Attention Ho & BPD = Same thing?

[PTC]

I was just wondering if these to things go hand in hand with women. I have been reading the BPD thread below and I am frickin amazed how familiar my last relationship was with one of these.

These were the facts:
First night together we had sex and it was unbelievable! When I met her I was a plate spinner and having a blast. Well this chick kept on and on until she hooked me (Must have been the sex). She was 29, Married twice, two kids from different husbands. Parents were no longer married and had remarried 1-2 times after that. Said she had been raped when she was 14. She was constantly putting revealing pics on her myspace page some with her boobs hanging halfway out and when I would tell her that a mom with two kids shouldn't be doing that she would freak out!

The first few months we dated everything was great, then one night she fricken flipped out at a halloween party we went to because I was talking to other people and she thought I had taken her there to break up with her. And I'm talking really flipped out,...Screaming,...crying this look of horror on her face I had never seen. Well I took her home and on my way home that night I was like what the fvck! I shoul've ran then but I didnt. Well long story short we broke up got back together all the time. We even broke up for 3 months when she tried to get back with her ex husband but by then she had sucked everything out of me and I went into depression. I texted her and told her I missed her, i would try and call her,...I know, i know WRONG thing to do,..I know. Well after 3 months,...just when I was beginning to get my self back to normal and getting the plates spinning again she realized that i was losing interest in her and she started contacting me again and my dumbass got sucked in again. That lasted about 4 months until I just finally got up enough courage to say fvck it. I called her about a week after I left her to see how she was doing cause for some reason I felt sorry for her and she was as cold as ice. Told me if was calling her to be friends with her that wasn't going to happen. So i said ok fine and I haven't contacted her since.

I'm just teling you guys these women have some kind of poison or something that will suck the life force out of you and bring you down into a chump. It's even embarrasing for me to tell this story cause I am not this kind of week person,..never have been. They love you, or at least they show they do until they get you hooked then when you show them love back they become bored and seek attention elsewhere. They are never happy. They suck you in until they have you then they back off and watch you suffer. Then when they see you recovering and moving on they try and suck you back!

Thank god this forum is here because people need to know what to look out for with these women. I just wish I had known sooner before wasting 2 years of my life.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.bpdfamily.org/index.php?board=8.0

This BPD forum here might help you even more PTC.

It has a ton of people on it who can fully relate to your story as they have gone through the same or much, much worse.

Anyway yeah an Attention Wh0re well the sick kind is either Histrionic or Borderline Personality Disordered.

As other posters have long pointed out all women are attention wh0res to an extent but what seperates the normal women from the pathological attention wh0re is the extreme degree the pathological AW needs attention.

They seem to literally need it to function and live.

And well there are all those other negative traits that go with their PD's like projection, crazymaking, self injury and raging at you over nothing.

They also tend to try to stir up drama by baiting you into arguments.

They use a lot of superlatives in their conversations towards you to build you up like "awesome, incredible, amazing" etc all of those words are used by her to describe you during the shallow small talk getting to know you phase that these women are so good at.

 

[Truman181]

KX -

You read that Field Report or thread about the girl saying she was going back to her ex that I posted, do you really think that girl has a BPD as others here have speculated?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=146220

What was it about her behavior that makes you think she is that way?

 

[Pimp-sicle]

KX -

You read that Field Report or thread about the girl saying she was going back to her ex that I posted, do you really think that girl has a BPD as others here have speculated?

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?t=146220

What was it about her behavior that makes you think she is that way?

Does it really matter if she has a PD or not?? The simple fact is this chick has a lot of issues and you should distance yourself from her as much as possible. Two ex-husband's, AW'ing on myspace, not high quality bro.



PIMP

 

[Truman181]

Only one ex husband....don't know where you got two?

Anyway, I'm trying to figure this out for my own benefit. I want to know if the problem was really HER and if so, how to spot these kinds of women in the future.

 

[KontrollerX]

http://www.bpdfamily.com/bpdresources/nk_a102.htm

Watch this youtube video to help you identify and spot them in the future so as to avoid them Truman.

Truman I personally didn't pick up on the Cluster B vibe from your girl in your field report story but as good as I am at pointing it out to posters that they are likely involved with this type of woman sometimes I do miss something in the story that would let me know for sure that this is what you are dealing with.

Persistant Exaction and Jophil tend to ferret out whether a chick is a Cluster B Personality Disordered woman or not when I sometimes "miss it" or "don't get it" and since they are both pretty much saying your girl was one of these in your thread if I were you I'd listen to them and believe them about it 100%.

Also read Pimp-Sicle's post in here a few times over.

He really cut to the heart of the matter that many of us Cluster B victims had to face in our recovery and that is once any bad behavior starts why in the hell would we stay?

Yeah its normal to want an acknowledgement when one of these Cluster B relationships is over that what the disordered person did to you was wrong but then you also have to come to discover that you had all the power to let them continue doing it after the first instance.

In reality you had the power to walk away all along but didn't.

You have to find out why you didn't and you only find that out by deeply questioning yourself.

You hold those answers.

They can be anything from a lack of establishing personal boundaries to having a savior mentality to simply falling in love with the mirror of yourself that the girl projected and getting all of the self love you neglected to yourself your whole life vicariously through her.

There can be many deep reasons for why someone would tolerate being emotionally abused in a relationship and you need to find them out and answer your questions so you can fix the problem/s and not repeat the self destructive cycle by continuing to seek abusers out or allow yourself to be abused and disrespected and cheated on and grow to like it because you are so mentally beat down and view yourself as worthless.

 

[jophil28]

. I want to know if the problem was really HER and if so, how to spot these kinds of women in the future.

YEs, the problem was HER. These women are mentally ill to the extent that they continue to act in ways that cause one trainwreck after another BUT they cannot, or will not, acknowledge that they are the cause of the crashes. IT is always her bad a$$ Ex who was the problem .
These women are EXPERT actresses who have an uncanny ability to reach right into your emotional center and toy with your deepest feelings of passion and love and then walk all over those things ..They are pure evil and will use you in the most appalling ways to gain anything that they want with no SCRUPLES . One of their tactics in relationships is "Go away - now come back ".
These women use sex quickly to hook you, and after a few weeks or months when the hook is set, they cause drama to get you on their roller coaster and then start deliberately hurting you. After a few more months you are a confused addicted mess and THAT is what she most enjoys - the feelings of the power of her pvssy to cause PAIN in men.

They ALWAYS have huge DADDY issues...
GEt away, if all you can do is just limp away..

 

[jophil28]

I was just wondering if these to things go hand in hand with women. I have been reading the BPD thread below and I am frickin amazed how familiar my last relationship was with one of these.




The first few months we dated everything was great, then one night she fricken flipped out at a halloween party we went to because I was talking to other people and she thought I had taken her there to break up with her.

The second para above reports exactly what I experienced in my BPD.. A sudden explosive switch in mood when SHE was no longer the center of my attention - an early RED FLAG that I did not see for what it was..
Mine would just walk out of clubs if I talked to another woman , or one time she tried to climb out of my moving car because I said something which displeased her.

YOu end up walking on broken glass.

 

[Truman181]

YEs, the problem was HER. These women are mentally ill to the extent that they continue to act in ways that cause one trainwreck after another BUT they cannot, or will not, acknowledge that they are the cause of the crashes. IT is always her bad a$$ Ex who was the problem .
These women are EXPERT actresses who have an uncanny ability to reach right into your emotional center and toy with your deepest feelings of passion and love and then walk all over those things ..They are pure evil and will use you in the most appalling ways to gain anything that they want with no SCRUPLES . One of their tactics in relationships is "Go away - now come back ".

See the thing is I always question myself first when involved with someone. I know that I've had emotional problems before when I have been involved so I want to be sure I wasn't doing the same thing this time.

I told you that I don't have contact with her anymore at all and I don't. I just want to reassure myself that YES maybe it wasn't my fault just once in screwing up my chances with a woman.

And I can see things from her point of view (I think). I just got out of a LTR a month ago myself and I was deeply in love with the woman (so I thought). So last week going into this situation I told this new woman that I wanted to take things slowly since I still wasn't over my ex. And I'm pretty sure if I had been dating this new woman and my ex came back into the picture, I might push aside new girl to try to work things out with my ex.

That's pretty much what 'new girl' did to me. If you remember she called me and talked to me and told me that her ex had come back into the picture and didn't want me to get hurt or wind up in the middle of things. That seems pretty understandable....doesn't it?

The only thing this particular woman did that might make me go hmmmm is she was with me the night before until 5 am and then in less than 12 hours her feelings for me change completely. Is this why you are identifying her as a cluster B Jophil? And yes I have googled those terms you suggested I look up but I don't know if they fit her personality. Maybe I don't know her well enough...

Anyway, thanks as always for your input man. I appreciate everything.

 

[PTC]

They also tend to try to stir up drama by baiting you into arguments.

Oh my god! I forgot this one. It was like walking on egg shells when i was around her. If i said something to complement her she would turn it around on me into something negative. I used to call her twisty cause she constantly twisted sh!t around.

I took her skiing one time and we had a nice dinner planned at the top of the mountian sleigh ride and all. As soon as we started eating its like something clicked in her head and she started to try and start sh!t with me! I kept telling her please just wait till we get back to the room. It was so embarrasing! I was trying to be as nice as possible,...still blinded by stupidity i kissed her ass just to get to the room and out of public. As soon as we got back to the room i turned it around on her and told her to carry her ars back home on the next flight. I had had enough! She then freaked out and started throwing sh!t, ripping clothes and screaming "Why did you bring me here"!! I told her in the morning i wanted her out and I even called to get another room but all they had was a $500 room! So i got my **** and my knob creek and tried to sleep on the couch. About an hour later she comes in the room with me crying begging me not to leave and apoligizing saying how much she loves me,..blah, blah, blah,.... Of course my dumb ars felt sorry for her and sucked it up. The next day I was still kinda in shock at what had happened. Of course she was like, "What is wrong with you? Why are you acting like this?" I couldn't believe it.

This whole thing actually scared me because i figured something was wrong with me because i put up with it. I thought,.."Maybe I'm crazy" I even went to a counsler so see if it was really me. This chick had warped me this bad.

Crazy!!

 

[decades]

ptc, yours seemed to be predominantly Histrionic. You can Google HPD or Histrionic Personality Disorder for more info. All of them are a bit of a mix.

 

[Phyzzle]

A question for KontrollerX

I'm not sure this is worth starting a new thread, but in that forum you linked, I read something that certainly sounded familiar with the BPD accounts I have read:

Is there anyone posting here who doesn't have an ex who was a model? I swear we could fill a modeling agency with the bpd ex's discussed here who were/are/could have been models.

So true: in every account I've read of a BPD girl wrecking one's sanity, she is invariably described as stunning. I've also met a few drama queens who routinely sob and yell at their boyfriends in public, and they look pretty dam fine. Is that just my impression, or do you think there's any truth to such a link between looks and BPD?

Is it possible that BPD is partly triggered by the way people treat a good looking person? Is it possible that many potential BPD sufferers avoid they syndrome, as they quickly realize that no one is going to take any crazy crap from some ugly chick?

 

[PTC]

Mine was a hair stylist. I think most of them are crazy anyhow

 

[decades]

That's pretty much what 'new girl' did to me. If you remember she called me and talked to me and told me that her ex had come back into the picture and didn't want me to get hurt or wind up in the middle of things. That seems pretty understandable....doesn't it?

The only thing this particular woman did that might make me go hmmmm is she was with me the night before until 5 am and then in less than 12 hours her feelings for me change completely. Is this why you are identifying her as a cluster B Jophil? And yes I have googled those terms you suggested I look up but I don't know if they fit her personality. Maybe I don't know her well enough...

first of all why do you believe her? you don't even know her. Listen. We told you they are consummate ACTRESSES. They lie. They cheat. She was probably cheating on her BF. Her X didn't "Suddenly" come back in the picture. He never left it. She has him in her hip pocket. He is a Chump that she cheats on. He is either oblivious about it or takes her back because she is great "in the sack". Nothing she told you can be believed. Nothing. Understand? It wasn't you. It's her. The reason she was easily identifiable as a cluster B is because of her boundry-less and dangerous promiscuity with people she hardly knows, her emotional inconsistency, and her attempt to corral you into a triangle situation with you and her X. She also said the following, which was a major clue.

"She kept saying to me "I'm falling for you" and "what did you do to me, give me a love potion?"

That "Script" was designed to seduce, and hook you, and get you "invested" quickly.

These women are a cinch to spot once you know what to look for. The best thing for you would be to hope she never contacts you again. And that you can resist contacting her.

 

[Truman181]

first of all why do you believe her? you don't even know her. Listen. We told you they are consummate ACTRESSES. Her X didn't "Suddenly" come back in the picture. He never left it. She has him in her hip pocket. He is a Chump. Nothing she told you can be believed. Nothing. Understand? It wasn't you. It's her. The reason she was easily identifiable as a cluster B is because of her boundry-less and dangerous promiscuity with people she hardly knows, her emotional inconsistency, and her attempt to corral you into a triangle situation with you and her X. These women are a cinch to spot once you know what to look for. The best thing for you would be to hope she never contacts you again. And that you can resist contacting her.

This is exactly what I need to hear! The only thing that confuses me is you said she was boundary-less. What did she do that made identify that part of her? Forgive me, I'm not the brightest bulb in the box.

I hope I get better at spotting these women as you say.

 

[decades]

You could have done whatever you wanted to this chick that you barely knew. Think about that. You could have had your way with her. She did not care if you used a condom I imagine. They don't ever use the word NO in the seduction phase of a relationship. It is common for them to say they are "BI". It's common for them to tell you that they are "like a man" when it comes to sex. It's common for them to be experimental. It's common for them to want rough sex, public sex, and multiple partners be it female or male. It is common for them to want two guys at a time. They do not have sexual boundaries, which is why they are highly appealing in the beginning stages of a relationship.


ps: A very good example of a BP woman is Brenda in HBO show "Six Feet Under".

 

[KontrollerX]

"Is that just my impression, or do you think there's any truth to such a link between looks and BPD?"

The Cluster B Personality Disordered people in general seem to be extremely out of the ordinary in range of attractiveness and we must keep in mind that this is a male oriented forum and as such we tend to only focus on the female Cluster B PD sufferers. The truth is that looks seem to correlate to male and female sufferers alike.

How it goes is this. Females tend to be more often BPD or HPD sufferers and males tend to be either Narcissistic Personality Disordered people or Anti Social Personality Disordered people who were previously known as being a psychopath or sociopath. Anyway its mostly been discovered that more often than not it is the HPD's that tend to look the most stunning out of all four types on average but yeah for these disorders good looks seems to usually be part of the package across the board. Not always but I would say on average for the Cluster B Personality Disordered.

Robert Hare the world expert on sociopaths has called them an interspecies predator and I myself have often thought of these people as being kind of like a venus fly trap or someother pretty plant that attracts an unwitting victim into its clutches so that it may devour them for nourishment.

Perhaps if looks really do correlate to these personality disorders its the result of some kind of evolutionary survival mechanism to attract people to them but in their case its not food sustenance they seek out like a predatory plant but emotional sustenance ie the vampiring of emotions they lack within themselves which they can get momentarily from their victims. The momentary satisfaction and inability to hold onto the stolen emotions creates their desire to go and "feed" again and again.

"Is it possible that BPD is partly triggered by the way people treat a good looking person?"

If you mean could any good looking person out there be turned into a BPD by how they are treated for being so good looking my answer would be a definite no.

These personality disorders are cultivated and created by childhood/infant emotional trauma from the interaction or lack there of with a parent usually the mother or even slight and subtle brain injury in the womb.
In short a normal person cannot be turned into one of these people.
Having been deeply involved with one of these people however you can certainly get psychologically damaged, get PTSD and also pick up many of the BPD's negative traits but with hard work and a good therapist you can reduce all of the pain and mental destruction you've gone through to only a regular emotional wound like say the death of a pet over time. Even with therapy and helping oneself in all the healthy ways possible however it usually takes a solid year or two of that to process all of the pain and injustice of the relationship and recover.

"Is it possible that many potential BPD sufferers avoid they syndrome, as they quickly realize that no one is going to take any crazy crap from some ugly chick?"

Well they all hide their true colors at first in a jekyll and hyde manner whether they are ugly or pretty is irrelevant as they all put on the sweet societal acceptable face to you at first.

It is only after you are hooked that the dark true side of their personality emerges to suck the emotional life force right out of you. Its done in a very subtle and gradual way like a frog slowly being boiled alive that doesn't know it is in danger because of how gradual the process of heating and boiling was.

Anyway to conclude and directly answer your question a BPD cannot avoid their condition as like you and I with our personalitys BPD is a personality that is theirs so its unfortunately not something they can be cured of just like we cannot be cured of our natural personalitys. The most they can hope for is to manage the disorder and recover from its horribly negative traits the best they can and the disorder is so resistant to change I think being in the axis II category for this reason not all of them can hope to improve much. Its sadly a luck based recovery even for those who genuinely come to want to be helped. Which means some get better and some just can't. Its sad.

Anyway I just want to give out another public service announcement for any AFC's out there that might be reading this post and want to give it a try and get with one of these women and think they'll be the one to "save her" where jophil, myself, persistant exaction and everyone else failed...

And that announcement is you will end up with so much emotional trauma, pain, and missplaced guilt over it you may seriously consider taking your life (many have) at the end of the experience because she will screw you over so badly.

A movie thats ending sums up the emotional pain I think myself and others whose stories I've read have gone through is the ending of the movie Godfather III where Michael Corleone's daughter has just been shot and killed.

Watch how he reacts and cries out. Thats how you will feel inside exactly and there will be no one in public life who understands what you are going through.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tgYnp8bsX-Q

Only us and support forums. Thats all you can hope for from society. A therapists chair and online forums. No one in real life will understand your pain and be able to empathize with you in the proper context because they will view your pain like the pain at the end of a normal relationship but it will be far worse of a pain so without further ado here is the ending to Godfather III if you haven't watched the movie before or need a refresher course. It might seem silly but I am deadly serious. Consider the pain that is conveyed at the ending. That is the pain that will be in your future should you not heed our warning and progress with a Cluster B Personality Disordered human being.

 

[jophil28]

Is it possible that BPD is partly triggered by the way people treat a good looking person?

Good question.

I think that these women learn early in life how to get what they want by being and acting "cute", THis develops into a later preoccupation (in their teens)with their looks and "looking hot" or at least VERy attractive to men.
Mine was still obsessed with having perfect hair at the age of 47.
But it gets worse fellas. They learn that HOT women get away with more bad shyte than plain women and so they use "sexiness" and sex itself as a conflict resolution device and to manipulate . These women even provoke conflict and cause drama just so they can get some hot "makeup sex". THis is their arena -the place where they feel POWERFUL and in control.
THis is the rollercoaster that THEY bring to your life.


Reserch the "Cycle of Violence" model and remove the "explosive event" component from that. IF what you see resembles your relationship -then you have been in a relationship with a BPD psycho.
......................................
The problems usually begin when YOU move into a mindset of wanting an LTR. They sense that you "want more" from them now... Involvement, commitment, loyalty, exclusivity, respect and regular and spontaneous sex and they are disturbed that you want these things freely given by her as a matter of course. . With a 'healthy" women these aspects flow freely, but with a BPD women these things are TOOLS and OBJECTS of barter that she uses to reward or punish you in accordance with how she feels toward you. She rations you in some weird and arbitrary way what is extremely confusing because it does not resemble previously observed feminine behavior in other womenn.

The inevitable resentments and power struggles then begin and they never end.

I could write more BUt you get the gist of what happens here in the first few months.

 

[decades]

The second para above reports exactly what I experienced in my BPD.. A sudden explosive switch in mood when SHE was no longer the center of my attention - an early RED FLAG that I did not see for what it was..
Mine would just walk out of clubs if I talked to another woman , or one time she tried to climb out of my moving car because I said something which displeased her.

YOu end up walking on broken glass.

mine freaked out once because I kissed her on the cheek instead of the lips. :crazy:

 

[Phyzzle]

BPDs cannot avoid their condition as like you and I with our personalitys BPD is a personality that is theirs so its unfortunately not something they can be cured of just like we cannot be cured of our natural personalitys.

I still wonder what is the mechanism that relates looks with Cluster B. I suppose it could be that someone already obsessed with attention is more likely to seek out the best fashions, and to have a strict workout regimen, which is more than enough to make you very hot, in America anyways.