in my decision to remove my WhatsApp picture of us but it was my way of dealing with the situation, I can't help but think the what ifs etc of if I was to leave it like it was before, she was adamant about just a break but I had to cut that off, it isn't right!