At a Crossroads

[dax]

OK...geesh...this kind of sucks, I have been dating a divorced mom of three recently....and she has been really really good to me the past 3 months, she has gone way out of her way so many times it's rediculous, cooks, does my laundry, ....etc. etc.
Sex has been awesome...we've had fun....
Neither one of us has ever officialy committed to each other, and neither one of us said we love each other
But I noticed the past couple of weeks something seems a little wrong....she's been second guessing me...a little suspicous, and a little unsure of herself, and us, and her and our life...but we are both extremely busy, ....she seems a little emotionally up and down...blah blah...but most of all she just doesn't seem like she is having quite as much fun as we did....maybe it's just overload or something.
We've never fought or anything.
Any way our relationship had pretty much had gotten to the point where she would call alot, everyday...and I her almost every day.....I was very available. to her blah blah. I made myself quite available to her and she did me.
She almost seems like she doesn't know what to do and is unsure of us, herself, and her past has alot to do with it..because she is divorced and made some mistakes with men in the past. So she is very hesitant....I understand this completely. Hell I'm divorced and scared also...about that.
I understand this...and that's ok.
The other day I just decided to we needed to catch our breath from each other and turned off my phone and didn't call or take any calls all day. That night I accidentally answered my phone and she was crying asking what was wrong and is there someone else...and I basically comforted her, and said it was a busy day blah blah.
We seem to be at a crossroads. I really like her...and she hasn't exactly given me a reason to just run away or next her, she has been a good woman....but she just doesn't seem to be laughing or having as much fun right now...any suggestions...but our lives with work and kids is very stressful....she is an HB MILF so she can get as many dates with men as she wants trust me...so that makes it even more tricky...for sure...
Any suggestions? Thanks.

DAX

 

[MackJr]

I dont' think this is really a DJ issue so much as it's a general relationship issue.

You probably know that all divorced mothers of ungrown children want the same thing: a return to a sex life and financial support. She's gotten attached, and she'll probably start pushing you for a commitment.

So just decide what you want to do, stay or move on, and do it well no matter which way you go.

 

[dax]

anybody else want to weigh in??

 

[dax]

Honestly, I'm not so sure...she has talked about a future, but then catches herself and she always says the reality is we may even not be together....she has always, taken it slow....because she is so scared to make another mistake...she was embarrassed about the last one...and said she learned some hard lessons....she really cares about her kidz..., I respect that...would love to hear more input...
But tonight is New Year's and we're not even spending it together...yesterday was her birthday....
So anyway she seems soooooooo damn distant now...emotionally we are drifting right now....
We we're supposed to spend New Year's kickin' it with our friends, and then she said she was gonna have her kidz....and then she said...that her mom and dad had a birthday surprise for her on New Year's...and today she called to tell me they got her a limo for her and her girlfriend tonight and that they were gonna keep her kidz, and that her and her girlfriend would probably go out to eat tonight and she'd be home around 12 or so...seems like she's ****in' flakin' to me...with all of these change of plans...she asked me what I was doin and I told her goin to a party with friends...then she said I'll call you to let you know what I'm doin for sure...and she called around 7 and I didn't answer the phone...she didn't leave a message...

 

[penkitten]

does the relationship have snap? crackle? and pop?

dont get so comfy you stop having fun.

 

[dax]

UPDATE:
Last night ...I had made up my mind to not worry about this stuff...and to go out with my friend and have a great New Year's...well she kept callin my phone and leavin' messages of her and her girlfriends screamin' havin' a great time....blah blah blah...as if she was makin a point to let me know how good of a time she was having...it was weird, but I never called her back...and she called and left a message drunk saying she needed me blah blah, but I never called.
Then at 12:30 she called and left a message saying not to ever leave a message like I just left her and to never call her again. I was like WTF? She seemed to be makin it up or something and she was obviously tipsy. But anyway...she called and I answered and she was like yelling saying don't ever call her again...and I was like huh? What are you talkin about...she though I left her an ugly message or something. I was like no I didn't...But anyway...she said not to call her again. So I said ok, I won't call.
20 minutes later my phone starts lighting up like a Christmas tree....she called over 20 times! First she said she was sorry for acting up, but she was hurt by because I supposedly answered my phone and said who is this *****...(which I didn't even do)...and then she left another voicemail saying baby I'm so sorry...and then I could tell desperation was setting in, and she was ****ing all but begging pleeze....BUT I DID NOT PICK UP MY PHONE. Seems like a bunch of ****in' game playin that backfired on her ass. So today I got 2 e-mail apologees...and 1 text sorry and she didn't mean the things she said...WTF? Input?
I spent 3 months with her and she treated me like gold...and now this? Should I judge her on this 1 **** up? hahah ...women never cease to amaze me..
I still haven't called back...walk or stay? Believe or not believe?

 

[classyguy]

" Any way our relationship had pretty much had gotten to the point where she would call alot, everyday...and I her almost every day.....I was very available. to her blah blah. I made myself quite available to her and she did me."

I think you're problem is in the above sentence. You were too easy and not a challenge. If I were you I would immediately back off and see if she starts to pursue you.

 

[dax]

I still haven't called her yet...(how do you back off anymore than that)...should I just accept her apology...which I would like to do...and then tell her I need some space?

 

[Maverick001]

dax,

You don`t mention anything about the father or fathers of the children, whose mother you`re seeing.

Are they stand-up guys or are they morons, d!ckheads, absent from the co-parenting of their kids, etc.?

I would weigh-in having to deal with the father(s) in my decision to continue seeing this woman if I was in this situation.

Ditto on what the other sosuavers have already said in response to your original post.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[dax]

The guy is pretty much a ****head from what I've heard and what she's said and the pictures she painted, sometimes but rarely they can see eye to eye...(he does have lots of money)...however they are going through some bitter stuff right now...it seems they were married for 10 years and divorced 3 years ago...last year they decided to try to work things out ....(she said because of the kids) they would try.....(then she said it was the same old bull**** and didn't want to be with him after 8 months of trying)... they had a joint custody thing and he wasn't even paying any child support...now this time she basically said she would like child support and it's currently in the court system...but they continue to to split it...(does that give a better picture)...??? Oh and I'm divorced with 2 kids, there mother is the primary custodian of them...and I get to see them every other weekend....I am involved in their lives and pay my child support...geesh...is that a better picture of the situation???????

 

[Maverick001]

dax,

Yup, that does clear up the picture some more.

I understand your situation because I`m a single father myself (my son is with his mother). I`ve also seen single mothers along the way and it was always in my mind that if things got exclusive and serious, would the blended families get along?

Before that, however, the main thing is that the couple get along and have any issues worked out first. Then comes the phase of easing into the children`s lives, etc.

3 months is way too early to be thinking about making this a permanent arrangement. If you want to be exclusive with this woman and then pace things out, that might be the way forward.

It`s pretty clear that your HB MILF here wants some reassurance or committment about the relationship. If it`s what you want then tell her the same and pace it the way you want.

Otherwise, if she doesn`t or won`t let you slow things down then you`ll have to next her and move on. Don`t get pressured into getting into a deeper relationship if that`s not what you want right now, despite the great sex, etc.

Just my 2 cents.

Cheers,
Mav

 

[Tazman]

UPDATE:
Last night ...I had made up my mind to not worry about this stuff...and to go out with my friend and have a great New Year's...well she kept callin my phone and leavin' messages of her and her girlfriends screamin' havin' a great time....blah blah blah...as if she was makin a point to let me know how good of a time she was having...it was weird, but I never called her back...and she called and left a message drunk saying she needed me blah blah, but I never called.
Then at 12:30 she called and left a message saying not to ever leave a message like I just left her and to never call her again. I was like WTF? She seemed to be makin it up or something and she was obviously tipsy. But anyway...she called and I answered and she was like yelling saying don't ever call her again...and I was like huh? What are you talkin about...she though I left her an ugly message or something. I was like no I didn't...But anyway...she said not to call her again. So I said ok, I won't call.
20 minutes later my phone starts lighting up like a Christmas tree....she called over 20 times! First she said she was sorry for acting up, but she was hurt by because I supposedly answered my phone and said who is this *****...(which I didn't even do)...and then she left another voicemail saying baby I'm so sorry...and then I could tell desperation was setting in, and she was ****ing all but begging pleeze....BUT I DID NOT PICK UP MY PHONE. Seems like a bunch of ****in' game playin that backfired on her ass. So today I got 2 e-mail apologees...and 1 text sorry and she didn't mean the things she said...WTF? Input?
I spent 3 months with her and she treated me like gold...and now this? Should I judge her on this 1 **** up? hahah ...women never cease to amaze me..
I still haven't called back...walk or stay? Believe or not believe?

If I were you I wouldn't be looking for anything serious with this woman. Doesn't any of this strike you as odd? She's playing some pretty childish games here. Her true colors are starting to show it seems.

 

[hartwell]

three kids wow i guess you will be hell of a stepfather :crackup:

 

[Rollo Tomassi]

TAZ: NEXT. You're doing the right thing by severing your ties with this one. Follow this to it's logical conclusion - she's just given you a valuable insight to what her uninhibited personality is like. Do you really want anything long term with a broad like this? If this is what you can expect from her single, can you see past this in an LTR? Why are you even bothering with a single mommy in the first place?

If you do accept her appology, after 20 successive calls, you will only be reinforcing and condoning this behavior and set yourself up for future and more intense occurances of this behavior. The time and effort you spend dealing with this would be better spent on fresh prospective women without children or drunken insecurities. NEXT.

 

[MacAvoy]

I was going to say just tell her straight up that you want a good time, you were having a good time but her recent behaviour is not attractive and your time is too valuable to waste dealing w/ negative BS. Tell her either to return to her old fun loving self or lose out on a great guy.

However, as Rollo said, 20 calls along w/ all the other BS is totally unacceptable. Time to say buh bye lah. Or punish her and turn her into your sex slave and make her do really nasty fun ****.

 

[WestCoaster]

All you need to know ...

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she called over 20 times!

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Total nut job. After three kids one shouldn't be acting like this. Again, put on your track shoes and start running away from this.

Also, you're analyzing WAY too much, "Why did she do this, why did she do that?"

My answer: Because she's a WOMAN, and a messed up one at that. There's usually a reason why the guy is no longer around -- though you'll only hear the woman's side of the story.

Three kids, a nutcase who calls 20 times and makes up things? She showed you more red flags than the Russian Parliment -- start dating others -- that's others as in plural.

Knock off this oneitis sh-t, please!

 

[dax]

Well guys, I NEXTED her....take care and good night...


DAX

 

[JackPrescott]

Originally posted by dax
Well guys, I NEXTED her....take care and good night...


DAX

Dax, if this woman is offering puussay, and it's good, why the Hell give it up? Have some great make up sex, and keep seeing her, but not exclusively. she sounds a bit nutty, but with three kids, she cannot be real F'n choosy.