Aspiring to be a DJ? If you're anything like me, forget about it.

[MrJibbles]

I read The Game, read most of the DJ Bible, all about neg theory, not supplicating, etc., but if you're an introvert like me, you may as well forget about applying any of this stuff and actually being successful. According to the Book of Pook, "Extroverted Nice Guys have more success than Introverted Don Juans."

I am about as introverted as it gets but let me assure you, I am not classically "shy." I can be assertive when I want to and will never back down for a woman, but this doesn't change the fact that temperamentally and biologically, socializing drains my reserves. My social energy is low, my conversations are filled with awkward pauses and marred with instances of inhibition, and no matter how many C&F routines I memorize, it doesn't make up for the fact that flirting is difficult for me and that I exude no wit, charm, or magnetism whatsoever.

You'll hear stories about AFCs magically "transforming" their personalities into sex-god DJs, but these people were extroverts to begin with. I look at my dad and realize that my personality must be genetic. When I told him about my troubles with girls, all he had to say was "masculinity is overrated" and went on to tell me some of his stories about being nervous around girls when he was my age. He is THE definition of an AFC, a socially-withdrawn, indecisive, timid, sexually-androgynous, nerdy, intellectual-type who decided to go to medical school when he met my mom to ensure her financial stability and ensure himself marriage because he had no other options. I can't help but feel that, as time goes on, I have begun to adopt many of his mannerisms despite the fact that I have tried changing my body language, seeing my self as the prize, etc.

Mind you, I think I am pretty good looking; I get eye-f***ed by girls on a weekly, if not daily basis. I get IOIs from girls frequently, until I approach them and open my mouth. At this point, they realize I exude no sexuality in my personality and soon enough they lose interest. I am on antidepressants now, which helps with social anxiety issues, but they have not made me more extroverted by any means.

I am willing to bet that the vast majority of master DJs out there are extroverts. If I am wrong, please feel free to correct me. On that note, has anybody "overcome" their introversion and been able to pull consistently? Is there any hope for aspiring, introverted DJs?

 

[alecks]

your on antidepressants? jesus no wonder your like this.get off them asap.

buy yourself some niacin (vit b3) it helps with depression (no joke).

listen,women want masculine men,if your ona them blokes that goes around in skinny jeans,gay tshirts,long hair and not a blip of facial hair it dusnt really work with women.women wanna ****,they wante flirt,if you dont,then they dont wanna know ye.ive learned the hard way

 

[MrJibbles]

I have a beard. I am not homo by any means. I have a buzz cut and a chiseled jaw. Herbal supplications are a joke, and proven to be just as effective as placebo. My Effexor has helped with my neurotic tendencies, and just for the record, my personality has been like WAY before I started taking pills. Any input from (former) introverts, or the painfully shy, for that matter, would be appreciated.

 

[thedude4242]

mr jibbles take your medicine dont listen to anyone. each day we have a dozen of articles of men who wrote all this bullcrap that is suppose to be break through stuff with women.

 

[Mick Chong]

I read The Game, read most of the DJ Bible, all about neg theory, not supplicating, etc., but if you're an introvert like me, you may as well forget about applying any of this stuff and actually being successful. According to the Book of Pook, "Extroverted Nice Guys have more success than Introverted Don Juans."

I am about as introverted as it gets but let me assure you, I am not classically "shy." I can be assertive when I want to and will never back down for a woman, but this doesn't change the fact that temperamentally and biologically, socializing drains my reserves. My social energy is low, my conversations are filled with awkward pauses and marred with instances of inhibition, and no matter how many C&F routines I memorize, it doesn't make up for the fact that flirting is difficult for me and that I exude no wit, charm, or magnetism whatsoever.

You'll hear stories about AFCs magically "transforming" their personalities into sex-god DJs, but these people were extroverts to begin with. I look at my dad and realize that my personality must be genetic. When I told him about my troubles with girls, all he had to say was "masculinity is overrated" and went on to tell me some of his stories about being nervous around girls when he was my age. He is THE definition of an AFC, a socially-withdrawn, indecisive, timid, sexually-androgynous, nerdy, intellectual-type who decided to go to medical school when he met my mom to ensure her financial stability and ensure himself marriage because he had no other options. I can't help but feel that, as time goes on, I have begun to adopt many of his mannerisms despite the fact that I have tried changing my body language, seeing my self as the prize, etc.

Mind you, I think I am pretty good looking; I get eye-f***ed by girls on a weekly, if not daily basis. I get IOIs from girls frequently, until I approach them and open my mouth. At this point, they realize I exude no sexuality in my personality and soon enough they lose interest. I am on antidepressants now, which helps with social anxiety issues, but they have not made me more extroverted by any means.

I am willing to bet that the vast majority of master DJs out there are extroverts. If I am wrong, please feel free to correct me. On that note, has anybody "overcome" their introversion and been able to pull consistently? Is there any hope for aspiring, introverted DJs?

I think you are me, your description of yourself and father could fit me word for word and I've experienced exactly the same as you. I haven't gone on the antidepressants yet.

You're right what you're saying, I don't know how we can turn this situation around. I cannot do this CF stuff, it doesn't come naturally.

 

[Tesl]

I was an introvert that didn't go out much, studied a lot and played games at home often. After my last serious relationship I made a conscious effort to change it, and I did. Most people today would describe me as more extroverted, and I get laid all the time.

Difference is I believe I'm capable of achieving most things if I put my mind to it. You clearly don't

 

[PrettyBoyAJ]

I like to compare this to basketball. Your not that good at basketball. But you can do drills to be better. Reading stuff on the internet is only going to help you so much to play basketball so do that at a minimum. The main gains you get is while you go out and practice basketball. You go to the gym and practice. No matter how sorry you are you just keep practicing! You will become better.

I like to apply this to my life. Two years I was an introverted skinny tall guy who had no game. Some looks but no game. What I did was read a little bit of game on this site here. I kept everything in mind and then decided to leave the site for a while and I practiced. I worked out... I changed my appearance f or the better. I improved myself... not just for game but just for myself. As I changed the girls starting coming heavy. Guys respect me now and know not to cross me because I will stand up for myself. It was a long and hard process but there is nothing to lose and I will only get better.

I still read tips online and keep them in mind and form my own rules. I go out everyweek and I always end up with new girls on the team. I'm far from perfect but I am improving. My grades, rep, physique has all gotten better and most importantly my confidence is through the roof.

OP, Never settle. Never say you can't do anything.... What you do is practice and train. Laziness is the seed of failure my friend. Quit complaining and get better.

 

[DarkShade]

At least you get eye-fvcked and IOIs, I could charm a woman into climbing a mountain but if I get a second look I'm lucky. You have more going for you than you think, ignore genetics and pick up lines, when a girl is eye-fvcking you, start fvcking her in your mind (literally imagine bending her over and taking what you want right then and there) and start talking to her, sexuality will exude automatically.

 

[Ease]

Vitamin b3 is not a 'herbal supplement' you jackass, and a placebo is exactly what you need anyway i wouldn't be complaining. You dont have a real problem so you dont need a real drug. Antidepressants because of social anxiety is a sad thing.

When we talk about shyness, we dont mean a personality thing, its a confidence thing. Introvert and shy are synonyms of low confidence.

Genetics play to a certain part, mainly because your dad is your role model and who you subconsciously watched as a child. But not everyone has good role models, which is why this site exists. Theres no such thing as starting off as extrovert, you are making excuses for yourself. Nobody just starts off confident. You get confidence after success, nobody is confident when they start a new job or get their first gf. Unless you are justin bieber and have the world at your feet at age 11, nobody is born confident.

There are no 'DJs' like you imagine on this board. Most are like you, clueless and lost. Believe it or not every person on this website found it for the same reason you did, to one degree or another. So no, everyone wasnt just born extrovert and confident, but you try, fail and then succeed.

 

[Mick Chong]

Sensible replies, reading you guys gives me some motivation, I hope it does the same for Jibbles.

 

[Mr Wright]

I don't know how we can turn this situation around. I cannot do this CF stuff, it doesn't come naturally.

Then play to your advantage, its not all about ****y funny, thats one mans opinion on how it should be done. There are almost thousands of ways that guys use to create connections with others but the fact of the matter is that internally you have to be coming from a strong place otherwise at some point shes going to see right through your façade. For example i know my form of game will not be any good for you, partly because im naturally outgoing, dont use any routines and have been doing it all my life. But somebody else might have a method which is perfect for you.

Or the alternative way of looking at it is that you're afraid to change. Im sure there is an environment where you're perfectly extroverted, even if its whilst you're doing judo, playing chess or whatever, find out what it is which stimulates you and try and replicate it in other situations. When I first went to a club when i was 16, i was scared ****less because there was loads of sweaty men, but now im 18 go out on my own and pull. That was because I grabbed my balls and made myself get used to it, you have to push yourself outside of your comfort zone then you get a new comfort zone. Thats how you evolve, not by sitting on a computer complaining about how you have no chance.

 

[Die Hard]

I've been a big introvert all my life and a total disaster when it comes to women. I can honestly say I've changed all this. I can also honestly say it was very hard to do this, it took a lot of time and effort.

If you are willing to put the effort in, it is possible, I assure you this. But you better be willing to go through hell to get there!

 

[Voice]

Antidepressants because of social anxiety is a sad thing.

When we talk about shyness, we dont mean a personality thing, its a confidence thing. Introvert and shy are synonyms of low confidence.

Genetics play to a certain part, mainly because your dad is your role model and who you subconsciously watched as a child. But not everyone has good role models, which is why this site exists. Theres no such thing as starting off as extrovert, you are making excuses for yourself. Nobody just starts off confident. You get confidence after success, nobody is confident when they start a new job or get their first gf. Unless you are justin bieber and have the world at your feet at age 11, nobody is born confident.

There are no 'DJs' like you imagine on this board. Most are like you, clueless and lost. Believe it or not every person on this website found it for the same reason you did, to one degree or another. So no, everyone wasnt just born extrovert and confident, but you try, fail and then succeed.

This is mostly untrue. It's kind of like being white and telling black people that you understand what it's like to be black and face racism and it really isn't that bad. A white person has no idea what it's like to be black so they would never get it. From what you wrote here, it seems like you have no idea what it's like to be introverted.

It isn't synonymous with low confidence. People who are introverted often DO have low confidence but that is only because western culture values extroversion and introverts often feel that being introverted is wrong. Therefore, they are often faced with ridicule and are encouraged to be more talkative making them feel like who they are isn't good enough. In eastern culture there is actually a phenomenon that is the OPPOSITE of social anxiety in that they are afraid to be TOO socially forward. This is merely because eastern culture values introversion vs. extroversion.

Introversion IS a personality trait. From the Merrian-Webster dictionary: Introversion is "the state of or tendency toward being wholly or predominantly concerned with and interested in one's own mental life". That's it. In other words an introverted person is in his head all the time. They often critically think about almost everything. Antidepressants and anti-anxiety meds often quiet this voice inside the head and that's why they can work.

 

[Atom Smasher]

Very sensible, Voice. +1.

 

[TheManOfSteel]

As a former introvert (I was very shy up until about my sophomore/junior year of high school), I can tell you it is possible to change. What really opened me out of my shell was starting to lift weights regularly and take up body building seriously when I was 21. I don't look like a 'roid head or anything like that, I'm just lean and muscular and fit. Secondly, I recommend taking up a job where you have to interact with a lot of people on a daily basis. For me it was working with the public a lot, and then moving into a sales position once I graduated college. Both situations take you out of your comfort zone and make you interact with people. I'm by no means a "smooth talking player sex God," but I have no problem talking/interacting with girls and/or being ****y/funny. It's all about confidence. That's the advice I can offer you. Good luck.

 

[The_411]

Too much black/white thinking going on here.

No two people are the same. Sure there are guys who are charming who look the king in every situation everyone loves them and they can do no wrong.

I vacillate between extrovert and introvert constantly. It's not a paradox but rather a function of comfort.

Sometimes I can be that guy that everyone wants to be around and others times I feel like I'm not noticed and everything I say comes off wrong.

The point it that yes we all have varying abilities, strengths, weaknesses, but the key is figuring out what puts you into the most extrovert frame of mind. What do you like to do that makes you open to talk to people, try new things, and take risks.

The people, who have been able to make marked changes, have basically said I'm not living in the shadows anymore and I'm not going to be afraid of living life.

It's not an easy thing to do otherwise we'd all be Don Juans, have no trouble with women, life, money, etc.

The key is trying to look at your situation and say what can I do to feel better, feel good, improve, and enjoy life.

Women are result of the internal processing and subsequent changes to your life. They are sidenotes to your life story. They can be important sidenotes but they should never be the main story.

 

[Ease]

Are you rejecting what im saying on the basis that you believe introversion and extroversion exist? You are looking at a dictionary, what a joke. Let me tell you something, if you look hard enough you can find the proof for any theory.

I'm not an expert on it and neither are you, but i know the problem here when i see it. Your words are the exact problem here. That is what i target when i say that low confidence and introversion are synonymous.

Now this is the question:

Is he like he is because of a biological condition that makes him so?
Or is he just suffering from plain old low confidence and 'introversion' is the explanation?

If its the first one then there is no cure and hes gona have to get used to it. Dont listen to what we say and give up i guess.

 

[Konada]

From my understanding an introverted person does not necessarily be shy/self concious.

Introvert: Someone who energizes himself by spending some alone time.
Extrovert: Someone who gains his energy by being constantly with others.
Shy/Self concious: Someone who lacks self confidence.

Now I am an introvert and I deal perfectly fine with others, it just means I prefer to spend more time alone as being around people for too long really drains me.

 

[pinhas]

Weed!

But seriously, weed!

What you wrote exactly describes me, or at least the older me. I am still awkward at times and have trouble approaching girls out cold, but its something I started working on and I see it changing.

First, you have to believe in yourself and stop thinking you can NEVER do it; its a slippery slope.

Second, practice practice and more practice. Even if you are an extreme introvert, if you put yourself in social situations you will see that with time you get more and more relaxed. Make a conscious effort to get out of your comfort zone and dive in. Some interactions will be painful, but some will some amazing and you will wonder why you didnt do this before and missed out on the cool people you could have met.

Oh, and weed. It truly relaxes you and puts your mind on "I dont give a f***, im going to live my life" mode. 1-2 hits from a one hitter and a drink or two and I am golden. Now I am working on reducing drinking and smoking and relying on it less and less, but its a good way to start and see that its not as bad as you think; social interaction can be fun. You just need to want it!

 

[Voice]

Are you rejecting what im saying on the basis that you believe introversion and extroversion exist? You are looking at a dictionary, what a joke. Let me tell you something, if you look hard enough you can find the proof for any theory.

You can't find proof for every and any theory. For example, prove to me that God exists? You can't because by definition God exists outside of the "human realm". I'm not saying introversion exists because I saw it in a dictionary one time. My proof is the numerous members here that identify themselves as introverts. My proof is the 30% of the population that identify as introverts.

I'm not an expert on it and neither are you, but i know the problem here when i see it. Your words are the exact problem here. That is what i target when i say that low confidence and introversion are synonymous.

I understand your debate completely. Perhaps we are both too black and white with our rationale. There is an obvious correlation between low confidence and introversion but which way is the causation? Neither of us could know that. I think that introversion itself causes the low confidence while you say it's the opposite. The truth is it is probably somewhere in between. I only argue the former because of the difference in culture between the East and West. I don't have a peer reviewed reference for this but I've heard that Eastern introverts have little problems with confidence. This would support my theory that introversion causes the low confidence in Western cultures.

Now this is the question:

Is he like he is because of a biological condition that makes him so?
Or is he just suffering from plain old low confidence and 'introversion' is the explanation?

If its the first one then there is no cure and hes gona have to get used to it. Dont listen to what we say and give up i guess.

The whole notion that biology completely determines ones output is a vast over-generalization. Not only can we actively change how we think, we can also actively change which of our genes are expressed. Our environment influences our genes and biology as much if not more than our biology influences how we interact with the environment.

Is it possible to become extroverted? Probably, but because of the nature + nurture that has caused us to be introverted, it will take a whole lot of time and effort. Also because we may have a little bit of a biological predisposition to becoming introverted it will be much harder than for someone who has a biological predisposition to being extroverted. Perhaps some members here who have a harder time becoming "DJs" are the former and those who find it easier are the latter.