Everyone take a moment to reread icepick's response about twenty times, until you have at least a few of the lines memorized.
ice, you demonstrate some of the clearest thinking I've seen on the board and I agree with you 100% that if our friend is going to get better, then HE will have to take control of his feelings and of his progress. He is the problem and he is the solution. Excellent story about the two brothers.
ADPGuy, I'm really sorry to hear about the diagnosis. I understand that AvPD is different from social anxiety and that the two often fit together nonetheless. I also understand what it feels like to have social anxiety and to have what's called an avoidant interaction style. It has been who I am since early childhood, when adults would pick up on the fact that I wouldn't play or sit near other children - I was a loner throughout high school and always felt that there was some sort of invisible force keeping me from fitting in with the other students or being normal. I was the top student in my high school and my picture appeared in the paper at least a dozen times senior year, I could get up on stage and perform or teach in front of a class, but I didn't feel that I knew anyone or that anyone knew me.
College brought me out of my shell and I learned to look at things this way: everybody has their hang-ups (if you disagree, join a "relationships discussion group" or something to that effect at the local mental health clinic). Nobody is perfect and although they criticize one another and not everybody's bossom pals, people are still sensitive. Just not as sensitive as you. But they're still sensitive and relationships take a lot of work. For me, picking up the phone to call someone I didn't know very well used to take hours!!! That's weird, isn't it? But I realized that for most people, there may be a slight discomfort in calling someone new for the first time, to chat or make plans. I just exaggerated these feelings mainly because of my worst-case-thinking self-talk. Nowadays I pick up the phone care-free. What I am saying is that I have made a LOT of progress a) changing the way I think (find a cognitive therapist) and b) DOING. DOING is a big part of it - you're gonna have to put yourself out there sometimes and let the thought-process and emotions catch up with you AFTER you've acted. Is it easy? No way, but it's doable... for me.
I don't know you. A personality disorder is usually a serious problem. However, therapists have all sorts of reasons for making diagnoses and often times the diagnosis is not an accurate reflection of who the patient is. It helps the therapist get paid, it helps the patient have a better understand of the problem, or it helps establish some sort of guildelines for how the problem should be treated... nonetheless, a lable is just a lable.
Which brings me to my next point: I have spent the past four years investigating the field of psychiatry and I have a very low opinion of it. There are some excellent doctors out there and some horrific, chronic diseases that are next to impossible to treat. So, I feel that psychiatry has earned its place in Western medicine. What I can't fvcking stand is how these shrinks go around putting kids on drugs they don't need - making their lives worse than they already were - and taking ANY preconceived illusion of self-efficiency and control OUT of the patient's hands. This, my friend, is PRECISELY what Eli and the other pharm companies would have you believe, that you NEED medication. For 99.9% of non-psychotic patients out there on pharmacy DRUGS (espeically for those with "Personality Disorders") I say that is B U L L S H I T. Catch my drift?
Not every kid needs to be on a stimulant in order to do well in school (I have add, never been on a drug for it, and still manage to out-compete nearly everyone).
Not every sad teenager needs an ssri to combat a "serotonin deficiency"... my a s s.
Not every person with disturbing anxiety needs a doctor to help them build a tollerance to some sort of benzo med that will eventually lead to either substance abuse or severe withdrawal.
And not every person capable of losing their temper and standing up for themself in a fight deserves to be put on tranqs and mood stabilizers.
Another thing about meds and shrinks... once you enter the system, they don't let you leave. One pill don't work, try another one. They'll feed you as many as it takes for you to be 100% compliant. You've got an issue, they've got a pill for it. You try to leave the system, tell your doctor you're through with medicine... OH, NO YOU DON'T!... some docs will contend that you NEED the pill and that your mind is TRICKING you into believing that you are better so that when you stop taking it, all of your symptoms will return full-blast (yeah, and if they do that is withdrawal). Other shrinks will fight you if they have to and so your best bet is to be real calm and friendly. Overheard this once, "If you raise your voice at me again, I'll have you on tranquilizers!"
So, unless you are a mega-hermit who lives in a cave, goes through the day without being able to talk to at least one friend, parent, cousin, etc, hears voices, or thinks of committing suicide... please, please, please reconsider your decision to take Paxil. That drug does more harm than good and is MARKETED TO A POPULATION THAT DOES NOT NEED MEDICAL TREATMENT IN THE FIRST PLACE. I'm not saying that medicine cannot help you - like I said, I am in no position or authority to give advice to anyone, let alone someone over the internet. But, shrinks are greedy, pharm companies are doublely greedy, HMOs like to see people like you drugged-up instead of crying to a talk-therapi$t, and it's very tempting to let a pill change your brain chemistry and make everything better. Truth of the matter is, there is no pill that can do that. Alcohol and MJ will do more for your social difficulties faster and with fewer side-effects... and there is no way I would advocate either of those.
You sound like a healthy guy. You are young and into martial arts. I'm also into martial arts and I know that you care about your body. Drugs are not easy on your body, even ones your doctor gives you. Even ones sold side-by-side with diet supplements at the corner drug store. Consider all sorts of alternative (non drug, non herbal, non invasive) treatments and therapies.
Regardless of what you choose, you'll have to take chances. You'll have to leave the comfort zone. Perhaps you can make a game of it - reframe the way you look at social interactions... a skilled therapist (as opposed to the thousands of rent-a-friends in the telephone directory) could help you along these lines.
I wish you a lot of luck, but luck ain't gonna change you. It's going to take a lot of hard work and please, unless you are severely handicapped by your illness (barely functioning... ready for the hospital) reconsider pharm chemicals. They are not magic and they have side-effects. Make sure that YOU are in charge of getting better and how you will get better instead of the mighty dollar!
DWK
