At first this was funny, now it's annoying.

[Mr. Goods]

A little background: In high school, I was a little, scrawny pushover who was very naive. Guys treated me like a mascot; they'd be happy to see me around school, but they weren't inviting me out anywhere. Girls were a nightmare. I had absolutely no game and was a "nice guy," but that wasn't all. Girls rejected me in front of others and wouldn't give me the time of day (probably to both humiliate me and boost their egos). For Senior Prom, girls decided they'd rather not go than go with me. I feel I was a joke.

That was about four years ago. Having just graduated college, I am a changed man in many ways. First, I put on 40lbs of muscle. My friends have repeatedly asked me if I have taken steroids or other supplements because they have never seen someone go from scrawny buff so suddenly (I'm clean). Next, I have swagger and much more confidence. If anyone tries to play me for a fool, they're straightened out quickly. This usually involves calling them out on it in a half-joking manner. Finally, I am much more aware of my surroundings. I "get it."

Currently, I am home from college and am interviewing with several employers as I lock down a first job towards my career. Obviously, this means I will be doing my hanging out around my home town. That also means I will be running into some of my old peers, which was ok for me because I feel I have improved a lot.

Unfortunately, my high school classmates are trying to act as if I have not changed one bit. Or rather, they are too-visibly trying to demonstrate that something isn't right. What do I mean?:
-When I work out at the gym, these classmates try to run and hide. Literally. Most of the guys look at me, then move their weights away from me, and won't try crossing my path. Girls walk in, momentarily stare at me, and either: A.) Turn around and leave, or B.) Move to the extreme opposite end of the gym. For example, two girls from my class were running on treadmills near me today. When they saw me, they moved to treadmills on the other side of the gym. And I wear deodorant, there isn't a stench.
-Ran into a couple of attractive girl classmates at the bar when I was with my friends. They came up and told me I look exactly the same as I did in high school. They weren't being sarcastic - maybe they thought I was just as buff before I began lifting weights . At the same time, they commented on one of my friend's "great" physique. The problem? My physique is much stronger/better than his now - even he was confused by their comments. This event has happened with me and two of my friends. When it comes to running into guys I knew, it's 50/50. Half act normally, the other half like to pretend they don't know who I am.
-Girls in particular will point at me from across the street when they are with friends. When we have to cross paths, they try to shield themselves from me (hiding behind others, putting their hands to their face). However, when I see this stupidity, but say hi anyway to be friendly, they're nice as can be.

As the post title states, this was funny at first, but now it's annoying. I'm not looking for any sort of "acceptance" or "validation" here...but am irked by these former classmates acting like 5th graders around me. What, did they think I was never going to change? Also making things rough is that I'm going to be around town until one of my job possibilities comes through (hopefully soon so I can move). I have tried a little online dating on PlentyOfFish, but that hasn't been going well, even when I have tried some new things.

How do I go about things? While spending time with friends is fun, it would be nice to get to know some girls as well to spice things up. But as this post has described, that may be a little bit tricky.

 

[Nygard]

Don't be very hell-bent on showing them you're not the same guy anymore, all it does is act against you.Instead, just keep on going with your life, focus on going forward.

 

[Sir Psycho Sexy]

They knew you when you were AFC, its kinda like when a fat girl loses a lot of weight. She may look thin to new people she meets, but she still looks fat to you.

Its unfortunate but true, some of your old classmates will never give you a chance.

But who cares? They are nobodies.

 

[badboyjmm]

I think you should just focus on getting new friends. The people that use to know you wanna keep treating the same way then before... Focus on your future job and enjoy life, there's people out there that will enjoy your company.

 

[ENIGMA16]

From my experience most of the people that still live in the same town from which they graduated high school four years later are huge losers that will never change, and are in fact terrified of change.

I can still go back and see old friends 5 years after graduation that are doing the exact same things with their lives, working the same job, living at the same place. The same goes with their perceptions. Hell, I bet it's even worse for you now because not only do they hold onto this old perception of you but they're also intimidated by you because you're openly challenging the view of reality that they're trying to cling to.

I wouldn't worry about them. The best part about graduating high school is that you can stay in contact with everyone you liked and never have to talk to any of the others again if you don't want to. You should stop worrying so much about what these people think; you've obviously moved on and grown while they haven't. Your opinion is much more respectable than theirs.

 

[kyokon]

It's a big ol' world out there man. You just happened to be born in that town, there's not a whole lot of other reason to worry about it any more than that. After you've been out and about for a while, you'll probably start to wonder who these people are, if you can even remember them at all. I left my town for other cities (and countries) fairly soon after high school, went back after a few years to visit some close friends, walking down the street we bumped into someone I apparently used to know fairly well, but I couldn't remember who the fvck they were! Or maybe that just means my memory is shjt hahaha.

Anyway, rather than worry about the past and the starting point that was randomly given to you, why not focus on the relationships that you yourself choose, and where you're going from here...

 

[kingsam]

i think theres somethign else going on....these are very extreem reactions, most peope from school just go "alright", or "hi".

your gonna hate living in a small town after having been at university....

as said already ... move to the city asap!

 

[Cinamon]

You know part of the issue could be that the girls are ashamed of the way they treated you in highschool and just want to avoid you in those situations. Im sure they would talk to you if you approached them, but do you really wanna be friends with someone like that?

 

[Mr. Goods]

Thanks for the responses. I'm going to be in my hometown until I receive a job offer, so I am hoping that's soon. I very much enjoy life at home, just not in my hometown (if that makes sense).

Just a couple of thoughts I had from some of the replies:

Kingsam - In high school, I was well-known. I did a lot of activities in high school that have helped towards my career path. Additionally, I was outgoing and talked to a lot of people. The problem, however, was that I was not self-aware; no idea of how I was seen by other classmates. From what I've grasped, it appears that I was a "mascot" in which people would act nice towards me, but laughed at me behind my back. Now, I feel that all the things they laughed about are gone. I agree with you...these actions are very extreme. But they shouldn't be, and I don't know why things are this way.

Cinamon - Good point. But why would they simply try to avoid me rather than saying hi, how have you been, etc. when eye contact is established and they're coming near? As you said, I'm not trying to make new friends here. It is weird though when they try to move away or just stare at me.

JLay87 - You're right. It may be worse for me right now. I say this because my other friends do not have the same problem. One of my close friends lifts at the same gym as me. He tells me that he runs into old high school acquaintances there, and they talk. When I see high school acquaintances, they start acting funny. Perhaps I am changing their view of reality. But as Kingsam asks...why is my case such a big deal with them? Other people have changed as well, for better or for worse.

 

[HolyG]

-When I work out at the gym, these classmates try to run and hide. Literally. Most of the guys look at me, then move their weights away from me, and won't try crossing my path. Girls walk in, momentarily stare at me, and either: A.) Turn around and leave, or B.) Move to the extreme opposite end of the gym. For example, two girls from my class were running on treadmills near me today. When they saw me, they moved to treadmills on the other side of the gym.


That's their problem, not yours


-Ran into a couple of attractive girl classmates at the bar when I was with my friends. They came up and told me I look exactly the same as I did in high school. They weren't being sarcastic - maybe they thought I was just as buff before I began lifting weights


They're playing head games - trying to manipulate you. Attempting to exert their little girly powers. Solution : not giving 1 ****



-Girls in particular will point at me from across the street when they are with friends. When we have to cross paths, they try to shield themselves from me (hiding behind others, putting their hands to their face).


Their problem, not yours

As the post title states, this was funny at first, but now it's annoying. I'm not looking for any sort of "acceptance" or "validation" here

Thing is, you are, otherwise this thread wouldn't exist...not saying its a bad thing, just that you probably ARE unconsicously seeking validation

How do I go about things? While spending time with friends is fun, it would be nice to get to know some girls as well to spice things up. But as this post has described, that may be a little bit tricky.

You're on every girl's mind. That's not a bad thing. Just don't be chode about it. You have to care less when talking to people/ girls in general. Those who care less - win. It's called being unreactive - not caring about a girl's **** tests.

 

[CaptainJ]

You should be glad they are doing this, because it just proves that what you are doing is working. Keep up the good work.

There's some advice I remember: Go out and get some haters. You have succeeded, now push forward.

 

[sodbuster]

Even Jesus couldn't perform miracles in his home town. Don't expect much better from the people in your town. It's more convenient to remember you as a mascot than see you as a complete man. As far as the girls,well IF someone spit a lunger in your water bottle,how thirsty would you have to be to drink it? they judged you a loser and will see you that way for life[cause women are never wrong][even when they are].

had the same problem in my hometown-grew an inch and put on 70 lbs after high school,got my degree in Dentistry and still wouldn't be able to get a date there-I was the brainy nerd[never mind the brown belt in karate]. Now, some of their DAUGHTERS flirt with me when I go home.