Attempting to pick up a bartender/server. Good or bad idea?

[Oatmeal31]

There's this bar that I just discovered that I have ended up really liking. I plan on going there every Saturday to watch boxing or UFC fights. In the couple times I've been there, I've struck conversation with the patrons and have a really good time. I get pretty lively when watching these sports because I'm really passionate about it.

Anyways, the bar staff there already recognizes me and I've had good banter with them. I get the feeling that I'm rubbing off on them.

The floor servers hang out at the bar between orders. A few of the servers are really attractive, and I'd shoot my shot right away if it wasn't for the venue, so I'm testing the waters. I feel that asking one out and potentially getting shot down will spoil my reputation

I don't want to be known as 'that guy' in a bar that asks out girls that work there and fails, since I feel it'll ruin my chances. So I'll strike conversation/flirt to gauge her interest and push/pull depending on how it goes. If I sense she's interested I'll push forward and if not, I'll pull back.

So, I want to make it count, otherwise it'll backfire and they might make it awkward. That's my concern.

I have no intention of stopping with girls come jn and sit at the bar, but the work staff is the zone I'm iffy on..specifically the servers

 

[The_Sea_Wolf]

Here is what you do, talk to her, be fun and flirty, bud don't out right ask her out.

If you are getting strong IOI's from her and she is always happy to see you, write her a note, something to the tune of:

Jenny,

I have really enjoyed coming in here and interacting with you, you're a fun person to be around.

Now I know that you are a server so being nice to everyone is part of your job, thus I am not sure if you are flirting with me or just being super friendly because it is part of your job. However, you do seem like someone I would like to get to know better outside of your work and I didn't want to put you on the spot by asking in front of everyone because I know that would be terribly awkward for you especially if you said yes and there is another man in there you have previously had to say no to.

Thus I am dropping you this note, my phone number is: 555-555-5555 I will look forward to getting to know you.

You drop her that note, and do it on the DL, don't make a scene of it.

Doing it this way shows her that you understand that being a server she is stuck in the position where she has to deal with men hitting on her all the time and you are not going to put her through that shows that you are different.

Here is the important part, if she doesn't call or text you, head back in there as you usually would, be polite, don't make a big deal about it, treat her the same as you did before. The reason why is when you drop a girl your number this way, she often is going to wait till after she sees you again to act on it because she wants to see how you will behave to see if you are going to make it weird, because if you make it weird she now no longer feels safe at work.

You have to remember what you are fighting against here are the scores of creepy weird dudes who get overly attached to servers and cashiers because they are in the position where part of their job is being nice.

 

[SW15]

I have no intention of stopping with girls come jn and sit at the bar, but the work staff is the zone I'm iffy on..specifically the servers

Keep hitting on women at that bar. That is standard night game.

As for the servers/bartenders there, don't bother unless you get strong IOIs. I started a thread about this many years ago.

Successfully Approaching Women at Work (General Public Workers)

The idea of approaching women while they are at their jobs containing interaction with the general public is a topic that is somewhat contentious among men. When I think of women who work with the general public, these are the categories that come to mind of women to approach. Strippers...

www.sosuave.net

The best way to pick up women who work in public facing jobs is to meet them during their leisure time.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

The most likely reason is because they are playing you for tips.

Also, I worked in a club as a DJ and I wouldn't trust any of the women that worked there.

 

[Travel memoir21]

The most likely reason is because they are playing you for tips.

Also, I worked in a club as a DJ and I wouldn't trust any of the women that worked there.

Lol, DJs is a known profession where there seems to be plenty of womenizers but lack meaningful relationships........is this true?

I know a friend who was a DJ and he told me he slept with plenty of strippers.

 

[Oatmeal31]

The most likely reason is because they are playing you for tips.

Also, I worked in a club as a DJ and I wouldn't trust any of the women that worked there.

I've worked hospitality long enough to know they weren't playing me for tips. I just get water, tip them and try to have a good time.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

Lol, DJs is a known profession where there seems to be plenty of womenizers but lack meaningful relationships........is this true?

I know a friend who was a DJ and he told me he slept with plenty of strippers.

Imagine being the star of the club and having hot women constantly trying to fvck you all night long.

That's the life of being a DJ in any type of popular club.

 

[sevbucmash]

I think it's a solid idea, just get one isolated and whip it out. She can't say no to a good pateon, else she'll lose the tips. Lol! Of course they are flirting with you to get paid.

But otherwise they watching you, how much you drink, anything more than little is a minus and red flag. Do you have a woman or not, if not, then it's a red flag. Are you successful in picking up women at that bar, if not, then it's a red flag.

 

[sevbucmash]

Coming there alone bunch of time and leaving alone is a red flag.

 

[Clockwerk50]

2 options:

1. Start working for the bar. Become one with the herd. Bouncer, bartender, etc. It would be easier to get to know them without being labeled as a customer.

2. Go in there semi regularly, shoot your shot when you get an opening, and stop coming to the bar. Again, the last thing you need is to be labeled as a regular customer. That would be your death sentence.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I've worked hospitality long enough to know they weren't playing me for tips. I just get water, tip them and try to have a good time.

Then make a move before they see you as the guy who is obviously there because they are interested in someone but too afraid to do anything.

Better to be the guy with balls and get rejected than be the guy they feel sorry for because they know why you are there but know you are too afraid to make a move.

Go for what you want and make no apologies for it and if it doesn't work out, be cool about it and act like it never happened. These things are only big deals when you make them big deals.

 

[Oatmeal31]

Then make a move before they see you as the guy who is obviously there because they are interested in someone but too afraid to do anything.

Better to be the guy with balls and get rejected than be the guy they feel sorry for because they know why you are there but know you are too afraid to make a move.

Go for what you want and make no apologies for it and if it doesn't work out, be cool about it and act like it never happened. These things are only big deals when you make them big deals.

I don't go there to hit on the bar staff lol. I go there on Saturdays to watch sports and have a good time. As a BONUS, I've met people as friends and hit on girls that come to the counter, but I haven't crossed a point with the girls who work there yet. I don't even think you read my post. SW15 has the only sound advice so far.

 

[BackInTheGame78]

I don't go there to hit on the bar staff lol. I go there on Saturdays to watch sports and have a good time. As a BONUS, I've met people as friends and hit on girls that come to the counter, but I haven't crossed a point with the girls who work there yet. I don't even think you read my post. SW15 has the only sound advice so far.

The title of your thread is literally about you attempting to pick up bartenders/servers.

Perhaps don't post misleading titles then if you want better advice?

 

[Oatmeal31]

The title of your thread is literally about you attempting to pick up bartenders/servers.

Perhaps don't post misleading titles then if you want better advice?

Nothing misleading about it. Asking if attempting to hit on a bartender/server is a bad idea. You read that, skipped what was posted under the title, and thought, oh this guy is only specifically there to hit on bar staff

Context man. Context.

 

[SW15]

Asking if attempting to hit on a bartender/server is a bad idea.

In general, it is.

In a bar setting, you want to hit on the female bar patrons. The attractive female bar patrons far outnumber the number of staffers you could hit on. Also, hitting on staffers is a low percentage play. Most female bartenders/servers will have a boyfriend at the moment you flirt with them and try to start a personal interaction with them. Here's a video featuring a long time Hooters Girl talking about how many guys on hit on her.

In 5+ years working at Hooters, she has been asked out on dates countless times, given her phone number to 10-15 men and has had 2, "one date, no sex, no second date" type dates from men she has met at Hooters.

Would You Like to Date a 23 Year Old Hooters Waitress and Tier 4 Law Student?

Leah Fennelly is a 23 year old Hooters waitress who has been working at Hooters since she was 18. She did it throughout undergraduate and is now in law school at a Tier 4 law program. There are 203 ABA accredited law schools in the USA according to Wikipedia and the school she attends per her...

www.sosuave.net

If you hit on a staffer and it fails, then things could become uncomfortable/unpleasant in the future when you see that staffer at that bar while trying to hit on women at that bar. Men have various levels of tolerance for dealing with that situation.

The same thing happens at other venues too. For instance, if you go to a facility with group fitness classes. At group fitness classes, the goal should be to hit on the female class attendees, not the class instructors.

There was one time I purchased a short term class package at a standalone class-based facility (not my usual gym). I have sometimes done that to widen my target audience and make approaches on women outside of my primary gym (which also offers classes). In the 2nd to last class of that package, I overheard the instructor of that class talking with a female class attendee about how her experiences on swipe apps had been total crap. I could have used that as an opening in the near future with that class instructor. I could have used my final class of that class package to go that specific instructor's class and try to hit on her, knowing she was in the market for new penis.

Even though that class instructor was attractive, she never showed me any specific IOIs and I wasn't going to forego interactions with female class attendees for her. My last class of that package was with a different instructor and trying to make approaches on other female class attendees.

 

[Oatmeal31]

In general, it is.

In a bar setting, you want to hit on the female bar patrons. The attractive female bar patrons far outnumber the number of staffers you could hit on. Also, hitting on staffers is a low percentage play. Most female bartenders/servers will have a boyfriend at the moment you flirt with them and try to start a personal interaction with them. Here's a video featuring a long time Hooters Girl talking about how many guys on hit on her.

In 5+ years working at Hooters, she has been asked out on dates countless times, given her phone number to 10-15 men and has had 2, "one date, no sex, no second date" type dates from men she has met at Hooters.

Would You Like to Date a 23 Year Old Hooters Waitress and Tier 4 Law Student?

Leah Fennelly is a 23 year old Hooters waitress who has been working at Hooters since she was 18. She did it throughout undergraduate and is now in law school at a Tier 4 law program. There are 203 ABA accredited law schools in the USA according to Wikipedia and the school she attends per her...

www.sosuave.net

If you hit on a staffer and it fails, then things could become uncomfortable/unpleasant in the future when you see that staffer at that bar while trying to hit on women at that bar. Men have various levels of tolerance for dealing with that situation.

The same thing happens at other venues too. For instance, if you go to a facility with group fitness classes. At group fitness classes, the goal should be to hit on the female class attendees, not the class instructors.

There was one time I purchased a short term class package at a standalone class-based facility (not my usual gym). I have sometimes done that to widen my target audience and make approaches on women outside of my primary gym (which also offers classes). In the 2nd to last class of that package, I overheard the instructor of that class talking with a female class attendee about how her experiences on swipe apps had been total crap. I could have used that as an opening in the near future with that class instructor. I could have used my final class of that class package to go that specific instructor's class and try to hit on her, knowing she was in the market for new penis.

Even though that class instructor was attractive, she never showed me any specific IOIs and I wasn't going to forego interactions with female class attendees for her. My last class of that package was with a different instructor and trying to make approaches on other female class attendees.

That's it right there. That's what I figured. I've managed to get the numbers of waitresses before (they've been much easier for me for some reason) but it was when I never planned on going back to that establishment or when I just happened to meet one outside of her workplace.
Out of those numbers, I was one of those guys you referenced that had a date with a few kisses, but no second date (I was super green at the time) with a smoking hot girl 9/10.

Last job I had, as a server, I worked with an attractive waitress that men would try to flirt with all the time. I've seen it happen from a customer POV as well. There's just much more competition and most importantly, I don't want to risk my level of enjoyment there.

That being said, I still want to plant a seed and possibly make a move someday if there is a strong green light. I'll keep doing what I'm doing in the meantime

 

[SW15]

I'll keep doing what I'm doing in the meantime

That's the best idea right now.

When you go to bars, you will be hitting on other bar attendees.

At the gym, you will hit on gym attendees and not hot female personal trainers or group fitness class instructors.

At the mall, you will hit on shoppers and not store employees.

There's an advanced level game tactic to hit on store employees. It can work but you are nowhere near that point in your seduction journey.

 

[New_Journey]

@Oatmeal31 when you joined the forum, in the rules section there is one specifically that says "Dot not ever ask permission to another member to do something"

I see your posts are just asking questions and not actually taking action, or following through in what you did. This forum is for self-development, you need to take action and not waiting for permission.

You know you want to do it, follow your gut, it will only lead to learning. If you do it be sure to post the Field Report (FR) of what you did, how the interaction went. In the future you'll come back and laugh at yourself how much you've changed for the better.

 

[New_Journey]

Coming there alone bunch of time and leaving alone is a red flag.

Are you okay man? Did you forget to drink your meds?

the last thing you need is to be labeled as a regular customer. That would be your death sentence.

Why? Is big foot gonna eat him?

things could become uncomfortable/unpleasant in the future when you see that staffer at that bar while trying to hit on women at that bar.

Where did you get this? Are you speaking from experience? Because I've done that and it only gets uncomfortable if you make it so. Actually, it takes balls to get rejected and keep going there with the best attitude like nothin happened, its an aphrodisiac to women, a man who gets rejected and its doesn't phase him. I assume that's not your experience, because a "No" today could be a "Yes" tomorrow.

I don't go there to hit on the bar staff lol

Why not? Do you think this is a virtue? In reality you're scared of approaching them, so if you wanna get better, first don't lie to yourself

In a bar setting, you want to hit on the female bar patrons. The attractive female bar patrons far outnumber the number of staffers you could hit on. Also, hitting on staffers is a low percentage play. Most female bartenders/servers will have a boyfriend at the moment you flirt with them and try to start a personal interaction with them. Here's a video featuring a long time Hooters Girl talking about how many guys on hit on her.

Bro, you write like an AI, everything is numbers, percentages, rules, like binary 0-1, there is no in between, seduction doesn't have anything to do with logic.

That's the best idea right now.

When you go to bars, you will be hitting on other bar attendees.

At the gym, you will hit on gym attendees and not hot female personal trainers or group fitness class instructors.

At the mall, you will hit on shoppers and not store employees.

Why are you making the decision for him, like you are a drill sergeant giving instructions to a cadet? Where is the Law that says "Do not hit on staffers"?

 

[Oatmeal31]

Are you okay man? Did you forget to drink your meds?


Why? Is big foot gonna eat him?


Where did you get this? Are you speaking from experience? Because I've done that and it only gets uncomfortable if you make it so. Actually, it takes balls to get rejected and keep going there with the best attitude like nothin happened, its an aphrodisiac to women, a man who gets rejected and its doesn't phase him. I assume that's not your experience, because a "No" today could be a "Yes" tomorrow.



Why not? Do you think this is a virtue? In reality you're scared of approaching them, so if you wanna get better, first don't lie to yourself


Bro, you write like an AI, everything is numbers, percentages, rules, like binary 0-1, there is no in between, seduction doesn't have anything to do with logic.


Why are you making the decision for him, like you are a drill sergeant giving instructions to a cadet? Where is the Law that says "Do not hit on staffers"?

Asking for advice is not asking for permission. You seem to be firing shots at everyone and that's not gonna help anyone out. Good luck with that.

Who said I'm afraid of approaching bar staff? You think that I'm shivering in my boots after I've cold approached countless times in the street? If I mindlessly ask employees out at a place I regular, that can alienate them and impact my experience. I wasn't totally sure so I came here to get pointed in the right direction.

I shoulda titled, "as a regular" because I'm convinced a couple of you don't read anything past the title and jump to conclusions