AtillaTheHun's field reports and general life awesomizing

[AtillaTheHun]

Hey guys, my name is Dustin Pak. AtillaTheHun is the name given to me by my friends.

This is my very first post on the Don Juan forums, and it will detail my transformation from total loser to Don Juan. I've seen several inspirational threads on the forums of other people's self improvement, and I've decided to stop reading and start getting in on the action myself.

Here are my vital stats:

Age: 19 years old
Race: Asian
Location: Georgia, USA
Virginity: 100% extra virgin olive oil (The only woman I've ever kissed is my mom)
Self Esteem: Improving
Confidence in social situations: Very low

Strength: Determination

Weakness: Social anxiety

Education: I'm currently "between schools" since I wanted to travel and "experience the world" for a year instead of going straight to college. More on that later.

Relationships: None. I'm in the process of getting over a girl who rejected me. (This is not my first rejection, but the first one that hurt) Possibly more on that later.

Social activity: Very little. I don't get out much, but that will change.

Hobbies: Music. I play guitar and sing. Trying to start a band.

All advice is welcome, but I tend to get confused when I see abbreviations like IW, NLP, and words like "frame" and "kino". Just something to keep in mind.

Now, let's do this.

---

1/25/2010

I work at my mom's sushi restaurant, and since I was at the cash register today, I had plenty of opportunities to chat with the customers. One of my customers was a HB6 wearing a red Ron Jon hoodie. I almost let the opportunity to talk to her pass me by, but I realized that it was either now or never.

Atilla: That jacket isn't from Georgia is it?

HB6: *Short pause* No, I think I got it from...uuuuumm....New Jersey.

Atilla: Oh yeah? I thought Ron Jon was just a California thing?

HB6: Yeah, I hear it's sorta everywhere. *Smile*

Atilla: *Understanding nod* (What else can I do?)

HB6: *about to leave*

Atilla: Well, have a good one

HB6: *smile" thanks *leaves*

I know it's just small talk, but just getting a conversation started with anyone is hard for me. I'm not bad at conversing, but most of the conversations I have are short, pleasant, and nothing more. Often times, I'm at a loss for what to say, and the "understanding nod" happens which kills the conversation. What do I do?

Later that day, I went to check out a local rock climbing gym with my friend Patrick. Luckily, Patrick knew one of the employees there and we scored a free belaying lesson.

Most of the people at the gym were young people like me, so I figured it would be a great place to spend time and socialize.

After climbing for a few hours, I decide to buy a membership and become a regular member of the gym. That's when I meet

Jordan

Jordan is an HB8 that works at the rock climbing gym. I learned that she went to the same school that I did, so I used that as a way to expand on the conversation and establish a connection. It was mostly fluff talk about faculty members we hated and college plans. Nothing significant. I found myself agreeing with most of what she said, but mainly because we actually agreed on a lot of things. Is this wrong? She's cute, but I don't know if I'm interested enough to pursue. We'll see.

There were some other girls at the gym, but I was too afraid to start a conversation with any of them. Oh well, next time.

One last observation. At the gym, there is this one dude name Nick or something. He also works at the gym. There's something about the way he carries himself that makes you fear and respect him for no apparent reason. Like you can tell immediately that he's got his **** together. He was a good conversationalist, but he seemed to prioritize climbing over everything else, and you could see him climbing while everyone else was sitting around and chatting. What's the deal with this guy? Loner? Don Juan? Average joe? What can I learn from him?

I missed out on all the opportunities I had in high school, and now I have to work hard to create opportunities for myself, which is especially tough in this ****ty suburban town. Ironically enough, I'm closer to my high school friends now that I've graduated, than while I was still in school. If I get accepted into college, I'm going to take advantage of everything it has to offer.

---

Anyways, that's all I've got for today. I'll try to update as often as possible, at least once a week. I'm really looking forward to hearing your honest advice.

Dustin Pak aka AtillaTheHun

 

[dj_china]

curious why you got nicknamed Attilathehun?

you should probably be learning from Nick -- he is enjoying himself which is the most important thing. this is attractive in and of itself. and if he's friendly and a good conversationalist to boot, but doesnt try to hard at it, thats what you want to strive to achieve

good job with initiating conversations, thats the first step. keep updating and i'll see if there's any other advice i can give!

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Hey guys, I'm back with some more.

curious why you got nicknamed Attilathehun?

DJ_china: I used to have very long, thick black hair that went down to my shoulder blades. It looked pretty wild. And to make matters worse, I'm asian, and I had on a thin asian mustache that made me look like I came straight from the mongol plains on horseback. That's where Attila The Hun came from. That was a few years ago. I DO NOT look like that anymore lol.

Now to business

---

1/26/2009

Didn't do much talking or anything. Felt terrible.

1/27/2009

Went to work determined to make up for Tuesday's screw up. I chatted with as many customers as my nerves allowed (it was about 7 or 8 people) and felt significantly better about myself afterward.

I saw the Ron Jon girl again, but she was w/some other dude who looked like a boyfriend, so I didn't say a word. When it comes to talking to more than one person at a time, I'm completely lost. Why is this so hard?

I'm working on having longer, better conversations. Instead of exchanging a few pleasant words and lapsing into awkward silence, I tried my best to bring up another topic (or expand on previous topic) when the conversation starts slowing down.

At this point, I'm just trying to improve my social skills. Other than occasionally flirting with girls when I'm feeling exceptionally social, I'm just trying to get comfortable with talking to people. I have no idea where C+F fits into the equation. I too afraid to do any kind of kino. Everything seems like a hopeless struggle, but I don't want to give up either. I'm so jealous of those who can talk to strangers without thinking twice, and I can't even imagine what it's like to be able to talk to any girl at any time, knowing that in a few hours she'll naked in your bed. What were your first steps like?

After work I went to the rock climbing gym. Didn't talk much, there were too many groups and established cliques, and I just had no idea how to even begin a conversation with anyone. I didn't even talk to Jordan. But I did get a good workout.

After working out at the gym for about two hours, I decided to try out this Thai restaurant in my neighborhood that's been around for a few years but never got to try. It was surprisingly good. After eating I chatted with the owner a bit and then I went home.

A few observations. It's easier to talk to guys, but I'm more motivated to talk to girls, if you know what I'm saying.

Also, once I get a conversation started, most of the anxiety disappears, but I still feel like I'm responding more than I'm contributing. I used to be very bad about this, but I'm getting better now. I just wish it didn't take so long for improvements to happen.

---

That's it for today. Any comments? Questions? Concerns? Advice?

Dustin aka ATH

 

[backbreaker]

I just wanted to say that you have the best handle i have seen in 8 years here. very creative.

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Hey guys, how are things? I'm doing pretty good myself. This is the third time I'm writing this entry since my laptop is being a *****. Hopefully this will be the last time it happens.

---

1/28/2009

I had a dream that the girl I'm trying to forget about was suddenly back in my life. It was bad. I was failing miserably at NEXTing her, and she was beginning to understand why I was NCing her. My super cool, aloof facade was dissolving and my real self was beginning to show. Then I woke up and realized it was all a dream. Whoo! Why won't she leave my thoughts alone?

Anyways, I've been working on a few things. Yesterday was a bit of a turning point when I suddenly started a conversation with an older HB6 without even thinking. It was like the 3 second rule, only I was even thinking about the 3 second rule. It was like the words just flowed out. In an interesting reversal of roles, the woman was a nervous, stammering wreck, and I was calm and level headed. Of course, I think this was just because the woman probably had worse social skills than I did, and not because of something cool or romantic like she caught a glimpse of my true alpha nature or anything like that. But I can dream right?

1/29/2009

Anyways, that was yesterday. Today I practiced what I had learned, Instead of agonizing over whether or not I should start a conversation with someone, I just went ahead and did it.

Of course, doing this didn't magically turn me into the most sociable creature in the building, but it did allow me to start more casual conversations than I thought I was capable of. I had some good conversations, some mediocre conversations, I wussed out of a few conversations, but I never had a conversation that was overly negative or awkward.

One problem I have is that I'm having trouble developing relationships with anyone I talk to. I can't even get their names because I always forget to ask. How can I fix this?

Anyways, it looks like Ron Jon girl is gone, and I haven't been able to go to the rock climbing gym in two days, so I don't have any updates about that. Well, the owner of the gym added my on his facebook friends list lol, but that's about it.

Other than that, here are a few observations. I'm getting better at starting conversations with men and women who I'm forced to interact with at work, but I still have yet to make a real approach. So far, I can count on one hand the number of times I've ever walked up to a stranger to start a conversation with. In one of my earlier attempts at becoming a "PUA", I approached a woman with the sole intention of "picking her up", and the results were disastrous.

Here are the details. It was in a sex shop, the girl was an HB7 (she was only person there that wasn't hideous or a man) and the first thing I said to her was "You come here often?"

Things went downhill from there.

---

That's all for today. See ya next time.

Dustin aka ATH

 

[Furyguy]

Hahaha, nice story at the end there.

Glad to see you are on the right track. Talking will get WAY easier as you keep doing it.

I think that dude Nick pretty much represents just what you want to be in terms of social attitude. Or maybe not for you, but he is damn near what I go for. The one dude who is off pursuing his passion while everyone else is standing around shooting the ****, chicks are REALLY into that crap for some reason. Not sure why, but it definitely has its effect. What helped me a LOT in progressing in this game was modeling people who represented what I want to be. Not a straight mimicry where you're copying someone else's behavior, just incorporate the attitudes that you really like, if you can. Worked wonders for me.

Anyways, good luck and keep it up. You have a bright future here.

 

[AtillaTheHun]

@Furyguy Thanks for the encouraging words

I've got a quick update before I run off to the gym

---

1/30/2009

It was a slow day at work today. There weren't too many opportunities to talk to women today, but I still let most of the available opportunities slip past me.

I finally started a conversation with a HB7.5, who was with a group of friends, but was slightly separated from them. Again, it was completely spontaneous.

ATH "Hey!"

HB "Hey!"

ATH "Doing good today?"

HB "Yeah, I'm doing alright. We're from Texas!"

ATH "Really? What are you doing in GA?"

HB "We're here for battle of the bands"

ATH "What's that?"

HB "Oh, it's a big competition between schools...blah blah blah"

ATH "Oh I see. It just sounded like it was so much cooler than that"

HB (Laughing): "Yeah, I know! blah blah blah

ATH "Blah blah blah...Well, Welcome to GA!"

And the conversation winded down after that.

Anyways, I really need to start approaching. Bottom line. Starting convos is one thing. Approaching is something completely different. How do I make the transition into actively seeking out and starting convo's w/strangers?

---

That's all folk. Gotta go to the gym now. See ya next time.

Dustin aka ATH

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Here's a short update

---

2/1/2009

The past two days were pretty average. Talked to chicks, practiced conversation skills, just more of the same. I still have to allow my socializing engine to "warm up" before I can really start talking to people, and yesterday, I was is warm up mode all day long.

Today was a bit different. I actually started conversations with random strangers outside of work, and got to know a few more people at the gym. That's not saying much, but I have to start somewhere right?

Anyways, conversations are getting much easier for me. I pretty much say whatever comes to mind, though sometimes I hesitate before doing so.

I wish I could write more about the actual conversations I had, but right now it's really all the same. No real flirting going on. No testing out techniques or anything. Just plain vanilla small talk. You guys might get bored of me, but I won't stop posting.

---

Dustin aka ATH

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Hey guys, I'm back. Got some updates for you.

--

2/3/2009

Today is a good day. If you've been following me so far, you know that I was anguishing over not being able to approach. Well today, I finally made an approach.

I had a day off from work today, so I spent the morning driving through town, looking for interesting things to do. I found a few cool looking places to check out later. Seriously, I feel like I live in the most boring town in the US. What do you guys do to get out of the house?

On a slightly unrelated note, I got a message on facebook from the girl I'm getting over asking if she did anything wrong blah blah blah. I deleted it. I'm hesitant about giving her name over the internet. Mostly to protect myself from unnecessary drama if she found out. I searched my name on Google out of curiosity, and found my field reports on the first page. Has anyone had any problems with people finding your field reports on the internet?

Anyways, fast forward a few hours, and I'm working out at the gym. The entire time I was scoping out the place for chicks to approach, but that was all I was doing. Scoping out and working out. There was this girl I wanted to approach (kinda ugly, but had a bangin' body) but I never worked up the nerve to talk to her (though I had a perfect opportunity to). Feeling like ****, I was about to call it another failure and was about to leave when out of nowhere I see an HB7.5 just standing there all alone.

I knew I had to do it then. I quickly ran into the bathroom to wash my hands, and when I came out, she was practicing her pull ups on some piece of equipment near where my shoes and clothes were. Perfect.

Calmly I went over to her, started packing my stuff and said

"Does that actually work?" referring to the exercises she was doing.

The girl nods her head enthusiastically and says "Yeah. Definitely"

I then start a conversation with her about how long she's been at the gym, where she's going to school, work etc. I get her name. It's Sam.

The only time I felt nervous was right before I approached her. After that the anxiety went away. I felt so good after that, even though I didn't get her number or anything.

By the way, when is it appropriate to ask for a number? I felt like I got good rapport with her, and I'm sure I easily could have suggested we hang out or something. Help me out here. What can I do?



---

Anyways, that's what I've got for today. See ya next time

Dustin aka ATH

 

[MikeBrown30]

It's awesome that you're actually doing something, and taking charge of your life, not waiting for things to fall into your lap.

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Dunno if this is really an update, but I have some stuff to discuss.

---

2/5/2009

There's this humongous cheerleading thing going on in Atlanta right now, and so I've been talking to cute, young girls in form fitting outfits all day long. (There were a lot of REALLY young girls too, but I wasn't talking about them.)

The day started off really badly. Almost every conversation I had ended in awkward silence, and things just weren't going well for me. I figured today was going to be an off day.

Well, a couple hours and several botched conversations later, I was starting to get back in gear. At one point, I even started acting kinda ****y? (dunno if it's the right word) with an HB9

HB9 "Ooh! Ooh!" *Points at our food* "Chicken! Is it good?"
ATH "Of course!" *Evil grin*
HB9 *Laughs* "Are you just saying that because you work here?"
ATH "No way! Why would I lie to you?" *Eviler grin*

Just playful banter. Whatever. It's not much. But I felt like I was having fun with this girl, which is a lot better than sucking up to her, or not having a conversation at all. Dunno. I'm still not doing any active approaching (walking up and starting convo). I just start conversations with people that come to me to pay for their food. Clearly this is holding me back, but I'm too crippled with fear to do active approaches. How do I get over this fear?

---

Dustin aka ATH

 

[Perry]

great work dude. way to take control of your life. keep the updates coming though!!! they are a good read

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Sup guys. I'm back. New update.

---

Some of you have seen my other thread about meeting up with the girl I next'd, sometime in the future. I'll provide you with more updates on this new development as things, uh, develop.

Today at work, I had a rather awkward conversation with an HB 7 while making some sushi.

HB: How you doing?

ATH: I'm good

(loooooong silence)

ATH: So, do you work around here or are you just visiting?

HB: I'm here on business. I'm from Wisconsin

ATH: Really? What do you do?

HB: I work at hospitals

ATH: "At hospitals"? Like you work at more than one?

HB: (Laughs) Yeah, I work with software...blah blah blah (We talk about jobs and what not)

The interesting thing about this conversation was that I got the distinct impression that this girl was actually interested me. (Only I realized it way too late) She was the one that started the conversation, and she was asking a lot of questions and taking a general interest in me. It was much different from most of the conversations I've been having (where I'm the one initiating conversations and asking most of the questions), even though it was a bit awkward. Either way, it was something different, and I felt was worth noting.

In other news, I've discovered that I can be a tease at times, and had a few moments where I had girls flustered and trying to prove themselves to me. Awesome.

---

Anyways, that's the end of today's update. See ya later

ATH

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Wow, it's been a while. I don't really have much to say today, though I do feel like rambling a bit, and have a few questions.

---

2/13/2010 (I just realized that I've been writing 2009 instead of 2010 this entire time! Ha!)

Not much to say in terms of actual conversation, but there's something I've noticed recently, and it usually happens with more attractive girls. Often times I want to start a conversation with someone, but find myself unable to because the person isn't wearing remarkable clothes, doing interesting things, or is outstanding in any way that I can comment on. What do I do in this situation?

I figure it doesn't really matter what I say, as long as I start a conversation, but sometimes I feel like the only way to start a conversation is to say something stupid or mundane like "Yo, I like your hat" (person is wearing a completely normal hat) or "nice weather today". Should I just go ahead and say something, even if it's stupid?

---

Brutally honest comments are greatly appreciated. Please indulge me.

See ya next time

ATH

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Why does it always feel like eons have passed since my last update? It was only three days ago. Anyways, new update

---

I can't believe how easy it's becoming to just...talk...to people. Not just talking to women, but to people in general. I remember when talking to people used to physically exhaust me, and how I avoided it like the plague. Now, I feel like I HAVE to talk to people. Silence just doesn't work for me anymore.

And I find that I'm caring less about making a good impressions and saying the right thing all the time. I don't worry if I'm asking too many questions, or if I'm smiling enough, or if my posture is good or whatever. It doesn't matter. As long as the conversation keeps flowing, I can say or do whatever comes to mind, and I find that awkward conversations happen less and less.

That being said, I'm still have trouble approaching women who I'm not forced to interact with at work. So this time, instead of moping around, feeling sorry about how I can't approach women, I decided to start working on it by taking a few baby steps at a time to build up my confidence.

All in all, I made two approaches today.

First one was an middle aged HB 6. She was walking by the sushi bar, but I could tell by the way she was walking that she wasn't interested in buying sushi from us. Normally, I wouldn't even try to talk to her, but today, the moment I saw her, I said

ATH "Excuse me?"

HB (Stops)

ATH "I've got a quick question" (points to head) "Is my hat on straight?"

HB (Smiles) "I think so. It looks straight to me"

ATH "Thank you"

The other I approached was an HB4.5. I tried to be a little less nervous this time around. She responded a little differently

ATH "Excuse me?"

HB (Stops, glares)

ATH "I have a quick question, is my hat on straight?"

HB "Your what?" (Totally serious, almost angry face)

ATH "Is my hat on straight?"

HB "Yeah"

ATH "Thanks"

When she left, I felt like a king. I made two approaches, and it was piece of cake.

Also, my friend Abbey called me up wondering if I had time to hang out today. I told her I couldn't cause I was working.

Two days earlier, she called me up, said we haven't talked in over a month, and started talking about how valentines day was boring (probably just hatin' cause she's lonely) I suggest we hang out sometime (I can take a hint), blah blah blah. Whatever, it's cool. I don't have too many expectations here. (we're just friends)

Just thought I'd put that out there.

---

Anyways, that the end of today's update. I try to update only when something noteworthy happens, which explains why there are gaps between updates. Don't worry, I never stop working to improve myself, I just don't have the energy (or the memory) to update on every minute detail.

ATH

 

[Dankenstein]

just read all of your reports, had a few comments

sounds like you've had great personal growth over the past month especially when it comes to communication. communication is the basis and foundation for pretty much everything so your progress and rising comfort levels here will serve you well.

you found a pretty good opener with your hat, although it may not necessarily lead anywhere. you can pretty much say what ever you want. (this has been very true for me lately) I find it funny how when homeless people approach me they ALWAYS open with a joke (I was at a show in Asheville and had one come up saying "How do you catch a unique rabit? You neak up on him"). the opener doesnt really matter much but where you take it from there does (find out basic info name, location, #, etc).

if you find a girl worthy of your time then getting their number is always one of the first steps. Also, if you are somewhat attracted to your friend it might not be a bad idea to see where that leads

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Thanks Dank. I'm not particularly attracted to my friend, but it's not like I'm opposed to having sex with her. 'Namsayn?

---

Anyways, I have sort of a mini update for you.

It was an off day today. The smoothness just wasn't with me today. No matter. I'll just keep on trying.

I did manage to approach one HB OLD today with a derivative of the "hat" thing that I mentioned earlier. (is there anything written on the back of my neck?) Worked pretty well. It doesn't matter if the conversations go anywhere since I still get practice. I just want to keep the approaches coming.

---

Anyways, that's all I have to say today

ATH

 

[kingsam]

every one has off days !

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Hey guys, it's time for another update!

---

I'll mostly be talking about yesterday today, since I wasn't sure if I wanted to update yesterday.

Anyways, saturday I invited Abbey to help me pick out some cool clothes at the mall since I have no fashion sense and needed a woman's perspective.

Like I said before, Abbey is just a friend. I'm not interested in her, and she only thinks of me as a brother, and I'm ok with that. She brought Kevin along, who, from my understanding, shares a weird "I want you, but I'm not quite ready for you" relationship with Abbey for several years. I didn't want to get involved. I got what I came for; clothes that actually look good on me.

Moving on to today, I've been having some bad sinus/sore throat problems that I'm just now getting over, and this morning was particularly bad. Because of this, I was in an incredibly negative state of mind the entire morning, and I think people could sense that negative energy in me whenever I started conversations with them.

My mood improved later in the afternoon, and so did my ability to talk to people, though I still felt like I had allowed myself to become a little less sociable over the weekend.

I hate having the feeling that I'm not putting maximum effort into this self improvement thing, so I've decided to kick my own pretentious ass by issuing myself an ultimatum. Starting tomorrow. 50 approaches by March 3rd..........or else. :trouble:

I hate saying stuff like "I MUST DO THIS" or "FROM NOW ON I WILL ACT DIFFERENTLY IN X Y Z WAYS" mainly because it never really worked for me. But I can't think of any other way to get myself moving on to the next step in my awesomeization.

Anyways, not much else to report. I canceled my membership to the rock climbing gym, mainly because I just don't go often enough to make 50 dollars a month worth it. Felt kinda bad about it, since I'm missing out on all kinds of opportunities to socialize, but I can always join up again in the future.

Other than that, I'm pretty much spent.

---

Until next time

ATH

 

[AtillaTheHun]

Oh man, I feel good today.

I'm back with another brilliant update.

---

Yesterday, I said I was going to talk to 50 people by the end of march 3rd. Today, I approached 5 women, and 1 man. Just simple stuff like asking the time and getting opinions to get over my fear of talking to strangers.

However, A few complications did arise. Like I said, I would make 50 approaches, but I never specified if it was to be exclusively women, or if talking to men counted.

To make things very clear. Only women count towards the 50 approaches. Men don't count. I have the most trouble talking to women, so I'd better get all the practice talking to women I can get.

Other than that, I'm just trying to keep it real and not worry too much about doing the right thing.

---

That's all folks. See ya next time. Your advice is always welcome

ATH