Asperger's

[Papa_smu]

I have a buddy of mine who've I met several years back through a forum like this to get better with women. We have been going out sarging and doing day game but the majority of the time it has been cringe sessions. Although over time we've become friends, I often deflected when he offered to go sarging. The thing is he has Asperger's and that often been his crutch when he tries approaching strangers. He's wicked smart and over the years has gotten better at being outgoing. On the other hand, if puppies and kittens at chick magnets -- he is the complete opposite: chick-repellent.

I've given loads of advice on how to get better, but he doesn't listen. It made me wonder how much he has control over with his condition. This youtube video below had me thinking about that:

For instances, is it good advice to tell him to think about the other women's wants and needs when in fact he's explicitly accounting for EVERY possible dialog he can have with her? Or telling him to talk about what interests the other person to build rapport? Even though, he inherently doesn't give two sh|ts what the other person is interested in?

"Uh-huh, you did a line of cocaine in the woman's bathroom? Well, let's talk about killing and skinning bears in Red Dead 2--"

"You won a frisbee golf tournament last month? Ah ah, yeah, what do you think social feminists think about the sport?"

What do you guys think? Is it worth it for someone with Aspergers to put themselves out there? Is there an alternative approach when it comes to pick-up? At this point, I just don't want to help him anymore because -- well -- he is beyond help.

 

[Spaz]

All of those mfkers who keeps bashing Bigdave should watch this video.

 

[alx]

Autists tend to have breakthroughs. You can try hammering home the same advice for a year and they won't seem to get better then one day they will wake up a slightly different person. That's why I burn friendships like nobodies business. They think I'm not listening to their advice but in reality it takes a long time for me to integrate the advice in a congruent way.

 

[alx]

Imagine you spent your whole life so far doing something wrong, are you going to switch to doing it right the second after someone tells you? You might want to but the brain and body don't work that way.

 

[Papa_smu]

Also, I think I dated a girl with Asperger's or something because she took soooo much sh1t literally and likewise had no object constancy.

I don't quite understand what you mean, could you elaborate?

 

[zekko]

All of those mfkers who keeps bashing Bigdave should watch this video.

Are you suggesting that BigDave has Asbergers? Doesn't that seem unlikely since he's the best car salesman in the western hemisphere, makes friends wherever he goes, and is constantly praised by everyone for his wonderful personality (according to him)?

 

[Papa_smu]

They think I'm not listening to their advice but in reality it takes a long time for me to integrate the advice in a congruent way.

It can be frustrating at times but I try to be understanding.

I'm wondering if my buddy is better off learning how to just approach strangers and manage a conversation for more than five minutes?

 

[alx]

If he can't do that now then yes he should.

I wanted to get good at talking with women before I was good at talking to men, it's natural, but backwards.

To this day I still need to remind myself to chat to some guys when I'm out chatting to girls. It has to be done. The aspergers mind thinks that logically speaking, you can just shortcut the guys and go to the girls, but that's not how it works.

It sounds like he needs to realise that in social situations, people are all watching eachother. Even if he is a man on a mission to get a girl, he can't appear that way or it will work against him.

My friend used the boxing analogy: you don't go straight for the right hook, you give your opponent a few jabs first.

I can totally understand being frustrated with someone who has ASD.

If you need to get him off your back you could explain to him that you have given him a lot of advice but now you need to to take a break and [optional] you are happy to continue helping him in the future after he has had more of a chance to practice the stuff you guys covered.

 

[Young OG]

I believe Tyler aka Owen from RSD has aspergers. There is a video on YouTube where he tells his whole story (how he went from chode to pua and pushed through aspergers). If he can do it, so can your buddy.

 

[touma.akagi]

Asperger's Syndrome, as is any ASD, isn't black and white. No two people with ASDs are created equal. So it seems to me like this guy still has a ways to go with women. If he struggles as much as you say, he needs other assistance. Maybe professional help of some sort is what is best for him. Don't be his only relationship coach, get him to meet some other guys good with women. Emphasis on men here, though - his mother's advice may be hit-or-miss at best and downright unhelpful at worst, and his father's advice, while it may have been revolutionary at one point, may not be quite as effective in today's culture. This Is not our fathers' dating scene...

Does this guy worry about women too much? Tell him to continue to live his life independent of them and worry about other things.

 

[touma.akagi]

Imagine you spent your whole life so far doing something wrong, are you going to switch to doing it right the second after someone tells you? You might want to but the brain and body don't work that way.

Old habits die hard. This is correct, autist or not, overhauling years of learned behavior is a slow burn.