Attraction w/o Investment

[TheException]

Hey guys.

Got a scenario. Ive been seeing this one girl for about 2 months. Met at a bar and hit it off from there. Kclose/# close. Pretty standard.

FClosed by date 3. 2nd F closed last weekend.

I feel she has high attraction for me, but doesnt initiate hanging out. The best she does is give me a counteroffer when i propose one. For instance if i propose to meet up at a bar to watch a baseball game(shes a big fan and rarely misses a game) she will counter with a different bar where her friends are. Only time initiated hanging out was week 2 of knowing her. Shes also is moderately flaky(which girl isnt) and has cancelled on two plans. I dont care or call her out and respond with a "k" and its business as usual. Eventually hang out and ill slay it.

So on to my question...or rather topic of discussion. She clearly is attracted or she wouldnt be banging me, but what would explain her not being all over me and smothering me with attention? She has a stressful job and is always on call, so i never really expect to get a text reply minutes after its sent, and she is legit busy. I know, if she wanted to she could find time to text me about nothing other than the sake of texting if she wanted to...but my lifestyle is also busy.

Pretty much ive seen her 6 times in 2 months, and the last 3 times have been hookups(her period once so no sex). Ive passed all **** test, and the two times shes flaked ive just brushed it off like no big deal, and not overreacting. Reason being, i know shes into me, whatever her reason was(hang out with friend instead, shes on her period, etc) it wont phase me. Theres been no drama, no fights, a little bit of jealousy deployed by me, which lead to first hookup that night

So i feel the balance of power may be shifting to her since i always seem to be initiating to hang out and about 60% of the texting. I feel i should back off and let her text me first and see if she initiates to hang out this weekend or week coming up and not doing so myself until she does. But my afc says just keep proposing to hangout, its been working(she might cancel once along the way but eventually youll hit it). So what do you guys think? Will she initiate hanging out if i dont(she may be used to me always doing it) or should i just continue as is, and text her to make plans. I consider her potential LTR material, and would like to move it in that direction.

Thanks

 

[VladPatton]

Your situation is not a bad one. It may be a power play on her part to only respond when you call first, and redirects the date to her liking as well. Things are pretty set this way now. There is a routine, and she always gets the final say as to where you end up for the night. This should be your job, so what you can do is to let her contact you first. Have a place in mind for when she does.

Although you do say you are looking towards an LTR, this whole power struggle thing may be a damper on your happiness. If you're both going to want to have the upper hand it will constantly be a battle.

For now, see what happens if you just don't call her. It'll be interesting to see how long she waits for first contact. That should speak volumes as to whether or not she is just waiting on you, or if she as well is spinning plates and you are a sliver on her cὀck carousel.

Keep us posted and good luck.

 

[NewAndImproved]

but what would explain her not being all over me and smothering me with attention?

Easy.

You're not her number one option.

But apparently she's yours (or you want her to be).

Accept it and enjoy and get more & better options. The balance of power was "shifted" from the beginning. Go NC for a bit and see what happens.

Another thing that's worked for me in the past is let's say you all have plans to meet up at 9 at some bar. Text her about an hour before saying something came up but let's keep in touch throughout the night. Or just say something came up sry. THEN DISAPPEAR WITH NO INTENTION OF TEXTING HER. Often times I received a "what are you doing?/where are you?" around 1-2 and after that I got back some power. Even if you have no other options, make her think you do.

 

[Financed]

If she's always proposing to meet where her friends are then your just a piece of ass for now. Sorry that's blunt but its the reality of it. I'm the same way with chicks. If I want a one-on-one date then I dig her and am looking to possibly take it further. If not and meet me with my friends or we don't hang? Just a bang. It's her being selfish (which is exactly what being the booty caller is).

I'd do what the last post suggests and leave it at that. You're going to need to work to pull the power back in your court but it's not impossible at this point. Play your cards right my friend!

 

[TheException]

For now, see what happens if you just don't call her. It'll be interesting to see how long she waits for first contact. That should speak volumes as to whether or not she is just waiting on you, or if she as well is spinning plates and you are a sliver on her cὀck carousel.

Let me clear this up. She has and does contact me first. Its just something mundane like "Blah blah i cant believe its monday already" or "blah blah i cant wait for work to be over". Then a few short exchanges on my part and thats it. I meant specifically only once has she has ever texted out of the blue like "Hey, do you want to go to this new restaurant in town?"

You're not her number one option.

Could very well be true. But time is better spent elsewhere then worrying about this. I have other plates to conquer meanwhile.

If she's always proposing to meet where her friends are then your just a piece of ass for now. Sorry that's blunt but its the reality of it

Again, to clear up. This is not the standard reaction. Its happened just twice, and i think she makes plans with her girlfriends and would rather have us both. Ive gone out with them once, and charmed them all. Did wonders cause she banged my brains out that night and morning. For instance last weekend we went to the baseball game with my friends(none of hers). She came over after , even though she had to be up before the sun the next day.

Thanks for the input guys.

 

[Zarky]

If she's mid-20s or younger then this is par for the course. If you're banging her when you see her then I don't see the problem. Some chicks, especially younger ones, are just passive people. I wouldn't do anything too drastic, but you should be dating other women.

 

[TheException]

If she's mid-20s or younger then this is par for the course. If you're banging her when you see her then I don't see the problem. Some chicks, especially younger ones, are just passive people. I wouldn't do anything too drastic, but you should be dating other women.

Bingo. Shes young 20s and has a full time job already, im still at uni. Ive decided to not text her FIRST this weekend(will respond if she texts me), and if i do not hear from her by Sunday afternoon, i will text and make plans during the week. I will update you guys. Thanks for all the input.