Awkward Co-Worker Situation...

[DreamyChick]

Okay so I can't believe I am going to post about this but here it goes. Wyldfire I could especially use your input.

Here is my delima. Okay so I have been working in a law office for about a year now and we're fairly small around 12 employees. We all get along really well, but there are about 3 coworkers I really click with. So anyway there is one guy an attorney who is 30 and he and I are the closest in age. He is someone that I have grown to respect and go to for advice, knowledge etc. He knows the law and ever since I have been there he has been very open to my picking his brain to learn more about the field. Over time we have gotten comfortable with teasing each other. The general office environment is like this. We all love to tease. Anyway, I guess because we are close in age I feel I can relate to him the most.

He usually teases me about me being a plant killer ( I have killed three plants while working there) to my desire to get married. He says I have to learn to cook to find a husband. He is the opposite the thought of marriage or kids absolutely frightens him and I have teased him about it as well. Our teasing is always really good natured and from time to time I have seen our coworkers take notice of how we get in the moment of teasing each other. For me this has always been in fun bc he has a gf and he would never want marriage which I do.

However, there are a lot of things I do like about him. His drive, how he seems balanced--doesn't get hot headed, how he has respect for me and looks out for me. He will apologize when he realizes he has cursed in front of me to him telling me I need to slow down and take time off of work before I get burned out. We seemed to be building a friendship.

Recently I pulled the best prank on him. It was probably around a month ago, when he came and asked if we had a flash light bc a mouse was in his office. I didn't immediately run to his rescue but when I did I found that he was in another office all together. So naturally I teased him about being afraid of a rodent and he said that he just didn't want it crawling under his feet. So finally I go with him to search for the mouse in his office. I bent down to look near a bookcase and it came running out and I screamed and he jumped which I almost expected him to land on his desk. So he was like now do you believe me. The very next day my boss has managed to catch the tiny field mouse in a trash can so while my coworker is gone to lunch I sneak the trash can in under his desk. It takes him about half an hour to realize it but he calls me out on it and he's smiling promising revenge. See whenever we interact his eyes always get big and he starts smiling almost as wide and its just interesting.

Well, last week the boss sends out an announcement saying that this coworker has decided to go into private practice which through prior discussions with him I knew this was something he wanted to do I just didn't expect it to be so soon. Boss sent out this really great tribute to coworker though and joked about ways we could get him to stay and how he will be irreplaceable ect.

So it's now been a week and this coworker and I have barely spoken except on matters of work. I haven't really reacted to his leaving yet. Because I absolutely don't know what to say. But I find myself wanting to go speak to him in his office only to get halfway there to his door and stop bc he looks busy where as before I had no problem checking in with him. Tuesday, I was leaving work and the coworker was talking to the boss inside but came outside on the sidewalk as I was getting ready to walk to my car. Boss was still inside and coworker seemed to be looking for something and when I thought he saw me he didn't say goodbye. Boss said something and he responded and went back inside. I was perplexed why he was outside bc he didnt take a smoke break. Then this morning he was walking out of my office and I walked in and we walked right past each other and not a word. Then before lunch I walked through his office and asked how it was going and he said fine and that was it. Then something strange happened. Then this afternoon he had left to go do jail visits and about 15 minutes later he walked back in the office and he was like Dreamy could you check on the computer for a file for me if you aren't too busy?

He emphasized how he didn't want to interrupt me and so we walk in my office and he starts jabbering about this file. He mentions how he saw there was a probation violation and how it didn't appear to have been opened as a seperate file. I look it up in the system and sure enough hes right and I sit down at the computer check and he gets right up near the screen over my shoulder to look too. We both wear glasses.

Anyway so he asks me if I can set up the file and I say sure no problem do you need it before you go to the jail and he was like no. So guys if he didn't need the file for a client in jail why did he not just go to the jails and then come in tomorrow and tell me? Seems a little strange to me. Is it all in my head or are yall picking up some weird vibes too?

I really don't want things to be awkward between us. He's not leaving for another month or so, so I want things to sort of go back to normal between us. He's been cutting up with everyone else in the office except me this week. I know hes tying up loose ends with his cases but why is he teasing everyone else but me now? Oh last week he came in my office and asked me to look uo another case and he came face to face with an instant message with a guy I briefly semi-hooked up with. I think the guy left a message about being horny or something. Maybe that has something to do with it? Maybe it's just all in my head.

Any thoughts?

 

[TheLibraryGhost]

Sorry, maybe I'm missing a major point here, but I don't see any massive problems here.

You say you don't want things to be awkward between the two of you and that you want them to go back to normal.

...so do what you'd normally do. Tease him, chat with him, whatever. The only thing that seems to have changed is that you've become all flustered because you've realised he's leaving in a couple of months.

Does that make such a huge difference to the 'normal' way you should act around him?

If you said you particularly wanted something to happen between the two of you then sure, maybe you should do something more productive about it...but if all you want is 'normality', then why the fuss? Am I missing something here?

 

[DreamyChick]

Good point I should just act the way I have been acting.

 

[Wyldfire]

He has a girlfriend. You want this guy and he's taken. You're looking for us to tell you that he wants you too and to give you permission to try to steal him from his current girlfriend.

Is that basically the gist of things?

Listen...there are tons of men out there who are available and would love to date you and treat you right. Get a hold on your attraction to the ones that are not available either emotionally, mentally or due to being in a relationship.

Dreamy...it's pretty likely that you are trying to re-live a significant relationship from your past. Either your father or father figure wasn't available to you or some other man who was important in your life. You can't keep re-living the past in hope of getting a different outcome.

The good news is that once you figure out that's what you're doing...it's a lot easier to sort it out and stop doing it.

Stop sabotaging yourself, girl...

 

[DreamyChick]

You pretty much hit this one on the head. To answer your question my parents divorced when I was young so I didn't really have a great relationship with my father. He was relatively young llate 20s early 30s and on most weekends with him I usually ended up spending the night at his parents house where he promised me he would be back that night only to not come back until later the next day.

It broke my heart. Then there were other times where I got to go with him to visit his friends but that definitely wasn't quality time. Also I got to watch a lot of arguments take place between my parents. Being a child of divorce was definitely hard on me to say the least.

Originally posted by Wyldfire
He has a girlfriend. You want this guy and he's taken. You're looking for us to tell you that he wants you too and to give you permission to try to steal him from his current girlfriend.

Is that basically the gist of things?

Listen...there are tons of men out there who are available and would love to date you and treat you right. Get a hold on your attraction to the ones that are not available either emotionally, mentally or due to being in a relationship.

Dreamy...it's pretty likely that you are trying to re-live a significant relationship from your past. Either your father or father figure wasn't available to you or some other man who was important in your life. You can't keep re-living the past in hope of getting a different outcome.

The good news is that once you figure out that's what you're doing...it's a lot easier to sort it out and stop doing it.

Stop sabotaging yourself, girl...

 

[Wyldfire]

Well, that's why you keep finding yourself attracted to men who are only going to disappoint you because for whatever reason they aren't available to you.

Listen...parents do the best they can with what they know how...and at that young of an age, your father was likely clueless and still a bit of a kid himself. It doesn't mean he doesn't or didn't love you...he just didn't know how to be there for you.

You don't have to try to resolve that in your relationships with men...if your father is still around just talk to him about it and tell him how you felt and that you understand he was just a kid himself. As soon as you resolve this with your father you'll no longer feel compelled to want the men who aren't going to give you what you want from them and find one who will give you what you want.

 

[joekerr31]

boo hoo.
grow up.

J

 

[DreamyChick]

Originally posted by joekerr31
boo hoo.
grow up.

J

That's so nice of you. Maybe you should grow up.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by joekerr31
boo hoo.
grow up.

J

Don't get your undies in a wad joker. I just helped a young woman clear out some emotional baggage that will not only help her but make life easier for whatever guy she ends up with...which might just be a good guy now that she realizes this little pattern she has for going after the unavailable men. Be all disgruntled and rude about that if you must...but doing so is, well...retarded.

 

[Wyldfire]

Originally posted by DreamyChick
That's so nice of you. Maybe you should grow up.

Don't mind him...I strongly suspect his testicles are congested and he's a little uptight as a result.

 

[DreamyChick]

Thanks for the advice wyld. I do see my pattern now. And apparently it was all in my head with this guy. I was the one making it wierd. I know I have written a book here but this guy's behavior is confusing and while I know there is no chance of us ever dating in the future I am still curious about his interactions with me.


For instance today I was determined to let things go back to normal with talking and teasing and trust me and I told myself I wasn't going to allow myself another day of feeling awkward. I focused on completing my work though. When I got caught up with my work, I started to work on a cover letter that I promised my mother I would work on for her so it would be ready to be sent out with a resume.

Well, after I finished editing the cover letter I printed it out and went to the copier to retrieve it. The coworker was talking to the secretary about something and the coworker saw me and grabbed my print out and smiles and goes Oh dreamy what's this? and starts to read it. I said don't worry it's not my resume not planning on leaving yet and he's like who's is it and I explain and then he hands it to me and I walk back to my office.

Then I start working on something else and several minutes later I am absorbed and don't even realize he's standing beside my chair and he starts asking me questions about why I am doing a cover letter for my mom and then we chatted for a few minutes and he walks out and then I decided to ask him about his own venture. I could tell he was excited so he told me all about it and then asked me a few questions about what he would need to do to get his own website. Then we talk a little more and time passes and then he tells me hes going to get a hair cut so I ask him if hes going to do something different and he looks at me and shakes his bangs in his face and the fall in his face and he says don't you think I need one I was like yeah you do and so he leaves. I know all this doesn't matter but I am really curious about this guy's behavior. I mean sometimes he doesnt look at me and keeps his head down buried in a file but when we are talking more personally he looks at me directly and he smiles or laughs etc.

But the thing that perplexes me most is why when he comes in my office he stands right next to me. My desk is turned on an opposite wall from the door so the back of my chair is facing the door way, and then when he wants me to check something on the computer he peers over my shoulder. But when we are in a room other than my office we stand facing each other. I was just kind of taken by surprise that he came in my office to talk to me about why I was working on my moms resume and I had no idea he was there until he started talking. It kind of made me jump. I know wyld I need to shut up and refocus. Okay starts now.

But here's what I think he was doing. I think he was looking for a reason to come talk to me today.

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

:crackup:

Man it is sooo interesting to see what goes on in a chicks mind and how they perceive things.

Everyone should read this because just to show you that you have know idea what the chick your looking at is thinking. You could blow your nose a curtain way and sniff twice one day and sneeze and sniff three times and think your acting funny or indifferent. This makes me more confidence to approach and not giving a crap or trying to figure out what she’s thinking because its totally imposable to know. Wow...

Anyways Dreamy, your caught on this guys every word and action. I swear if he would just ask you to hold something you freak and over analyze everything. Look the dudes got a girl friend and he's trying to do what he’s there for and that’s working. Getting things done. What you should be doing. From what I’ve read there is nothing that suggest he likes you more then any other co worker. It’s all in your head. And soon he will be gone so move on and look for a SINGLE guy.

 

[DreamyChick]

Yup its definitely time for a single guy and some action.

 

[Lost In Translation]

OneArmDeeJay
This makes me more confidence to approach and not giving a crap or trying to figure out what she’s thinking because its totally imposable to know. Wow...

yes inside the mind of a woman...

SCARY !

:crackup:


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

 

[OneArmDeeJay]

Originally posted by Lost In Translation
OneArmDeeJay
This makes me more confidence to approach and not giving a crap or trying to figure out what she’s thinking because its totally imposable to know. Wow...

yes inside the mind of a woman...

SCARY !

:crackup:


Lost In Translation

**AUSTRALIAN STREET PIMP**

Indeed it is......

 

[italyfourever]

nope, your not dreaming dreamychick..both of you crossed that fine line while working together..especially about getting too personal with each other.....which leads to attraction for the most part. I doubt if he was doing that to the other ladies at work. The test will be when he leaves...whether he will keep in contact with you.

 

[DreamyChick]

Yeah I dont know if he will keep in touch or not. I asked him about how he thinks his drive will be and he pretty much started giving me directions to his new office. He's excited bc he says he thinks he will be able to find an apt near by and he will be in the main part of town (where the office is) so he can walk to work and save gas. He's also stressing bc he's got quite a few things to do before he can settle in there. He's lucky though. His parents must be well off bc his dad owns the building and says that he doesn't have to pay rent. Ah well... This only emphasizes that I need to get on the ball and figure out where I want my career to go.

 

[Wyldfire]

Dreamy...all he's really doing is reacting to the signals you've been sending him. HIS Behavior keeps changing because your behavior has likely been kinda mixed up due to this pattern you've been running. People instinctively can tell when someone is sending out those funky vibes.

Just treat the guy like you do everyone else at work...be cordial and friendly...but not overly so. Let him move on when the time comes and you move forward as well...with someone who is actually available and capable of having a normal relationship with you.

Just realizing what's been sabotaging you is the biggest part of overcoming that pattern. The hard work is done and the rest will be much easier.

 

[Centaurion]

what the hell...?

here use www.google.com and find some chick forums for your "I want c@ck" problems..

 

[TesuqueRed]

Interesting, no?

My take is that the guy is attracted. But he has a GF. He has an imagination, desires, needs -- the whole package, right? So does Dreamy, and they're sparking each other off. And both are all tied up internally, too. Fun stuff, that. Because he has a GF, which is tying up both of them.

Or even w/o a GF, he would be tied up internally, my guess. Dreamy, too.

(love all the parallels there, you know, how the GF's existence has them both in stitches, how...never mind.)

But whatever, that's pretty obvious. That's not the interesting part.

What's fascinating is how it's worked out. Guys, you're getting an uncut, un-scrubbed look inside the other side. If you have a "whatever, chick, spare me" response you're a neanderthal dumbfvck. You're getting primary-source feedback, which, regardless of what you feel about it (note: not think of it), is both invaluable and fascinating.

As for feel about it? I get probably the same hit as you do, which is that it gives you a slight pressure head-ache reading it all. Of course you react negatively. It reminds of when I picked up a harlequin romance just to see what it was all about. It's compulsive stuff, and as a guy you really don't have the internal fortitude to hang with the low-grade obsessiveness that runs through every chapter, every sentence. It gives you a slight pressure-headache and feeling of queasiness reading it (don't try this at home, right?)

But that's how you may feel about it. What I point out is to think, which means this piece gives you evidence of the effects on a woman with mid to high IL of how you behave and carry yourself.

Notice the confusion in her generated by the confusion in him.

Notice how she looks for his lead.

Notice more than that, I won't do all the work here! Women look for you to find them as mystery, but to know and handle them, too. This is stuff is invaluable.

Neanderthal dvmbfvcks, scratch yer stanky-@ssed hairy heads and take note!

The part that stands out is the hyper-rationality (and we say women are irrational) of reading every sign, deconstructing it, cross-referencing it ad nauseum (sp? screw it, I don't have spell checkar here...)

Avoid the obvious response, it's usually cliche. Wait a pulse and see it something more interesting doesn't emerge.

And Dreamy -- ?

Wyld has probably what you're looking for. My take is that he'll probably stick with his GF unless he's willing to live dangerously and decides to play you on the side.

Ooo - that was nasty. Shouldn'tna said that. Try it again.

It could be <cue violins here> a new love devoloping, of a guy conflicted between a girl he once loved, a love now luke-warm, who meets a young, vibracious (is that a word?) woman who has that spontaneity and feeling that would make his life complete, that...that...(I shyt you not I once picked up a harly rag, you can't just make this up people...)

Awwright Dreamy...<headslap music player to make it stop>...you could, of course, decide to seduce him or play him. Maybe you got game for that, maybe you don't. I detect a bit of the submissive in that you'll leave doors open for him to make a move but you won't force things yourself.

Ya know, like by seducing him or something.

I'm not making any judgment on whether seducing him or not is the right course of action. You'll do what you would probably do anyway -- same as lawyer dude will -- I'm just saying step back and notice what you both are doing.

Just maybe cut back on the hyper-symbol-reading and accept you know what you know. Obsessing about it just allows you to avoid making a decision.

Like to seduce or not.

Just for the experience - if you ask me (and you're not, but that never stopped me) - give an uptight stressed lawyer and yourself a thrill and go seduce him. Full out -- no half measures. You'll regret it and have guilt all through it and later, but what the h3ll, it'll teach you more about yourself and life than sitting around hyper-obsessing about signs, meanings, and g0d-knows-what.