People that do this or have tried it, can you guys share some of your experiences?
I read about this in one of gunwitch's posts. It just hit me as making a lot of sense. When I thought about the best conversations I had when meeting new people, we just seemed to talk about stuff without long series of "getting to know you" questions. I'm talking about meeting new guys and girls, not just girls. Only after I already hit it off with someone did I ever care about finding out more info about them. People with who the conversations didn't start off all that well, I just used to let them die, instead of trying to "salvage" them with questions. I used to catch the train for about a fourty minute ride, and I talked to a lot of people like this.
The thing is, this was when I was younger, like 18, 19. With people that age, I just kind of knew what they would be into, and so the topics used to just come naturally. Just the way people were dressed I could usually tell (not always 100% but most of the time) whether we'd get along or not. People I didn't think I'd get along with, I didn't bother talking to. Basically, without being actually aware of it, what I was doing was "assuming rapport". Now that I'm older, though, it just seems harder to judge who I'd get along with better and who I wouldn't. And I find it harder to just assume rapport.
For example, when I was younger, say if there were a couple of chicks sitting together in Mcdonalds, I could easily just walk up to them, sit down, and just start talking about stuff. I can hardly even imagine just doing that now with people around my age group. Like people were saying on that bookshop thread, I get these deer in the headlights looks of a astonishment that I can't remember getting when I was younger. (Maybe I did get them but my "assuming rapport" frame was so strong I never noticed?) This is fvcking tough going man, I'll tell you what!
I think my biggest problem is that I can't even think of any BASIS on which to assume rapport. When I was younger, it was EASY. Music, sport, places to go out, school, fashion, drinking, drugs, plenty of things. Those things just seem so much more important when you're younger. What kinds of things can I assume rapport on with people now in my age group? I am finding it very hard to think of stuff.
I read about this in one of gunwitch's posts. It just hit me as making a lot of sense. When I thought about the best conversations I had when meeting new people, we just seemed to talk about stuff without long series of "getting to know you" questions. I'm talking about meeting new guys and girls, not just girls. Only after I already hit it off with someone did I ever care about finding out more info about them. People with who the conversations didn't start off all that well, I just used to let them die, instead of trying to "salvage" them with questions. I used to catch the train for about a fourty minute ride, and I talked to a lot of people like this.
The thing is, this was when I was younger, like 18, 19. With people that age, I just kind of knew what they would be into, and so the topics used to just come naturally. Just the way people were dressed I could usually tell (not always 100% but most of the time) whether we'd get along or not. People I didn't think I'd get along with, I didn't bother talking to. Basically, without being actually aware of it, what I was doing was "assuming rapport". Now that I'm older, though, it just seems harder to judge who I'd get along with better and who I wouldn't. And I find it harder to just assume rapport.
For example, when I was younger, say if there were a couple of chicks sitting together in Mcdonalds, I could easily just walk up to them, sit down, and just start talking about stuff. I can hardly even imagine just doing that now with people around my age group. Like people were saying on that bookshop thread, I get these deer in the headlights looks of a astonishment that I can't remember getting when I was younger. (Maybe I did get them but my "assuming rapport" frame was so strong I never noticed?) This is fvcking tough going man, I'll tell you what!
I think my biggest problem is that I can't even think of any BASIS on which to assume rapport. When I was younger, it was EASY. Music, sport, places to go out, school, fashion, drinking, drugs, plenty of things. Those things just seem so much more important when you're younger. What kinds of things can I assume rapport on with people now in my age group? I am finding it very hard to think of stuff.