Attraction vs. Comfort

[Trouble]

Hello everyone,

Just joined the forum.
Found out about it from Rollo Tomassi's books.
Glad to be here and I look forward to developing myself and helping others on the way.

This is something that has been on my mind for a while and I am looking for some perspective on it.

The thing I would like to ask is, from all the girls that you have been with (when I say this I mean at the very least a proper make out session), how many of them were genuinely already attracted to you and were just waiting for you to make a move, and how many of them were just comfortable around you(If you were to ask them bluntly they would say you are just a friend) and when you made a move they were a bit surprised, but went along with it non the less and after that her hormones and chemicals took care of the attraction part?

I look forward to your responses and if this is something that has already been discussed than could someone please send me a link to the topic. Thank you.

 

[Trouble]

OK, then I am referring to girls from a western culture.

 

[The Duke]

The majority were already physically attracted. As a result it created excitement, tension, emotional/sechsual desire, and feel good hormones. Attraction built by comfort thru familiarity rarely has the same effect.

However, you still need some level of comfort regardless of physical attraction. Physical attraction is the driving force, then comes comfort. Its very rare that comfort drives physical attraction. I had 1 out of 50+ girls that happened that way and it was with a girl in one of my social circles.

I really have little interest in women if I don't find them physically attractive so I'm sure my beliefs skew my experience.

 

[Trump]

from all the girls that you have been with (when I say this I mean at the very least a proper make out session), how many of them were genuinely already attracted to you and were just waiting for you to make a move, and how many of them were just comfortable around you(If you were to ask them bluntly they would say you are just a friend) and when you made a move they were a bit surprised, but went along with it non the less and after that her hormones and chemicals took care of the attraction part?

What difference does it make? Make a move quickly and see if she responds. If she does, you have your answer. If she is uncomfortable, pull back a bit.

The point is make a move quickly. Don't wait until 2-3-4 dates to do anything.

 

[El Payaso]

All of them were already attracted to me and waiting for me to make a move.

 

[darksprezzatura]

Your question is framed as "how many?".
I'm assuming that instead you want to know whether a girl is attracted to you or not.

That leads to indicators of interest/disinterest.

Disregard what she says, judge her actions.

1) Gaze into her eyes, does she maintain eye contact for a long time? Do her pupils dilate right infront of you?
2) Does she resist physical escalation?
3) Is she reinitiaing contact often?
4) Is she constantly cancelling dates?
5) Is she trying to explore your interests?
6) Is she constantly busy to meet you?
7) Is she rescheduling dates according to her interests?
8) Does she respond back by touching you?
9) Does she dress well when you are around?
10) Does she come to meet you enthusiastically when you ask her out OR does she give excuses which "appear" genuine to you ?

The most important thing is:

Assume interest at all times unless you see clear indications that she's not interested.

When you do, stop deceiving yourself using her just to flatter your ego, dump her.

 

[zekko]

]how many of them were just comfortable around you(If you were to ask them bluntly they would say you are just a friend) and when you made a move they were a bit surprised.

With most there was attraction. But this brings up an interesting point.

Women aren't stupid, they know how guys are. They surely must realize that most guys want to get their hands on their parts. So why would they be surprised when some dude makes a move on them?

 

[Trouble]

OK. Thank you for the input.
So here's my story.
We are talking about European girls. Mainly western Europe.
I go to social dancing usually twice a week. There are classes before as well.
As a dancer I'm good. It is normal for girls to ask me to dance and constantly complement me on how good I am. One girl once asked if I'm a teacher.
It was recent that I read Rollo Tomassi's books and they clarified a few things for me. I got out of the ONEitis mindset. And now I am talking to more girls at the same time than probably ever before. Kino is a given, because of the dance. And I can tell that they are much more comfortable with me than most of the other guys. And there is always constant smiling and eye contact during that as well. The dance itself is called "sensual bachata". You can go on Youtube, there are lots of videos. There is a level of intimacy to it, more so than other dances, and a lot of times I am told that I make them feel comfortable, and they would not be like that with other guys. When I am not dancing with them (this is still in the social dance scene) the chemistry is great, eye contact, ****y funny, teasing(I work in sales and I use ****y funny there as well, it's almost like second nature for me now),flirting. And I'm always getting great reactions to that. I could make a move there and then, in the dance there are moments when our lips are 5 cm/2 inches away from each other, but if you are a regular then you know about 80% of the people who are there, so if that goes south it might get ugly. And here's my problem. When I suggest meeting up outside that environment I tend to get some resistance and something like "we can grab a drink, but only as friends". So am I missing something, or should I just make a move there and then, or is it just wishful thinking from my part or what? And if I get told that "grab a drink as friends", should I just say yes and stick with my original plan, or is that a sign for me to just walk away?

 

[Young OG]

Attraction and comfort come before seduction. A women needs to be attracted to you and comfortable around you before you make the first move.

It goes back to the old M3 Model from Mystery.
1.) Attract
2.) Build Comfort
3.) Seduce

 

[El Payaso]

OK. Thank you for the input.
So here's my story.
We are talking about European girls. Mainly western Europe.
I go to social dancing usually twice a week. There are classes before as well.
As a dancer I'm good. It is normal for girls to ask me to dance and constantly complement me on how good I am. One girl once asked if I'm a teacher.
It was recent that I read Rollo Tomassi's books and they clarified a few things for me. I got out of the ONEitis mindset. And now I am talking to more girls at the same time than probably ever before. Kino is a given, because of the dance. And I can tell that they are much more comfortable with me than most of the other guys. And there is always constant smiling and eye contact during that as well. The dance itself is called "sensual bachata". You can go on Youtube, there are lots of videos. There is a level of intimacy to it, more so than other dances, and a lot of times I am told that I make them feel comfortable, and they would not be like that with other guys. When I am not dancing with them (this is still in the social dance scene) the chemistry is great, eye contact, ****y funny, teasing(I work in sales and I use ****y funny there as well, it's almost like second nature for me now),flirting. And I'm always getting great reactions to that. I could make a move there and then, in the dance there are moments when our lips are 5 cm/2 inches away from each other, but if you are a regular then you know about 80% of the people who are there, so if that goes south it might get ugly. And here's my problem. When I suggest meeting up outside that environment I tend to get some resistance and something like "we can grab a drink, but only as friends". So am I missing something, or should I just make a move there and then, or is it just wishful thinking from my part or what? And if I get told that "grab a drink as friends", should I just say yes and stick with my original plan, or is that a sign for me to just walk away?

If you get the "friends" line, decline.

An woman that is attracted doesn't say that.

 

[Trump]

When I suggest meeting up outside that environment I tend to get some resistance and something like "we can grab a drink, but only as friends".

"OK we'll go as whatever you like."

Make sure she pays for her drink. Make her laugh, compliment her, flirt with her, make sure she has a good time. Make a move.

Come on men, this is not brain surgery/rocket science. You guys are acting like these girls are chess prodigies waiting to outsmart you. They just want to have fun and get pounded. It's not that hard.

 

[MillionBillionaire]

If you get the "friends" line, decline.

An woman that is attracted doesn't say that.

True... but I fvcked a "friend" she even called me her "bestie" and even "bud" at one point.

One thing about Fing a friend is it is almost impossible for me to get it up because you are tooo comfortable, not enough excitement to be sticking it in a friend.

Sex is best with mutual attraction.. obviously.

 

[zekko]

I think comfort is under rated. Most PUA Theory focuses on attraction.