Attachment

[stevo]

I just finished reading the book Attached and girl problems all makes sense now.

If you're still single, be excited you're getting this knowledge before you get hitched, it can save your life.


So there are three attachment styles.


Avoidant, Secure and Anxious.



Avoidant, these type of girls are missing the emotional aspect of a relationship, though people can change their attachment style every 4 years, do not expect these girls to change.

These are the girls who do not like body contact that much, they wont give head, don't like to kiss, wont cuddle, no PUA, they walk way ahead or far behind their partner, no holding hands, they'd flake to step back a bit, they rarely want sex, not that they wont have sex, its just ehhh to them.



After a good date they go cold while you're busy over-analyzing if you did something wrong but it's not really about you, it's how they are programmed they just like their space and cringe if you are both getting too close.

These girls are more prone to casual sex and ONS with zero emotional attachment, it doesnt faze them. They would engage in casual sex early on to mask their inability to contribute emotionally because they know if they can offer sex they stand a chance of having a mate.


Avoidant girls draw back when you take a step forward. These girls like their personal space and they dont want it invaded.

These girls would always have something they are not giving the relationship to make sure the relationship doesn't get too close, too emotional or progress too intimate like sleeping in separate bedrooms (if married).


An Avoidant girl is a taker.

They are often confused as "The Female Alpha"

An avoidant girl would give you and the relationship the bare minimum.

An avoidant girl always gets her way, if you dont do what she wants, she'd go back into her shell. She stands her ground and if you persist, she cringes and goes into her shell.

If you can, do not date these girls, you'd lose your mind.



Choose an anxious girl before you choose an avoidant girl. Avoidant girls would spin your hamster steady without trying and without even worrying about you. Even if you go NC, it doesn't really affect them.

Avoidants dont date avoidants, Avoidants make anxious miserable, the only people that can manage to date avoidants are secure individuals but the secure individual has to make sure they are influencing the avoidant to become more secure rather than the avoidant influencing them from being secure to becoming anxious.


An avoidant girl can go 3months with zero contact with you and still think your relationship is going fine.


25% of the population is avoidant and about 70% are single.

 

[stevo]

Secure

Secure, this is exactly what SoSuave is trying to teach you. To Be Secure.

Secure girls would text you when they say they would, they would reschedule before they flake, they are not scared of intimacy, they do not stay single long, they get snatched up pretty fast mostly before they reach 25 and they stay in the relationship long term.

These are the joys and super heroes of relationship.

There's not much to secure girls than this is the girl you want.

This is your ride or die chic, they dont try to make you jealous, they dont play silly games, they either like you or they dont and if they do like you, you are one hell of a lucky bastard

Secure folks are usually tagged boring individuals but if you want long term, this is gold. Find one, lose your arm and feet before you lose her.

50% of the population is secure but a very very low percentage is single (like 20%?).

A secure married to another secure is one unbreakable marriage.

A secure married to an anxious last longer than a secure married to an avoidant.

_______________________________________________

 

[stevo]

Anxious

Anxious girls, this is where the BPDs and Bipolars reside.

Anxious girls are always scared something is wrong, they want to cuddle to make sure you're not busy cuddling someone else, they want to call all the time and talk all the time and spend time together very often.

Anxious girls are in love with love, they are hopeless romantics, they believe in fairy tales. They often use words like "I love you to the moon and back" "I loved him like he was a god" "I held him like he was as rare as the stars"

Most of them would not leave their lover but instead are constantly worried their lover would leave them.

An Anxious person should never date an Avoidant but most relationships especially failed relationships is between an anxious and an avoidant.


The singles market is filled with recycled anxious and avoidants, they keep dating each other, breaking up, dating the next and breaking up.

So your chances of meeting either one is super high.


They attract each other because an anxious girl/man believes she has to take the step most of the time to keep the relationship alive and an anxious man/woman would rarely initiate as he/she likes his space.

They form a dangerous yin yang. One wants to take two steps forward while the other wants to take two steps back.


An anxious girl would give you her all to make things work but the irony and sad part is that they end up giving too much in a relationship and that ends up driving the other person away, the one thing they fear the most.

The only way an anxious girl knows to keep a relationship is by giving her all, the reason a relationship does not last with an anxious girl is because she ends up giving her all.



The anxious girl initiate, the avoidant goes into his shell and the cycle continues till they drive each other crazy, the anxious person is usually the one to lose their nuts and act out or grow enough strength to walk away.

The best candidate for an anxious girl is a secure man. He calls when he says he would, he doesnt play games to make her mind spin endlessly, he tells her how he feels which calms her inner storm before it generates.


If a girl is used to the spin and relational high from previously dating an avoidant, these girls would often start sheet up for no reason, so their lover would pull back, her hamster starts spinning for fear that she'd lose her partner, she gets her high and she starts chasing, crazy make up sex, her hamster calms down then she repeats.

An anxious girl is a giver.


25% of the population is anxious and about 70% are single.
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Having this knowledge helps me classify and better understand relationships and plates even better, one more arsenal that makes us DJs stand out.


If you feel like reading, you can read the book for yourself for more research based information but I trim lined it as it applies to being a DJ.



Live & Learn Brothers.


Live & Learn.

 

[stevo]

Found link to the attachment test.

Also found the diagram that shows how what you feel translate to what your attachment style is. Aim for secure.

 

[AlecBoyh]

Great thread. Explains so much. Spent hours learning more about this last night after I read this thread.

What is the best way to deal with an anxious girl?

 

[SmooveMooves]

I disagree with this thread, here's why.

Here, at sosuave, I know alot of you would like to believe othewise, however, Women ARE human. These classifications are tough to just give out because as humans. Women are not one dimesional and express many different feelings and behaviors.

This is the equivalent of me saying, "There are three groups of men. Confident men, cowards, and netural, and then list traits of each. Would that cover the billion men on the planet?

What happens when if you run into a girl whose cold on the first date but texts you to schedule another? Is she a avodiant/secure girl?

We can't just lump groups of people together like they're groups of dogs or fruitflies or something. Do you honestly think there's only three types of women? Seriously fam?

Instead of trying to classify women we need to learn to be reactive. What's the best thing to do when this happens. Should I call now or later. These are things that are important. Not what classification she falls under based on some rough pretenses of her.

This is just my opinion, I don't intend any disrespect to you Op.

 

[G_Govan]

I disagree with this thread, here's why.

Here, at sosuave, I know alot of you would like to believe othewise, however, Women ARE human. These classifications are tough to just give out because as humans. Women are not one dimesional and express many different feelings and behaviors.

This is the equivalent of me saying, "There are three groups of men. Confident men, cowards, and netural, and then list traits of each. Would that cover the billion men on the planet?

What happens when if you run into a girl whose cold on the first date but texts you to schedule another? Is she a avodiant/secure girl?

We can't just lump groups of people together like they're groups of dogs or fruitflies or something. Do you honestly think there's only three types of women? Seriously fam?

Instead of trying to classify women we need to learn to be reactive. What's the best thing to do when this happens. Should I call now or later. These are things that are important. Not what classification she falls under based on some rough pretenses of her.

This is just my opinion, I don't intend any disrespect to you Op.

Seems I already repped you, who knew...

 

[Skyline]

I personally enjoy doing these psychological tests and what not, I got 'low anxiety and fell under the 'Secure' category. "

I think SS worked for me!

 

[El Payaso]

I don't fully agree with it either. Women have all aspects of these three personalities. Personally, I firmly believe that when a woman is with a very high value man, she will ALWAYS be anxious.

She knows he is highly wanted and has high SMV so she will do ANYTHING to keep him. Her mind will constantly worry about him leaving her or other girls getting their hands on him.

On the other hand, if a woman is dating a needy man or a low SMV man. She will be very avoidant. She won't want to be seen with him in public. He will probably be needy and a loser so she won't like cuddling or kissing him all that much and will find his compliments to be annoying.

SoSuave teaches you how to be the high value man that will constantly draw the anxious out of most women.

When your woman feels like she doesn't have to work for you, that's when the sex, cooking, affection and all that drops.

 

[stevo]

Great thread. Explains so much. Spent hours learning more about this last night after I read this thread.

What is the best way to deal with an anxious girl?

Anxious girls require frequent reassurance. You text her when you say you would, you let her know you like her, you don't confuse her or make her jealous, you hold her hand, you kiss her, you cuddle, basic boyfriend stuff to make her know you're into her.

You do things ahead of time to keep her nerves calm, playing serious games or being avoidant would increase her anxiety.

A little effort make their hamster run, when you put in a lot of effort their hamster could go into overdrive.

 

[stevo]

Here, at sosuave, I know alot of you would like to believe othewise, however, Women ARE human.

That's exactly what the book is about, that women are human and so are men.
We all act a particular way and there's a way we could understand eachother's actions a little better.

I know you dont agree/accept the book's concept but let me ask you this:
What would an anxious man do if you hit on his girlfriend?

What would a secure man do if you hit on his girlfriend?

This is the equivalent of me saying, "There are three groups of men. Confident men, cowards, and netural, and then list traits of each. Would that cover the billion men on the planet?

It's just alpha and betas.

What happens when if you run into a girl whose cold on the first date but texts you to schedule another? Is she a avodiant/secure girl?

It doesnt make her either but when you're invested in a girl that's mostly cold, she's avoidant.

We can't just lump groups of people together like they're groups of dogs or fruitflies or something. Do you honestly think there's only three types of women? Seriously fam?

It's not about women, it's about people.

There are three recognized attachment styles for humans. Read about it before running it down.
There was a study on babies and there's a study on adults.
Just passing useful information to open the eyes of more brothers.

Instead of trying to classify women we need to learn to be reactive. What's the best thing to do when this happens. Should I call now or later. These are things that are important. Not what classification she falls under based on some rough pretenses of her.

These are not pretenses my friend.
A girl who goes hot and cold on a regular is more headache than needed.
A girl who blows your phone up seems less crazy after you realize anxious girls need frequent reassurance which means you'd have to regularly text "just leaving work/school, heading home" to calm her nerves.
It starts to make sense why mostly wives want to know when you're coming home, what you went to the grocery store to get.

It starts to make sense why a woman would not ask for sex and would not initiate, she's better left to herself (avoidant) while other women are open to sex and want to cuddle after sex.

If you want to be reactive, it'd be a benefit to you if you know what attachment style your girl is before you act.

A girl that is avoidant, do not call her. If you call her, she cringes into herself some more, you have to let her come out and play by her own.

A girl that is anxious, do call her. If you dont call her, she goes more crazy and might just be over it.

A girl that is secure, it doesnt matter if you call her or not. If you dont call her, she'll call you.

This is just my opinion, I don't intend any disrespect to you Op.

It's all good man, we're here to learn. Wisdom money cannot buy.

Read that book, let me know after reading if it doesnt connect with any of your past relationships. It opened my eyes some more and if it happens to help someone else then awesome.

 

[stevo]

I don't fully agree with it either. Women have all aspects of these three personalities. Personally, I firmly believe that when a woman is with a very high value man, she will ALWAYS be anxious.

Nope, not true. Some high value men are betas and are controlled by their wives.

She knows he is highly wanted and has high SMV so she will do ANYTHING to keep him.

Again not true, Robin Thicke?
An anxious woman? most likely
A secure woman? yeah not really.

Her mind will constantly worry about him leaving her or other girls getting their hands on him.

If you read the book or understand this concept you'd know this is the trait of an anxious woman.

On the other hand, if a woman is dating a needy man or a low SMV man. She will be very avoidant.

Dont confuse low interest value for being avoidant.

When it comes to low interest value, attachment style doesnt matter.

When it comes to being avoidant, high/low SMV doesnt really do anything for them. Being avoidant means they are and prefer to be independent.

She won't want to be seen with him in public. He will probably be needy and a loser so she won't like cuddling or kissing him all that much and will find his compliments to be annoying.

This is low interest value not specifically an attachment style

SoSuave teaches you how to be the high value man that will constantly draw the anxious out of most women.

Actually no.

Sosuave teaches you to be secure.

Not to promote playing games but to know how to conduct yourself.

When a secure man is with an anxious woman, she's calm.

When a secure man is with an avoidant woman, he can become anxious.

When your woman feels like she doesn't have to work for you, that's when the sex, cooking, affection and all that drops.

Again No.
Some women would cook for you till you die or divorce.

Many marriages still have mediocre sex

Recognizing and appreciating your different attachment styles is not supposed to make the affection drop, it's supposed to help you see things from your partner's point of view from time to time. They act the way they do for a reason.


I believe we are all saying the same thing, you just dont want to attach a name to the behavior, which is fine.

This is just information and so far every example you guys have given DOES fall under an attachment style if its acknowledged or not.

Do what you may with the information.