Asking to be friends w/ benefits, does it ever work?

[ScrewIt]

Anyway this thought never occured to me until my friend brought it up. He said one time he flat out asked this girl if she wanted to be friends w/ benefits, of course she had a bf so she declined.

I got this co-worker in the office who i have a pretty good idea wants to **** me if she could....and if we werent co-workers i could easily get into the dating scene with her.

She seems to like me, so hell why not? hell she lives alone and has no social life so it would be perfect.

any of you ever flat out asked and had a good reaction?

 

[flyinshark]

I never asked or did that before, but i have friends who have, and it worked for them.

However, make sure she is ready for such a question from your part. IMO, she must be pretty open about her sexuality and not easily offended by related talk. She also needs to have a bit of a b!tchy attitude inside, or else she may take it the wrong way and you could lose a friend. From what i know, good girls don't find acceptable being a friend with benefits, so i'd say be careful.

 

[JazzPimpNYC]

In my experience the friends-with-bennys thing has never worked, or at least until I decided to let them go. You have to understand that women are extremely emotional and sometimes irrational when it comes to relationships. She has to be a ****ing ***** in order for there to be a no-strings-attached thing happening.

 

[ScrewIt]

no she's not a *****, she's a good girl. in fact she's a christian church goer/ bible follower.

i should probably forget about it.

 

[Magico]

In that case it's likely she freaks out on you.

It worked for my friend with a couple of milfs, one 7 and one fugly.

 

[Bonhomme]

Subtlety and action

If you want to trigger the 'ol ASD (anti-slut defense), just ask.

Better to make your intentions understood with action. Flirting, teasing, working her personal space, kino, etc., and drop hints that you're not looking for a relationship.

If she's got brain one, and she's game, she'll get the picture, and run with it.

 

[cruzy]

I have a FB who was up front with me. I was married when we first got together and he had a 7 yr LTR. He said he was polyamorous. I felt refreshed that the boundaries were established ahead of time so that there wouldn't be a mess and false expectation. Guess what, 8 months later, I am still with this guy because he is honest. There are times when he agrees to be monogamous with his LTR, even though it only lasts 2 weeks or so , and I don't get pissed or diss him because he is honest with me. In addition, I don't feel bad about his gf because I have met her before and she knows what's going on. Frankly, I think honesty is the best policy. It's when I get deceived by men that I get really pissed off. I lose respect for them and it's over. If I find out a guy who claims to want monogamy has other girls on the side, even if I have other guys on the side, I feel as though I have to dump the guy because if I don't, I am telling him that it's okay to lie to me.

You may lose this one because she may be looking for a LTR. But, there are so many fish in the sea, why not get into a good situation that doesn't end in disaster by being honest about your intentions? A good DJ isn't out to hurt women.

I have also noticed that the guys who have been honest up front end up becoming my pals too and if either of us decide to enter into a monogamous situation with someone else, we end things on good terms. If I feel like calling them in between relationships, I do and they aren't all weird because they know what my true intention is. If they want to call me in between, I have no problem with that and don't mind being a rebound, especially if they have been there for me in that capacity in the past. If I call and they are in a LTR, they let me know what their status is. But we always keep it open and are respectful, and usually I hear from them a few weeks later when things fall apart. I've had FB's that last for years with this method and one that probably would have gone on 6 years if I hadn't moved. When it comes down to it, if they are good in bed, honest with their intentions, and I'm not in a monogamous situation, they are in.

 

[DJDamage]

I was married when we first got together and he had a 7 yr LTR.

Frankly, I think honesty is the best policy. It's when I get deceived by men that I get really pissed off. I lose respect for them and it's over.

and your husband was not decieved?

 

[PVSSY-EATER]

No son, dont ask women ****!!!

tell her you are doing whatever on whatever date and for her azz to meet you there or you will pick her azz up. Got yo kino in, have motafvckin fun, and fvck her later that night. You dont need confirmation from a woman, your inner conviction already gives you this.....I think some people call this...uh, uh....yeah...confidence. You got me.

 

[PRMoon]

If the only thing you do with a girl is call her, go to her house or yours and have sex then you go about your seperate ways, then you've got a FB. You shouldn't really have to ask becasue you'll just fall into that natural trend anyway with some girls. If you're spending lots of time together and doing things, then you've got an actual friend and there's no turing that tide.

I don't think i'll ever get a FB personally. It's just as easy to have a ONS or something of that nature. Well at least it is for me with my set up anyway. I think it also has something to do with me enjoying "the hunt" more so then "the kill" Sex is on my mind like every other guy but I like the game just as much if not more.

 

[Francisco d'Anconia]

Fvck-buddies are usually established without any verbal acceptance. The people involved understand the situation and nothing is said until one of them requires something that's more substantial.

It is possible to prolong FB status but inevitably the relationship will either radically decrease in frequency or cease altogether. This is why having a few FBs in rotation is a means to extending general FB activity.

 

[Jus_LikeCandy]

Fukc buddies is something that occurs naturally. It isn't verbalized, unless a problem occurs.
There are some women who have trouble dealing with this. Though we like to say we can handle it, we are emotion creatures and it causes problems and misunderstanding.

 

[Luscious]

Exactly as the two posters above me said.

You don't ASK to be friends with benefits.

In my case, what happened was I nailed this chick a few times, realized the sex was great, but we didn't get along too well...we didn't really say anything about it, rather, we would just call each other when we needed sex and we would leave a little bit after. Very much so a 'mutual understanding' deal.

 

[Maximus_Decimus]

Asking for FB status explicitly will automatically trigger ASD. In the milder case, you will probably get a straight "no." In the more extreme case, you will get a slap in the face.

Typically, we would ask you to read the DJ bible. Unfortunately, the DJ bible is rather lacking with articles on how women behave and think. You should read the following threads and it will give you a general understanding on how women behave socially:

Hitori's post on Social Status:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=70707

Deep Dish's post on the Book of Woman:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=32713&highlight=book

My post on ASD:

http://www.sosuave.net/forum/showthread.php?threadid=72616


Maximus_Decimus

 

[becker]

Last girl I was with flat out asked to be FWB with me before we really even got into a dating situation. Not sure how serious she was, but all I know is that we ended up in bed together almost every day. Then she didn't want to date anymore, and I suggested the FWB since the sexual stuff was so good. She said no, but with enough prying she always gave in. Eventually though, she told me she regretted doing that stuff with me, and didn't want to do it anymore. Although I'm guessing that with enough influence she'd fall back into it, I backed off for the sake of our friendship. She was starting to say things like she did similar stuff before, and when she felt guilty enough, she cut off all contact with the guy.

One of my most devastating experiences mentally was when a girl I was seeing just suddenly stopped talking to me without any explanation or warning. Never got closure. It still kills me to this day because all I wanted to do was tell her that we could just be friends, but every time I tried to contact her, it made things worse. I never wanted that kind of crap to happen to me again.

 

[bman]

you dont ask, it just happens.

 

[Luscious]

Re: Subtlety and action

Originally posted by Bonhomme
If you want to trigger the 'ol ASD (anti-slut defense), just ask.

Better to make your intentions understood with action. Flirting, teasing, working her personal space, kino, etc., and drop hints that you're not looking for a relationship.

If she's got brain one, and she's game, she'll get the picture, and run with it.

Spot on - read this twice.

 

[TillTheEndOfTime]

Originally posted by cruzy
When it comes down to it, if they are good in bed, honest with their intentions, and I'm not in a monogamous situation, they are in.

Originally posted by cruzy
It's when I get deceived by men that I get really pissed off. I lose respect for them and it's over.

Oh no! A wh0re losing respect for someone!